InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "Must stay focused!"

Leon Vance (leon_vance) wrote in omega_reality,
@ 2012-11-16 14:26:00

Entry tags:

*complete, 2012 11, character: alexis castle, character: brian kinney, character: bud hammond, character: claudia donovan, character: derek morgan, character: derek reese, character: dominic vail, character: elaine barrish hammond, character: emily prentiss, character: g callen, character: john connor, character: margaret barrish, character: marty deeks, character: nell jones, character: robert callen, character: sam hanna, character: savannah monroe, character: sean hanna, character: tim riggins, character: troy bolton, dead: eric beale, dead: jenna hanna, dead: leon vance, dead: mike renko, dead: nick green, dead: sheldon cooper

RP: Arriving to their new home
Who: Everyone in the group
Where: San Nicolas Island, California
When: late November 16, 2012
Summary: It's time to come home

A direct drive wouldn't have taken long, five hours maybe, but they went anything but direct. First they drove east, then they backtracked, then they used less traveled roads, avoided areas with cameras until they reached Long Beach, California.

They drove to one of the marina where three boats were waiting for them under Leon's new identity. After loading their belongings, they drop the cars and vans to a nearby parking garage where they had long term spot already rented. They waited for the drivers to return, before finally leaving port.

One things that Leon hadn't forgotten was how to steer a boat from his Navy days. It was over eighty miles to the island. Eighty miles in the dark, with the cold winds and minimum coverage. Sam and Renko were steering the other two, following him, because they still had no idea where they were going. He had a feeling that his agents would like the island. Everyone else... they'd adapt.

(Read comments) - (Post a new comment)

Re: Brian/John (side of Robert)

johnbaum
2012-11-18 12:56 am UTC (link)

"Brian." John didn't reach for him again just yet. He'd been prepared to be pushed away. He hadn't been prepared for Brian to actually start telling the truth. Maybe that was why there was no censure or pity in his voice when he said Brian's name. Just compassion for the man he loved.

"I know what it's like to lose people you care about. Sometimes more than once since my world is supremely fucked up. But, at the same time, I also know I can't imagine what you went through because the only way I could is if I lost you. Then nothing else could ever matter." He wanted to reach up and brush Brian's cheek so badly, but he was afraid of spooking him, now that he was talking. So, he didn't go far. He wasn't going to let there be enough distance between them that Brian could mistake it for acceptance that things could just end like this because he was afraid. But, John wasn't physically pushing into his comfort zone anymore, either, giving him a little room to breathe.

The idea of a funeral stopped him. Even though he'd explained to Savannah, he'd been too pissed off at the moment to really grasp that there'd been a funeral for him. That was just surreal. "You were grieving, Brian. That's not pathetic. It's human. And this is who you are. You're a caring man, Brian. That isn't something you became because of us. It's something that's always been there. You don't care about their rules or their morals, but you care about people. You take care of the people around you, your friends and the people that are like family to you. That didn't start here. You were like that before, with Michael and Lindsay and Debbie and your friends in Pittsburgh. You're no better at cutting yourself off from people than I am, you're just better at sounding like a charming asshole to cover for it."

Very slowly, he reached out to take Brian's hand. Nothing else. Just holding his hand. "I know you were hurt and you're still hurting and it'll take time to get over that. I'll back off, if that's what you need. But, I'm not going to just go away, Brian. You can try to stop caring, but I'll still care about you and I'll still be here for you." Biting his lip, John swallowed before continuing. "Even if you never let me in again, I'm going to be here waiting for the day you do because I love you and I know you love me, even if you're afraid to feel it right now."

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Re: Brian/John (side of Robert)

b_kinney
2012-11-18 02:41 am UTC (link)

"You think I'm afraid to care? I wish that were possible. When Justin was hit, I spent the night at the hospital not knowing if he'd live or die. We spend the next few days wondering. I felt nothing. I was completely numb, and let me tell you, it was the best feeling in the world." Mike had hugged him once, but there hadn't been any of the pain he could feel now. He was utterly numb.

"Nothing I've done helped. Not even a bit. Sex, drugs, alcohol, nothing made me numb. Nothing. I don't know how to stop ..." He pulled his hand away and ran his fingers through his hair. "I need a drink."

It wasn't just his mind that needed that drink. His body needed it too after sixteen long days of living of liquid courage. He could feel the involuntary movements of his eyelids, the gentle tremor in his hands. It wasn't bad, nothing like what his father had gone through at times, but it was still there. It was strange, because he'd always had a good tolerance. Then again, sixteen days were a lot of bottles of beer, whiskey, vodka, and whatever else he got his hands on.

"Do you know the worse part? I couldn't even take E. E would have made me happy, but I didn't want to be happy. I didn't want to associate that buzz with your death," he admitted. "So alcohol it was. The one thing I said I'd never do, turn into my father." He closed his hands into tight to stop the tremor before opening them again. "Is there a place I can sleep tonight? Not there, not with people. I can't deal... not sober."

