mutterings of a music history major (thescarletwoman) wrote in scarletdreams, @ 2008-01-16 00:33:00 |
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Entry tags: | 2005, james potter, james/sirius, rated: r, remus lupin, sirius black |
[FIC] Sirius/James, Remus -- Reflections (R)
Title: Reflections
Rating: Hard R
Pairing: Sirius/James - Remus
Kink(s): very, very vanilla
Challenge: Lusty Month of May Marathon, day twenty-one
Words: 790
Notes: Repost of the LMoMM fic - day twenty-one
Originally Posted: May 2005
The worst time to be awake in the boy's dormitory was sometime between the hours of midnight and three am. Unfortunately for me, those are the hours I am most often kept awake by my dorm mates and their fitting 'late-night' activities. I don't begrudge them what they do. It's their dormitory as well.
However, we did learn what silencing charms were in the third year. Is it so much to ask to cast one?
It isn't until you're left awake night after night that you realise just how much the average teenage boy wanks. It's often, let me tell you. Between Sirius, James and Peter... there are nights when the dorm is never silent.
And that's when they're actually alone.
James and Sirius think I'm stupid; that I don't know what's going on between them, but the truth is I do. I saw James slip into Sirius's bed that first night, and I heard them. A deaf man could have heard them. Then again, Peter seems completely oblivious of the whole thing so I suppose any charade of "strictly friendship" must be working on someone.
What makes their sneaking around so hard... on me is my infatuation with them both.
Oh Merlin, if only either one would just extend a hand to me and draw me into their circle I would be so happy.
I pretend that I am with them, though. It's the best that I can do. I know when James sneaks over to Sirius's bed. Perhaps it's my hearing that's so improved that the normal person wouldn't hear; but to me, it's like an elephant stomping through the room.
Whispers late at night are one thing. I can handle that. But other things... they set the mind aflame with all sorts of ideas; each one worse than the last. I almost wish I could see them to stop my imagination. Just once... But I'm also afraid of my own jealousy and how strong my own want is to join them.
And to want to be asked to join; and to be a part of them.
The smell of sex is even worse; and I can smell it every night. I'm just glad that they can't smell my own scent intermingling with their own.
I don't care how wrong it is; I'll wank when I listen to them. That's just how badly I want to be with the two of them: with just one of them or with both of them at the same time, I really don't care. I just want them. It's something I can't explain.
I hear them in the bed beside me and I wonder what James looks like when he sucks a boy's cock. He's always said he loves Lily, but here he is taking Sirius's cock up his arse night after night. That makes him queer, doesn't it?
It's more than confusing for me, but if James understands it, who am I to quibble with his personal life? So long as his personal life includes me I really don't care. At the present, it doesn't, so I guess that forces me to care, doesn't it...? There's a breach of warped logic for you.
And as for Sirius... well one only has to look at him to know he swings both ways.
I just want them both to want me, the same way I want them.
As for Peter... I can't make myself want him in that same way. There's just... something about him that puts me ill at ease. I don't know what it is, but it's there.
But as for those other two, I can't listen to them having sex anymore. I hear them and I want to be there between them. I want to feel Sirius behind me and James in front of me; their mouths everywhere as I writhe in between them. I have the entire scenario planned out; all that's missing is the two men in my life.
I can hear them coming upstairs now. Maybe tonight is the night they'll draw my bed curtains aside and see me wanking. Alright, after I die of embarrassment of being caught and they revive me, perhaps tonight will be the night they finally extend their hands to me and pull me into their circle once and for all. That's all I want; to be loved and to have another man suck me off every night.
Is that really too much to ask for?
I'm not expecting to get both of them. Just one of them would be nice. I would settle with just James to start. And perhaps... later we could work into a threesome.
Is it really too much to ask for?
Remus J Lupin
13 November 1976