InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "There is no spoon. "

Z. Luc Haust // Apollōn (radiantdelphi) wrote in paxletalelogs,
@ 2011-09-26 19:23:00

Entry tags:

apollo, pahana

i wanna do right by you..
Who: Luc and Joaquin.
What: First look at the commissions.
Where: Apartment D1 and 505. Mostly 505.
When: Sometime on Monday, September 12, 2011.
Warnings: lol. Awkwaaaard.
Notes: First time these two have been alone in each other's presence in the past month after this.. ohman. :X And, completed! :D

Luc couldn't lie, he had sort of been dreading whenever he had to collect on his commissioned works from Joaquin. Of course, it helped that Joaquin hadn't been too bothered to keep him updated on how things were going (Luc would have found a way to manage it if he had, but he was grateful he didn't have to), and also that Luc had been busy himself with work - so that even if Joaquin had called, he probably would have been too busy (legitimately) to find time. Especially now with Harvey cutting back on a lot of his usual duties as far as directing flow of calls and the like in order to work more on his new business endeavors. Luc couldn't really be mad at his friend (and he did consider Harvey to be a friend, not just an employee) for wanting to move forward with his career, but it was rather inconvenient at times. More often than it wasn't, truthfully - but, like always, Luc found a way to deal.

But, of course, when he finally did get that text from Joaquin, it was on the one day in the past month that he seriously had nothing scheduled. All day. The rest of the week? Packed solid, including a day in Dallas.

He debated on ignoring the text under the claim of being busy. Yeah, busy avoiding you. He tossed that idea away as his gaze flitted over his bedroom door as it was panning over his surroundings - and he knew that, with how he was still waiting on finalizing a lot of his bedroom redecoration decisions until he saw the paintings, he couldn't really put it off. If he didn't address it today, it probably wasn't going to get to it until late next week. The thought of having to stay in the disaster zone that was his bedroom right now, mid-redecoration.. well, it set his fingers to typing a response to Joaquin before he could even talk himself out of it.

I'll be down to check them out in half an hour or so, just let me finish up here.

He didn't stop long enough to let himself think, setting his phone down so he could take a shower and dress himself - light t-shirt, khaki shorts, brown sandals, easy enough. His hair was a clean mess, only a little bit towel-dried - though, with how he'd only taken ten minutes to shower and get ready, he was debating on blow-drying it. Even if that was more than slightly ridiculous, even to Luc. He was feeling more than a little ridiculous right now, however..

He settled on shaving, being more careful than usual (blaming it on the new razor he employed, but knowing fully well it was just to kill time) as he handled the task. He managed to drag that out to fifteen minutes, and it still wasn't enough.

But, he knew he still needed a drink before setting off down this road of potential disaster. For real.

Luc made his way to the bar, pouring himself a heavy helping of his usual. He was unable to resist eyeing the time on his BlackBerry as he swirled the drink in his glass, turning over what he remembered of Vegas over in his mind a few times.

The thought of Joaquin's body beneath his own made him gulp the scotch down in one, and even Luc Haust had to wince at the burn that took over his nostrils when he exhaled.

Luc would still maintain he didn't remember the details - he'd decided that the day after it happened, and nothing was changing his mind on that one. Christ, he hadn't even had time to think about anything since he'd gotten back to California, let alone what the fuck he'd been thinking when that whole night's debauchery had happened.. and until Luc could actually stop and think about things, he was going to let it lie.. by perhaps telling a few little white lies.

In his defense, however, there was a lot of things that were still fuzzy to Luc - so he could tell himself it wasn't a total lie (except that it was, considering how he'd put some of the less fuzzy recollections to, well, good use - more than once or twice). He had been dangerously drunk - moreso than even Joaquin probably realized, as he'd managed to keep from puking until after they'd gone to their respective rooms of the suite.

"All right," Luc said to himself, helping himself to another shot to settle his jangling nerves. He traded his empty glass for the keys he'd set on the bar, and made sure to grab his checkbook and wallet before heading out the door to the elevator. He fidgeted with his phone the whole way down, shooting off a couple responses to a few people for work to keep his hands busy. The DING when it came to the fifth floor seemed more ominous.

