testdog65 (testdog65) wrote in qaf_challenges, @ 2007-02-20 19:40:00 |
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Original poster: _alicesprings
Title: Pain Management
Written By: sfscarlet
Timeline: Post Series
Rating: R
Summary: Brian uses his time honored pain management techniques, but do they still work?
Author's Notes: Thank you to Jilla for the beta. Her feedback and commas are greatly appreciated. Any mistakes are mine.
“Hello boys. Having a good evening?” Brian asked as he wrapped his arm around Michael’s neck and nodded to Ted and Emmett.
“You’re tweaked, Brian. What have you taken?” Michael asked as he looked into Brian’s bloodshot eyes.
“A little E, some special K and a few drinks,” Brian slightly slurred his words as his body swayed to the music. “Bartender, I need another drink. Give me a shot of Beam,” Brian turned to the bartender, setting his glass on the bar as he pushed it to the man.
The bartender filled Brian’s glass and he drank it down in one swallow.
“Another,” Brian demanded.
The bartender filled Brian’s glass a second time and Brian drank it quickly.
“I see someone I must do,” Brian said as he eyed a muscular brunette on the dance floor. He turned and sauntered onto the floor, stopping in front of the tall brunette. His body danced to the music as he ran his hands up and down the man’s torso and whispered in his ear. “Wanna go to the back room?”
The brunette nodded yes, and the two men walked to the back room. The trick unbuttoned his fly, pulling Brian’s cock out. Going down in one motion, the trick swallowed his cock, almost down to the root. Brian closed his eyes, enjoying the sensation of warm, moist, suction on his most sensitive body part. The trick fondled his balls and Brian threaded his fingers through his hair, encouraging him in his task. There was no need to hold back his release, and he quickly came into the trick’s mouth. Brian turned the trick around, pulling his pants down in one swift motion. Donning a condom, he pushed into the trick with no preparation. The trick groaned at the assault, but Brian was oblivious. Grabbing the trick’s cock, he pumped it as he thrust into the tight hole. The dual stimulation brought the man to completion quickly and Brian filled his condom shortly after. He was in and out in less than ten minutes.
He returned to the bar for another drink and rejoined his friends.
“That was fast. Was he that bad?” Emmett asked.
“In and out with a maximum of pleasure and minimum of bullshit. That’s always been my motto,” Brian responded as he took a tablet of E out of his pocket and placed it on his tongue. He took out another packet and offered it to his companions.
“No, thanks,” Michael shook his head. “I better go home to Ben. He worries if I’m out too late.”
Brian rolled his eyes, but didn’t say anything.
“I’ve got an early morning workout with my trainer,” Ted said.
“I didn’t know you had a trainer, Theodore?” Brian remarked as he patted Ted on his back.
“Oh, Teddy. That is so wonderful!” Emmett gushed as he clapped his hands together by his mouth. “You’re so hot since you had your little nip and tuck last fall, but now you might rival Brian,” Emmett teased. “I have an early meeting with a couple planning their fiftieth wedding anniversary. Can you imagine being married so long?”
“Well boys. I guess I will have to entertain queer Pittsburgh on my own.” Brian lifted up his glass in a cheers gesture and watched his friends leave.
He ordered two shots of Beam, drinking them in quick succession. He bought himself some Special K and snorted it as well.
“Order me a cab,” Brian told the bartender as he looked over the dance floor one last time.
Brian gave the cab driver a $20 bill, significantly over the cost of the fare. He fumbled in his pocket for the key to the building and tried for five minutes to put it in the key hole. The door opened and he stumbled into the building. After waiting for the elevator, he pushed the button for the loft. It took three attempts to punch in the correct code before the door would slide open. He entered the loft, went to his liquor cart, and poured himself another Beam. He felt a burn in his chest as the liquid went down. Looking at the window, he saw the snow falling and then felt his body jerk. He collapsed on the floor of the loft.
Justin painted a red streak across the canvas. He was proud of the large canvas, as it was the signature piece in his upcoming show. Picking up a smaller brush, he filled in an area of deep blue over the left corner of the canvas. The ringing phone jarred him from his muse’s hold.
“Hello”
“Yes. This is Justin Taylor.”
“When was he brought in?”
“How is he?”
“I see. I’ll be there as soon as I can. Thank you.”
Justin hung up the phone as the sweat poured out of his body. He couldn’t think straight as thoughts raced through his mind. What if Brian died? Had the family been told? How would Gus react? How about Mel and Linds? Mikey would be freaking out. What should he do?
His mind shut down, refusing to think about the phone call. As his body switched to automatic, he cleaned his brushes and straightened his studio. He went to his apartment where he packed a bag and called Liberty Air for the first flight out.
________________________________________
“You look pale. Can I get you anything?” the flight attendant asked as he touched Justin on the arm.
“Can I get you a drink? Sir” the tall, lanky blonde male asked as he leaned closer to Justin. “The air gets very dry in these airplanes.”
“No,” Justin replied.
“You look tired. Can I get you a pillow or blanket?”
“No, I’m fine,” Justin snapped. “Please leave me alone.”
“Okay. But if you need anything, just push this button.” The flight attendant leaned over and pointed to the call button.
Justin stared out the window for the remainder of the flight. The flight attendant did not talk to him again.
“Thank you for flying Liberty Air. It is a chilly 25 degrees in Pittsburgh. I hope your stay in Pittsburgh is pleasant and you will join us again soon,” the captain said over the intercom.
“Chilly Pittsburgh,” Justin mumbled. After his last visit he remembered thinking it would be a cold day in hell before he returned to this city, and now he understood the definition of the phrase. Surely he was entering hell and the cold would freeze his very soul.
Pulling his coat around him, he hailed a taxi, directing the driver to Allegheny General.
Making his way to the ICU, he stopped at the nursing station.
“I’m Justin Taylor. A Dr. Houston called me about Brian Kinney.”
“He’s in the corner room,” the nurse pointed to a doorway caddy corner to the nurse’s station. “You can go in, but only for a few minutes. I’ll let the doctor know you’ve arrived.”
