InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "I only celebrate achievement."

Ace (Shinonome Kon) (fill_the_blanks) wrote in sabra_la_tau,
@ 2011-11-06 01:01:00

Entry tags:

!days 280-289, aeris gainsborough, allen walker, claude c. kenni, hattori heiji, howard link, nakayama yayoi, rabi, shinonome kon, syaoran, watanuki kimihiro, ~librarian

Who: Lizardking
Where: Lizardking
When: Day 286, evening (post ideal-worlds)
What: gratuitous post

[passed out on a book at the table]

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	Re: [ LATER ] tothelight 2011-11-11 12:42 am UTC (link)
	You say that like I'm the leader of this expedition or something. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: [ LATER ] fill_the_blanks 2011-11-11 12:46 am UTC (link)
	You want to be involved because you feel like you can do what others can't or know what others don't about Mirror, right? I'm saying there are ways you can be involved that'll do less damage to you and the team later. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: [ LATER ] tothelight 2011-11-11 01:22 am UTC (link)
	....it's not the same as actually... [ ...mnrgh. ] Though that's not a bad idea worth looking into... in general. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Re: [ LATER ]

fill_the_blanks
2011-11-11 01:42 am UTC (link)

Look, I'm not even saying any of this because I think you'll 100% get screwed if you go in, though there's definitely a higher probability for you than maybe someone from some other teams... But there's probably at least a decent chance you could do exactly what you hope to accomplish if you go. I'm just saying we haven't had enough down time lately to be able to handle it if something does go wrong... And that even if it goes just as planned...

[leans back on his hands]

...You know, Red's kinda like me. For a huge chunk of his life he didn't make connections to people easily. For people like me and him, no matter how much we care, if a connection hurts, our first reaction is to shut it down and block it out. If we cut it out, if we stop caring, it's "better." That's our survival instinct...

With how unstable he is right now, even if everything were to go as planned, you're risking an important connection, just by leaving him. Because then, even though he might love you, part of him just isn't able to rely on you anymore...

That's the kind of risk you're really taking.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: [ LATER ] tothelight 2011-11-11 02:01 am UTC (link)
	....... [ pulls his knees up to his chest, wrapping his arms around them ] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: [ LATER ] fill_the_blanks 2011-11-11 02:18 am UTC (link)
	Haah... That's ultimately where that first reaction you got comes from... "You'll die. You'll break." That's not really the problem. What's really the problem is "you'll leave." (Reply to this) (Parent)

	Re: [ LATER ] fill_the_blanks 2011-11-11 02:19 am UTC (link)
	. . . Sorry, this is rough on you too. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: [ LATER ] tothelight 2011-11-11 02:48 am UTC (link)
	...... Maybe that is the only thing someone like me can do in the end. Not leave. Can't fix anything. Can't protect anything. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: [ LATER ] fill_the_blanks 2011-11-11 02:58 am UTC (link)
	Oi, I'm not saying you should give up trying to fix or protect things... And staying isn't a small thing either. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: [ LATER ] tothelight 2011-11-11 03:28 am UTC (link)
	... [ forehead on his knees. ] He doesn't even need me to rely on anymore. He'd be okay in the end. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Re: [ LATER ]

fill_the_blanks
2011-11-11 03:48 am UTC (link)

People can heal from a lot of things. But you agree that there's a cathartic way to let go and a way that'll leave scars, right? In this case there's a way to avoid making unnecessary wounds... This whole team needs you, or you wouldn't be stuck in the situation you're in... We're not talking about reliance where you serve a specific function, we're talking about the reliance of you existing in our lives. You're not just doing something pointless by staying, you're protecting our world...

Let me ask this, why does it have to be the way you're seeing it in your mind...? It's 'cause you've got wounds too, right?

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: [ LATER ] tothelight 2011-11-11 03:59 am UTC (link)
	...... (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: [ LATER ] fill_the_blanks 2011-11-11 04:03 am UTC (link)
	(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: [ LATER ] tothelight 2011-11-11 04:27 am UTC (link)
	... What do you think is "the way I'm seeing it"? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: [ LATER ] fill_the_blanks 2011-11-11 04:31 am UTC (link)
	You go in, as prepared as possible, do everything you can to separate her halves, and destroy the Mirror who's become corrupt. That's what you want, isn't it? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: [ LATER ] tothelight 2011-11-11 04:37 am UTC (link)
	... [ there's the slightest nod. ] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: [ LATER ] fill_the_blanks 2011-11-11 04:51 am UTC (link)
	So what I'm asking is... what does that satisfy that being involved in another way won't...? It's fine if it's something selfish... But that's what you have to to weigh against everything we've said. You've gotta be able to make that choice without regrets. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Re: [ LATER ]

tothelight
2011-11-11 06:04 am UTC (link)

...none of the choices come with no regrets.

...

Being there... means being there. With my hands. With my will. With the only things I have that I could consciously make a difference with, at some moment that everything could rest on... that I couldn't have changed without being there. Others who go...they have their own wills. Their own feelings. I can tell them anything from the outside and there's a core of beliefs and instincts that won't change.

Most people don't.... know the other Mirror. They only know about her. Others want too much to destroy her altogether to care. Only a few of us who could go in have any kind of feeling or understanding otherwise. I'm not saying that either side is more right to feel their way than the other.... But it makes a difference in the choices made when there's no time to think, even though everyone would go in with the same goal in mind. The difference between acting or waiting a second longer. Between breaking something immediately and giving it a chance.

Even though I can't really protect anyone in there if it comes down to it. Even though I'm weak.

I don't want to regret "that moment" I could've done something in if I hadn't been somewhere else.

I know it's nothing weighed against to everything you've all said. To everything I've said against myself. Even I know I'm being an idiot, and selfish, and crazy.

But that's what it is.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: [ LATER ] fill_the_blanks 2011-11-11 06:22 am UTC (link)
	[scrubs a hand through his hair...] Okay... Then the next level down is... Which regret can you live with...? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: [ LATER ] tothelight 2011-11-11 06:29 am UTC (link)
	... [ mrgngh just. putting his hand on the back of his head ] ...I don't know. I don't know anymore. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: [ LATER ] fill_the_blanks 2011-11-11 07:13 am UTC (link)
	Okay... Well you don't have to decide now. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: [ LATER ] tothelight 2011-11-11 07:20 am UTC (link)
	...... [ .-. ] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: [ LATER ] fill_the_blanks 2011-11-11 07:29 am UTC (link)
	[thumps him on the back] Well, you've got all the points you've gotta consider now, so worry about it when you've actually rested a bit. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)