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Lily Evans ([info]just_lily) wrote in [info]silverage,
@ 2011-08-02 09:05:00

Previous Entry  Add to memories!  Tell a Friend!  Next Entry
Entry tags:!log, lily evans, severus snape

A Really Bad Idea?
Who: Lily and Severus
When: Tuesday evening
Where: her room
What: dinner and magic
Rating: Low
Status: Complete




Lily was adjusting to the rules at work -- both the official and unofficial ones. She was learning by observation, and learning by experience, and learning by listening. Mostly, she was trying to keep to herself and do her job well enough that she didn’t draw much attention to her obvious lack of experience. It was fairly easy work though, and she was catching on quickly. It was the rest of it she was taking issue with. Maybe other women accepted the fact it was all right for the blokes to grope them in the elevator or drag them into their offices for a snog, but she wasn’t going to stand for it. She couldn’t outright fight it though, or make scenes, because that just earned derisive laughter … but she was a witch, and she had other ways of dealing.

Maybe it was a petty reason to want to learn wandless magic, but it wasn’t as though the skill was going to be useless beyond that. She despised the idea of leaving her wand here in her room while she was at work, but maybe she’d start by keeping it in a handbag in her desk and see if she could feel comfortable enough without it on her person. While she knew this was just carry-over from the war, and that the odds of her needing her wand at work were next to zero, she just wasn’t comfortable without it. Hopefully she’d be able to learn magic without her wand, and that could be a happy compromise.

Granted, she had some serious misgivings in regard to agreeing to let Severus tutor her. While she didn’t expect him to be outwardly cruel to her, she couldn’t help but imagine there was going to be a tension between them all the same. She didn’t honestly know where they stood, or what it even meant that he offered to help. She was a little nervous about seeing him in person after all this time, and she knew that was utterly non-conducive to learning.

So she tried to make herself relax. She’d taken a quick shower to get the worst of the smoke-smell out of her hair and off her body, and she’d done her best to charm the smell out of her clothing. She wondered if putting up a shield charm around herself at work would keep the smell off of her there, and she thought it was worth looking into. She honestly didn’t understand the appeal, but everyone in the office, without the sole exception of her, had been seen with a cigarette in their hand, usually multiple times a day.

After drying off and dressing in something comfortable and casual, Lily set about arranging the furniture (what little of it there was) to clear a space for them to work in. She wasn’t sure how much space they really would need; it wasn’t as though they’d be dueling (she hoped not, at any rate), but she also didn’t want to cause any damage by accident. She reasoned if she had a big enough space bubble, she’d be all right.

Perching on the edge of one of the chairs, Lily waited.



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[info]defenceagainst
2011-08-04 11:43 pm UTC (link)
"Did you think in words or in pictures?" Severus clarified as he started taking some beef lo mein from the containers.

He didn't want to try to catch up, if only because he had nothing to catch up on. He had no accomplishments she would be proud of; he had no career to speak of, no friends, no family. If he died tomorrow no one would miss him. It was sad, but oh so true. He had absolutely nothing to tell her.

"I initially thought in pictures," he revealed as he settled into the seat across from her. "So the simplest spells I'm able to just envision the outcome and put effort into making it happen and it happens. Things that are more complex or over a greater distance, I have to focus on the outcome, think the spell, and even sometimes remember the feeling of the wand gesture to get it to happen. But the brain is amazing and once you've done it a handful of times, the thought process becomes instantaneous."

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[info]just_lily
2011-08-05 12:48 am UTC (link)
"Images," she replied softly. "I just ... see the end result," she agreed. "I've never thought to try to think in words. Not really," she reflected thoughtfully as she settled comfortably into the chair, picking up one of the forks to start on her dinner.

She did imagine that once she'd done it a few times, it would become easy. It was just figuring out her particular process that was going to be tricky. Or perhaps not, but ... depending on the state of mind she was in, maybe it would be a little bit of work.

Her lips parted, and she had every intention to ask him what he'd been doing, how he'd been doing, but since he seemed focused on their work, she decided to just keep it to that, for now.

"So is there a ... particular way to try to start it? I don't need anything complex, really. Just a few simple charms. Freezing charm first," she decided. "Then moving on from there, though I imagine once I have the technique ... you wouldn't need to maintain instruction. Or ... well. Unless you wanted to."