Justin pulled his coat even tighter around him, trying to ward off the chill in his body. He felt the sweat pool under his arms and trickle down his back, and thought how odd it was to be hot and cold at the same time.
He stared at the door, trying to get his feet to move toward the beeps and whirs coming out of the room
“It’s the third one down,” the nurse repeated.
“I know.”
He took a deep breath and willed his legs to walk into the room.
He gasped at the sight in front of him. Brian was hooked up to what seemed like dozens of machines, and there were wires and tubes coming from every body part. In shock, Justin walked out.
As he turned toward the nurse’s station, a man in his late forties wearing a white hospital coat asked, “Are you Mr. Taylor?”
“Yes. Dr. Houston?” Justin answered as he read the name tag on the coat.
“Why don’t you follow me to the lounge and we can talk?”
Justin picked up his bag and followed the doctor to the lounge. They sat down on two well worn beige chairs in the farthest corner from the television.
“Mr. Taylor, Mr. Kinney listed you as his emergency contact. Do you have Power of Attorney or Health Care Proxy?
Justin swallowed. “I’m not sure. I used to have them, but we…um… We were together, but aren’t anymore,” Justin explained.
“Please find out?”
“Doctor, right now I’m here and I want to know about Brian. Can you tell me what happened?”
“Since you’re listed as emergency contact, I will update you. But please find out if there is someone else who needs to make medical decisions for Mr. Kinney.”
Justin nodded. “I will.”
“Mr. Kinney was brought in at 9:00 this morning. He was unconscious, but did respond to pain. His tox screen showed low levels of Ketamine and Ecstasy. His leg was crushed by his weight and by staying in the same position for a long time….From the report of the paramedics, he appeared to have been unconscious for a long time. He is now in a coma.”
Justin listened but had difficulty following all the medical jargon. “A coma! He’s in a coma. Did he arrive that way? Who found him? Did anyone accompany him to the hospital?” Justin fired off the questions faster than the doctor could answer.
“Yes, he’s been in a coma since his arrival by ambulance.”
“Do you know who found him?” Justin asked, wondering why no one else was at the hospital.
“According to the ambulance crew, his cleaning lady found him. He was lying on the floor and she couldn’t awaken him.”
“Do you know why he was in a coma?”
“It is appears that he overdosed on alcohol and drugs. We would have pumped his stomach, but the toxins appeared to have already gone through his system. Unfortunately, the damage was done and it appears that his kidneys are functioning at only 25% capacity. We may have to put him on dialysis.”
“Jesus! Will he wake up?”
“We don’t know. Only time will tell. Now if you’ll excuse me, Mr. Taylor I have other patients to see. I’ll check on Mr. Kinney later today. If his condition changes, the staff will notify me.”
“Thank you.”
Justin sat in the waiting area. I’m here for a reason, he thought, and I should go down and sit with Brian.
He thought about calling the family but wanted to wait. He hadn’t talked to them since early summer time, and that had been very awkward. He needed to find out if he was still listed as Brian’s Power of Attorney and Medical Proxy, but that could wait until a little later. The doctor didn’t seem too worried that Brian would die anytime soon. The bigger fear was that he wouldn’t ever wake up.
Flashback
“I want it done by tomorrow, Theodore. Yes, tomorrow or you will be dead,” Brian said as he snapped shut his cell phone.
“Why do you treat Ted the way you do?”
“What do you mean?”
Justin grabbed the beer bottle on the island, twirling it in his hand. “He works for you and you obviously trust him, yet you constantly threaten him.”
Brian continued staring at his computer as he clicked at various links on the web page in front of him. “It’s complicated. You weren’t around back then.”
“And..,” Justin said trying to walk the fine line between getting Brian to talk and Brian clamming up.
“A long time ago in a Galaxy far, far away…”
Justin glared at Brian despite Brian’s face looking at the computer screen. “I’m not Mikey living in his comic book fantasy world,” he snapped.
Brian continued to look at the computer screen. “Ted took an accidental overdose and landed in the hospital in a coma. He made me his Medical Proxy and I had to decide when or if to pull the plug.”
“Wow. Why’d he choose you if you weren’t that close?”
Brian swiveled his chair, looking at Justin. “He knew I was cold hearted enough not to let him suffer. He knew that I would know when to pull the plug.”
Justin walked out of the kitchen area toward Brian, wrapping his arms around the older man. “You’re not cold hearted, Brian. You’re the most generous man I know,” Justin said as he kissed Brian.
Brian returned the kiss, but pulled back after a few moments. “After that I told Michael he was my Proxy, but then you came along and now it’s you.”
“What? You never told me.”
“I’m telling you now.”
“But… Why not Michael? He’s your best friend and he’s known you since you were 14.”
“Exactly. Mikey would never be able to pull the plug. He couldn’t let go. I’m depending on you to know when to pull the plug.”
Justin sat on Brian’s lap, touching his forehead to Brian’s. “Okay.”
End Flashback
________________________________________
The short conversation came back to Justin as he walked towards Brian’s room, but the nurse stopped him before he could enter. “I’m sorry, but you’ll have to wait until 2:00 to see Mr. Kinney again. In ICU, he can only have visitors the first fifteen minutes of every hour.”
“Oh, Okay,” Justin nodded as he glanced at his watch. Seeing he had thirty minutes to wait, he went to the cafeteria for some food.
He went through the line, picking out a hamburger, fries and a soda. He paid for his purchases and sat down to eat. Justin’s stomach rumbled as he smelled the food. He attempted to eat, but when he took a bite of the burger, it tasted like saw dust and the fries were cold. After dumping the food in the garbage can, he settled for a drink from the water fountain. Justin glanced at a display of fruit as he was leaving and he saw a green apple. He remembered Brian peeling an apple with his pocket knife while lying in bed, as he sketched him. Someone’s beeper went off and he was brought back to reality. Justin left the cafeteria and returned to the ICU.
