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Leon Vance ([info]leon_vance) wrote in [info]omega_reality,
@ 2012-11-16 14:26:00

Previous Entry  Add to memories!  Tell a Friend!  Next Entry
Entry tags:*complete, 2012 11, character: alexis castle, character: brian kinney, character: bud hammond, character: claudia donovan, character: derek morgan, character: derek reese, character: dominic vail, character: elaine barrish hammond, character: emily prentiss, character: g callen, character: john connor, character: margaret barrish, character: marty deeks, character: nell jones, character: robert callen, character: sam hanna, character: savannah monroe, character: sean hanna, character: tim riggins, character: troy bolton, dead: eric beale, dead: jenna hanna, dead: leon vance, dead: mike renko, dead: nick green, dead: sheldon cooper

RP: Arriving to their new home
Who: Everyone in the group
Where: San Nicolas Island, California
When: late November 16, 2012
Summary: It's time to come home

A direct drive wouldn't have taken long, five hours maybe, but they went anything but direct. First they drove east, then they backtracked, then they used less traveled roads, avoided areas with cameras until they reached Long Beach, California.

They drove to one of the marina where three boats were waiting for them under Leon's new identity. After loading their belongings, they drop the cars and vans to a nearby parking garage where they had long term spot already rented. They waited for the drivers to return, before finally leaving port.

One things that Leon hadn't forgotten was how to steer a boat from his Navy days. It was over eighty miles to the island. Eighty miles in the dark, with the cold winds and minimum coverage. Sam and Renko were steering the other two, following him, because they still had no idea where they were going. He had a feeling that his agents would like the island. Everyone else... they'd adapt.


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[info]savannah_monroe
2012-11-16 07:46 pm UTC (link)
The alarm went off while they were watching Bring It On on her laptop. Savannah was determined to make John like normal things, like movies about cheerleaders. Not that she didn't know he was humoring her, but tonight he was spared by the alarm.

They had the megaphones on the island, but right now, John had done something so the radars would send him the alarm. It wasn't any less jarring, but Savannah was up and running immediately.

She grabbed her jacket, before going to the closet. Night vision goggles were a must, a sniper rifle, plus an AK 47 and her gun. "Which side are approaching from?" she asked as she opened the door. "And bring the computer. I'll drive and you can tell me where to go."

Savannah almost asked if he'd lost his mind. Why would people go to the pier? But she trusted him, and she drove inland, parallel to the pier so that they could hide in the dark. She lay on the ground, sniper rifle set up. It was dark and with the scope the only thing she could see silhouettes.

Did they found them? Were these tourists? She didn't want to kill some poor soul who'd just happened to get here. They certainly weren't acting like a military team. She had no idea who was who, but one bullet should be enough if they weren't military and if they were, she could kill them the moment the rifles came out. She aimed very carefully, shooting so that the bullet would hit close to a person's foot. "This is a military zone," she yelled. "Leave immediately or you will be shot."

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[info]leon_vance
2012-11-16 08:11 pm UTC (link)
Some days he wondered if they were training people enough, and some days he wondered if they were training them too well. He had expected some sort of armed welcoming with the people involved, but there was nothing to be done about that. He wouldn't risk compromising everything he had planned to give Savannah and John a warning. He had not counted on Savannah using her sniper training to shoot from pretty far considering how faint her voice was, how unrecognizable. At least she hadn't killed anyone.

It wasn't surprising that the bullet and the warning had people pulling out weapons, searching in the night sky for a target.

"This is Director Vance and the rest of the team. Stand down," he yelled, knowing just how carefully he needed to thread now. He would wait to use their names until the guns were in the holsters again.

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[info]m_renko
2012-11-16 08:47 pm UTC (link)
Boats? They had boats! Fast boats and he hadn't been on one in forever. Grinning from ear to ear, Mike's only wish was that he could have pushed on faster, but seeing how he had no clue where to go, there wasn't an option but to follow the director, even if he could see further and more clearly in the dark.

He spotted the island before they were there, even through the rain, but as good as his vision was he was curious to see what it really looked like in the day. He was looking out at the island when he saw - and heard - the shot.

It was when he heard her voice, however that would have had his mouth fall open if he hadn't been better at masking his responses. Savannah was alive? He looked at the others, but none of them seemed to have been able to tell who it was. How could they not when her voice was so clear? Director Vance's response did nothing to ease his own tension. Callen hadn't been himself since Savannah "died" and finding out it had all been a lie?

The Director was taking one hell of a gamble.

