LMOM#29 (2 of 2, 'Stay wilder than the wind & blow me in to cry')
Title: (1993 - 'Stay wilder than the wind & blow me in to cry') Author: psyfic Rating: NC-17 Pairing: Remus/Severus, Severus/Regulus Kink(s): kissing, frottage, oral sex Challenge: Lusty Month of May 2009 Word count: 2,440
Author's note: If you are reading this for the first time, please go to the first entry and start reading there. Otherwise, this saga may not make any sense at all. Thanks!
Disclaimer: There is a bit of dialogue from Deathly Hallows in this entry, for which I beg pardon of JKR, in the unlikely event she should find herself reading this bit of HP porn fic. That dialogue is entirely JKR's and nought to do with me. The rest of this travesty fic, I take full responsibility for.
Snape always had a sharp tongue, and I don't mind if he uses it on the staff, other adults, but it troubles me when I hear him berating the students, especially when it's not subject-related, but a condemnation of what he feels are their faults.
So when he mocked poor Mr Longbottom, I could only think of dear Frank, of how kind he was, of what a cruel fate he had suffered, and I encouraged Neville to make of his boggart a mockery in return.
Of course the word spread after class.
Journal of Severus Snape.
I did not wish it, but I had to see him after his unprofessional display of unmitigated gall.
The fact he was expecting me did not go unnoticed.
'Why are you seeking to provoke me? Is it some perverse aspect of Lycanthropy of which I am unaware?'
Lupin bowed his head. I could not help it. I began to grow hard.
'My apology, Severus. I admit I could not resist, but I should have. I'm sorry.'
Off-balance and uncomfortable, I sneered and made to exit.
He sighed in a dramatic fashion.
'Why am I not surprised? You've never accepted my apology, not then, not from me nor from Regulus, so why would you now?'
This stopped me, incredulous in my tracks.
'What the bloody hell are you blabbing about, Lupin? What apology? Regulus?'
His face grew grave, his expression sad and almost haunted.
'For the incident in the Shrieking Shack. For having gormless friends that were not thinking, just reacting. For almost killing you when I wasn't in my right mind. God and Merlin, Severus, but I am sorry still to this day and will be until I cross the veil.'
'What does Regulus have to do with that?'
He looked pole-axed.
'When you sent back my letters unanswered, unread, I sent you an apology through Regulus. I would have sent it via Lily, but she might have asked questions I didn't care to answer, so...' Lupin looked troubled. 'He said he'd give it to you, but didn't guarantee a reply. I never heard from you so I assumed my apology was not accepted.'
It left my lips before I could think better of it. 'Reg never gave me anything from you.'
Lupin sighed tiredly and nodded, now merely sad. 'Well, I expect it wouldn't have mattered, even if he had.'
But he was wrong.
Later that evening, I retrieved my fifth year journal from my vault.
I re-read my entries after the Shrieking Shack incident.
And I dreamt.
30 October 1993
RJL here.
Great Merlin, what a muddle!
It began when I found Harry walking alone in the corridor earlier, after all the other students save the 1st and 2nd years had gone to Hogsmeade. I don't know why he didn't go, but he was alone and all of us had been instructed to watch over him. Merlin knows, Sirius Black would find him a tempting target.
I invited him to my office on the pretext of seeing a grindylow, but glad of the chance to chat with him, to see how much of my old friends were present in this boy.
I had completely forgotten about my last batch of Wolfsbane and whilst Harry was in my office, Snape came with the goblet full.
He was startled to see Harry, it was obvious, but he recovered and brought me the medicine.
I was glad of a chance to drink it less than simmering hot and managed to get Snape to leave, leaving the potion.
Harry was suspicious, but I merely smiled at the echoes of James in him. I wondered if hatred toward Snapes was genetic.
I took the Wolfsbane and Harry left. Not long after he was gone, my office door flew open and Snape stormed back in.
'Come for your goblet? I'm afraid I've yet to wash it,' I said.
'What did you want with Potter?'
I was stunned. 'Excuse me.'
'You had Potter in here, alone, in your office, on a Hogsmeade weekend when most of the students are gone, and half the faculty is in Hogsmeade.'
'I found him wandering the corridor, alone. We were instructed to keep an eye on him as per discussed security measures, and I--'
'You, a known homosexual, invite an adolescent boy into your office. How long were you alone with him before I got there?'
His insinuations were not merely insulting, but upsetting, and I responded in kind.
