Haruko 'Ru' Mei Pang (ru_the_day) wrote in rrinitiative, @ 2013-04-04 00:20:00 |
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Entry tags: | day fourteen, haruko, haruko and zach, zach |
'special'
characters: zach and ru
setting: the library
Zach was still getting used to getting dressed on his own time, in real clothes, feeling comfortable in his space. More than that he was getting used to the fact that the door to his room opened, a moment of hesitation every time he tried it, surprised to find it unlocked. He hesitated again and then pulled the door open and smiled at the idea of seeing the space behind it. The smile faded quickly as always and then started himself towards the library, thinking on the books that he had in mind to pick up from the library.
As always his steps were measured and quiet as he got to the library, walking down the row he already knew the book he wanted was on. Something thick and meaty, something that would take time to read, though still less time than it might someone else.
Ru was in the library, sitting on the floor amidst a few books laid out around her. She had one in hand, and an apple in the other, eating quietly as she read. She was just around the corner from where Zach was walking, and she leaned over when she heard footsteps. "Mr. Briar." she greeted with a smile.
While internally she surprised him, the only outward show of it was him stopping in his tracks, then the tiny hesitation before turning her way. "Haruko," he greeted in return, tone just a slight shade of hers, smile not really there, but more than usual. He did find this one interesting, if only for her scars and demeanor. "Find something interesting?" It was a gentle prompt to get her talking as he took a few more steps away from her and towards the shelf he had in mind and pulled the book without looking.
She smiled. "So you've chosen a direction." she noted at his addressing her by name. "As for whether or not it's interesting, I suppose that depends on the person. I find it interesting, anyhow." she said. She noted he blindly took a book, or so it seemed. "Do you not care what you're reading?" she asked, nodding to the book in his hand.
“I like the feel of your full name. And I feel as if perhaps we don’t know another well enough for me to make the assumption that I could call you by a shorter name.” The look on his face was waiting, expecting an answer from her as to his deduction. “What makes you think I’m don’t care?”
"You didn't look at what you were taking. And you haven't been here that long, either, so to think that you'd somehow memorised the entire library is strange." she told him. "So, I opted to ask, rather than assume." she replied. "As for my full name, the reason I started going by 'Ru' was because it was more acceptable for Americans to say. You stick a clearly Asian name in front of them and you'd be surprised how many of them panic over vowels and emphasis, or, oddly enough, get annoyed."
The smirk on Zach’s features was genuine, mildly amused with the idea of memorizing the entire library. He could. More than likely he would with a few passes he’d have covered the whole thing and it would be there for reference later. “Strange, but somewhat accurate.” He ventured a few steps closer to her, feeling as if he was towering over her by standing, and though it was slightly awkward, he wasn’t usually one to tower over anything, so it wasn’t all bad either. “I believe I got it right yes? Doesn’t surprise me though. There’s a large number of people who can’t live outside their small scope.” Oddly enough, it was one of the things he hated about his targets, all the while doing the same thing himself. His life was their lives until he’d put an end to them.
"Why?" she asked, to the 'somewhat accurate' comment on memorising the library. How was a good question as well, but she was more interested in the motivation. When he got closer, she didn't appear uncomfortable in the slightest as he peered down at her. "Your pronunciation isn't bad." she added. "Better than some I've heard make the attempt."
“Why not? It wouldn’t take long, and I wouldn’t need to look again.” He shrugged, but it was just a simple light movement of his shoulder. The easiest answer was because he could, which led to why wouldn’t he do as much. Nodding slowly he wondered if he was supposed to join her on the floor or leave and be on his way. “I shall continue to work on improvement.”
"You realize that most people would not put it under the heading 'it wouldn't take long', yes?" Ru asked. "Which would lead to the question of why it is easy for you." she continued. "As for improvement, I think you're good. So, what are you up to? Ponder any further on the 'next' blank quotient?" she asked.
“Yes I do,” Zach confirmed with a nod. “And it is, because it is. Advanced brain chemistry is related, but in short I have an eidetic memory. The book was where I remembered it being last time I was here.” He held up the book for her to see. “I picked out a new book to read, which is as far as I got.”
She nodded about the eidetic memory thing. "You skipped the question about whether or not you've been pondering the rest of your life. I believe that was where we left off previously."
“I didn’t. I picked out a book,” he turned it over again. David Copperfield. He’d wanted to read it, but the prison library had lost their copy to a convict who cut out the pages and shoved something inside of it. This copy was thankfully intact. “Should get me through a few days.”
