InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "My bum itches."

eddie likes to (riddlethem) wrote in rooms,
@ 2014-10-07 21:23:00

Entry tags:

*journal, barbara gordon, death, donna troy, eddie nigma, helena wayne, selina kyle, stephanie brown

eddie/muerte/batfam++
[Muerte]

I need a favor.

[batfam+/allies]

Now is the time to tell me if you want souvenirs from the Fairy Tale door.

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Re: nashtons

forthem
2014-10-09 06:16 am UTC (link)

~~That's not~~ ~~I would never~~ ~~It was just a j~~

You know I didn't mean any of it. [Blink, blink.] I'm not justifying it. At all. I'm being fucking terrible, aren't I? And I'm sorry if I am. I wish I knew how to fix it, I wish I knew what to say, I wish I knew who I am now. And through all of that, I keep hurting you without meaning to. And I'm so sorry for that.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: nashtons riddlethem 2014-10-09 06:19 am UTC (link)
	I know. And, I know it wasn't on purpose, that's why I'm not pissed. Just a hurt ego, Steph. Nothing to worry about. I think we've won the gold medal on worst marriage for the first couple months. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: nashtons forthem 2014-10-09 06:21 am UTC (link)
	Of course that's something to worry about, Eddie. I'm supposed to be your biggest champion, and I keep fucking it up. You think we'll get a statue too? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: nashtons riddlethem 2014-10-09 06:25 am UTC (link)
	Stephanie, you are in just as much pain as I am, if not more. I'm fine. I get hurt sometimes, but I don't want you to bring yourself down over it. Just forget about it. Joke around with Selina that you threatened to kick me out and make sure she knows dinner is still on. Probably. It bothers me that I can't use a mulligan on it. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: nashtons forthem 2014-10-09 06:28 am UTC (link)
	Baby, I want you to tell me if you're hurting. If I'm hurting you. Wouldn't you want me to do the same thing? We can use a mulligan and just start over from here? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: nashtons riddlethem 2014-10-09 06:29 am UTC (link)
	I did tell you. That doesn't mean you get to beat yourself up over it. You know that's not how it works, baby. We're both so fucked up. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: nashtons forthem 2014-10-09 06:30 am UTC (link)
	That doesn't mean I get off scot-free either. We can choose one thing to mulligan? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: nashtons riddlethem 2014-10-09 06:33 am UTC (link)
	Stephanie, please. It's important that everyone thinks we're doing better. Okay. What thing? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: nashtons forthem 2014-10-09 06:35 am UTC (link)
	What's important to me is that we are doing better. [Blink.] I won't beat myself up over it. But I'm allowed to be mad at myself. Okay? You choose. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Re: nashtons

riddlethem
2014-10-09 06:42 am UTC (link)

That's going to take a long time. [Dot, dot.] I don't want that, but I can't stop you.

How about you pick from my list: We should have waited to get married, we should have talked about your past pregnancy at length and visited the doctor before trying to conceive, I should have kept the doctors from over medicating me, we should have been kinder to each other, we should have talked about sex when you were having panic attacks instead of letting you have one under me, we should have communicated better about staying in other doors, we should have figured out what we wanted to do professionally before domestically, we should have argued more instead of avoiding each other, we should have been more supportive. I think there's more but I'm getting a headache.

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	Re: nashtons forthem 2014-10-09 06:46 am UTC (link)
	I know. But I want to know what we're moving towards that. Don't you want to know that. [...] I'm not going to be too hard on myself. But I'm mad for hurting you. [Blink, blink. Long pause.] Do you think we both have enough collective mulligans over the years for all of that? (Reply to this) (Parent)

	Re: nashtons forthem 2014-10-09 06:47 am UTC (link)
	[After a second.] The kinder bit. I definitely want to mulligan that. We should have been kinder to each other. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: nashtons riddlethem 2014-10-09 06:50 am UTC (link)
	I do, but I don't want other people to know how bad it actually is. [Dot, dot.] Okay. You can be mad. Okay, that seems mulliganable. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: nashtons forthem 2014-10-09 06:52 am UTC (link)
	Then they don't have to. It'll stay between us, okay? [...] If that's my only mulligan, can I put in a request to talk about the other stuff at least? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: nashtons riddlethem 2014-10-09 06:53 am UTC (link)
	Good. [Dot.] I think we're allowed to talk about all that stuff, mulligan or not. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: nashtons forthem 2014-10-09 06:55 am UTC (link)
	I'm sorry I keep letting people into our relationship, baby. [...] I don't blame you, you know. For any of it. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Re: nashtons

riddlethem
2014-10-09 07:01 am UTC (link)

It's not your fault. They want to know what's going on and I don't blame them. We used to be so solid and we're not anymore.

I blame myself and there's nothing in the whole, wide world you can do about it. I know that at the end of the day, I'm the weak one. I'm the one who keeps fucking up your life with my personality, my mental illness, my responsibilities and my various powers. Selina's right, you do wear the pants in this relationship because I'd destroy every single piece of that for you if you needed me to.

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	Re: nashtons forthem 2014-10-09 07:07 am UTC (link)
	It's this place and these people. That's why we aren't solid. We lost each other in the mess of this fucking place. We lost each other. I would never want you to do that, you know that, right? I love you, and I love every piece of you. Even the ones that piss me off sometimes or hurt me. I can't live without every bit of you. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Re: nashtons

riddlethem
2014-10-09 07:21 am UTC (link)

Something I was never, ever worried about until it happened.

[Dot, dot.] I know you do and I know how Gothamites love. For better or for much, much worse. But, I don't know if we would have stuck together if we weren't forced to on Earth-3. You were all I had. I wouldn't have kept fighting if you left me. Now the war's over and we need to be normal(ish) people.

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	Re: nashtons forthem 2014-10-09 07:25 am UTC (link)
	We can still find each other. I know we can. [A long, long pause.] You mean you don't think we would have lasted? That we won't last now? I don't need normal-ish people, I need you. I need friends and family around me that support me. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Re: nashtons

riddlethem
2014-10-09 07:31 am UTC (link)

I don't know. I used to be able to see things for us so clearly, but Earth-3 fucked us up. It made us the best team we could ever be and then pulled the rug out from under us. On Earth-3, I felt like you were my wife even if you didn't want to be. I knew you carried my heart. Here? I don't know. I wake up every day hoping we can get close to how good we made each other feel before and more often than not I'm disappointed. Our friends and family mean well, but they can't fix this for us. Some days, I don't think I can either.

[Dot, dot.] Look. I need to go take care of something. I'll hit the reset button before you get here, okay? We can try to start fresh.

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	Re: nashtons forthem 2014-10-09 04:54 pm UTC (link)
	[Blink.] I know. I haven't been a good partner to you in months. [...] I'll come tonight. To give you time? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: nashtons riddlethem 2014-10-09 04:56 pm UTC (link)
	How could you be? We aren't the same people anymore. I'm different and so are you. [Dot, dot.] Okay. Meet me at the inn. You get to the town by riding through the forest and thinking about the tale. It sounds nuts, but it works. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: nashtons forthem 2014-10-09 05:01 pm UTC (link)
	~~That doesn't~~ ~~I wish I just~~ I'll be there. [Blink.] I love you, baby. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: nashtons riddlethem 2014-10-09 05:05 pm UTC (link)
	Love you too, Stephanie. (Reply to this) (Parent)

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