As soon as the clock read 2:00, he made his way down to Brian’s room. This time, he sat down in the chair by the bed and watched Brian breathe. Even now, lying in a coma, the man had a twisted hold on him.
He’d read a lot of medical articles after his own injury and remembered reading that even when people are in a coma, they still hear subconsciously.
“So Brian, it’s me Justin. The trick that wouldn’t go away. You know, it’s your own fault this time. You still had me listed as your emergency contact so they called me. I flew down on Liberty Air and the Flight Attendant tried for at least half an hour to pick me up.” He frowned as he relayed the story. “I was sort of preoccupied, so I ignored the guy. Maybe when all this is over, I might get lucky and see if he is on my flight back to New York.”
“New York. What a place to be.” Justin stood up and walked around the small room as he spoke. “I’ve got a show coming up with another new artist. I’m beginning to make a name for myself.” Justin found his backpack and fished around in it until he found a book of photographs of his paintings. “I’ve been photographing all my work so I can take it to galleries. I have the pictures here in my portfolio. I think you’d be proud of the pieces. You probably aren’t going to be well enough to make it to my show, so you’ll have to settle for these.” He placed the portfolio back in his bag. “I guess Lindsay was right; I needed to go to New York. I was painting this huge piece when I got the phone call from Dr. Houston about your unscheduled stay in their establishment. I wouldn’t have thought this was your idea of a great vacation spot, but I guess I don’t know you very well. At least that was the impression I got when I was here last summer.” Justin frowned deeply as he remembered Brian’s statement from last summer. The words still stung.
Flashback
“Justin,” Brian yelled as Justin closed the elevator gate. “I don’t want you here and don’t leave any more messages for me. I know where to find you if I change my mind.”
End Flashback
“It doesn’t matter anymore. You kept me as you Power of Attorney and Medical Proxy. According to the Brian Kinney operating manual, actions have always been your strong suit,” Justin said as he looked at Brian lying in the bed.
“I haven’t called the family yet. I don’t know if I’m up to dealing with them. I’m sure Mikey will tell me where to go, and well, you know how everyone else will act. Debbie will squeeze me to death and rant about my not keeping in touch.” Justin returned to his seat and picked up Brian’s hand. It was warm, not cold like he thought it would be. Justin gently ran his fingers up and down Brian’s arm, hoping Brian could somehow feel his love through the caress. So often they didn’t speak words, but their bodies spoke volumes. “Emmett will tell me how much he misses his “baby”. Ted will not say much of anything, but that’s Ted, the unemotional accountant. Of course, that doesn’t even take into consideration my mom or Daphne, but since you really aren’t part of their world unless you’re with me, I don’t have to tell them. On the other hand, if I stay here long enough, I should go see them.”
“I think I’m still your Medical Proxy, but I’ll need to call Mel and be sure. Of course, calling Mel will result in telling her why I need to know. Then she’ll tell Linds, even if I tell her not to.” Justin rolled his eyes, knowing Brian would understand the gesture. “They both listen so well. Of course, Linds will rush right over and fawn over you like the good little wife she is. Yeah, we both know she’s married to Mel, but in her heart she’ll always have a special love for you.”
“Jeez, Brian. Your life is really a soap opera. I forgot about Cynthia. I should really call her since you’re her boss.” He picked up his phone, scrolling through the entries to see if she was listed. He stopped midway through and hit his hand against his forehead. “I’m an idiot. I have your number at Kinnetik. I don’t need to call her desk directly.” He placed his phone back on his belt clip. “Since you didn’t show up to work today, and probably won’t for a while, she’d appreciate knowing where you are.”
“I wonder if my mom talked to me like this when I was in a coma.” Justin touched his hand to the scar on his forehead, rubbing the area lightly. “I know you didn’t talk to me since you didn’t come see me. Still makes me mad that you didn’t come see me.” Justin lightly touched his balled fist to Brian’s upper arm, giving it a slight push. “You wouldn’t have known what to say. I can just see you sitting here telling me about the hot trick you picked up in Babylon and took to the back room. The nurses would have gotten quite an earful if you’d been heard relaying your exploits.”
“You know, all these wires and tubes and noises are really scary. What if you don’t wake up? What if you get worse and I have to decide to make a medical decision? I hate you right now. More than I ever hated you in the past. I don’t want this responsibility. You have to wake up just so I can yell at you and tell you what as ass you really are. What were you thinking? Are you in that much pain?” Justin squeezed Brian’s hand, even though he knew Brian would think the gesture lesbianic.
The nurse came in to check on Brian and said, “I’m sorry, but you’ll have to come back at 3:30.”
“3:30? I thought I could see him every hour?”
“Shift change,” she said as she checked the different tubes and wires.
“Any change?” Justin asked.
“No, he’s the same.”
“Is that good? I mean, that he’s the same.”
“You’ll have to talk to the doctor. He should be in within an hour.”
Justin left Brian’s room and returned to the waiting area. He picked up a Reader’s Digest, and then put it back on the table. He found the remote for the television and flipped channels for a while, but in the end, left it on some soap opera. He sat down and then stood right back up. Finally it was time for him to go to Brian’s room.
Each time it was a little easier to walk in. He’d gotten over the initial shock of seeing Brian’s still body with all the tubes and machines hooked to it. He pulled up a chair and began talking again. “And then the other guy said….” Justin stopped his story when the doctor entered.
The doctor picked up Brian’s chart, making a few notes in it.
“How is he, doctor?”
“There’s been no change.”
“Is that good?”
“Well I was hoping for some return of his kidney function. If it doesn’t improve by tomorrow, we’ll have to start dialysis. While he can function on 25%, it is not ideal. Your friend took a lot of drugs and his system is still trying to process them. He’s lucky to be alive.”
“Thank you.”
“Why don’t you go home and get some rest. Leave your information with the nurse and she’ll call you if there’s any change.”
Justin nodded at the doctor as he left the room.