"Your next move is to read a book? No further than that?" Ru asked. "One thinks that's taking 'one step at a time' very literally." she told him, though didn't directly discourage it in the slightest. "How have you been finding everything else? Are you settling in? Making friends?"
Zach motioned towards the space next to her, not sure if he could join her, but asking silently and thinking it might make things more comfortable. “No further than that as of yet, unless you count the job I applied for,” he confirmed. He hadn’t had much space to think about it. The conversation with the artist, that had given some insight, but not a complete direction. “It’s interesting here. And I feel far more complicated than it gives off initially.” As for her question about friends he simply shook his head. No friends. He wasn’t the type anyway. "
Ru reached out to pat the spot in question, a clear invitation. "A job is something." she told him, note in her voice encouraging. "Share with me your perspective on our surroundings, and why you feel it's more complicated than advertized. And after that, you can get to why you haven't made any friends yet."
This felt like therapy. They'd put him in that after the shooting. Then they'd asked the same questions again and again, thinking he might not notice but he always remembered. Still, Ru was more interesting than his last therapist so he sat with her anyway. "I voted for you, for the position you applied for," he told her. "I spoke with Cal, who serves as the doctor. He listed some events, all of which seemed like quite a bit in a short amount of time and between so few people. That and I'm still considering the motivations of our administration. This is the kind of social experiment that could win someone and award."
"Thank you, it's very appreciated." Ru told him, smiling. And she meant it, too. It was good to know she had at least some support, especially if she wanted to get anything done. "I suppose it could." she agreed, thinking he was right, there. It could win people awards. Or it could turn out just as creepy as the Stanford Prison Experiment. "It isn't actually a lot for only a few people in a short timeframe." she told him. "Have you ever heard of the Stanford Prison Experiment?" she asked.
Zach took a moment to consider her question even if he didn't really need it. It was a habit he'd gotten into, to appear as if he was trying to recall something when there wasn't a need. Having a memory like his had been weird and he'd made the necessary moves to conceal it. "No." It was a short statement, but his look was expectant, curious what she was thinking.
She smiled at that, and shifted so she was sitting facing him, pleased for the opportunity to get into it. It was interesting, at any rate. "Okay, so, at Stanford University, they ran an experiment. It was about prison systems, and abuse of power, how things went, all that. The set up was simple enough. People were divided up into prisoners and guards, and the man running the experiment cast himself in the role of warden."
"It was an unmitigated disaster. Abuse of power spread like wildfire. Ordinary people suddenly were losing their shit, falling into these roles--including the man running it." Ru told him. "But everything that happened isn't the most interesting, and truly fucked up aspect of the experiment. The truly disturbing factor wasn't that things spiraled into a dark pit of black insanity that included psychological torture, it's that it happened within days. The entire thing was shut down in less than a week. Things degraded at a truly terrifying rate. So, things happening here? This is a model society in comparison to what could be happening."
When she explained it, it sounded familiar, but Zach had only seen representations of it in television and movies. He nodded along, considering the situation. "I wonder if the type of people are a consideration point. College students versus prison inmates..." He mused, letting it happen out loud to keep involved in the conversation. "And it would seem the power of sorts has only recently been given. It will be interesting to see if it is abused or not." He tilted his head, watching her. "Do you think it might?" He found himself curious if she did, if that was why she had provided the comparison.
"I imagine it plays in quite a bit. One of the things that the experiment seemed to prove is that people put into a position of zero power learn to accept it and not fight back." Ru said. "But as you just stated--yes. Now there are those among us with some aspect of power. So, it should be interesting to see if it gets corrupted and how quickly." She thought about his question before she answered. "I'm unsure. I think it's very possible."
Zach ran his thumb along the edge of the book binding, this time obviously thinking. "I believe they were right. Perhaps it would be wise to stay invisible." Which Zach was good at despite his national fame. "Seems unfair to toy at the idea of hope for the sake of science. Though it's hardly the first time."
"Who was right?" Ru asked. "And invisibility means you can't effect change, regardless." she added. "So, being invisible does nothing. Just takes you out the action entirely." She considered the rest of what he said. "Do you figure that it's all hopeless?"
“Whomever compiled the results that said that things could go wrong quickly in the other experiment,” Zach explained. “I believe invisible doesn’t always work that way. There’s lots of change that can be done by the unnoticed.” He’d done just his own brand of it himself. “Not entirely hopeless, but hope is a dangerous weapon. People do quite a lot based on hope. Toying with that kind of power can be dangerous.”
