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the shadow before (
theshadowbefore
) wrote in
shadows_rpg
,
@
2021
-
07
-
11
20:03:00
Entry tags:
#group scene
,
#june 2018
,
adalyn
,
bailey
,
brianna
,
caius
,
dahlia
,
grady
,
jacob
,
kane
,
marshall
,
nick
,
reza
,
sage
,
zania
Who
: Anyone attending the PPPD Cocktail Party
Where
: The Overlook Country Club
When
: Evening, Friday, June 15th
CODING
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bodyonthetracks
2021-08-13 06:51 pm UTC
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“Give yourself some credit,” Sage said, hugging Jacob. “You couldn’t have nabbed him if you weren’t worth it.” He had a better idea of what Jacob saw in Connor these days, but he truly believed it was Connor that had lucked out. “I’m glad he makes you happy,” he murmured. “You deserve to be happy. I’m sorry if I didn’t say so at first. I don’t know a lot about how things work with you two and I guess I was worried he’d take advantage of you.” As far as he could tell, that wasn’t something he had to worry about. And he couldn’t imagine Jacob would be this infatuated with him if he wasn’t good to him. There’d never been a sign that anything was off, just that they were happy together, as they should be.
"I know," Jacob said and he felt like he understood it better now, but maybe it was just easier to be okay with his friends' disapproval when it was firmly in the past. "If he was a shitty person he could have destroyed me already. I thought, I still worry like, he'll leave me when he can go back to Portland, that it's just this small town but... I know that's not true. I know he loves me." It felt weird to say that out loud, especially since those doubts still popped up every now and then, ugly questions and insecurities rearing their ugly heads. He rolled his eyes. "So sappy, ew. But yeah you don't have to worry about me. Just take care of yourself, okay?" He reached up to brush his knuckles along Sage's jaw, giving him a little smile.
If Connor ever went back to Portland, Sage hoped he’d take Jacob with him. He’d miss him terribly, but he knew it would be better for him if he could get out of Point Pleasant. Yet, he didn’t see that happening. He thought it was more likely that Connor had been sucked in and would never get out, but that was a horrible thought, so he didn’t voice it. At least Jacob wouldn’t have to worry about him leaving if that was the case. It was easier to worry about Jacob than himself, his own troubles so much bigger than he knew how to handle. “I’m trying,” he said with a little smile, his eyes momentarily shutting at Jacob’s touch. He opened them a second later, worried he might disappear. “I know things will get better, just like they did last time, but it’s still hard.”
Jacob had blissfully forgotten all about Sage's tendency to go invisible, his mind elsewhere tonight, more focused on sex and the nice buzz of alcohol so it was probably good that Sage didn't jolt him sober by keeping his eyes closed and disappearing. "Things will get better," he promised. "Just promise me, like super promise me that if things get too dark you come talk to me. You can crash on the couch anytime or I can come visit or anything." He didn't believe for a second Sage was suicidal but he knew damn well how self destructive he himself could get when things got dark and if he could somehow keep that from happening to Sage, then he'd do anything.
Sage slowly inhaled, unable to perform the quick mental gymnastics that would allow him to promise Jacob what he wanted and not be lying to him. The problem was that things felt dark so often that by the time they were rolling out of control, he didn’t always have the sense to pick up the phone. And he really didn’t want to call Jacob in the middle of the night, or when he was freaking out because he hadn’t made it home before dark and he was alone. “I’ll try,” he said, his hand seeking out Jacob’s to give it a squeeze. “I don’t want you to worry about me. I won’t hurt myself. I promise.” That was a much easier promise to make. Even at his worst, in the other place where he’d been scared for every waking second, he hadn’t wanted to die. He couldn’t imagine that changing there either.
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