“Home. The doctor thinks I should go home. Where is that, Brian?” Justin stood and paced the small area like a caged animal. “Should I go to the loft? Should I call my mom and ask if I can stay there? I know. I could call Debbie and ask to stay in my old room,” he said sarcastically. “Debbie would rant and rave and say how you deserved to be in a coma, etc, etc… Then she’d squeeze the breath out of me, start crying and fix a huge pan of Puttenesca. No, I don’t think I’ll call her. Now if I was Brian Kinney, I could whip out my Platinum credit card and stay at the nicest suite in town.” Justin took out his wallet and made a grand gesture of looking for a credit card. “But, I’m not Brian Kinney and I don’t have a Platinum credit card, and I don’t know where to go,” Justin ranted at Brian as he felt the tears fall down his cheeks. “I don’t know where to go.”
Justin let the tears fall. But no one was there to dry them, or tell him he was a silly little faggot for crying over his lover.
The nurse came in again, checking Brian’s vitals. “Mr. Taylor, visiting hours are over; you’ll have to leave and come back tomorrow. If you want to leave your phone number at the desk, we’ll call you if there is any change in his condition.”
Justin looked up at the nurse, “I’m sorry, what did you say? I wasn’t paying attention.”
“I said visiting hours are over. Please leave your information at the desk and we’ll call you if there is a change in Mr. Kinney’s condition.”
“Okay. I just want to say goodbye.”
Justin picked up his bag, leaned over Brian’s face; touched his forehead to Brian’s and said, “Later.” He walked out of the room and went to the lobby.
Justin plopped down in one of the chairs in the lobby of the hospital. There were few people in the area and it was eerily quiet. It was dark outside. His stomach rumbled. The clock on the wall read 9:15. He remembered that his last meal had been breakfast in New York. Mentally he did the math and realized that had been over 12 hours ago.
It was Monday, a work day. Better chance for people to be home rather than at the bars.
He flagged down a taxi and gave the man an address. He closed his eyes, laying his head against the back of the seat.
“Sir, we’re here,” the driver said.
“Sir, we’ve arrived,” he said a little louder.
“Oh, sorry. How much?”
“Ten dollars.”
Justin handed the man $12.00 and took his bag into the apartment building. He pressed the buzzer, hoping it would be answered.
“Yes,”
“Daph, its Justin. Can I come up?”
‘Justin? What are you doing here? Everything okay?”
“Just buzz me in and I’ll explain.”
“Oh. Okay,” she said as she buzzed him in.
Justin walked up the one flight of stairs, barely able to pick his legs up to climb the next step. He knocked on Daphne’s door, and she flung it open.
“You look like shit. What happened to you?”
Justin walked in, put down his bag and collapsed on Daphne’s couch. “Got any food? I haven’t eaten all day.”
She put her hand on his forehead. “You’re not running a fever. I’ll make you a tuna sandwich. That okay?”
“Sure.” Justin laid his head back and closed his eyes.
When Daphne returned, tear tracks ran down his face.
“Here,” she said as she handed him the sandwich. “Eat, and then tell me what’s wrong.”
Justin took a few bites of the sandwich as his stomach grumbled. He finished the sandwich then put the plate down.
“Talk,” Daphne demanded. She curled up in the chair opposite Justin, offering him a cigarette.
He shook his head no. “I got a call this morning from Allegheny General. Brian was brought in to the hospital. He is in a coma,” Justin said very softly.
“Oh my G-d. But, I thought you two…”
“I’m still listed as his emergency contact. I still care about him, Daph. Even if we’re not together.”
She got up from her chair and got two beers from the refrigerator. Handing one to Justin, she drank some of her beer, waiting for him to continue.
“No one else knows. I haven’t told anyone.”
“Justinnn,”
“I don’t know what to do, Daph. He made it really clear this summer that we were finished. I should go to New York and never come back. I haven’t talked to him in almost eight months. I get this call and now I have to make medical decisions for him that may determine if he lives or dies.” New tears rolled down Justin’s cheeks, and he wiped them with his shirt sleeve.
“You aren’t doing anything right now. You’re dead on your feet. You can sleep in my bed and I’ll take the couch. We’ll talk in the morning.” Daphne stood up and got sheets for the couch. “Here,” she said as she handed him a sheet. “Help me make the couch. I just changed my sheets this morning.”
They made the couch and Justin went to the bedroom to sleep. He undressed quickly, getting under the blankets. Closing his eyes, he saw Brian lying in the hospital bed hooked up to the machines, but soon his exhaustion took over, and he slept until morning.
________________________________________
The sun’s rays hit his face through the sheer curtains. Looking around, it took a few moments for him to orient himself and realize where he was. He sat up straight in bed.
“Shit. What time is it? I’ve got to get back. What if he wakes up?” He said to himself under his breath.
Daphne heard movement in the bedroom and popped her head in the doorway. “I made you pancakes. Go shower and I’ll drive you to the hospital.”
“I don’t have time. I have to get back,” Justin said as he pulled fresh clothes out of his bag.
“The hospital has your number. They’ll call if anything changes.” Grabbing a towel from the linen closet, she handed it to him. “You need your strength if you’re going to spend all day sitting with Brian. It’s tiring. I remember. Now shoo.”
Justin took a quick shower and ate some breakfast. Daphne drove him to the hospital.
Daphne drove to the circle drive where patients were discharged. “Want me to come in with you?” She asked as she glanced at her watch.
“No. They only let me sit with him fifteen minutes every hour. If he wakes up, then it might be different. You would just be sitting in the waiting room most of the day. I’ll call you if anything changes.”
“You sure?” she asked as he opened the door.
“Yeah. I’m sure.”
“I’ll be back at 7:00 to pick you up.”
“Visiting hours is over at 9:00.”
“If you want to stay until 9:00, then I’ll sit with you. You’re not spending all day by yourself with the asshole.”
“Daph, don’t say it. I’m as much to blame as he is.”
“Whatever. I got to get to work. Later, Justin.”
Justin walked to the small garden off the main entry way. It was cold, but there wasn’t anyone there. He scrolled down his phone until he came to the familiar number, and hit the button to connect.
“Ms. Marcus, please.”
“Mr. Taylor,” he said as the secretary asked who he was.