Ru laughed a little. "It wasn't the compilers who discovered it, that was just human nature, showing it's ugly side." she said. "And what exactly do you believe can be accomplished, changed, in your words, by the unnoticed?" she asked, wanting him to get into that more. "I find it interesting that you consider it a weapon. I understand the connotation, but do you not see it for any other purpose? Possibly as a functional motivator, toward positive things, not just something that if you dash it, you can cause devastation?"
“How often to things happen when people are distracted by something else?” he asked tilting his head slightly. “It’s a well proven tactic.” There was another ghost of a smile there, something that harkened to his own twisted nature, even if it was his own idea of morality. “I’m afraid I’m not as familiar with the other sides of hope.”
"If we're going to have this conversation, you may want to stop being cryptic, and say what you mean." Ru told him. "I'm interested in your point of view, most certainly, but answering my questions with questions does not further the discussion. So, I would appreciate it if you would be less inclined to merely pose more questions." she said politely. "Other sides of hope...it's motivation. People strive to do things because they think they might be able to achieve them. It makes their lives brighter. They can overcome massive adversity or a very bum deal in life, if they can hold onto it, even if logically speaking, they might not otherwise be able to continue functioning."
There was a moment where Zach raised his eyebrow before nodding. “I’m sorry. But if you wanted something specific, take my case. I was invisible for a long time and like to think I created quite the ripple. Hackers have the same effect, magicians, and ninjas if you were looking for something more pop culture.” There was a ghost of a smirk there. “It’s the element of surprise if you will. No one expects the Spanish Inquisition or however the joke goes.” It wasn’t one he was sure he’d ever heard used properly, but it seemed to fit.
Listening to her description of hope, there was a nod, eyes away from hers. “I’ve read of it, people doing mighty things with little to go on, but I’ve not properly experienced it. I’ve had more hope taken away than used to boost things. I’m afraid my view is tainted.” He brought his eyes back to hers. “How do you feel the hope issues applies to here?”
"You believe you effected change?" she asked. "What changes do you think you made? Or 'ripples' as it were?" she asked. "And magicians aren't invisible at all. Their trick is the opposite, even. They catch your eye deliberately, to divert attention from something else. Ninjas, there was still fear. Even if you couldn't spot them, they had a presence. People still knew about them." she added.
"The hope issue applies here, because it's given people a chance at something else. A new life means whatever they did before won't haunt them. It's essentially offering well funded reincarnation--if that isn't a hope driven motivation, I don't know what is."
“I think I brought attention to those who wasted a second chance to be better and threw it away,” Zach said. “There were ripples all over. I’m still learning of the final effects.” There had been mail, lots of it, from varying sides of all points. People talking, people debating, people understanding. Zach had considered that enough of a ripple. A change in lives and worlds even if only for a moment. “Do you typically spend your time poking holes in what others say?” he asked instead, curious about her when all they spoke about was him. “And how do you feel our neighbors, if you will, are channeling their hope?”
"You're assuming one fatally large flaw." Ru told him. "You're assuming people share your point of view. Which, to be frank, most do not. You aren't some teacher, showing the world an error. And those you killed certainly are incapable now of learning a lesson. You did send out ripples, Mr. Briar. But I venture to say all you have done is jade people all the more, and make children fear each other." she said. When he asked the question, she smiled. "Only when it's interesting." she told him. "So, often, possibly, but I like discussion. I like debate. I like learning how people think, how they see the world." she explained.
"As for our neighbors, I haven't been here long enough to make an assessment." she added. "I'm still observing."
"I also pointed out that there is another opinion," Zach said but he was frowning. Perhaps he had missed what she suggested. He would need to go through the whole thing again. "Children fear one another before I did what I did." Settling more, he looked curious. "What have you observed so far?"
"Yes, but you've made it worse now, haven't you?" Ru said. "Just because something was already present doesn't forgive the worsening of it. Just like bullying--it's present, but making it worse, that isn't acceptable, now is it?" she posed, putting it in terms she figured he'd latch onto more easily. "It isn't a 'shrug it off' sort of thing. You set out to do things, and there are certain aspects you should take responsibility for, to own up to." she suggested. "As for my observations as of yet, I don't have enough to really say. I need to be here longer, meet more people. I’ve spoken with you the most."
"But I wasn't the one shooting up my school. Or torturing someone to that point." Which was what made him different. Weak. At times he'd thought of himself as weak. So much changed. "I've taken plenty of responsibility, even when I'm certain that what I believe doesn't line up with the law." There was a pause, confusion on his features. "Me?"
