MichaelOwnsMe (foreverbm) wrote in qaf_drabbles, @ 2008-01-20 21:01:00 |
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Entry tags: | author: foreverbm, challenge #48: angst |
Challenge #48 - Angst
Title: Love and Other Bruises (parts 26 - 31)
Author: Foreverbm
Timeline: Season 3 - Post 308
Condoms: 6 to Michael
A feeling of sadness washed over me. We had so much going for us and if it ended up like this it made me feel like a failure. No matter how many times I told myself Ben had made the ultimate decision I knew I would still feel I had let him down. I could only hope he would get the help he needed. If he wasn’t prepared to do that, this was the beginning of the end for the hopes and dreams we had for a future together. Fuck Paul! Fuck this disease! Fuck needles filled with unseen poison!
(27)
“Mikey….you want to stay here tonight?”
Brian’s voice pulled me back to the present.
“No…. I’ll go home”
“I’ll drive you”
Brian stood, grabbing a sweater.
“No. I’ll walk. The fresh air will do me good”
“You sure?”
“Yeah.”
“Call me when you get home….ok?”
He pulled me to my feet, wrapping his arms around me. I let myself relax in his embrace, grateful as always that I had him to come to at times like these.
Tears were threatening but I would keep them for when I was alone.
“Thanks”
“What for?”
“For not saying ‘I told you so’”
*****************************
(28)
He grinned.
“You’re…..”
“Pathetic…I know!”
We walked towards the door. I pulled it open to come face to face with Justin.
“Michael!”
“Hey Justin”
“What are you …”
He stopped mid sentence and I perceived a slight shake of the head from Brian next to me.
“I call you ok”
“Make sure you do!”
I gave them both a half hearted smile and headed to the lift.
The cold air hit me as I walked out of his building and I pulled my coat tighter around me, digging my hands deeper into my pockets and began the lonely walk home.
****************************
(29)
I finally reached our street and glanced up at our apartment. It appeared to be in complete darkness.
I shivered, not sure if it was due to the cold night air or the thought of walking into an empty apartment.
The streets were still alive with people. Laughing. Singing. Talking. Going out. Coming home. Groups. Couples. Families.
Fuck! I had to stop this.
Ben’s decision had been his but I had been the one to give him the ultimatum.
The situation I was in was caused by my own actions.
I needed to accept that and live with the consequences.
***************************
(30)
I tramped up the stairs, my cold fingers finding the key and unlocking the door. I flicked on the light. Nothing looked different to when I had left.
I shrugged off my coat and walked to our bedroom, pushing the door open slowly, and hit the light switch.
I wasn’t sure what I expected to find.
Ben asleep in bed perhaps.
I let out a slightly hysterical laugh. Exhaustion was beginning to take its toll and not just on my body.
Drawers were half open and empty. I glanced at the closet. Empty.
It was if he had never been here.
*******************************
(31)
I let out a sigh
I grabbed a t-shirt and headed to the bathroom, turned on the shower and undressed as steam filled the room.
The hot water felt wonderful on my chilled body and I stood under it until it had almost run cold. I dressed hurriedly, filled a glass with water, grabbed the bottle of aspirin from the cabinet, subconsciously ignoring the empty shelves which usually held Ben’s meds and headed back to the bedroom and climbed into bed, pulling the covers around me.
My last thought before I fell asleep was I had forgotten to call Brian.