No matter how slow he tried to walk, his long legs ate the distance between the elevator and Joaquin's door - and he was there faster than he'd ever wanted to be.

There was this one part of him still leftover from things that never got, ahem, finished in Vegas.. but Luc was quick to dismiss it, shaking his head and letting out a deep breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding - and knocked.

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pahana
2011-09-27 07:07 am UTC (link)

Joaquin was horribly shy - that was just all there was to it. Building up confidence in social situations took a lot of time and/or alcohol, but very, very little to shatter it again. It wasn't an unfamiliar scenario for him to go through, but what had happened with Luc was an entirely different matter. Joaquin didn't even like thinking about it now, but it came to mind more often than he liked anyway.

Hard not to think about Luc when he was spending all of his time painting for the man. Mostly he was working on the paintings way more than he'd usually work on a commission. He really, really wanted to be done with them already. It wasn't like he wanted to avoid Luc now, far from it, but the situation had just turned into such a mess after the incident in Vegas. How the hell does someone bounce back from that? The farthest he'd ever been with someone, ever, this stupid twenty-five year old virgin that he was... and then, y'know, he got called Nate. Nate, who was apparently dead and Luc who was apparently thinking of him instead.

Yeah, that was enough to keep him from trying to get close again. Luc keeping his distance led him to the conclusion that it was a somewhat mutual feeling. And yet... Joaquin still felt intrigued, still wanted to try, and even he couldn't explain it to himself. Until the whole Nate thing had come up... He'd felt more comfortable with Luc than he'd ever felt being physical with someone. Granted, he was drunk, but not that drunk. Being drunk didn't make him comfortable with someone. It made him a bit braver, yes, but there had to be something there before.

He felt brave again today. Somehow. He'd finished the paintings yesterday and today he was being bold enough to decide that yes, they really were done and he was going to invite Luc over to see them. Via text. Not that brave. Still.

Hey, I think I might be done. When you're free you should come by and see if everything's good with you. I'll be around all day today and tomorrow.

After getting Luc's response, Joaquin set to making himself look like less of a mess. Paint-splattered sweats and an old tshirt were switched with jeans and a button-up, and his just-barely-long-enough hair was tied back into a tiny ponytail. He still felt like a mess, but there wasn't much time to really clean up nicely. Especially not with the way he was trying to clean up the apartment... Which was failing spectacularly. Before he could really tidy up anything he heard a knock at the door, sending him into a state of panic.

After a moment he finally opened the door, smiling nervously at the other man. Still gorgeous, unfortunately. Probably still ridiculously charming too. "Hey. Um, c'mon in. I'm sorry, it's a total wreck in here, uh..."

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radiantdelphi
2011-09-27 07:08 pm UTC (link)

Luc had secretly been hoping the door would never open. Not that that would have ultimately helped his situation of trying to get his bedroom off his to-do list, but it was just the first thought that came to mind as he stood there those few seconds dreading when it opened. It was a futile hope, but it somehow helped calm him down a little.

Until it actually did open, of course. That just sent an alien storm of butterflies fluttering loose.

Luc faltered for half a second as his eyes flicked down to Joaquin's lips, as it was like he could taste him all over again..

" - Hey," he found himself saying as if on reflex, meeting the brunet's eyes before moving past him into the apartment as casually as he could manage. He ended up doing better than he figured he would. Huh. Maybe that scotch really had helped. It sure didn't help with the wanting, though - but he'd gotten good at ignoring things like that anyway. "Don't worry about it. You're the one who's gotta live here," he smiled instinctively at the attempted jest, hoping it'd at least work somewhat at putting Joaquin more at ease. Hell, he'd take anything at that point.

With a dismissive wave of one hand, he looked around the space - not judgmentally, of course (Luc didn't consider it his place to judge anyone else in their living habits). Mostly appraising the different pieces of work he could see from where he was stopped to allow Joaquin to take the lead.