"No. You're the boogeyman who waited, then killed classmates." Ru said. "In the end, it amounts to the same thing, really. And who cares about the law? I'm not actually overly interested in it myself." she said with a shrug. "After all, I do have my own history. And yes. You."
“You haven’t told me about your history,” Zach asked, not wanting to focus on what she’d called him. She was right, he’d been called that before and that had been his goal, so he could finish before he got caught. It wasn’t avoiding, it just wasn’t arguing it.
"You haven't asked." Ru told him. "I took it to mean you have little interest in knowing anything about me, you're just willing to allow me to ask about you. Which is fine, I find quite a lot of people are like that, deep down. They want to talk about themselves. In my experience, everyone is very self centered."
“I don’t know if you gave me a lot of space to ask,” Zach countered, making a small face before shaking his head. “I actually don’t find myself the type to want to talk about myself. But you’ve been inquisitive and I suppose I’ve opted to answer.” Which might say something about her, but what it was, Zach wasn’t sure and he didn’t think he’d figure it out any time soon. “So, tell me about you, why are you here?” He wasn’t interested in the sense that someone else would be, because he tended to run distant from others, but he was still curious in his own way. Who he’d somewhat befriended would be a good thing to know.
"How often do you get a chance to talk about yourself?" Ru asked. She had to imagine it was rarely. Both before and after his criminal activities. "They called me the Chinatown Cherry Bomb." she said. "I took care of a problem. Or, attempted to. It didn't get pulled off flawlessly, but that's the trouble with remote bombings." she said, starting there.
“Outside of the trial, not often I suppose.” Even then it wasn’t often but that had been his own choice. He hadn’t wanted to say anything until it was important. At her admission, his expression changed, giving more than he usually did with the look of confusion. “Remote bombings?” That wasn’t what he’d expected, though if asked, he wouldn’t have had an answer for what he expected.
Ru liked that she got a reaction. She imagined for him it was a big one, what with his determined stoicism. "Remote bombings. I make things go boom. In this case, I was making the betrayers of my family go boom. They opted to mess with the wrong people. I needed to deal with that, and did."
There was a pause, a clear hesitation. “Is that why you’re here?” he wound up settling on in the mix of the tons of questions that were whirring through his mind.
"Yes." Ru answered. "I was deemed a 'terrorist', and the intent of the state was that I never see the light of day ever again." she added, giving him a little more than he asked for. "Sadly, I didn't get everyone I was aiming at. Just one and a half."
“So we were in the same situation and yet you seem to have more hope if you will,” Zach concluded. “Only a disposable half I’m assuming?” he ventured. “Why were you trying to take them out exactly?”
"I believe nothing good comes from doomsaying." Ru told him. "Why take that track? Why opt to deliberately view things terribly? It just means you're making yourself more miserable." she posed. "And 'half' as in the bomb didn't kill him, but I'm sure he'll earn a clever nickname like 'lefty' now. He's literally half the man he used to be." she said. "As for why, as I said. There was quite the betrayal. I was unable to let that slide."
“I never said I was doomsaying, just accepting my fate. I’d hardly call myself miserable.” Because Zach hadn’t been. Prison wasn’t pleasant, but he had accepted and come to terms with what punishment he was given. He’d rather be other places, but he knew that wasn’t an option at the time. “I can understand that,” he agreed with a nod about the betrayal. In his own way, he approved. He would have thought the same thing.
"No. You just don't see tomorrow." Ru said, accepting the correction but adding to it. "My only regret is that I didn't manage to take out all three. I'm certain at some point, they will get their due." She smiled then. Wu would see to that. Or she would, or both of them. Or those left on the outside that were loyal to them.
“That doesn’t quite sound very...rehabilitating,” he told her her, smiling just for an instant. While he knew it didn’t go with the program they were in, he understood it. He would feel the same way if he hadn’t finished what he’d set out to do.
Ru smiled at him. She put a finger to his lips, just for an instant. "Shh. Don't tell anyone." she whispered.
The contact, though brief, shocked him. He wasn’t averse to it, entirely, but he wasn’t used to it either. It left him shaking his head, staring at her with that instance of shock still lingering in his eyes. What was the point of that? Couldn’t she have done the same gesture to herself?
Ru didn't say anything for a moment, just watching his shock there. "Not used to contact, are you." she said. It wasn't a question.
Zach was left forcing himself back into control, hiding his feelings again. “No.” A simple confirmation, eyes cutting away from her and back to the book in his lap.