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[info]defenceagainst
2011-08-06 08:18 pm UTC (link)
Severus didn't know how to reply to that. He wasn't sure if he'd want to keep seeing Lily or not. It all depended on how things went. There was a long stretch of silence before he finally decided to just not reply at all. At least not to that.

He took a bite of the food in front of him chewing thoroughly. "If you want to start with freezing charms then perhaps we should start with something small to freeze and work nonverbally. Once you have that down, we can attempt it wandless and then put the two together. When you discover your technique it's just a matter of practicing."

Severus shifted, reaching to pull the hair tie out of his hair. He couldn't stand it tied up, really, and he only put up with it to keep his job. He hated conforming but he had yet to figure out what the heck he was supposed to do in this universe, and he thought he ought to stay under the radar until he figured it out.

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[info]just_lily
2011-08-06 08:27 pm UTC (link)
She wasn't quite sure what it meant when he didn't reply to her question disguised as a statement, but it seemed best to just leave it be. There was no sense in pushing anything, forcing any issues. Not yet, anyway. The ground wasn't really that stable beneath them, and she'd rather not break a leg if she didn't have to.

With that in mind, she decided to just keep the topic to the magic itself. "We'll start with an ice cube then," she said with as straight a face as she could manage before she ducked her head and grinned slightly. "Sorry. That ... I'm not trying to ..."

She sighed. She was just nervous, and she joked when she was nervous, but ... she trusted he remembered that about her. Still, she didn't think that sounded too difficult, and as long as she had her head on straight she could manage just fine.

Lily stifled a smile as he undid his hair, but he looked much more like she remembered him now, with his hair hanging down.

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[info]defenceagainst
2011-08-07 02:09 am UTC (link)
Severus couldn't help but give her a look. He had to force himself to back bite his initial reply (too large; perhaps you should start with Potter's brain) and instead decide to keep it civil. After all, Potter wasn't here, and there was no point in pushing her away just as they were starting to get somewhere.

"I was thinking that you might like to start with a glass of water," he said. "It seems sort of pointless to freeze something already frozen, yeah?" It was as close as he could get to teasing, especially since he managed to say it without a hint of sarcasm in his voice.

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[info]just_lily
2011-08-07 02:17 am UTC (link)
Lily imagined she was disproportionately pleased by his response, because she took it to mean there was hope of them starting some sort of relationship beyond simply teaching. Maybe one day they could even be something like friends again. "I suppose," she replied, a smile tugging at the corners of her lips. Her shoulders did relax a little as she took a few bites of her food.

"But that sounds all right," she agreed as she lifted her eyes back to him. She didn't think she'd have a problem wordlessly freezing a glass of water, and if she failed at wandlessly doing so, she'd at least have an idea of the technique to practice on her own. She didn't foresee many of her evenings being occupied, so at least this would give her something to do.

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[info]defenceagainst
2011-08-08 11:52 am UTC (link)
Once he was given the go ahead, Severus exited his seat and found a glass, filling it halfway with water. He almost sat across from Lily, but given where the glass was located, he changed his mind and slid his seat so that he was beside her. He didn't want any misfired spell freezing him. "Go on, then," he said waving a hand as he sat back down.

He tried not to flinch as his hand brushed against her, but he did move subtly to give her more room. "Now that I'm certainly out of harm's way," he teased. He picked up his chopsticks and began eating again, though his eyes seemed suspiciously locked onto his plate.

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[info]just_lily
2011-08-08 01:33 pm UTC (link)
She smirked slightly when he moved, and she glanced over to him, brows elevated before she grinned. She nearly cracked a joke about him not trusting her, before deciding that was likely inappropriate just now. That, she thought, was still a slightly touchy subject.

Instead, she pushed her food aside and withdrew her wand. She did glance to him again as she felt his hand brushing her, but reasoned that was probably just an accident. Still, her brow furrowed briefly before she shook it off. No matter. They were here to work on magic.

Lily took a moment to compose herself, to draw in her focus, and then she pointed her wand at the glass. She mouthed the word for the spell before she went through the motions, even if that didn't technically count as doing it wordlessly. Still, it wasn't like she had to do it perfect right off the bat; that's what practice was for.

