Fray. (frailhuman) wrote in saveatlantisic, @ 2018-12-02 15:49:00 |
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Entry tags: | *kristy, eliot waugh, fray |
I didn't run away, but I'm a coward so I'm not at home because I don't know how to say any of this to your face again, even though I should because you deserve that much.
Sorry for being weird yesterday. And lately. Just in general, I guess. I'm not good at being human.
I just
I'm not your daughter. Or Fen's. I'm not really anyone's, not really. I'm just another human kid who ended up in the fairy realm. Your baby didn't live through birth, but the Fairy Queen needed leverage so I got tasked with playing the part. I was the best of the human children, so she picked me.
Back in Fillory, you and Margo had a plan to stop her, and I ruined it and betrayed you because I thought I needed to be loyal to the Fairy Queen so she would see me as more than just a stupid human. But I was really just a stupid human. She tried to hold me as leverage and make you give up your victory over her, but you wouldn't do it because you thought I was yours. So I had to tell you the truth, because I didn't want you to do something like that for me because I didn't and don't deserve it. Even when you saw me again in the tavern, you were so unnecessarily kind to me, and so father-like. I can't understand how a person can be like that, with everything that happened.
And when I got here, you didn't know and no one but Marina knew so I
played along.
I'm sorry. You're good to me and you're nice to me and no one's ever done that before. I don't know why you do. I don't deserve it.
Anyway. I just wanted to pretend a little longer but that's selfish and Marina said I should speak from the heart, so I am. She said I should tell you what I told her too, which is that I don't think you should care about me at all, because I'm kind of the worst kind of person, but I care about you so that's why I'm being honest. You shouldn't have to deal with someone who makes you feel anxious and sad and who isn't even your responsibility.
I'm sorry I didn't tell you the truth before. I wanted to wait til the mind-reading thing was over so you didn't feel like I would be prying into your thoughts. I would've, yesterday.
You have every right to be angry. I would be.