"Why not?" she asked, watching him intently, even if her voice was light.
“I never got it.” Not much at least. And he’d grown used to being without it. Now it just seemed strange.
"You never got it as in people have not opted to touch you much in your life, or you never got it as in you never understood physical contact?" Ru asked, since there was a big difference.
Zach considered the question before answering. “First there was little of it actually present, then I failed to understand the need.” He wasn’t averse to it as some could be, but he did tend to avoid it. and he wasn’t used to the type of it that stepped outside of the social niceties arena.
"Your parents weren't physically affectionate?" she asked, wanting to see if it was a home stemmed thing or if it was with peers. "And the need isn't really something to understand. It's just there."
“Not after a certain point. And I stopped being available for it.” It had been a mutual thing. They hadn’t known how to be affectionate with a young boy and he hadn’t really sought it out. His life had just led to one situation after another of making it worse and less of something that came from anywhere. “And if it’s not?”
"Then it's buried, or you're broken." Ru said. "You should experiment with it." she suggested. "See what it's all about for yourself. Maybe you'll find that it is there, you've just been repressing it."
“Experiment how?” he asked her instead. He didn’t like the idea of something being broken really. That was unpleasant sounding.
Ru smiled. "...by touching people? Having them touch you?" she said. "It's fairly simple, straight forward. Find someone you're willing to experiment with. Could even be entertaining."
This time Zach made a legitimate face. “That doesn’t sound...reasonable. Or entertaining.” How on earth could that be entertaining? It just sounded uncomfortable. Not to mention, who was he going to find?
“Not everything in the world is. Surely you’ve worked that out by now.” Ru said. “And you don’t know if it would be entertaining or not if you don’t try it. Think of it logically--there has got to be a reason people do it as much as they do, yes? So, seek to find out why.”
Zach still didn’t seem entirely thrilled by her logic. “I’ve found I’m also not most people,” he pointed out. “Nor am I sure there’s anyone here who would be interested in such experimentation. Especially given my history.” Nor was he sure who he’d want to be doing as much with. That thought hadn’t really ever been an option and as a result, he hadn’t focused on those sort of feelings much at all.
"You know what they say about assumptions - you seem to be making a lot of them. And while you are in fact not most people--Mr. Briar, none of us are. I'm not either. We are all specimens under a microscope, and we were picked out of the hat for a reason. Find out what makes everyone else special, instead of focusing on you being 'not most people'." Ru encouraged.
Zach wasn’t quite sure what he’d done that this woman wanted to take on his issues, but he had a feeling she wasn’t going to relent. “Then what makes you special?” he asked, not feeling as if he himself was special, just more different than anything else.
"Know many mad bombers?" Ru asked. It was a rather specialized sort of thing, she knew. There weren't a ton of them out there. Killers, yes. They were a dime a dozen. But bombers...not so much. Not outside of war zones.
Zach did that thing again where he paused like he was thinking even though he really didn’t need to. “No, no I don’t. Though I don’t think you meant that when you were describing others as special. Unless...that’s all there is to you.” Which he definitely doubted she’d agree with.
"Of course I was." Ru said, contradicting his assumption. "Inside here, you are dealing with people who, to one degree or another, have decided to bend or break the rules. Some opted to make their own. Some simply don't care, some were driven by necessity, some were forced...but everyone, unless we have some super special snowflakes that are truly 'innocent', has something about them that has gone against what society says is correct. So, yes, actually. That's exactly what I meant." she said. "But you're missing the point entirely if you think that that in any way equates that that's 'all' there is to anyone at all. I feel you're not actually following the conversation, Mr. Briar. Perhaps we should come back to it another time, when you think less two dimensionally."
Zach was sure he was better at thinking two dimensionally and wasn’t quite sure what other dimension she was looking for him to think in, but he just shook his head slightly. “Perhaps. Though, if I may, I asked what made you special because I am starting to gather that your crimes are merely scratching the surface of what makes you interesting.” Because he was still interested and it was rare that Zach found himself caring about another person enough to know more about them. Still, he supposed he’d overstepped his bounds anyway, and not being one to properly follow social cues, he got up from where he’d been sitting, book tucked under one arm. “We should resume at a later point though. I look forward to it.”
Ru smiled at him. "You'll have to find out." she told him. "I'm sure, if you try hard enough, you can work it out. Until next time, Mr. Briar. It's been a pleasure." she told him, getting to her feet as well. She started to walk off, but waved to him over her shoulder before she departed the library completely.