While his eyes stayed on the spot he thought Savannah was hiding, every other sense he had was focused on Callen, ready to push the Director out of the way if necessary.

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[info]g_callen
2012-11-16 10:11 pm UTC (link)
G had split the four of them between the boats. That way, if anything happened, as long as one boat made it out so would at least one lead. Morgan he put in Renko's boat. Emily was in Sam's, since he'd need to pay attention to piloting the craft. And, G was in the Director's, which put him right near Vance when the shot rang out. His eyes tracked toward where the shot and the voice that followed seemed to originate from. He wasn't the sniper Jethro was, but G guessed the unseen warning shot had to have come from no further than four hundred meters or they wouldn't still be able to hear the speaker's voice over the sound of the ocean with the wind behind them and the light rain dampening the sound. With how distant the voice did sound, probably no closer than three hundred meters. Either way, G could probably circle around behind them in a matter of seconds to disarm, if necessary.

Of course, he didn't know if they were alone or if there were others spread out around them. If he had only had himself to worry about, he'd risk it. But, with the kids and everyone else, not knowing how many were out there or how well armed and aggressive they would be, the only thing he was doing for the moment was making sure the Director was covered and waiting to see what response came from the order to stand down.

He was contemplating whether or not Marty or Morgan would be able to reach that far with their powers for some distance recon, when he was distracted by a strangled sound from Marty and saw Nova go running off in the direction of the welcoming committee.

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[info]deeks_marty
2012-11-16 10:11 pm UTC (link)
Marty had her calling to him from far away almost every time he'd closed his eyes in the last two weeks. When he heard it now, almost indistinguishable with the wind and the distance, he thought for a moment he was hallucinating. Auditory hallucinations were part of that whole grief thing, right? There was no way he was hearing his dead wife warning them away from the island after firing at them. No way. It had to be sirens or something. In a world with super powers, that was just as likely as a woman coming back from the dead, right? Or he was hearing things.

Except this was Savannah, his Savannah, and no matter how indistinct, Marty would know her voice anywhere.

What cinched it for him was when Nova took off at the sound, ignoring his attempts to call her back. He glanced at G before staring hard at Vance. Even though every fiber of his being was telling him this was Savannah out there, there were still all kinds of reasons why taking off after the dog was a bad idea. And he wasn't going to get his wife killed for real.

"Director, is that who it sounds like?" he demanded in a low hiss.

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[info]leon_vance
2012-11-16 10:32 pm UTC (link)
"Everyone put your weapons away." They were useless in the dark and their flash lights and bullets would not have reached Savannah, but accidents were bound to happen and friendly fire killed as much as enemy fire.

He could tell that a few people weren't happy with his order. Sam stared for a moment, before doing as ordered. Others were slightly quicker. In the distance, the dog barked twice and then silence, just before a car engine could be heard. He knew the road map and it would take them longer since they had to travel back North and around the strip before coming around.

Leon took his time with the question, because having two live beings here would be easier than any explanation he could give. "We're on San Nicolas Island. We've had two people prepare the island for us, two people whom no one would be looking for, two people with the know-how to deal with an entire island, from housing and food to computers and radars." He nodded. "Yes, Mr. Deeks, that is who you think it is. That's your wife and John is here on the island as well."

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[info]g_callen
2012-11-16 11:01 pm UTC (link)
Ever since the day his power had first manifested, G had spent hours practicing how to use it to complete small mundane tasks in small spaces, turning the power on and off with uncanny precision that would allow for actions to be completed with a combination of super speed and normal speed as required without accidentally going too far because of the speed. It had been what he worked on when there was nowhere on base for him to train, before there was a warehouse. It had been what he worked on in the basement when it was just himself, Sam, Savannah, and Marty living together with two dogs. It had been what he used to tease Sam with during their early illicit encounters in that same basement.

And it was how he was able to now move in front of Vance before anyone could stop him and still punch him without enough force to shatter his jaw, no matter how appealing the thought was. It wasn't the action of a Lead Agent. G would pick that mantle up again in a minute, when he had. It was the action of a man who was tired as hell of people fucking with his family. Hetty had screwed him over his entire life. G wasn't terribly inclined to roll over so Vance could do the same.

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[info]leon_vance
2012-11-16 11:11 pm UTC (link)
Sam couldn't move as fast as G, but his eyes were on the main asset: Vance and it didn't take him long to get there. "G." One letter, one name, one warning all wrapped in one.

