psyfic (psyfic) wrote in pervy_werewolf, @ 2009-06-02 23:22:00 |
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Entry tags: | #lmom 2009, author: odogoddess, kink: finger sucking, kink: wanking (solo or mutual), remus/severus |
LMoM(plus!)#33 by odogoddess - 'Heavenly shades of night are falling'
Title: July 1996 - May 1997 'Heavenly shades of night are falling'
Author: psyfic
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Remus/Severus
Kink(s): finger-sucking, wanking
Challenge: Lusty Month of May 2009
Word count: 3,600
Author's note: This is the next to last chapter. (VERY tired yay!)
I really wanted to wrap up today, but given a choice between a speedy and forced resolution or a more reasoned, slightly longer attempt, I choose to end this the way it has gone on - with carefully considered choices. For those that wince at the angst, this is another angsty chapter, although there are a few bright moments, but then this particular period of time was not all sunshine and laughter.
If you are reading this for the first time, please go to the first entry and start reading there. Otherwise, this saga may not make any sense at all. Thanks!
28 July 1996
RJL here.
I've yet to leave Spinner's End, but in two nights I will have to. I have no Wolfsbane and there is no time to make any for this month. I dread leaving him, but he tells me he does not care, that it does not matter I will become a beast.
I am afraid. We have never confronted that aspect of me. When I taught alongside him, I was on Wolfsbane and I spent one night away and was fine the next morning, as if nothing had happened. This will be the first time without benefit of Wolfsbane, and I may be away longer than one night. I do not know. I never know.
He enquired what I was going to do and assured him I had a safe place to go. He asked no further questions and I did not elaborate.
We've been enjoying the sexual surfeit I have just before full moon. We've fucked four times since waking and it's not yet tea time.
There is a certain desperation in his touch, as well as the way he looks at me, sometimes. It is as if he is hoarding every bit of our time together, as if it will never happen again.
It frightens me, as he knows a great deal more than I about events to come. He refuses to speak of anything. He says he does not believe in Divination and what will happen, will happen.
All I can do is be grateful for every moment we are together.
Journal of Severus Snape.
Thank Merlin I am a wizard and a Potions Master.
Otherwise the ignominy of dying would be matched only by the fact I was fucked to death.
Thank Merlin, as well, for the ability to be able to write such a thing. No one would believe it. Not even I.
31 July 1996
RJL here.
I am lost, utterly lost.
Severus has spoilt me for anyone else.
I could not love him more than when I woke to feeling his hands on me, gentle and assessing after full moon.
My surprise was evident as he merely hid a smile and said, 'It was rather obvious, to anyone with but a modicum of intelligence, where you would go.'
Then he pulled his wand out and began to heal me. Three different imbibed potions later, he helped me dress and Apparated us from the Shack to his home.
There he undressed and bathed me and I fell further in love than I already am.
2 August 1996
RJL here.
The Headmaster writes to ask if I have come to a decision regarding the werewolves.
It is time for me to speak with Severus about what I came for in the first place.
Journal of Severus Snape.
The Headmaster wrote us both today.
He asks me to submit a syllabus for DADA.
Whatever he wrote to Remus about has left him pensive to the point of distraction.
I've shut myself in my mother's old room with various texts to cobble together a syllabus. He is well enough to fend for himself now.
RJL here.
Severus is a genius. Still, I wish he was not.
I fixed supper and knocked on his door to let him know it was ready. Then I told him my problem over dinner.
'If you wish to undertake this, I could easily modify your memory, or remove it entirely. Would that not solve your dilemma?'
'Could it be returned?'
'Yes. We would remove the memory in question. I would view it and then store it. Then I would remove my own memory of the viewing and alter that and return it to you. You would only notice, at most, a slight moment of uncertainty when trying to recall it -- akin to the sensation one has when one cannot recall the name of an old acquaintance one runs into. Afterwards, we would remove that altered memory and discard it, then restore your actual memory.'
I was flabbergasted. 'It sounds as if you've done this before.'
His voice was dry as dust. 'Not by choice.'
I nodded, disturbed. 'I would have to remove us, our relationship. At least, the last fortnight.'
'Why?'
'It would be very unusual for a were to be separated from his mate. It would raise too many questions.'
He considered this and I noted he did not argue with my use of the term 'mate.'
'I can store them for you.'
'But I would not recall that we were together.'