The water had frozen, of course, as had some of the glass, which hadn't really been her intention. But that was good to know all the same; she'd make sure to narrow her focus more when she was casting it later.

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[info]defenceagainst
2011-08-08 02:40 pm UTC (link)
Severus didn't fight the urge to show off. That had always been in his nature, after all. He unfroze the water - glass and all - with only a minimal twitch of his pinky finger. He wasn't quite as proficient as he liked, anyone observant would have noticed the movement, but then it wasn't a spell he used often. Something like the spell for occlumency, which he relied on to keep him alive, came much more naturally.

"I've seen first years do better," he taunted. "Try it again."

Oh. Well, that had been a bit rude, and not at all what he'd intended to say, but Lily always did get a bit fired up at competition, so he might as well give her something to compete against, even if it were an imaginary student. He glanced at her, a bored expression in his eyes, as he continued to eat his take away.

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[info]just_lily
2011-08-08 03:17 pm UTC (link)
"Oh you have not," she replied with a roll of her eyes. "And honestly, if that's how you're going to go about teaching, you'll have your students crying into their cauldrons on a daily basis." She reasoned that actually wasn't so far from the truth, which got her wondering again what had prompted him to start teaching in the future.

Still, it was a touch vexing that he could so easily reverse her spell. Then again, he'd likely had more cause to learn things like this. More reason, at any rate, and likely nothing so petty as her reasoning.

Pressing her lips together, she focused on the water and pretended the glass wasn't even there because it didn't matter in regard to her intention. Focusing entirely on the water, she cast the charm again. This time her lips didn't move, and only the water was frozen.

She relaxed her shoulders slightly before she glanced over to Severus for his approval.

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[info]defenceagainst
2011-08-08 11:04 pm UTC (link)
"I'm not teaching. He's the second person to claim I was their professor, but they must be mistaken," Severus replied. It made no sense, unless the Death Eaters took over Hogwarts somehow. Dumbledore would have never let even a suspected Death Eater into his sainted school. Never. Unless they won this idiotic war and Dumbledore was dead.

He pursed his lips as he fell into his own thoughts, distracted until he realised Lily was looking at him. "Good. This time without the wand," he said reaching forward to take her wand from her. He hesitated, knowing how much trust this would take as he wrapped a hand around the piece of wood. He dropped his hand almost instantly. "Put it away."

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[info]just_lily
2011-08-09 12:28 am UTC (link)
"It'd be an odd thing to ... be mistaken about though," Lily pointed out quietly. "Who knows what happens between now and then? Maybe you develop a sudden fondness for small children," she said, sucking in her cheeks to try to stifle her grin.

Her expression did sober slightly as he started to reach toward her, and then grasped her wand. She did feel a flare of panic until he dropped it, though it wasn't because it was him touching her wand. She would have had that reaction about anyone touching it.

It wasn't as though she thought he was going to run off with it though, but all the same, she set it across from them on the table, though out of the way of the glass. Turning her emerald gaze on the glass, she studied it. She bit down on her lower lip. "So, wordless and wandless?" She prompted. Not that she was attempting to stall or anything, but she felt a little blind at the moment. She knew how to do things without words, obviously, but without words and without a wand? "Can I still move my hand like I have a wand?" It would be at least a place to leap from before she dove completely in.

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[info]defenceagainst
2011-08-09 11:44 pm UTC (link)
There were no words to described the look Severus gave Lily other than "go to hell". He managed not to say it, but it was difficult. What he didn't stop himself from saying, however, was, "And maybe Potter grows a brain between now and then." He winced as soon as he said it, realizing that without James there, bringing him up made him more of a sore subject than usual.

"Sorry," he mumbled quickly and quietly. He wasn't good at apologizing and never had been; the only person to ever get an apology from him had been Lily.

He nodded slowly. "Wordless and wandless. You can do whatever you want. This is the Lily Evans show." It always has been. Really, there wasn't much Severus could teach her. Everyone's technique and aptitude was different, but he was willing to sit by and encourage her, if he got to pretend for a moment that she still liked him.

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[info]just_lily
2011-08-10 12:33 am UTC (link)
Well, she had just been teasing, and perhaps he hadn't meant his response to sting like it did, but without James here ...