"It's all right, Sam," Leon said as he rubbed jaw. "I hope you're done, Mr. Callen and you can start thinking again," he said sharply, before standing almost to attention. "If you're looking for an apology, then you'll be disappointed. I will always do what I have to to protect my agents, all of them, and Savannah and John were my top priority. They needed to be protected with every mean at my disposal. You, better than most, should understand how it works."

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[info]g_callen
2012-11-17 02:06 am UTC (link)
G knew Sam was just doing his job. And, now that he'd gotten his own satisfaction, G could do the same.

"Yes, Sir."

Vance wasn't any more likely to be hearing an apology from G than G was to get one from Vance. G didn't feel a need and wasn't going to offer excuses for his actions. Just because he understood the strategy and the need, it didn't mean he was going to be happy with his family getting fucked with by anyone. He understood and he'd do what he had to.

But, he would also make his displeasure known when it was warranted. Extreme measures needed to remain extreme.

Glancing at Sam, he nodded, then backed off to do something he wasn't good at: waiting.

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[info]savannah_monroe
2012-11-17 02:17 am UTC (link)
Savannah had let John drive this time as she sat in the back with a very excited Nova. She couldn't believe that they had been away for seventeen long days. She practically jumped out of the car and now with the lights from the car, she could see people again instead of heat silhouettes.

"Hey, y'all. It's so good to finally have you here. John was going insane, or so he claims. I don't know why, because I think that Bring It On is an awesome movie and a perfect choice for a cold night," she said as she moved.

"Hey, G." She kissed his cheek, grinning at him. "You're going to love it here. It's amazing, but that's for later, before I have more important people to greet, not that you aren't important."

She ran toward Marty and jumped up to hug him, feet around his waist. "Hello, how have you been?" she asked, kissing him gently. "How are the princesses doing? Did they drive you nuts? I hope someone helped you or I'll be very upset. Are they walking yet? Did you tape them? Tell me you did or you're in trouble." She looked at the stroller with two very sleepy babies. "I don't even get to play with them, but that's all right, plenty of time in the morning." She finally stopped and took a deep breath. "Hi again."

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[info]johnbaum
2012-11-17 04:22 am UTC (link)
"Pretty sure what I actually said," John drawled from where he'd gotten out of the car to lean against the driver's side door, rifle slung over one shoulder, "was that the tough girl who got bored and drew tattoos on herself in third period is the only one who wouldn't drive me insane after five seconds. As long as the computer's on and I don't have to pay attention, I can stay perfectly sane." John smirked at Savannah, even moreso because he didn't think she was even paying him any mind as she bounded toward Deeks.

He turned his own attention toward Vance and the leads, frowning at the unmistakeable tension Savannah had bounded through on her way to greet Callen and Deeks. "We've got all immediately necessary systems up and running, if you want to start getting people up to the housing. I'm still tweaking some of the systems and it all runs alarms to me right now. But, I can get you and Sam and whomever else needs it access in the morning."

Callen was just sort of standing rigidly to one side, even after Savannah kissed him, and John wondered what the hell had happened because that man did not lose his cool often. But, he had his own greetings to make and Snazzy had apparently decided she was first as she came bounding up, jumping at him until he laughed and bent down to say hello.

"Yeah, missed you, too girl. But, now I need to say hello to Derek and Brian." Standing, he looked to see where those two were hiding in the 'crowd' just as Deeks grabbed Savannah and pulled her into a hug so tight it was as if he was afraid to let her go as she finally ran out of steam. Though he buried his face in her neck, John could still just make out his words. Never do that to me again.

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[info]derek__reese
2012-11-17 04:35 am UTC (link)
Derek had been paying attention the moment Vance mentioned Savannah, because if she was alive then John was too, but even hearing wasn't enough. How many times was he going to lose John? He let Snazzy go, walking behind her. he put his hands on John's shoulders and pulled him closer into a hug.

He didn't say a word, though. There was nothing that he could say. Promise me not to die wasn't something that John could promise. He finally settled on, "It's good to see you."

Leon let them have their moments. They could move into whatever building was habitable and sleep there for the night. Those sleeping bags would be useful. "While people say hello to their families, let's start getting things ready. We can put the bigger things in the car and we'll have to walk."

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[info]johnbaum
2012-11-17 05:10 am UTC (link)
If John had suspected something was up when he got out of the car, the hug from Derek confirmed it. They weren't a touchy-feely family. A two or three week mission didn't seem like the sort of thing that would get a hug. Still, he hugged Derek back and murmured "You, too."

