InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "U must think Im outta my mind"

CHAMBERS, samara b. (tracelines) wrote in pandorarpg,
@ 2011-12-18 16:02:00

Entry tags:

!status: complete, ^date: november 07 2003, character: elijah chambers, character: samara capper

Characters: Elijah Chambers & Samara Chambers
Setting: Chambers home, 7 November 2003, 10:12pm
Rating: R, for adult themes & language
Summary: Eli has been keeping secrets of his own.

It was certainly not every day that Chambers household was this quiet. In some small miracle, Samara's brother Benji had offered to watch Jason for the night which meant that they had the entire house to themselves; it was a rarity upon which she planned to indulge properly because the chances of it happening again anytime soon were rather slim.

Since these nightmares had started Samara had felt nothing but wound up, constantly on edge around her son and even around Eli but now that Jase was out of the house she felt like a weight had been lifted from her shoulders and maybe she should have asked for this sooner. Maybe all she needed was to get away from him for a little while, because she was always so worried that she was going to hurt him like she hurt the child in the nightmare. Drawing and painting didn't seem to ease the stress enough anymore and she had started smoking just within the last week and while that seemed to help some, it never was enough.

But here, now, with Jase gone with his uncle she felt light and for the first time she wasn't so sodding worried. She wanted to live and she had her husband with her which meant she certainly could find some way to enjoy the night more than just not having to watch her son. She knew that things had been tense lately, for all of them, so maybe this is just what they needed. They had already finished tea (more take-away) and she had no idea what Eli was actually doing but that obviously didn't matter. She tracked him down and ignoring whatever he had going on, sat herself down on his lap and smiled slyly at him. "Hi there."

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skittish
2011-12-25 09:29 pm UTC (link)

"All right," he said carefully. "So you want me to tell you everything." Not that he ever would and maybe he did treat her like someone who couldn't keep up, because in large part she wasn't. Few people were and most of them who had insight to how his brain really worked, the way he processed things - it didn't end well. Eli might no longer be the child who found birds in the backyard and found ways to take them a part, but he was that sort of person.

And he knew how to take apart Samara, not literally, but well enough to break into pieces he could manage. That was probably why he asked the following question. After all if she could ask it of him, why couldn't he expect the same of her. "Does that mean you already tell me everything? That you keep no secrets from me?"

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tracelines
2011-12-25 09:59 pm UTC (link)

No, this wasn't where she wanted to be at all. Why hadn't she turned around earlier and just given up? She'd backed herself into a corner and now what was she supposed to do? She could evade the subject altogether which would only mean he would know the answer anyway. She could tell the truth but then of course he would also know that she had a secret she was unwilling to tell. At this point it didn't really matter what route she decided to take, she was going to give something away.

Samara's eyes were filling with tears again, but it didn't really matter because she couldn't bear to look at him. "I have always tried to be completely honest with you, Eli. It's extremely important to me that you feel like you can trust me completely." This was the truth, but it was not an answer; she knew that and now she was just waiting to see what he would say to it.

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skittish
2011-12-25 10:52 pm UTC (link)

Eli let that answer hang between them a full minute. Imbuing his own meaning into the words she wasn't saying. And while it wasn't the only conclusion he arrived at, Eli decided that for tonight he was finished. This fight turned conversation wasn't going anywhere. He didn't think that anything was going to be resolved. So finally he stood up, letting out a long sigh.

"I trust you to leave me to shower, how's that for a start?" His words came out with a sort of finality as he stood up. As if he could pretend for a moment that what happened next didn't matter, he just didn't want to be doing this anymore. All this crying, the accusations. It was the exact opposite of the sex they were supposed to be having.

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tracelines
2011-12-25 11:12 pm UTC (link)

She didn't know how much she'd mucked up at that point, but she was certain it was enough to give him something to think about. When he got to thinking, that always meant he'd get somewhere eventually. She'd been keeping this from him for five years now, so how much longer would it be before he figured out just what she wasn't being honest with him about?

"I'm truly sorry, Eli," because there was nothing else left to be said. He might not know why she was sorry, but she was. She always would be infinitely sorry, no matter if she felt that it was the right thing to do. It still haunted her and now that Elijah Senior had passed away in Azkaban, she was the only one left in this world that held that particular secret and the weight of such a thing was strangulating.

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