“It's good you caught me today,” he remarked, studying one particular landscape carefully before allowing himself to look at the other man again. “I'm busy all this week and into next – I don't know when I would've been able to come by before then.” A slight, helpless shrug. “Everyone's apparently wanting to get albums together for next year, hopefully before Christmas – some of them are dreaming, but who's gonna tell them, right?” He laughed a little and shoved his hands into his pockets, wanting to keep his long extremities as checked as possible, for fear of knocking something important of Joaquin's over.

Of course, he couldn't help the idle small talk. It was his best defense mechanism, after all – best of a mere few, but nevertheless. That, and drinking, but idle small talk was much healthier.

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pahana
2011-09-27 09:47 pm UTC (link)

Joaquin smiled at Luc's little joke, nodding. "I suppose you're right. It's um... Well, it's a nice place to live even if I um, don't really decorate it that well." If he really wanted to, of course Joaquin could decorate the place better - but he didn't really care. It was a mishmash of knick-knacks he'd accumulated over the years, tacked up prints he'd made of his photography in hopes of inspiration, framed works of favourite artists.

"Oh, um, really?" Maybe he shouldn't have called today, then. "Guess um, I just had good timing or something, then..." He didn't really think so - it felt more like an unfortunate coincidence - but he was at least going to be polite and not more awkward than he already was. He led Luc into the living room - which seemed the incorrect name, it was more like a room for painting that happened to have a very, very rarely used couch in it - most of his time spent in the room was near the window, painting, and when did he ever have guests over? "Sounds, um... hectic."

The two canvases for Luc were propped up side by side on two easels, and as soon as Joaquin spotted them again, he felt impossibly self-conscious. Was he going to like them? What if he didn't? He'd tried a few times to keep him updated, but their schedules didn't really seem to work and... really, it was so much easier to just avoid the man to save them both from the awkwardness of the situation. Gesturing toward them with his hand, he swallowed nervously, forcing a smile. "So um... Here they are. If there's like-- um, anything you want changed, let me know..."

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radiantdelphi
2011-09-27 11:47 pm UTC (link)

Luc was quiet as he looked over his commissioned works, lips pursed ever-so-slightly in contemplation. His hand came up to rub his knuckles against the smooth line of his jaw, pausing for a few extra moments to take some steps closer for better inspection of the brush strokes and details.

Truthfully, he loved them. They were pretty much exactly what they'd discussed as far as the “Sunrise in Vegas” theme Luc came up with – and, as he looked more closely at the palette, a lot of the choices he'd given himself in coloring for his room were pretty spot-on. A few slight changes here and there, and he'd finally be done with that project. Thank God, because his to-do list needed to be uncluttered some. Desperately.

He brought his fingers from his face to the canvas, glancing feather-light there before turning back to Joaquin, returning his hand to its respective pocket.

“If I'd said that I wanted to go a complete different direction with these, how pissed off would you be?” he asked, one eyebrow arching as a sly little smirk played across his lips. He had to bite back at it to keep it from turning into a full-fledged Cheshire grin, but he managed.

Of course he was kidding - Luc wasn't an asshole in the sense of actually asking Joaquin to start completely over. He was just an asshole for joking about doing it, which wasn't nearly as bad. Although, considering it was his $5K, Luc figured he could pretty much ask Joaquin to do whatever he wanted and he'd probably get it.. which only made him think of things he'd paid (significantly less) for in Vegas.. which kind of made that train of thought go to other things that happened in Vegas..

Oh, right. They weren't in Vegas anymore. And, you know what they say about what happened in Vegas.

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pahana
2011-09-28 12:22 am UTC (link)

Joaquin held his breath as he studied Luc's face, trying to determine what exactly the man thought of the paintings. He'd tried his best to follow what Luc wanted, with his own personal touch, of course, but fuck if it wasn't nerve-wracking. Luc wasn't someone he felt he could just ignore the opinion of. He cared. Probably too much, and he didn't really want to think about why, but he did.

The man's words made the colour drain from his face, blinking a few times. "Um - well - I um..." Giving Luc another look, he bit his lip before he spoke again. "You're kidding, right? Um... I mean of course it's okay if - if you don't like it or want something new or to start from scratch, but..." He had the feeling Luc was kidding, but how could he be sure? He'd changed his mind about the paintings before - granted, before he'd started them, but... Maybe he was just being paranoid.