Pulling away as Vance started giving instructions, John started taking a closer look at the group. The headlights threw weird shadows that made identifying one or two people a chore. But, John could count easily enough and they were three people short. He did land eyes on Brian, which made him feel immediately better. Still, three people short, tension in the air, hugs from Derek, and Brian holding back away from him? It didn't bode well and as others moved to follow Vance's directives, John's gaze went between Derek and Brian and back to Deeks and Savannah. Moving toward his lover, John wasn't sure what was wrong. But, something had gone wrong.

"Brian?" When he got closer, John reached for him. "Are you alright?"

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[info]b_kinney
2012-11-17 05:29 am UTC (link)
Brian had been asleep most of the trip, and then he had accepted things in the way he did. He didn't fight and argue when he couldn't win. He'd go along, take a ride and then he'd just fly away. It wasn't such an easy task when he could turn into any animal he wanted.

He had it all planned. What he hadn't counted on was on John being alive? John living and breathing and asking him if he was all right. "Of course I'm all right. I'm always all right." One person could not affect him that much; he wouldn't allow it, because he couldn't go through this again. It was also why he barely touched his lover, because if he did, he might not let go and that was not something he did. He didn't love, he didn't get attached, he certainly wouldn't let his life be determined by another man. "Are you going to show us where we're going? Its slightly dark and fucking cold."

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[info]johnbaum
2012-11-17 06:03 am UTC (link)
John's eyes widened a fraction in hurt surprise. The distant response stung, though he recovered quickly enough and just nodded. "Yeah, it's a bit of a walk over that ridge. I just need to get the keys to whomever Vance is going to have drive the car up. It doesn't have to be me, really."

Only one road and it went right where they were headed. Besides, John figured Vance would want to put someone like Margaret in the car since a night walk up this terrain probably wasn't going to be easy on her.

And Brian was still upset with him, John supposed. Maybe even moreso after he went off on this mission without telling him. They'd have to talk later. As Brian had said, it was dark and cold and they had people to get settled. They could talk when they got to the other side of the island, John thought with a sigh.

He probably shouldn't in the mood Brian seemed to be in, but John had been thinking about Brian for more than two weeks, wishing he was there. Now that he was, John couldn't resist. He'd risk the rejection that might come. Leaning over he pressed a kiss to Brian's cheek. "I missed you all the time," he whispered. "I'm sorry you're still mad at me."

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[info]b_kinney
2012-11-17 06:15 am UTC (link)
"He might have to drive if he doesn't want someone to run him over," Brian muttered. Fucking Callen wasn't even good enough to beat the crap out of the man.

Brian picked up his bag. He hadn't bothered with anything else from the house. He didn't give a shit about pots and pans. His clothes were the most important thing. He had added the few things that John had left behind: a few suits and the bracelet. It'd make the walk easier. Now if shutting off his brain were that easy, they would be much better off, but John had other ideas.

"Mad at you? Why the fuck should I be mad at you? Just because you fucking assholes decides that it's fucking all right to let us think that you're dead? Yeah I don't see why I should be mad? It happens every fucking day of the week." Brian voice rose as he spoke but with only the wind and the ocean as background, it was loud enough to begin with.

"They didn't know anything, Mr. Kinney," Leon said. "It was my doing as if we can get inside, this discussion would go much more smoothly."

"Smoothly, just like the funeral," Brian snapped back.

Savannah frowned and stared at Marty. "What funeral? What's going on?"

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[info]johnbaum
2012-11-17 06:57 am UTC (link)
For a moment, while Brian yelled, John could only stare, dumbstruck, as he tried to catch up with the accusations. Dead? And as soon as he did, he grabbed Brian's arm and pulled him closer. "I wouldn't do that to you, Brian. Ever. And you're the one person I'd hope knows me better than that."

Releasing Brian's arm, he whirled on Vance, but answered Savannah instead as Deeks looked like he was choking on the words. "Our funeral, Savannah." John bit the words out, trying to stay calm even though he was pissed as fuck. In the back of his mind he knew there was a sound reason for the deception and he'd remember it later. But, just then all he could think about was what Vance had just put Brian and Derek through. No wonder his uncle was hugging him! "He sent us out here and then, after we left, he told them we died. Probably because he knew we wouldn't agree to it."

Deeks seemed to have found his voice again. Putting his hands on Savannah's shoulders, he shook his head. "The discussion can wait. You're alive, which is what matters to me, and I'd like to get our girls out of this weather, something I'm sure the other parents can agree on."

"John, toss me the keys. I'll drive," Callen stated. John complied without a word, still glaring at Vance. "Mrs. Barrish can ride shotgun. The rest of you can split into two groups. Easier to keep track of each other that way. One group go with Savannah, the other with John. Deeks is right. We need to get the kids out of this weather."