He looked troubled, but finally nodded. 'If this is Albus's wish, then it is of value in our efforts and should be undertaken, if possible.'
'Severus... I might start a relationship among the clans. If I didn't remember we were together, I would feel free to do so and it would be unusual if I did not at least consider such offers.'
He closed his eyes and I waited fearfully for his answer. I would do whatever he wished. If he did not want me to go, I would turn the Headmaster down. If he said I could...
'Would such a relationship be easy to... break off... afterward?'
I winced. 'Only if children weren't involved.'
He winced, as well. 'Is that likely?'
I felt flushed. 'Werewolves have not only a high libido, but are highly fertile, Severus. You're the DADA instructor now, you know that was well as I."
'You had better speak with the Headmaster. Tell him your concerns.'
'Including our relationship.'
'I have no secrets from him, Remus.'
I looked over at this man I loved so much it made me ache.
I knew what Dumbledore would say.
'I'll owl him in the morning. For now... would you please take me upstairs? I need to touch you.'
He stood abruptly, and reached for me. The awkward angle dragged me across the corner of the table and spilt cutlery and dishes to the floor.
He spoke against my lips, even as his hands sought the gathers of my robe.
'Why wait?'
8 August 1996
RJL here.
The Headmaster's answer was as I suspected, but when I went to see him at his request, he had some suggestions of his own.
Nymphadora Tonks was in his office. I greeted them both, noting Dumbledore was worse than the last time I saw him. The stink of dark magic was strong in the room and I wondered at how Fawkes could tolerate it, until I saw him perch on the arm of his chair and drip tears along that rotting flesh. It did not appear to make a difference, although I could see wisps of steam rising where each drop fell.
'Now that you are both here, let us get down to it. Remus, my boy, you feel you can undertake getting information on the werewolf clans?'
'Yes, Headmaster. I will need a bit of time to prepare, no more than a day.'
'Excellent. Then I propose that Miss Tonks here, be your liaison. Obviously,' he continued as I stared at her in surprise. 'You cannot be seen conversing with me, and she will remove this memory anon, but it will not be seen as odd for a young man to be spending time with an attractive young woman.'
'Oh, sir!' She giggled and her hair turned purple. I merely nodded. I would not speak of my relationship with Severus before her.
'She is an Auror, a member of the Order, and most importantly, a metamorphmagus. As such, she can safely contact you for information, even during the full moon.'
I considered this. 'How often would you need information?'
'Once a fortnight would be ideal, but once a month would suffice if the circumstances are not ideal.'
'We can work it out so we don't meet at full moon, but it would be best around that time,' she noted now. 'As I understand it, werewolves are more distracted at that time, which means they're also less suspicious of odd behaviour.'
'That might be risky. Whilst I might not behave untowardly, others in the pack might feel you are not off limits. If a situation escalated, I might be called on to fight to protect you.'
'I can protect myself. I'm not bad in a fight.'
'Werewolves are faster, stronger and can scent your intent as if you are telegraphing it, giving them advantage in any fight. No human has ever won against them, except by use of dark magic defencive spells and luck. Most werewolves would snap your wand long before you would be able to use it.'
She grew pale, but I was glad to see my words making an impact. She had to know what she was up against. I cleared my throat.
'Then there is the problem that, if such a circumstance would come up, I would be expected to take my rightful due... and mate with you.'
She grew a shade to match her hair, which slowly faded to a shocking white.
After a moment, she spoke, although her voice was a bit faint.
'Well, you're easy enough on the eyes...'
It was all she said, but it confirmed her resolve and, although I did not know it at the time, cemented my downfall.
6 August 1996
Journal of Severus Snape.
Remus has left.
I removed his memories and returned modified ones. I did this whilst he was Stupefied, then Apparated him to Grimmauld and left him there to wake on his own. He asked me to remove the memories of our relationship, as well.
I will be moving to the school ahead of time, as the Headmaster has need of various potions to strengthen and sustain him that I cannot brew here. I would also welcome the chance to make use of my personal library in my quarters at the school.
Fortunately, I do not have to live in the DADA instructor's quarters, as I remain Head of House and must be closer to the Common Room. When I consider the scope of all I must accomplish this year, I find myself glad of Lupin's absence, even temporarily.
The Headmaster did not speak of the matter to me, so I take it he feels it is not of my concern. I trust Remus did inform him of our relationship, in either case.