Lily shook her head and shrugged one shoulder. The rivalry between James and Severus was like the weather. It was something that just was, and answered to no man. "Well." She said, but that was as far as she got before deciding it wasn't worth engaging in. He'd apologized, after all. What was she going to do, anyway? Engage in the same tired, flimsy arguments? James had been a prat, but he'd also grown out of it. He still had the occasional prickish moment and he could be endlessly frustrating at time, and she knew she was at least somewhat biased in defending him.

Just like she'd been biased in defending Severus when James started on about him.

Shaking it off, Lily rolled her shoulders and focused on the glass. Then she narrowed her focus to the water in the glass as she lifted her hand. Pretending she had a wand, she moved her hand in the gesture, emerald eyes narrowing as she ... brilliantly shattered the glass. "Oh fuck," she muttered before she laughed softly. "Suppose I should practice that a bit," she decided.

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[info]defenceagainst
2011-08-11 12:58 pm UTC (link)
Severus' reaction was quick. His wand was in his hand in an instant and he cast a shielding spell around the glass and water, containing it within its own bubble. He guided the bubble to the sink, lowering it before releasing the shield and letting the contents of the bubble splash against the basin. His actions were quick and wordless, more instinct than anything else.

"Practice sounds like a good idea," he said quirking an eyebrow up at her. "Actions which require a lot of control or preciseness are much more difficult wandless than spells which have a general or larger are of effect. It's actually easier to cast, I don't know, locomotor mortis on a person than it is freeze water in a glass."

He pushed a strand of hair behind his ear before getting some more take away from the cartons. Even though he was almost too skinny, Severus could eat his weight in food without gaining weight. He almost never did, though, preferring to maintain control over what he ate. It was a sign of his comfort with Lily that he took another serving.

"Spells that you perform regularly wordless and wandless will start to come more naturally that way. Protego, legilimens, and occlumens are three of the easiest for me." Severus averted his eyes at that moment, realising that confession revealed more clearly precisely the type of thing he was doing on a regular basis. Dueling, reading minds, and shielding his own. It was all a juggle to stay alive; he wasn't sure Lily would understand that.

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[info]just_lily
2011-08-11 01:58 pm UTC (link)
"It makes sense," she agreed. Things with a broader focus and a wider area of affect would less likely be a disaster than things with a narrower, more intense focus. She watched him clean up her mess, and she shook her head slightly. Well, they could repair that glass and she'd just use it for practice.

His list of frequent spells was interesting to her, and it took her a moment to place the latter two. She didn't honestly think that was a confession easily made to people, because honestly, who'd admit to practicing the ability to read minds? "Best stay out of mine then," she teased a little. She didn't think he would pry, but it wasn't as though she could stop him if he did. Her lips parted and she nearly asked if he'd teach her those before she decided there were some hands that mind-reading spells just didn't belong in.

That, and he was already doing more than enough trying to teach her wandless magic. "But I'll ... work on that then. Maybe practice the charm a little more with a wand or a word before I move onto trying it without. At least the idea of it's there now."

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[info]defenceagainst
2011-08-11 02:30 pm UTC (link)
Severus didn't want to pry into Lily's mind. If he had, he would have done so already. Thoughts were rarely logical and linear and they were almost never focused. He didn't want to stumble upon a memory or a fantasy involving Potter. He didn't think he could handle that.

He got the feeling Lily was trying to dismiss him. She was telling him she'd had enough of the attempt at a lesson. He knew he hadn't been very helpful, but he wasn't sure what he could do to help more. He wasn't quite ready to leave yet, and it showed in the nervousness of his demeanor. He licked his lips and shifted a little in his seat. "You'll catch on quick," he replied.

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[info]just_lily
2011-08-11 02:44 pm UTC (link)
"I imagine so. It's not as though I'm trying to transfigure anything after all," she pointed out. She wasn't even going to attempt wordless or wandless tranfiguration when it took all her focus to manage it properly with both word and wand.

Emerald eyes flicked to the sink, but she was in no rush to continue just now. She'd have plenty of time to work on it later, and in the coming weeks, she was sure. It wasn't like they'd be getting back any time soon.

"Do you think we'll remember any of this when we get back? Or if we'll be ... you know. Older and what have you? Or if it'll be like we never left and this never happened?" She settled into her seat, regarding her food before deciding she really wasn't that hungry, though she was content enough to just chat with him if he was inclined.