John didn't want to discuss it with the director. He knew the kind of answers he'd get and he was too pissed off not to do something stupid if he tried just now. Turning back to Brian, it was easier to speak quietly. "I wouldn't do that to you, Brian." He knew he was repeating himself. But, he wanted to make sure Brian knew, really knew, that John would never do anything to hurt him if he could at all help it. He'd rather die for real than hurt Brian. Moving closer, he put his hands on Brian's hips and stared unflinchingly into his eyes. "I love you, Brian. I would never willingly hurt you. Never. I swear I didn't know."

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[info]savannah_monroe
2012-11-17 03:16 pm UTC (link)
Savannah had a million questions, but she was also been taught to think, to do what was necessary, and she would worry about this later. No, she was going to deal with G taking over when he knew nothing about this place.

"G, your plan isn't going to work. We were at the edge of the runway, so we were much closer. To go to the house, we either take the road or cut through the island. The road is about five miles. With strollers, dogs, night life, we're never going to get there and there's no way to cut through the rough terrain at night without someone getting hurt, or dogs running off after foxes and cats. Let someone else drive. Margaret you can get in, Elaine, too, because there's no way you'll ever get there with those shoes. Sheldon, get small and get in as well. In fact, Sam, take my sniper rifle," she said. "April and Eliot can ride along, too."

She kissed Marty, before letting him go, which wasn't easy considering the hold he had on her. "John and I are going to fly to the housing complex; Brian, you can come too. It's higher ground. I'll turn into flame. Robert teleports the kids. G, you run. The two of us come back with two trucks and put in everything here since, it wouldn't fit in the car anyway, in one and people in the other. They are military trucks." She squeezed John's hand. "You can talk in private after we get everyone inside. Let's go."

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Brian/John (side of Robert)
[info]b_kinney
2012-11-17 03:31 pm UTC (link)
Doing what people said was much easier than arguing. He didn't have the will to argue at this point. He got to the house, which wasn't a house, but some recreational building with nothing in it, but the bar was still there. Unfortunately, there was no alcohol. Of course John and Savannah would think of healthy conscious foods, but no liquor.

"I'm going outside for a smoke," he muttered, before walking off.

Robert put the strollers away from the windows to keep the children warmer, and looked at John. "He's been a mess. Today is the first day he's been sober since we found out about your deaths, and not because he wanted to. His body is going to complain. Mentally, he's... he's been drinking with G. That should tell you something. He's realized something that we already knew. He cares and he can lose the person he cares about." He smiled to himself. "I can't believe I'm going to say this. Go easy on him."

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Re: Brian/John (side of Robert)
[info]johnbaum
2012-11-17 06:56 pm UTC (link)
"He's not the one I'm angry with," John replied with a sigh. Honestly, he'd have been surprised if Brian had been sober. He just worried about what else he might have done. No one else seemed to notice how self-destructive Brian could be. If anything had happened to Brian because of this, if he'd gone and done something stupid...it wouldn't even be Brian's fault. Not as far as John was concerned. Although... "Drinking with your brother tells me more about your brother's mental state than Brian's. But, thanks Robert. I need to go talk to him, now."

The clouds were hiding the moon, which made it darker when he stepped outside to find Brian but there was still some light come from inside. It was enough to see Brian and that was all John really needed. Drawing near he took a moment, trying to figure out what to say.

"I know you think sorry's bullshit," he began quietly. "But, I also know you know I need to say it anyway. I can't make amends for what happened, nothing can make up for that. I kept having to turn my computer off because I was too tempted to go against orders and send you an email. Now, I wish I had. And, even though I didn't know, I was used to hurt you and I'm sorry for that."

He ran his hand through his hair, trying not to fuck this up. Sometimes he had all the right words...until it mattered and then he fucked up. He couldn't fuck up with Brian. "You have every right in the world to be angry. I'm not asking you not to be. You don't have to talk or touch me if you don't want to. But, please don't shut me out like this, Brian. I'm not leaving you. I didn't leave you. I'm right here, right now. And I'm not going anywhere."

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Re: Brian/John (side of Robert)
[info]b_kinney
2012-11-17 07:07 pm UTC (link)
"It is bullshit," Brian said, apparently more interested in the smoke coming out of his lungs than John. "You did nothing, and sorry is bullshit, because nothing was in our control."

John thought that he was upset for the lie. God, that would be so fucking better, but that wasn't it. Sure, the lie sucked, but it was what it was. No, what really sucked, what made him angry was his reaction, how stupid he had been. He'd never got close to people, not really. They can't hurt you if you don't give a shit.