'You are homosexual or possibly bisexual, as well, Snape. How often do you invite adolescent boys into your office? How often are you alone with one?'
His black eyes flashed indignation. 'The Headmaster views my thoughts on a regular basis! I have nothing to hide from him and he could testify on my behalf before the Wizengamot. I've never looked at any of these dunderheads in anything but a perfectly appropriate manner.'
I was taken aback. 'The Headmaster views your thoughts?'
He stood straighter. 'Aye. He seeks my counsel on various issues and at times wishes to view things for himself, rather than have them related to him. So he has access to my thoughts at his discretion.'
I did not hesitate. 'Then look at mine.'
He sneered. 'Don't think I won't.'
'I know you will.' I stood now and stepped right up to him. 'Go ahead.'
Then he grabbed me by the shoulders and moved close enough to kiss me. I could smell his liquorice-scented breath.
'Legilimens!'
I pulled free of his mind, found myself holding him up, keeping him from measuring his length on the floor.
'You...' I did not know what I intended to say. I knew what I wished to say, but it would not leave my mouth.
That so-familiar black gaze was angry, desperate, anguished, fervent and bleak. As I watched, a tear slid down his austere face and I moved closer to touch it, to stroke it away, to take some of his pain and all of his loneliness.
'Severus.'
Then he quickly pulled away and strode out the door.
31 October 1993.
RJL here.
Another All Hallow's Eve, but this time things are different.
Having shared all I did with Severus last night, having drunk the potion he painstakingly brewed to ensure my well-being, having learnt some of what I thought I already knew and made discoveries about old friends long gone, I felt different.
Stronger, capable, free.
For so long ghosts had haunted me. Today was the first day they found places of honourable rest.
I was glad of it.
RJL again.
I wasn't sure what to expect. He wasn't at breakfast. He wasn't at lunch.
Given my circumstances I was already excused for dinner.
I would have to see him when he brought my last dose of Wolfsbane this afternoon. Unless, of course, he gave the task to someone else or one of the House elves.
The thought he would totally excise me from his life saddened me as nothing ever had.
Severus Snape was the last tie I had to my childhood, to better days, to friendship. To love.
I did not want to lose it so soon.
As I sat lost in thoughts in my office a strange rustling sound impinged on my awareness and I looked up to find a paper dragonfly hovering toward me, then alighting on my quill.
My heart skipped a beat as my suddenly nerveless fingers plucked it up and carefully unfolded it.
Your Wolfsbane is ready. My quarters.
Journal of Severus Snape.
I do not know what possessed me, what possesses me. I only know what I must do and that it is right.
There were but a few hours before nightfall, but that was enough. Then I would exorcise old demons as he became one, one tamed by the potion I'd made.
The knock on my door was not hesitant and my heart began to race.
I waved my wand to permit him entrance.
His eyes sought mine, then the smoking goblet on my table.
He crossed over to it, lifted it and smiled.
'Thank you, Severus.'
He swallowed it down as quickly as he could manage, then wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and set the goblet back down.
'Pity it can't be made more palatable.'
I found I could say nothing.
His presence had me dumbstruck.
I moved closer, then so did he.
We met in the middle of the room, and I was beset by old ghosts, old memories.
His scent had not changed. It was like homecoming, like the welcome smell of a safe, familiar place.
His mannerisms had not changed. He had gained more height, a bit more weight, but was otherwise the same. He held me in the same manner and it was like he had truly missed me.
His lips had not changed. Slightly chapped, warm and soft, they moved beneath mine in an enticing dance that was heightened by the introduction of his tongue to mine.
The potion tasted horrid, but underneath it tasted of toffee and chocolate and the spicy flavour that was Remus Lupin.
I was harder than I'd ever been, holding him tightly against me as I reacquainted myself with his lips, his hands, his body.
He moaned and his mouth slid to my neck where he gently bit then sucked and I shook in his arms as I began to come.
To my shock, he let me go to fall to one knee. A wave of his wand had my spasming cock naked to the air and several more spurts striped his face with pearly seed, even as one of his hands caressed my bollocks and his other worked at his trousers until he had himself in hand, frigging his own heavy, spurting cock.
I could do nothing but gasp and groan as he sat back on his haunches and swiped at my spend with a hand and licked it off his fingers, as if he was starved, as if it was flavoursome.
'I've missed that,' He sighed, satisfaction in every syllable. 'I've missed the taste of you.'
Then he stood back up and began to kiss me and I was surprised to find the taste was not bitter.