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[info]defenceagainst
2011-08-11 11:26 pm UTC (link)
"I don't think we'll get back," Severus answered, perhaps a bit more honestly than he should have. "However we got here, whatever we're doing here, we've been removed from our universe. These futures that we're supposed to have - that people remember us having - are rewriting themselves. At least, I think that's how it works."

Severus had theories upon theories concerning the type of theoretical time travel they had accomplished. There were so many bad things which could happen, which was precisely why their universe tightly controlled time travel through time turners the way they did.

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[info]just_lily
2011-08-12 12:48 am UTC (link)
It wasn't as though she'd never considered the idea, but somehow hearing him say it hurt. "No," she said quietly. "We have to get back. Remus remembers me older, and Neville knows my son. I ... if I'm here, stuck here forever, how can they remember those things if they never happened?" It was a paradox or an impossibility or an instance of alternate realities, but if she was here she couldn't be there, and if she wasn't there, how did other people remember her being there?

Honestly, it was enough to break her brain if she thought on it for too long.

She didn't exactly have a better theory to counter his though, and she stared for a moment at the tabletop where the glass had been. They had to get home. Somehow, some when. This couldn't be forever. This wasn't her life, wasn't her world, how could she truly be stuck here?

Turning her emerald eyes toward him, she sought out some sort of ... something. She wasn't even sure what she hoped to see. Her lips parted before she sighed and looked away. "I ... I can't say I like the thought of ... of being here forever."

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[info]defenceagainst
2011-08-15 01:03 pm UTC (link)
"Perhaps they are happening now, in other universes. I simply don't know," Severus replied softly. He looked away from her as he couldn't help but wonder if she realised what hoping they got back meant. It meant they couldn't very well be friends. It meant she was giving up on him again.

"I can't say I like the thought of going back," he whispered.

It was purely subconscious, the way his right hand moved to rub the inside of his left forearm where the Dark Mark was hidden before moving to the back of his neck. He didn't like the things the mark stood for or the things he'd taken part in, but by the time he'd realised what he'd gotten in to, it had been too late. He had to play the game to survive; if he went back, he'd have to continue to do so. It was a thin line he'd have to walk, likely for the rest of his life. Here... there was none of that.

He was free - free from his father and his drunken abuse; free from the Dark Lord and his demands; free from Potter and his merry band of idiots. He didn't relish the idea of giving that freedom up.

"But it seems you have more to lose than I," he added after a long stretch of silence.

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[info]just_lily
2011-08-15 01:48 pm UTC (link)
Going back was going home, and Lily couldn't consider this place home. Not yet. She reasoned that if she was stuck here long enough, she'd have no choice but to accept that this was home now ... but she was still rebelling against that idea.

She supposed she could see why he wouldn't want to go back, and her lips tugged into a line before she started to reach out before thinking better of it. Maybe they weren't quite at a place where sympathetic touches were welcome. She just wished she knew.

"I suppose," she said instead, emerald gaze playing over the table before she sighed quietly. Reluctant as she was to do so, she supposed she should wrap up the evening. Even as she had that thought, she remained where she was, thinking entirely too hard about ... everything. "Suppose I should ... get out of your hair," she said finally.

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[info]defenceagainst
2011-08-17 01:01 pm UTC (link)
Severus sighed, pushing his hair out of his face. "Well, I'm in your flat, so I suppose I should be the one to leave," he replied after a moment. He realised he hadn't been very positive with his last statements, but Lily shouldn't blame him. He really didn't see how they could possibly get home.

He stood slowly, sliding his wand away into his pocket and frowning at her. "If you need help again, Evans, you know how to reach me." He nodded his head at her before heading for the door. It was clear to him that she was done and after that, he was too.

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[info]just_lily
2011-08-17 01:23 pm UTC (link)
She nodded, and had a feeling everything was off again, and that it was likely her fault. It was a downer ending to what had otherwise been an all right evening. "Sorry," she murmured before she rose as well. It wasn't as though she had to show him to the door, but she was going to have to clean up.

"I'll ... I'll see you," she said quietly, emerald eyes focusing on him. "Be in touch." She really did have every intention of doing so, but things did have a way of getting all mucked up, didn't they? "Have a good night," she added quietly.

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