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radiantdelphi
2011-09-28 12:43 am UTC (link)

Luc's eyes went wide for a second before he burst into laughter. He pulled his checkbook out when he removed his hands from his pockets to stifle his amusement somewhat.

“Of course I'm kidding - Jesus H.” He had to roll his eyes despite his bright grin, shooting Joaquin a sideways look of disapproval. He mocked offense at the suggestion that he would have seriously asked the other man to start all over again – for free. “Are you serious? Do you really think I'm that much of an asshole?” He snorted a laugh and looked back at the paintings, the admiration clear on his expression this time. “I would at least offer you more money if I were gonna do that.” Joaquin should know that much about Luc by now – he was overly generous with funding.

Well, Joaquin could probably protest that yes, Luc was an asshole for making out with him and calling him someone else's name, and then again for avoiding him – even if most of the 'avoiding' was merely the convenience of being busy for the first time in awhile. And Luc couldn't really argue the fact that, yeah, he kind of was. Sure, he felt shitty about it (really shitty, in fact – but it was really better this way, wasn't it?), but he told himself (over and over and over again) that it would salvage what little friendship they had if he just feigned ignorance. And then it wasn't really a lie, right? If he just said he didn't remember? Like pleading the fifth, kind of..

Except that it was a lie.

He filled out the check, neat and quick like he'd practiced a million times before (and he had). $2,500 paid to the order of: Joaquin Barton. Luc scripted Joaquin's name (he'd never admit how he kind of liked writing it out) and printed the rest, save his signature. He noted “commission: paid in full” on the memo line before handing it over to Joaquin.

He eyed the paintings again, and it felt like money well spent. And, hell, it was the least he could do. He almost wanted to throw in a bonus, but felt that would be way too obvious a gesture.. or something.

“I think the lighting in here's better than in my room right now – do you think I could take some pictures of them here to send to a couple friends of mine?” He pulled his BlackBerry out of his pocket then, selecting the camera option on it. “You never know, I may be able to get you some referrals.” He offered the other man a slight smile and a helpless shrug, like it was the best apology he could muster for how bad he felt about all that had happened between them.

That he, you know, didn't remember.

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pahana
2011-09-28 04:58 am UTC (link)

Exhaling heavily, Joaquin couldn't help but laugh in relief, running his hands through his hair as he shook his head. "No, I just... I guess I'm just... um, stressed," he smiled weakly. "You're not an asshole." He meant it - he wasn't sure what Luc thought of him after their... incident, but he didn't want Luc to feel like Joaquin hated him or anything. He didn't. Of course it'd been an awkward experience, and not exactly a good one at all, but this was complicated shit, not just Luc being a douchebag or something like that. No one had a breakdown like that over a little thing, especially not someone as collected as Luc was.

Maybe he was just overthinking all of this...

Joaquin smiled again as he folded the check and slid it into his jeans pocket - he'd deposit it later today once Luc had gone back to his apartment, along with whatever other errands he needed to get done. Pick up something for dinner, call it a night. God, if he wasn't just the biggest party animal, huh?

"Oh, um, go right ahead. I'm um, never one to say no to publicity..." Of his artwork, anyway. Not that he thought anyone cared about him enough to give him much attention. "So um... you're happy, then? I can fix up anything, if you want."

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radiantdelphi
2011-09-28 06:12 am UTC (link)

Luc's brows notched barely at the mention of stress - and he hoped none of it had to do with him, but he wasn't stupid. He'd let it slide, though. Like everything else, as long as it meant not having to talk about things he didn't remember anyway.

"There's nothing to fix," Luc reassured him, tucking the checkbook back into the pocket he'd brought it in. He managed to pull his blue eyes away from the canvas to meet Joaquin's face, just to punctuate the remark. And so it had more meaning when he smiled at the other man. "They came out wonderfully - I mean it. I love them. Really." He didn't know why he felt so compelled to make sure that Joaquin didn't trip about the quality of work, but he did. And he really did know why he cared, but he wasn't willing to address it - like so many other things. "You did a fantastic job. Thank you."