“Justin. How are you? We haven’t heard from you since this summer. Everything okay?”
“Hi, Mel. Did Brian ever change his Medical Proxy?”
“No. I guess he hadn’t gotten around to it. Probably too busy screwing every hot guy in town. Why?”
“Not now, Mel. You know he never leaves anything to chance. If he’d wanted to change it, he would have.”
“True. Justin, why are you asking out of the blue?”
“I just needed to know.”
“Justin Taylor, you tell me right now what is going on,” Melanie demanded in her best motherly voice.
“Mel, promise you won’t say anything?” Justin urged.
“Okay.”
“I’m in Pittsburgh. Allegheny General. Brian’s in a coma.”
There was silence on both ends of the phone for a few moments.
“Shit. What happened?”
“We’ll talk later,” Justin answered evasively. “Thanks for the information. The doctor wanted to know who had Medical Proxy for Brian. I guess I’m the lucky one,” Justin said as he swallowed the tears that were threatening to fall again.
“I can come down,” Melanie volunteered.
“No. You have a job and clients. I’ll be fine. Thanks, Mel.”
“Justinnn,” She sighed. “Be careful.”
“Bye, Mel.”
“Goodbye.” Justin put his phone away.
Brian never let his personal or professional matters slide, yet he hadn’t changed his Medical Proxy. That must mean something… maybe it meant that his harsh words this summer weren’t true. Maybe it was another attempt to push him off the proverbial cliff. Maybe there was hope for them to be together. He would always love Brian, and now maybe they had a second chance. Really this was a third or fourth or fifth chance… he’d stopped counting. Something kept bringing them together, and this time he wanted them to stay that way. He would do everything in his power to ensure Brian recovered. He wanted another chance. He stood outside until he realized that the snow was covering his shoes and his feet were cold. He stepped inside the building; his feet tingling from the sudden warmth. He had one more phone call to make before going to see Brian.
Scrolling through his cell phone, he found the number for the main switchboard at Kinnetik. He usually called Brian directly, but there were a few times that he’d gone through the main office. He hit the button and waited for the call to connect.
“Cynthia please,” he asked.
“May I ask who is calling?”
There was a time when he wouldn’t be asked that question, as everyone at Kinnetik knew him, but times change. “Justin Taylor”
“I’ll see if she’s available.”
“Thank you,” he said, as his country club manners kicked in allowing him to be calm in this situation.
‘Justin. Good to hear from you. Brian isn’t here. To what do I owe your call?”
“Hi Cynthia. Umm… I,”
“What is it, Justin?”
“Brian won’t be in to work for a while. He’s in a coma at Allegheny General.”
“Oh my G-d. How come Ted didn’t say anything?”
“He doesn’t know. Nobody knows. Yet. I haven’t told them,” Justin explained as he tried to keep the tears away.
“What happened? Was he in an accident?” Cynthia gripped the phone as she listened.
“You’ll have to ask him when he wakes up. I really don’t want to say,” Justin answered evasively.
“Okay. I’ll hold the fort. Let me know if there’s anything I can do.”
“I will. Look, I have to go now. I haven’t seen him yet this morning.”
“Justin. Please keep me posted. He’s more than just my boss,” Cynthia reminded him.
“I know. I will.”
He closed his phone. He knew he would have to call the family, probably today, but right now he just wanted to see Brian. Maybe if he was lucky, Brian would be conscious, and he could return to New York. The nurses would have called if he’d woken up, so he pushed that thought away. Going back to New York without trying to get their relationship back on track wasn’t really an option either. Justin knew he would be in Pittsburgh for awhile. He wanted to help Brian. Brian’s latest pain management technique was an abysmal failure, and he really didn’t want Brian to succeed at his next attempt.
Justin went up to ICU and stopped at the nurse’s station.
“Excuse me. I’m Justin Taylor. Can you tell me how Mr. Kinney is?”
The nurse found his chart, saw that Mr. Taylor was listed as emergency contact, and then flipped to the last information entered. “He’s stable and there has been no change. The doctor hasn’t seen him this morning, but he should be making rounds within the hour. Visiting hours just started. You can see him for fifteen minutes, but then you need to let him rest.”
‘Thank you.” Justin walked into Brian’s room, quickly adjusting once again to seeing all the machinery attached to Brian.
Justin walked over to the bed, reaching for Brian’s hand, holding it gently as he stroked it. “Okay, asshole. I’m back. You really need to wake up. I had to call Mel and verify that I am your Medical Proxy. Of course that meant that I had to tell her why I needed to know. You know that means that within a very short time, she will tell Lindsay and the circus will start. I can’t wait to see the bucket of tears she will cry for you.”
“Oh, and I called Cynthia. You know I had to tell her.” He leaned over to kiss Brian’s forehead, and then sat next to Brian’s bed. “She can’t exactly make excuses for your sorry ass forever without at least knowing what happened. I told her that Ted didn’t know, and I at least trust her not to tell him. However, seeing how Mel and Ted are best friends. How a dyke and a … not sure what to call Ted… became friends, I’ll never know. Anyway, where was I? I’m sure Mel will tell Ted, based on some feeling that he will want to know because he is your friend. There really isn’t any client/attorney confidentiality issue here, so she will feel justified. Ted of course will tell Mikey and Emmett. Well of course, you know the drill. One good thing, it saves me a lot of phone calls. I wonder how long it will take for the Gay Pittsburgh grapevine to work?”
He brought up his right hand again and this time touched his second finger with this index finger, making another salient point that Brian may or may not have heard. “By the way, I decided to stay with Daphne. She at least won’t judge me too harshly. She said something about coming up here to sit with me around 7:00 tonight. That gives me about 6+ hours with the vultures... I mean family. Vultures is probably more accurate, as they may tear me apart when they find out I didn’t call them right away.”
“Mr. Taylor, you’ll have to leave now. Your 15 minutes are up, but you can come back in an hour. The lounge is down the hall,” the nurse said as she stepped in the room to begin Brian’s medical work up.