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Re: Brian/John (side of Robert)

johnbaum
2012-11-18 03:31 am UTC (link)

John's lips thinned, but he wasn't angry at Brian. He was angry at pretty much everyone else, whoever had watched him spiral down like this and not been there to help him. He'd told Savannah he was afraid people were too used to letting John 'deal' with Brian, that they wouldn't think to have his back when it counted. But, he hadn't thought it would be like this. "No, I think you're in pain and you associate it with caring and love and you just want to stop all of it so you can stop hurting. I also don't think it will work and I think you know it, too, and that's part of why you feel like you have to push me away.

"But you're not your father, Brian. No matter how much of the last couple weeks have been spent drinking, you're not your father. Maybe it's my own personal conceit, but I'd be surprised as hell if you were able to deal with my death and cope without alcohol after only a couple weeks. Not because you're pathetic or like your father, but because you don't just get over something like that. It takes time. A lot of time. More than two weeks." John thought sometimes that his mother never had gotten over his father's death. And, he knew Derek hadn't.

"I wouldn't want to be happy, either, if our places had been reversed," he added with a sigh.

The only thing he really wanted to do was hug Brian tightly and hold on forever...or at least until he figured out how to help him. But, he was near that border of pushing too much and he didn't want to do that. So, watched in helpless silence as Brian picked a little at the metaphoric scab over the wound. He had to think a moment about where the best location would be, then he nodded. "Yeah, I can arrange a place. Let me stay with you? Separate sleeping bags. Opposite sides of the room if you like. But, let me stay with you so you're not alone? Please."

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Re: Brian/John (side of Robert)

b_kinney
2012-11-18 03:57 am UTC (link)

"This... you... it'd be easier if you were dead, it'd be over, but you're not. You're here, and you're alive, and I can't go through this again, John." The tears were falling down his face, but he wasn't hiding now. He was a fag; he might as well embrace another stereotype. "I don't know how to stop it from happening, because you will do something stupid someday, because you and Derek are people who want to save the world, and I will have to deal with your death again. And this time you won't come back from the dead."

His fingers raked John's hair before they tightened at that back of John's head and he pressed their foreheads together. "I've never loved anyone as much as I love you," he whispered. "I wish I could make it stop. It'd be so much easier. Just end it and go somewhere else, live until I die, not care for anything, but you are here and I can't go anymore.

"Different rooms, different sides, doesn't make any difference." A few feet of separation wouldn't make him stop feeling. Brian finally put his arm around John, pulling him closer. "I've never been very good at sleeping alone."

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Re: Brian/John (side of Robert)

johnbaum
2012-11-18 06:01 am UTC (link)

It was utterly impossible to keep his distance any longer and John gave up trying. He wrapped both arms around Brian and held on tight. Seeing Brian like this was breaking his heart and he didn't know else to help him heal other than to stay with him keep reminding him he wasn't alone. There were so many things he wished he could promise Brian. But, he wouldn't make promises he couldn't keep and he definitely wouldn't make those promises now, when it was the last thing Brian would want to hear.

Which left him at a loss for words he filled by hugging Brian close and not letting go. He should have sent that email, orders be damned. It didn't matter that he didn't know. He still felt responsible because he'd been used to cause Brian pain.

Pulling back only enough that he could see Brian clearly, he brushed his fingers over Brian's cheek. "I wish there was something I could say that would make this easier for you. I love you so much. It's nothing compared to what you've been going through. But, I did miss you. You are more important than saving the world, Brian, any world."

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Re: Brian/John (side of Robert)

b_kinney
2012-11-18 06:19 am UTC (link)

Brian shook his head and brought a finger to John's lips. "Don't. We can't get any deeper. You can't make promises you shouldn't have to make. I know who you are. I've always known. No regrets, John." Despite how fucked up he was, he wouldn't and couldn't regret what they had. He refused to live life thinking of the 'what if'.

"Drinks would be nice, but I'll settle on water, and then a sleeping place. I really can't deal with anything tonight. Withdrawal is a bitch and it's happening whether I want to be sober or not." He turned his head, ever so slightly and kissed John's wrist. "Of course you missed me. I'm amazing." He almost delivered it in his normal tone, but his nerves were too shaken, his body too tense. "I need some peace for tonight, okay?"

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Re: Brian/John (side of Robert)

johnbaum
2012-11-18 06:51 am UTC (link)

"Water, sleep, peace. Those I can do." Time he could do, too. John knew that one conversation, no matter how intense and emotional, wasn't going to miraculously heal the damage that had been done. But, he'd be there to watch over Brian and help him as best he could.

Nodding, he stepped back reluctantly and held out his hand. "Come on. Let's get our things and I'll ask Derek to take Snazzy tonight. Then I'll take you somewhere quiet where you can sleep."

And if John spent a large portion of the night watching over that sleep, well, it was just to make sure Brian got the peace he needed.

(Reply to this) (Parent)

(Read comments) -