britin1729 (britin1729) wrote in qaf_drabbles, @ 2008-10-14 00:32:00 |
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Entry tags: | author: britin1729, challenge #87: masturbation |
Challenge #87: Masturbation
Title: Pretend
Author: britin1729
Timeline: Early season three
Condoms: 2 to Daphne
I can't pretend when I wake up and I feel the scratchy sheets beneath me instead of the soft, satiny feel of the cotton I'm used to. I can't pretend when I open my eyes and the evidence of my choice is glaring at me as harshly as the sun streaming through the grimy window. I can't pretend when I roll over and he is lying next to me, dark curls and a smile instead of the silky auburn strands and kiss that I crave.
But here, standing under the downpour of steamy water, eyes closed, I can pretend easily.
~.~
The water runs in rivulets down my back, over my shoulders. I remember how nice it used to feel in that shower with the glass walls, being pressed into them, while he pressed into me from behind. I can pretend it's him touching me, instead of just my own hand...I can fantasize and pretend and I know it's wrong...I'm supposed to be over him...I'm with Ethan now...
But I'm stroking and I can imagine him stroking me the same way...I can almost feel him filling me, making my knees buckle so that he's supporting me completely.
~.~
I can pretend every sensation I create myself is created by him, every moan courtesy of his prodigious skill at everything he does.
I can pretend I'm not here in a run down apartment with a guy I've tried so hard to let into my heart, when there doesn't seem to be room. Not with him still there, taking up the space and refusing to share.
I can pretend the reason I don't call out his name when I cum is that I'm too incoherent, when I know the truth is that my boyfriend is outside and can hear me.
~.~
When I'm drying off, soaking up water droplets with the tattered towel, I can wish he was here to lick the droplets off my skin instead. And when I pull my jeans on, I'm allowed to remember a time when he wouldn't have let me get that far before pushing me down on the bed and straddling my hips.
The second my violinist opens the bathroom door, it all changes. I can't pretend anymore. This is how things are now.
“Morning, babe. Enjoy your shower?” he asks knowingly. He kisses my cheek, and grins slyly. “What were you thinking about?”
~.~
I fake a smile as he turns to the sink to brush his teeth. He's smug...he thinks I was thinking about him. He's always been arrogant...something I used to love about Brian but can't stand about Ethan. If Brian had ever said that, I would have laughed and cracked some joke about jerking off to some random hot celebrity. That doesn't work with Ethan.
I can tell he's waiting for my answer, under the impression that it will flatter him, so I tell him the truth. Or at least, part of it. “The guy I love, of course.”