He cared and he hated every fucking moment of it.

"I'm not angry, all right? I'm fucking cold, nauseous, hangover. We're on a fucking island, away from civilization, getting ready to sleep on a fucking floor, with no liquor in sight. So I might be a little angry at all of that, but I'm not angry with you." He took another hit from his cigarette, the smoke a distraction from all the other things he was feeling.

Brian looked at John and smiled, sarcastic and cold. "You're not going anywhere until they tell you. Until you go home. Until you have to save the world. Don't promise shit that's can't happen."

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Re: Brian/John (side of Robert)
[info]johnbaum
2012-11-17 09:19 pm UTC (link)
"I'm not making promises and I'm not talking about the future. Right here. Right now. In the present. I'm not going anywhere," John replied evenly. "And you can be cold and nasty and push me away all you like, but I'm still not going anywhere. I've never promised you anything other than to be here in the present with you for as long as I'm able and I'm not breaking that promise."

Taking a step closer, he shifted so he was standing right in front of Brian. "Because I didn't say you were angry with me. I said you were angry. Mostly, you're angry at yourself. You're all about breaking other people's rules if it suits you. But, you broke your own rules and it pisses you off. You really think, after everything we've been through, I don't know what this is really about? I don't need anyone to tell me what the last two weeks have been for you. I know. I know you and I know the things you try to hide from yourself.

"You broke every rule. You got close. You let me in. You cared. You let yourself love. And that isn't even why you're mad the most. Is it? What makes you the maddest is the fact that deep down you still do. You're pushing away and telling yourself that's not who you are. You don't care and you don't fall in love. Yet, you still care and you still love me and it hurts like hell and you don't want to ever go through that again. And, worst of all, I can't promise that you won't have to because life doesn't work that way. So, you just want to push all that messy emotional stuff away and me with it."

Reaching up, he cupped the back of Brian's neck and gently ran his thumb along his jaw. "If I could promise I won't die, I would. I'd promise you anything in the world if it could stop you from feeling that pain, Brian. But I can't and we both know it. All I can promise is that you have me now and that I will fight with everything I have to make now last for a very long time. You've spent the last year and a half teaching me how to stop living for the future and to live here and now, taking what we can while we can. Don't start living in fear of that future yourself, please."

Moving closer again, he brought his other hand up to mirror the one on Brian's neck, mindful of the cigarette he still held. "You're right. I want to save the world. But, the world's changed a bit since I first told you about my destiny. My world is you, Brian. Sappy and cliched and 'breeder'-like as it sounds. Shut me out all you like, but I'm not letting you push me away without a fight. I'm not giving up on you or us.

"I'm going to be a teenager on this one and be a stubborn pain in the ass because I know I'm right," he added with a tiny smirk, looking for any sign he was getting through to Brian.

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Re: Brian/John (side of Robert)
[info]b_kinney
2012-11-17 09:56 pm UTC (link)
"'Going to' implies motions, movement, temporal movement. It will happen in the future, even if the immediate future. You can't promise that you won't be going anywhere. You can only promise that you aren't anywhere else." He couldn't believe that he was using grammar to make a point, like he gave a fucking shit about it. Next, he'd sound like fucking Callen.

Brian stared defiently as John told him what was wrong. The fact that he knew didn't make him feel better. If anything, it pissed him off more than he'd let one kid see through his defences. Even Mickey couldn't read him this well.

He took another hit and tossed the cigarette away. "Or maybe I realized that I can be free without this 'messy emotional stuff'. I can drink and fuck as much as I want with whoever I want, and I don't have to worry about you, what you think, where you are, what you see." He knew he was being cruel. This wasn't John's fault. He hadn't done anything ... other than making him care from that evening, outside the club, looking like someone had rained on his parade. Or maybe even before. It didn't matter how it started, because Brian was going to put a end to it.

He shook his head, sighing. "I need to get drunk. Tell me there's something around here." He could concentrate on something that made sense, like whiskey.

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Re: Brian/John (side of Robert)
[info]johnbaum
2012-11-17 10:46 pm UTC (link)
John didn't think arguing semantics was going to solve anything and he was determined not to let Brian's barbs get to him. He knew Brian, knew he lashed out in anger and pain. How many people had been successfully able to push away doing that? How many had proved to him it would work, perpetuating this idea that it was better not to let people close? John wasn't going to let it.