25 December 1996
RJL here.
It finally happened, although I have been successful all this time in avoiding it.
I woke up in Tonks's arms this morning.
I don't remember fighting another were over her. I don't remember much of anything from full moon at all.
When I woke, however, we were not just nakedly embraced, but she was smeared with my spunk, front and back, torso to thighs. Apparently, we had quite a time of it.
I felt awful, but she did not cower or cry. I apologized and she shrugged it off, saying she had transformed into a she-wolf so it was useful information to her, to know what the behaviours were and there was no harm done. She was not injured in any way.
'Merry Christmas, eh?'
I winced at her rueful tone and tried not to shudder and hurt her feelings. I was glad she did not have sharp enough senses to scent my shame and overwhelming guilt.
I just wish I knew why I felt guilty.
5 January 1997
Journal of Severus Snape.
The children return to classes on the morrow.
The Headmaster is doing poorly. It is Fawkes and potions keeping him functioning. He rests as much as he can and plans to be scarce as if on business the rest of the term, so his absence at the High Table will not be so noticeable.
He intends to continue training the boy on his own.
Minerva dropped by in the afternoon to enquire what I might need for my birthday. I had forgotten it was approaching.
I told her I needed nothing save a respite from the students, which was for nought since they were returning this very evening on the Express.
She smiled as if she thought I was joking, then asked me, in all seriousness, 'truly, what might ye need Severus? This business with Albus has made me concerned for all my friends and colleagues.'
I wondered which she counted me amongst and finally shrugged. 'As pensieves are exorbitant, I would not be disappointed in a magnum of elf-made Etruscan wine.'
She nodded and after a bit more polite conversation, she left, bidding me a good evening.
I recalled now how much she appreciated the silver brooch I had given her for her own birthday in September. When I waved away her thanks, explaining it had belonged to my mother and I had no one to give it to and did not wish to have it languish unseen in a box, she had actually gotten up to kiss my cheek and thank me yet again.
I was gratified she was so pleased with her gift, but right now I realised it was the last time anyone had touched me with affection since the summer.
I was not looking forward to my birthday.
9 January 1997
Journal of Severus Snape.
I do believe the Headmaster and his deputy Headmistress are in cahoots.
I woke to find wrapped packages on my table in my quarters. Considering the size of them, I knew the elves had brought them and not any owl.
Wrapped in satiny foil fabric, protecting its shiny, rune-carved surface was a Pensieve. Not an old one, but brand new.
Beside it was a crate of the finest elf-made wine I'd ever heard of.
I had plans to imbibe, but found myself using the Pensieve instead.
I withdrew my memories of my last night with Remus, undid my trouser placket and touched the silver mist of my thoughts.
'Are you sure?'
'Remus. A desperately randy, naked man is holding his legs apart, forcing his knees to his chest and asking you to shag him. Do you honestly not know the answer to such an inane question?'
Lupin's eyes shone and the smile he bestowed was a private one between them. No one else had ever seen it, Snape knew.
'Merlin, Severus, but I love you.'
Then he slipped inside and began to gently thrust into the more than ready and willing arse presenting itself for his pleasure. For their pleasure.
Snape looked as if he did not know what possessed him, and his voice was desperate.
'Say that again.'
'Severus, I love you.'
'Again!'
'I love you.'
'Remus!'
'Yes, Severus. I'm here and I love you.'
Then Snape screamed as the spunk fountained out of him, decorating them both.
Lupin leaned over, scooping the spunk up with his fingers, then slipping them one by one into Snape's willing mouth. He sucked on them as if they were lollies.
His teeth were a pleasantly sharp sensation as he finished his task then kissed Lupin's knuckles, mouthing the words he could not say aloud against that slightly rough, scarred skin.
I felt myself settling back to my feet and straightening from the Pensieve.
I had my cock in hand, clutching it tight to stave off the inevitable.
I gave it up as a lost cause and began to stroke, hoping the ache in my bollocks would ease with a good spending.
Yet even as I began to spunk on my rug, and even as the tension in my bollocks slowly eased, I knew the ache inside me would find no surcease.
Not until he returned, safely, to me.
1 Mar 1997
Journal of Severus Snape.
Just had a most unpleasant argument with the Headmaster.