As the nurse started to put her stethoscope in her ears, Justin stood up and pushed his chair away from the bed, leaned over and touched his forehead to Brian’s. “Okay. Brian, when the family shows up, I’m sure they will insist on seeing you. I may not be able to come back for awhile. I will be here though, and I promise I’ll stay until you’ve recovered. Later.”
The doctor came in just as Justin was leaving. Justin waited in the family area so that the doctor could easily find him after he was finished with Brian’s examination.
“Mr. Taylor,” Dr. Houston said as he directed Justin to a seat by the window. “Mr. Kinney’s kidney function is not improving. You need to decide if we should start him on dialysis.”
“Will it be permanent?”
“Hopefully not. By putting him on dialysis, it will allow his kidneys to repair themselves. We can only hope that the damage wasn’t permanent. We’ll know after a few days.”
“What is involved with dialysis?” Justin asked as he tried to pay attention to the doctor’s words.
“We would place a temporary shunt in his neck that would be hooked up to the machine,” the doctor said as he pointed to an area of his neck.
Justin cringed at the description. Brian’s neck was so sensitive, and he loved to suck the skin there. It was an erogenous zone for both of them. He quickly brought his mind back to the doctor’s conversation. “Would he be in pain?” Justin asked.
“While he’s in a coma, he may feel pain, but we don’t know. When he wakes up, the tubing could be uncomfortable.”
“Are you saying that the dialysis would help him regain consciousness?” Justin asked, hearing the first hopeful information to date.
“An EEG was performed this morning and it showed no signs of Brian damage, and that his Brian waves looked as normal as could be expected at this point in time. It could make a difference, but we can’t know for certain. We’re hoping that the dialysis will help his body heal faster. Once the toxins leave his bloodstream, he should wake up.” The doctor’s pager went off and he looked at the screen.
“Excuse me. I’ll be right back, but I need to respond to this page.”
Justin watched the doctor return to the nurse’s station and use the phone. He thought about the situation. Brian would not want to live with a bunch of machines hooked up to him, but if a temporary solution, i.e. dialysis would allow him to regain consciousness and start to heal, he could see Brian allowing that.
Anger washed over him and he inwardly cursed Brian. If you would only learn to accept your feelings and not hide them behind drugs and alcohol, none of this would have happened. When you wake up, we are going to talk, and you are going to listen! You can’t kick me out this time. He envisioned some of those conversations with Brian, and they were just as scary as the doctor’s medical jargon.
The doctor returned. “I apologize for the interruption.”
“You were telling me how dialysis would get rid of the toxins in Brian’s body.”
“Yes. Dialysis would rid filter the toxins out of his body quicker, and he might regain consciousness quicker.”
“That would be great,” Justin smiled, not a big one, but the first one since he’d arrived.
“Is there any risk?”
“Mr. Taylor, there is always risk, but I think that this is his best chance for recovery,” the doctor said as he looked at his watch.
“What would happen if he doesn’t have dialysis?”
“His body will slowly try to rid itself of the toxins. His kidneys are already struggling, and the effort may result in permanent damage. He might have to have a transplant.”
“Is there a risk for dialysis?” Justin asked.
“Yes. If he goes on dialysis, there is always the chance that his body will rely on it too much and he will never be able to go off. Also there is always a risk of bleeding, bruising, blood clots, and infection at the site of the shunt.”
“What would you suggest?” Justin hoped that the doctor would give him opinion.
“I can’t make that decision. You are his Medical Proxy. He wants you to decide,” the doctor started to stand up again. “If you decide to start dialysis, I have the consent forms here,” he said as he showed them to Justin.
“When do you need a decision?”
“As soon as possible. If we are to start dialysis, we need to do it soon. His body has already been fighting for three days.”
“Okay. Do it. I know Brian doesn’t want to be hooked up to a bunch of machines for the rest of his life, but if dialysis can help him rid his body of toxins, then do it. I’ll deal with the consequences later.” Justin agreed, as he held out his hand for the clipboard holding the consent forms.
“I’ll let the nurse know and she will make the arrangements.”
Justin walked over to the window, looking at the people on the street. Everyone appeared to have a destination; they were going somewhere. He was stuck here in this hospital, waiting for Brian to wake up.
He picked up a well worn copy of People and flipped through it trying to find an interesting article. Finding nothing of interest, he put the magazine down and walked down the corridor to the bathroom. He took a sip of water from the water fountain, and then went inside the bathroom. Turning on the faucets, he splashed cold water on his face. Looking in the mirror for the first time, he saw how tired he looked and how pale his face was. Justin remembered there was a coffee machine at the other end of the corridor, so he left to find some coffee. He poured the coffee into a small Styrofoam cup and put one sugar in it with a little cream. Smiling, he remembered how he always teased Brian that he had a little coffee with his sugar. He supposed that drinking coffee was a social thing, and Brian probably really didn’t like the taste but had learned to mask it with lots of sugar. If drinking Beam was a social thing, then Brian would have been the first to drink it at every function. Returning to the waiting room, Justin looked at the clock, and for the first time in his life he truly understood the saying ‘a watched pot never boils.’ It had only been forty five minutes since he left Brian’s room, and the nurses told him it would be several hours until Brian had the shunt placed in his neck. Sitting in silence, he spent the remaining time remembering Brian and his tumultuous relationship. When the nurse told him Brian had returned from the procedure, and he was elated to see him, if for no other reason than to shut down his racing thoughts.
Brian had a shunt in his neck for the dialysis. It had two tubes coming out of it; one had clear fluid in it and the other had blood. He hoped that it didn’t hurt. A new machine was in the room, and he guessed that this was the portable dialysis machine. The machine made a lot of noise, and he was sure that if Brian were awake he would be greatly annoyed by the constant racket.