"Is that why you won't touch me?" he asked, moving even closer. It hadn't escaped his notice that he was doing a lot of touching and Brian wasn't. Just like it hadn't escaped his notice that Brian wasn't pushing him away, either. That might change now that John pointed it out. But, it said something. Brian's actions had always said more than his words.

"You realized you can fuck anyone you want any time and you don't care about my feelings? You could push me away if you don't care. But, you don't. Hell, the Brian I first met would have had his hands all over me by now, even while telling me he didn't care and it didn't mean anything and we were only friends when he wanted to be. But, you're not doing that, either. You're not pushing me away and you're not taking what you want. You're very carefully not touching me, just letting me touch you."

He was playing with fire, John knew that. If he pushed too much, he could do more harm than good. But, if he didn't push enough, Brian would retreat into himself and it'd take another year and a half to coax him back out again. John wasn't really one to back down, especially when it meant leaving Brian in pain. So, he tread cautiously, but forward, moving still closer until they were chest to chest, his hands still wrapped around Brian's neck. "What happens if you touch me, Brian? What happens of you kiss me? Or if I kiss you?"

John brushed his lips along Brian's, then again, lightly, teasing almost. He wasn't pushing, though, waiting to see if Brian would react. And, yet, bracing himself in case he was pushed away.

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Re: Brian/John (side of Robert)
[info]b_kinney
2012-11-17 11:43 pm UTC (link)
Brian closed his eyes, but it wasn't because of the kiss. It was almost resignation, sad acceptance that it was going to happen whether he liked it or not. The kiss was all wrong. He could have dealt with possessive, needy or hungry kisses. He understood those, they were sex with your clothes on, but this was different and it tasted of desperation, whether his or John's he didn't know.

John was right. He hadn't touched John at all. Not to bring him close, not to push him away, not to do anything that might shatter his resolve, but now he cupped his cheeks as he pulled back. "I can't... not now... you were dead, John. It doesn't matter that you aren't. You were fucking dead, and I couldn't function, and I couldn't-" He stepped back abruptly, looking away. He wasn't crying; it was just the win and the dust. "I sat through your funeral smoking a joint and no one said anything. That's how pathetic I was, enough that Sam Hanna, pain in the fucking ass extraordinaire wouldn't even tell me to stop smoking with kids around." He turned and stared at John again. "I was ready to leave. I don't mean I thought about it. I mean I told them I was leaving, except they let the others go, but they put me to sleep and took me here. I was ready to go, take my chances, die. I didn't care. I don't care. I can't do this again. I'm not this person. I don't give a shit if people leave. I'm used to it. This, though? This I can't do."

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Re: Brian/John (side of Robert)
[info]johnbaum
2012-11-18 12:56 am UTC (link)
"Brian." John didn't reach for him again just yet. He'd been prepared to be pushed away. He hadn't been prepared for Brian to actually start telling the truth. Maybe that was why there was no censure or pity in his voice when he said Brian's name. Just compassion for the man he loved.

"I know what it's like to lose people you care about. Sometimes more than once since my world is supremely fucked up. But, at the same time, I also know I can't imagine what you went through because the only way I could is if I lost you. Then nothing else could ever matter." He wanted to reach up and brush Brian's cheek so badly, but he was afraid of spooking him, now that he was talking. So, he didn't go far. He wasn't going to let there be enough distance between them that Brian could mistake it for acceptance that things could just end like this because he was afraid. But, John wasn't physically pushing into his comfort zone anymore, either, giving him a little room to breathe.

The idea of a funeral stopped him. Even though he'd explained to Savannah, he'd been too pissed off at the moment to really grasp that there'd been a funeral for him. That was just surreal. "You were grieving, Brian. That's not pathetic. It's human. And this is who you are. You're a caring man, Brian. That isn't something you became because of us. It's something that's always been there. You don't care about their rules or their morals, but you care about people. You take care of the people around you, your friends and the people that are like family to you. That didn't start here. You were like that before, with Michael and Lindsay and Debbie and your friends in Pittsburgh. You're no better at cutting yourself off from people than I am, you're just better at sounding like a charming asshole to cover for it."

Very slowly, he reached out to take Brian's hand. Nothing else. Just holding his hand. "I know you were hurt and you're still hurting and it'll take time to get over that. I'll back off, if that's what you need. But, I'm not going to just go away, Brian. You can try to stop caring, but I'll still care about you and I'll still be here for you." Biting his lip, John swallowed before continuing. "Even if you never let me in again, I'm going to be here waiting for the day you do because I love you and I know you love me, even if you're afraid to feel it right now."