He looked down at his Movado to check the time. Like he actually had a schedule today or something. Pfft. Or maybe just so he didn't have to look Joaquin in the eyes any longer than necessary. "You can bring them by later - I have some, uh, things to do, but I'll be sure to leave the door unlocked for you as long as you'll lock up after you leave." Of course, he would have to find said 'things to do,' but he was sure he could manage something. Even if it was just going down to CASKET so he wasn't sitting around the apartment whenever Joaquin brought them by. "You don't have to put them in the bedroom or anything - I mean, you can, but you don't have to."

Yeah, Luc especially didn't want to be around if Joaquin was going to be near the bedroom.

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radiantdelphi
2011-09-28 06:21 am UTC (link)

He moved closer to the paintings to snap a few photographs - and, yeah, probably a few more than he needed to, but he planned on going through the snapshots later and only sending the best of each to a few people he knew. Mostly people with money to burn, which was how it was supposed to work, right?

Not that Luc had a problem doing Joaquin the favor of sending potential clients his way - the man really did know how to paint, and he certainly deserved all the credit in the world. The artwork had turned out far better than Luc could have anticipated, and he was more than happy to pay it forward to others that could appreciate talent when they saw it. It was just.. well, he kind of thought he shouldn't do it - just because it might potentially be more cause for them to have to interact with each other unnecessarily. Not that Luc didn't want to be around Joaquin, it was actually because he did that he thought, maybe, it was better to just sever all ties.

But if that wasn't going to scream that Luc was obviously avoiding him, he didn't know what would.

So clearly he was in a lose/lose situation here - only because he'd had to go and let things get.. well, so fucking complicated. Go Team Haust. Fuckin' A. And now his only choice was to keep up appearances that everything was, indeed, normal. And hope to God that, if he convinced himself things were all right for long enough, they might be again.

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pahana
2011-09-29 07:04 am UTC (link)

Joaquin's face lit up with a smile - a real one this time, not a fake one for the sake of being polite or just trying to make things not so fucking awkward between them. He couldn't remember the last time he'd been so happy and relieved to hear that someone really loved what he'd painted for them. It was always great to hear, of course, but with some people it just meant a lot more. With one of his favourite artists? Understandable. With Luc? Kind of worrying.

"That's great. Thank you. Um... I'm really, really glad you like them." Fuck, I'm like a fucking teenage girl.

Joaquin ran a hand through his hair, confused. "Um, well I could always just take them now - but, um, if you want I can take them later." He supposed he could do errands first, paintings later. It was pretty obvious - or at least he thought so - that Luc wanted to avoid him. Yeah, it was really awkward, and maybe Joaquin needed to just let go of the whole thing, but he really didn't want to.

Fuck. When was he ever attached to people, especially this quickly? That was a plus with moving around so often - he didn't let himself get attached to anyone. Someone he thought was lovely might never see him again after a few days, so it wasn't something he did. Besides, he didn't really have any interest in this kind of thing for quite some time.

Fuuuuck.

Eyeing the paintings again, Joaquin shoved his hands deep into his pockets, unsure of what to say next.

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radiantdelphi
2011-09-29 09:04 am UTC (link)

God, but it was a relief when Joaquin actually fucking smiled. And here Luc was beginning to wonder if the other man was even capable of it.

It was actually really nice to see Joaquin smiling, as unsettling as the thought was to Luc.

“I – uh – well - ” He floundered over an excuse to not do that right now – tunneling his fingers through his longish hair in a halfassed effort to get his shit straight mentally. It didn't really help. “I – well, I can't really do it right now - ” With all this mythical 'stuff' he had to suddenly attend to and whatnot. “But, y'know, like – if it's easier on you, I guess you could? I mean, like, I can let you in and stuff, but then I really gotta jet..”

Jesus H, he felt like shit every time he made an excuse to the other man – and, yeah, sure, he hated lying to people in general (even if he did it all the time to people he worked with), but this was different. This was him hating having to lie to Joaquin. It wasn't about the generality of lying. Which was weird and uncomfortable and making him feel a little claustrophobic there, being in that room with him - alone in that room with him. And not just any room – in the living room of Joaquin's place. Which just seemed to compound it.