“Well. I’m still here and you have another machine hooked up to your body.” He watched the blood flow out of Brian’s body, into the machine, and back out, and marveled at modern science. “You’re beginning to look like a science experiment. The dialysis machine will hopefully clean your blood faster than your kidneys were doing it. I know that you wouldn’t want to be hooked up to a machine for the rest of your life, but I think you’d be okay with it for just a little while. I’m sorry if I’m wrong. I know sorry is bullshit, but you know what, so is this. Its bullshit that you took so many drugs and allowed yourself to end up like this. I don’t know if you did this on purpose or it was an accident. It really doesn’t matter. It happened and now we… and I mean we, have to deal with the consequences.”
Justin stood up and walked around the room. It was tiny and there was no window. He guessed that people in ICU were too sick to wonder about the weather outside, or to get up and stand by the window. He’d not thought about hospitals a lot and really hated this one; it held too many painful memories.
“I talked to Mel, and she said that you were probably too busy screwing to change your Medical Proxy. Now, you and I both know that nothing you do is by accident. So, Mr. Kinney, when you wake up from your little self-imposed nap, and you will wake up, you hear me? When you wake up, we will have a little talk about your ‘accident’.” Justin heard his voice rising as he talked, and he hoped he wasn’t heard by the nurses. The last thing he needed was to be kicked out of the ICU.
“So far the family hasn’t shown up. I keep waiting to hear any one of them walk into the waiting room, yelling and screaming. They do tend to forget that hospitals are where the sick people are. I remember when Ben was in the hospital last year. Sometimes his room resembled a party, except he wasn’t having any fun. There were so many people in that room and it was so loud, I’m sure he needed to go home just to get some rest. I’ll try to control the family and keep them quiet, but you know how they are.’
His stomach growled and he looked at his watch, surprised to see it was after 2:00. Brian always teased him about his need for food on a regular basis. He’d give anything for that teasing voice right now.
“I’m hungry so I’ll going down to the cafeteria to get something to eat. Hopefully you won’t get any visitors until I come back. I hope you remember some of what I say; I really don’t want to have to repeat it. The nurses all tell me that talking helps the patient and even if we think that they don’t hear us, they really do. If nothing else my talking might make you wake up just so you can tell me to be quiet.”
^^^^^^^^^
Brian looked at Vic standing by his bed. His eyes darted around the room, noting the strange machines and the loud noises. “Where the hell am I? And what is that awful noise? My leg burns and my neck feels like something is poking it. And where the hell did you come from?”
“Hi Brian. It’s another fine mess you got yourself into,” Vic said as picked up the covers to look at Brian.
“What are you looking at, you old perv? You always wanted to look at my naked body.” Brian swatted Vic’s hand away.
“Wait a minute. You’re dead, so why are you here? Am I dead?”
“What do you think?” Vic asked as he studied the machines in the room.
“No, if I were dead I wouldn’t be here talking to you. I’d be surrounded by fire and brimstone and the devil would be talking to me. That’s what Joan tells me.”
“So you believe Joan?” Vic said as he made a waving motion with his hand.
“No. I don’t think my lifestyle will cause eternal damnation, but you’re dead and I’m talking to you, so…”
“No, not dead yet. But...”
“But what?”
“Listen to Justin. He’s telling you all about what happened.”
“What the fuck is Justin doing here? He’s supposed to be in New York.”
Vic left and Brian heard the last of Justin’s conversation, “…might make you wake up so you can tell me to be quiet.”
^^^^^^^^^^
Justin walked back to Brian’s bed. He studied each machine in the room, trying to figure out what they were doing for Brian. In the end, he really didn’t care. He just wanted Brian to wake up.
“I love you Brian. Please wake up soon.” Justin leaned over and kissed Brian on the lips very softly. He leaned his forehead on top of Brian’s and touched the two together. “Later.” He walked out just as the nurse walked in to check on Brian’s vitals again.
He stopped at the nurse’s station. “Excuse me. I’m Brian Kinney’s friend. I’m going to get something to eat. Can you please call me on my cell if there is any change?”
“Of course. The dialysis treatment will take at least six hours. We may not see a change until he completes several treatments, but I’ll call you if there is any change.”
Justin walked down to the cafeteria. It was in the basement, and he took the stairs to get his body moving. He could paint for hours and not be affected, but sitting around was hard work. He began to understand what his family had gone through when he was in a coma. Justin hoped that he wouldn’t have to wait long for Brian to wake up. Brian had been in a coma for three days, not nearly as long as he had been in his coma after Hobbs hit him. Of course, he had been hit in the head, and Brian had overdosed. He supposed the reason for the coma didn’t really matter, as the medical implications were the same.
Going through the line, he picked out a cheeseburger, fries, a milk shake and a piece of pecan pie. At least the hospital had reasonable choices. He paid for his purchases, and sat at a table for two by the stairs. Biting into the cheeseburger, he found it was pretty good, and he quickly finished it and the fries. He drank the shake and ate all of his pie as well. Looking at his watch he saw that he managed to take almost half an hour to eat. That meant he could see Brian again in fifteen minutes. He put his tray on the conveyer line and went into the bathroom.
After using the bathroom, he felt for his cigarettes and realized that he must have left them at Daphne’s. He vaguely remembered her offering him one last night. He walked up to the gift shop, hoping to buy some.
“We don’t sell cigarettes, Sir,” the young man behind the counter informed him. “You can buy them at the gas station two blocks down the street. Besides, our campus is smoke free, and you can’t smoke anywhere on hospital grounds.”
“Thank you.”
“Is there anything else I can help you with? Perhaps a book or a gift for the person you are visiting?”
“No thanks. I’ll pass.”
Justin walked out of the gift shop. It was almost time for another short visit, and he hurried to Brian’s room.
Justin walked into the room, taking a minute to adjust to the still form on the bed. He leaned over and kissed Brian on the cheek and stood up, watching as he breathed. “Hi Brian. Hmm, Maybe I need to come up with a new intro. I just got back from lunch. I didn’t think I was hungry. Imagine, me not being hungry, but I guess there is a first for everything. Anyway, the food here isn’t bad. No one from the family has shown up yet. Maybe I’m wrong and the grape vine isn’t working. I guess if I don’t hear from anyone by the end of the day, I will have to make those dreaded phone calls.”
