InsaneJournal

LMoM#30 by odogoddess - 'Just wanna reach to the real you inside'
Title: 9 Jan 1994 - 24 Jun 1995, 'Just wanna reach to the real you inside'
Author: psyfic
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Remus/Severus
Kink(s): oral sex, orgasm delay, fisting
Challenge: Lusty Month of May 2009
Word count: 1,360

Author's note: If you are reading this for the first time, please go to the first entry and start reading there. Otherwise, this saga may not make any sense at all. Thanks!



9 Jan 1994

Journal of Severus Snape.

Unbelievable. That is how I would currently classify my life. I must be in a dream, for such things do not happen to me except in my dreams.

I woke to the most intensely pleasurable sensation of Remus holding and stroking my hardness as he scrupulously licked and sucked my bollocks in a wickedly slow pattern.

Groaning alerted him to my wakefulness.

'Happy Birthday, Severus,' he murmured, before stroking me some more and moving up to swirl his tongue under my foreskin.

I tensed and he tightened his grip, successfully reducing my need to climax. 'Merlin...'

He chuckled and returned to slowly licking me to a near-mindless state of pleasure.

I saw a jar float by and groaned again. It was the lubricant he preferred, a slick and flavourful product that had a slight cooling affect.

Soon his fingers were at work applying it to my entry. His tongue did not cease working, although his other hand slid off me, only to return a moment later, slick and cool against my heated, swollen flesh.

Those fingers began to slide up and down, as well as in and then out, an entreaty I gasped at, then tried to ignore. Pleasurable as it was, it remained a surfeit of overindulgence.

He tightened his grip again, ensuring I did not climax, as well as increasing the magnitude of the one that would eventually overcome his efforts.

'Dear sweet Merlin...'

'Severus, you're over-thinking.'

I closed my eyes and tried not to thrust as he worked his fingers in deeper and slid them back out, over and over. I tried not to think, hard as I was, and when those fingers rubbed over my prostate I succeeded.

'That's it, Severus, yes.'

Oh, yes. Yes, yes, yes, yes, YES... Sweet merciful Merlin...

'Mm...'

Which is how I ended up oversleeping and missing breakfast at the High Table.









RJL here.

'I take it, Severus, that you enjoyed your lie-in?'

I cleared my throat and hid a smile as Severus choked a bit on his tea, which helped explain away his red face. We'd missed breakfast and had not had time for sustenance until lunch.

'Indeed,' Severus said in a slightly hoarse tone, clearing his throat. 'It's not often I indulge.'

'Good for you, Severus,' Minerva said approvingly, across from Dumbledore.

'Yes.' The Headmaster said mildly, sipping at his own tea. 'A nice lie-in can be most refreshing.'

His expression, however, remained as mild as ever

My keen nose smelled disapproval. I could not fathom it.

'It's one thing about working here that I've come to appreciate,' I noted.

Dumbledore nodded, but he merely essayed, 'I'm pleased to hear it. And, if I may enquire, are the extra lessons with young Harry scheduled?'

'In point of fact, his first lesson is tonight.'

'Excellent.' He seemed pleased, but as he looked from me to Severus, I could scent disapproval again and I wondered at it.







10 Mar 1994

RJL here.

Goodness, but Severus is a surprising lover at times.

He slept over in my quarters and woke me with a most welcome and unexpected display of affection.

He was kissing me, slowly and intently, working from my sleepy mouth and slack cheeks, to my stubbled jaw and downward.

I woke fully as he gently bit and sucked my nipples, and moaned as he lightly skimmed the underside of my waking erection to concentrate on sucking on my perineum.

'Oh, Severus.'

'Steady on...'

His clever fingers worked at my opening. I could feel the slickness and knew what he intended, nearly coming at the thought.

He began to slide them in and out and around and I moaned and tried to push back, but he made a tutting sound and waited until I settled back down.

'There now.' He pushed my legs aside and urged them back and I accepted them, holding them up and back, knees to my shoulders. 'That's it.'

I shuddered as his fingers slid deep inside, and keened as he made a fist inside me, knuckles rubbing my prostate with each gentle twist of his wrist.

The sound of his deep voice whispering entreaties as he fisted me in more than one way overcame my every defence.

This was how we both missed breakfast.

Again, I scented the disapproval in the Headmaster, and it was how I began to realise there was more going on at Hogwarts than I had been led to believe.








RJL again.

As I half-expected, the Headmaster called me into his office after my last class of the day.

'Ah, Remus. Good. How are you faring, my boy?'

I could hear nothing but sincerity, but my nose spoke of something dark, something unpleasant.

'I'm really quite enjoying being an instructor, Headmaster. It's not something I ever envisioned being given the opportunity to do.'

'I'm pleased to hear it. Of course, there are many things a person of your experience could ascribe to.'

Which was true if one was willing to overlook the laws put in place to keep werewolves from working at all. I merely nodded and smiled.

'And Harry's lessons? How are those going?'

'I do believe he might make a breakthrough soon. He has been working so hard, it's really a privilege to see the effort he puts behind learning defence.'

'Good, good. That is gratifying to hear.'

For the first time, I scented approval. I wondered just what was going on, but I somehow sensed it would be some time before I learnt the whole of it.








10 June 1994

Journal of Severus Snape.

What a fool. I've been a blind and utter fool.

My only consolation is having been able to break my silence regarding Lupin's true nature, as well as his duplicity.

What is worse than his betrayal is that he did it for the sake of that murdering bastard.

I am well shut of them both, although I hope I am the one to catch Black. I intend to pay him back in full for the many grievances I bear which he has fostered.









RJL here.

It was the worst night of my life, even counting that horrible day James and Lily were murdered. The day I thought Peter had been killed.

I can scarcely believe little Peter was the traitor all along. And Sirius... my feelings are at sea. To be innocent of the murders, but to be guilty of having destroyed not only my first attempt at a relationship with Severus, but to have utterly shredded the one we had...

I don't know what I will do. I don't see how Severus could ever forgive me.









24 June 1995

It has been one year. One entire year that Albus knew the truth of things. He knew Black was innocent.

I'm a fool twice over.

He tried to tell me. Lupin tried to reason with me, but my reason flies in the face of that smug, murderous bastard.

I can believe Black did not intend to kill Lily, that he truly felt it was best to make Pettigrew the Secret Keeper, but I cannot believe he did not intend to kill me our fifth year. I know better.

So the mutt still belongs in Azkaban. Twelve years is but a small piece of the price he has yet to pay.

But I am expected to work with him now. To be civil.

To see him during Order meetings as he sits there, smug in his self-delusional belief of utter innocence and his appropriation of what once belonged to me.

Lupin stays close by his side, I noted.

I may not be aware of all the nuances of a relationship. I may never have had one of my own which could be classified as 'normal,' whatever that has come to mean in common parlance. But I recognise one when it exists.

If those two aren't shagging, then I'll eat the Sorting Hat.

I'm not sure how I feel about it. I'm not sure I want to feel anything.

Things were much simpler before I unbent enough to allow him into my life.

I cannot allow myself to dwell, either.

The Dark Lord will surely grow suspicious if I show any inkling of personal interest toward anyone.

Now that he has returned, my life must, per force, be separated into work and surveillance, and neither must be allowed to suffer, not for any reason.

Most especially not for something I lost before I ever truly believed I had it.







on to entry #31