When his phone went off, he almost simultaneously jumped out of his skin and dropped to his knees to thank the universe. The ringtone was the bridge of “You and I” (unfortunately, it meant that it was an unknown number – as he'd set that for his default) – which only made Luc's throat tense up with something that only those reminding songs did to him.. and this song had apparently become one of those now as he stood there.

He dug the BlackBerry out of his pocket to silence it, allowing his gaze to lift from the screen (it was a Dallas, Texas number, which meant it was probably for work later this week – meaning he'd have to at least call them back promptly) to Joaquin's face. “Well, that's me,” he said with a weakly helpless smile. He sighed and shook his head, bringing his free hand up to rub at his cheek a little uncomfortably. “But - uh - how about I call you sometime?”

Godfuckingdamnit – why would he even offer that? That was usually the one action that could exacerbate these kinds of situations - especially if the call never ended up getting made. Luc actually knew a lot more about that than he would have liked to, but hey – he at least knew history had a tendency to repeat itself. And his history was riddled with forgotten call-backs – 90% of them being completely unintentional. Jesus. Way to go, Haust. Worst. Idea. Ever. Fuck.

If he hadn't fucked everything up enough already? This was gonna do it. Absolutely.

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pahana
2011-09-29 03:33 pm UTC (link)

"Oh, um - it's okay. It's fine. If you um, leave your place open I'll come back once I'm done running some errands and I'll bring them up." Maybe that'd just be less awkward. Joaquin was positive that being in Luc's bedroom again after all of this shit - especially with Luc - was just going to be too much. He'd just leave them in the living room and get the fuck out of there.

Joaquin nearly jumped when Luc's phone went off - both out of nerves and the song that happened to play. After they'd gotten back from Vegas, Joaquin had bought that album. While hiding it between all his other purchases at Target, yeah, but he did buy it. And listen to it more than he'd admit to. Still, it was hard to listen to "You and I" without thinking of Luc singing along to it on the road.

Heading toward the door to let Luc out, Joaquin smiled a little again at the offer of Luc calling him. "That'd be great," he nodded, opening the door before leaning back against the wall. Yeah, it was probably just a cop-out and he'd never hear from him again, probably just seeing him in the stairwell or the elevator or the lobby, but he'd come to that if that was the case.

"I mean uh, I know you're busy, but um... Yeah, you should call me when you're free sometime."

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radiantdelphi
2011-09-30 06:45 am UTC (link)

Luc stopped when he reached the doorframe, swallowing hard against the tightening in his throat when he turned around to look at Joaquin one more time. His pale eyes alighting over the other man's features for a long, tensely silent moment before he reached up to cup the darker-haired man's cheek, thumb sliding over the skin there. Just like he had in the car in Vegas when he'd found himself unable to say exactly how he felt about everything.

“I'll call you,” he found himself promising again, and it was almost like he had to say it again to reassure himself, not Joaquin.

He let his hand fall to his side and took a step back, not wanting to initiate any more physical contact between the two of them – well, he wanted to (and the more he looked at Joaquin, the more he did want to), but it just didn't seem.. well, it didn't seem right right then.

“Thank you again, for everything – you're amazing,” he said with a weak smile as he ducked out the door, moving towards the elevators – and it was almost like there was more to that thanks than just the paintings. Probably because there was.

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pahana
2011-09-30 08:11 am UTC (link)

Joaquin was left speechless as he felt Luc's hand rest against his cheek, staring ahead into the other man's eyes. God, that sounded so corny. Dear diary, today Luc came over and when he was leaving I stared into his eyes as he touched my cheek! Oh my fucking gosh! It was nice, though. Really nice. Like... Maybe all this complicated bullshit was getting acknowledged, somehow. He found himself smiling again, just a little as he nodded to Luc's promise.

"No, um, thank you, I'm really glad you like them." He ran a hand through his hair, looking away nervously. "So're you," he said softly, giving Luc a quick wave as he hurried toward the elevator, then closed the door and leaned against it.

Oh boy...

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