“So, I’m no doctor, but your color looks better. The nurses said it would take about six hours for the treatment, and that you wouldn’t probably respond until you finished at least two treatments. Of course, they don’t know Brian fucking Kinney like I do.”
Justin’s body itched to do something besides sit for 45 minutes, and then talk to Brian for 15 minutes each hour. He couldn’t imagine drawing Brian in his current condition, but maybe he could draw other things. It might help him cope. He pulled the chair closer to Brian and lifted Brian’s hand, placing it in his own. He squeezed it, hoping for a response but didn’t receive one. He absently rubbed Brian’s arm while he talked.
“I went to buy some cigarettes, and can you believe that they don’t sell them in the gift shop. I have to go all the way to the gas station two blocks away. And even if I had cigarettes, I couldn’t smoke them. It’s a smoke-free campus. I know you would say some clever thing about all the bureaucrats, but they may have a point. Cigarette smoke does cause cancer. You’ve already had cancer so maybe you’re exempt, but I don’t think so. Maybe after you wake up, you’ll lose your desire for them. They say that it takes at least a week for the cravings to die down. You’ll be in here for longer than that, so maybe you could break the habit while you’re in here.”
To Justin’s shock, the machines started beeping loudly and the nurses ran in.
“You’ll have to leave, Mr. Taylor,” the blonde nurse said as she walked Justin out of the room.
Justin watched Brian’s room from the waiting area. He paced, looked out the window, ran his hands over his face, tried to sit down, and then started the whole sequence again. After what seemed like an hour but in reality was only twenty minutes, the nurse came out to talk to him.
“What happened?”
“His blood pressure fell too low. We gave him some medication and he appears to have stabilized for now, but we will continue to monitor him. You can see him in another hour.”
‘Okay,” Justin said as he sat down with a thud in the nearest chair. He closed his eyes as he thought about his last thirty six hours. My day started out normal, painting, getting ready for an upcoming showcase of my work, and then my world turned upside down with a short two minute phone call. Brian was in a coma, and now I’m back in Pittsburgh with him. I’m making medical decisions for a man whom I don’t even know wants me around. I’m estranged from a family that would want to know that Brian is ill, yet I can’t bring myself to tell them. How am I going to fix this? Brian always fixed everything, and now it’s my turn. I’m not sure I can.
He looked at his watch. It was almost 4:00. He didn’t think he could do this for another five hours. He needed to move; he couldn’t sit any longer. He walked to the end of the corridor and was about to walk down another hallway, when he heard his name.
“Justin.”
He turned around, and there was Lindsay and Melanie. He walked over to them and gave them both a hug.
“What happened?” Lindsay asked.
“He overdosed, and is now in a coma. They had to put him on dialysis, too,” Justin said as he walked back to the waiting area.
They followed him, sitting down opposite him in the well-worn chairs.
“Have you seen him?” Lindsay asked as she curled her hair around her ear.
“They only let me in once every forty five minutes, and then I only get to stay for fifteen minutes. He can have visitors in about ten minutes. I think they’ll let two people go in at once.”
“Can I see him?”
“Of course. Why don’t you both go in?” Justin said, knowing that it was the right thing to do.
“Thank you.”
They sat and watched the clock until it was visiting time. Melanie and Lindsay went into the room. Lindsay gasped when she saw all the machines Brian was hooked up to. Tears ran down her face and she sobbed into Mel’s chest.
“Oh Brian, what have you done?” She wailed. She could only stay for a few minutes and quickly retreated out to the waiting room.
Mel continued to comfort Linds. “Justin, why don’t you spend the remaining time with him?”
Justin nodded and walked into Brian’s room. He was far enough removed from the waiting room that Mel and Linds couldn’t hear him.
“Okay. Do I get points for calling it right? Lindsay and Mel just showed up. Linds asked to see you and remembering my county club manners, I agreed. She stayed all of two minutes, broke down in tears and now is being comforted by Mel. Now I’m not saying I didn’t cry too. Of course, I did. But now, I don’t cry every time I walk in. The machines are noisy and you just lay there which is so unnatural. It’s creepy, Brian. I keep expecting that you will look at me and start yelling each time I walk in the room. But then I see you hooked up to all the machines, wires and tubes coming out of too many places in your body, and wonder if I’ll ever hear you yell at me again.”
He walked around the room, trying to alleviate the tension in his body. “I wonder how long it will take for everyone else to arrive? At least Melanie and Lindsay aren’t going to scream at me and tell me it’s my fault. One good thing about Mel hating your guts is that she will never defend you, and she will always be on my side when it comes to you. I can do no wrong and every problem we ever had is your fault.”
Justin pulled the chair over to the bed. He gently lifted Brian’s hand, placing it in his own and giving it a small squeeze. “You know, you need to stop making those alarm bells go off. You scared the shit out of me when you did that. They tell me that your blood pressure fell too low and they had to give you drugs to bring it back up. Stop it! Get your blood clean and those kidneys working and wake up. I want to yell at you when you’re awake.”
“My time’s up. Love you,” he said as he ended his visit by touching their foreheads together and whispering “later”.
Justin returned to the waiting area and he found Lindsay had quit crying.
“Where are you staying, Justin. You know you can stay with us. Gus would love to see you,” Lindsay said as she grabbed his hand and gave it a little squeeze.
“Thanks, but I’m staying with Daphne. I don’t know that staying with you guys is a good idea. Gus always expects Brian and me to be together, and he’d start asking questions.”
“You’re right. Do you need anything?” Lindsay asked, dabbing her eyes again.
“No. I just need Brian to wake up.”
“We had better go pick Gus up from day care. We’ll come back tomorrow. Get some rest, Justin. You look exhausted,” Lindsay said as she gave a small smile.
“Thanks, I’ll let you know if anything changes,” Justin said.
Justin watched the women walk out of the ICU wing, and a pang of jealousy hit him. They were going home to their family and would most likely be spending the night playing with Gus, instead of sitting in this shitty waiting room, waiting for Brian to wake up.
Part Two.