Watching him deteriorate, the boy's insolence, Lupin's long absence -- surely he gathered what information he needed by now -- and trying to mind Draco are preying on me. I told him I did not think I could go through with his scheme; it was asking too much of me.
He reminded me of my duty. He did not speak of any of my concerns. I begin to wonder if he even considers them at all.
He does not consider them. He does not consider them because the boy must die. He must die at the hands of the Dark Lord and not before.
For all these years I have worked and for nought. The boy is nothing more than a sacrifice and I must play the part of a ceremonial priest who delivers the sacrifice.
He speaks of the Dark Lord being present in the boy, this being the reason the boy must die. Then he speaks to me of the Dark Lord's snake. I must tell the boy to slay the snake. And I must be cautious when the Dark Lord becomes concerned for his snake.
I begin to wonder if he is not indulging in divination.
I begin to wonder at the wisdom of it all, if there is any, or if we are all just mad.
Worse, I feel now, as if I will be betraying Lily. I made promises to her so many years gone now, to protect her boy, to ensure his safety even with my own life. Now his life is forfeit.
Mine will be, as well, should this come to pass, but that no longer matters. I no longer expect to survive the term, much less the coming war.
8 Mar 1997
Journal of Severus Snape.
The foolish boy was nearly killed. Fortunately the bludger hit his head, the hardest and thickest part of his body, and nearly impossible to damage.
I have told both the Headmaster and Minerva time and again of the dangers of allowing him to play and yet they wave away my concerns, insisting it is concern for my own House team I am exhibiting. Certainly I would be gratified if Slytherin did well during games, but if that boy dies...
My only consolation was hearing, definitively, that the werewolves were not on anyone's side but their own, although one band remained faithful to their leader who was siding with the Dark Lord.
This means Remus is free of his burden.
Soon he may return.
17 Mar 1997
RJL here.
Tonks at the school and I at Grimmauld. It is so strange being here again after all the time living rough.
I am not at all certain how I feel about our relationship, such as it is.
We only couple in the days leading up to the full moon, when I would couple with anything, quite frankly, although she has tried to engage me outside of that time. I simply do not find pleasure beyond the release with her, and I fear her getting any closer and developing expectations.
Or worse, having her become pregnant during one of the full moons.
7 May 1997
Journal of Severus Snape.
Still no word nor sight of Lupin. Time grows short. Perhaps it is for the best we do not have time to share as it would be compromised by duty and dread in equal measures.
The boy used one of my own spells against Malfoy. I saw my book in his mind. I do not know how he obtained it, but it smacks of dark magic.
The Dark Lord is in him. Did he gain information in that manner and find my book? Has he been playing the Headmaster and I for fools? The next time he calls me, will it be to my doom?
Perhaps I will not sacrifice the boy, but he shall sacrifice me.
11 May 1997
Journal of Severus Snape.
It is over and I am the only one aware of it.
There was an Order meeting. Dumbledore conducted it in his office, with only a few present, myself, Minerva, Arthur and Molly Weasley, Bill Weasley, Fleur Delacoeur and Kingsley. After it had begun, Remus entered, with Tonks in tow.
It was the first time I'd laid eyes on him since he left.
The Tonks chit and he were together. They held hands throughout the whole of it, and they were congratulated by the Weasley's and Minerva afterwards.
I am of two minds regarding it.
On the one hand, he is unaware of what we shared. On the other, what he has now is infinitely more palatable to polite society at large.
I loathe polite society, small or large.
Yet, I cannot gainsay him if he is happy.
I lost my chance for happiness and forfeited any chance I might have had due to my actions and inactions as a youth to now. So far as I know, and actions as a werewolf notwithstanding, Remus still has the right to find happiness, home and family without censure from any party apart from the rabid group of conservative witches and wizards who believe werewolves are sub-human creatures.
I cannot say the same and I cannot ruin what he has even if it is merely because he cannot remember.
When he greeted me after the meeting, I wished him well and shook his hand, surprising him. He did not realise it was the only way I could wish him farewell.
Perhaps it is for the best. The chances of my surviving what is to come are slim at best.
Which led me to speak with Arthur Weasley, alone. I used Legilimency to find the information regarding his nearly fatal snake bite, then Obliviated our conversation from him.
I am begun preparing anti-venom against any eventuality. I do this on the oft-repeated premise that life must go on. I don't know that it must, but it does.
Even if it is an empty, hollow life.
on to next entry