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Re: Brian/John (side of Robert)
[info]b_kinney
2012-11-18 02:41 am UTC (link)
"You think I'm afraid to care? I wish that were possible. When Justin was hit, I spent the night at the hospital not knowing if he'd live or die. We spend the next few days wondering. I felt nothing. I was completely numb, and let me tell you, it was the best feeling in the world." Mike had hugged him once, but there hadn't been any of the pain he could feel now. He was utterly numb.

"Nothing I've done helped. Not even a bit. Sex, drugs, alcohol, nothing made me numb. Nothing. I don't know how to stop ..." He pulled his hand away and ran his fingers through his hair. "I need a drink."

It wasn't just his mind that needed that drink. His body needed it too after sixteen long days of living of liquid courage. He could feel the involuntary movements of his eyelids, the gentle tremor in his hands. It wasn't bad, nothing like what his father had gone through at times, but it was still there. It was strange, because he'd always had a good tolerance. Then again, sixteen days were a lot of bottles of beer, whiskey, vodka, and whatever else he got his hands on.

"Do you know the worse part? I couldn't even take E. E would have made me happy, but I didn't want to be happy. I didn't want to associate that buzz with your death," he admitted. "So alcohol it was. The one thing I said I'd never do, turn into my father." He closed his hands into tight to stop the tremor before opening them again. "Is there a place I can sleep tonight? Not there, not with people. I can't deal... not sober."

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Re: Brian/John (side of Robert)
[info]johnbaum
2012-11-18 03:31 am UTC (link)
John's lips thinned, but he wasn't angry at Brian. He was angry at pretty much everyone else, whoever had watched him spiral down like this and not been there to help him. He'd told Savannah he was afraid people were too used to letting John 'deal' with Brian, that they wouldn't think to have his back when it counted. But, he hadn't thought it would be like this. "No, I think you're in pain and you associate it with caring and love and you just want to stop all of it so you can stop hurting. I also don't think it will work and I think you know it, too, and that's part of why you feel like you have to push me away.

"But you're not your father, Brian. No matter how much of the last couple weeks have been spent drinking, you're not your father. Maybe it's my own personal conceit, but I'd be surprised as hell if you were able to deal with my death and cope without alcohol after only a couple weeks. Not because you're pathetic or like your father, but because you don't just get over something like that. It takes time. A lot of time. More than two weeks." John thought sometimes that his mother never had gotten over his father's death. And, he knew Derek hadn't.

"I wouldn't want to be happy, either, if our places had been reversed," he added with a sigh.

The only thing he really wanted to do was hug Brian tightly and hold on forever...or at least until he figured out how to help him. But, he was near that border of pushing too much and he didn't want to do that. So, watched in helpless silence as Brian picked a little at the metaphoric scab over the wound. He had to think a moment about where the best location would be, then he nodded. "Yeah, I can arrange a place. Let me stay with you? Separate sleeping bags. Opposite sides of the room if you like. But, let me stay with you so you're not alone? Please."

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Re: Brian/John (side of Robert)
[info]b_kinney
2012-11-18 03:57 am UTC (link)
"This... you... it'd be easier if you were dead, it'd be over, but you're not. You're here, and you're alive, and I can't go through this again, John." The tears were falling down his face, but he wasn't hiding now. He was a fag; he might as well embrace another stereotype. "I don't know how to stop it from happening, because you will do something stupid someday, because you and Derek are people who want to save the world, and I will have to deal with your death again. And this time you won't come back from the dead."

His fingers raked John's hair before they tightened at that back of John's head and he pressed their foreheads together. "I've never loved anyone as much as I love you," he whispered. "I wish I could make it stop. It'd be so much easier. Just end it and go somewhere else, live until I die, not care for anything, but you are here and I can't go anymore.

"Different rooms, different sides, doesn't make any difference." A few feet of separation wouldn't make him stop feeling. Brian finally put his arm around John, pulling him closer. "I've never been very good at sleeping alone."

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Re: Brian/John (side of Robert)
[info]johnbaum
2012-11-18 06:01 am UTC (link)
It was utterly impossible to keep his distance any longer and John gave up trying. He wrapped both arms around Brian and held on tight. Seeing Brian like this was breaking his heart and he didn't know else to help him heal other than to stay with him keep reminding him he wasn't alone. There were so many things he wished he could promise Brian. But, he wouldn't make promises he couldn't keep and he definitely wouldn't make those promises now, when it was the last thing Brian would want to hear.

Which left him at a loss for words he filled by hugging Brian close and not letting go. He should have sent that email, orders be damned. It didn't matter that he didn't know. He still felt responsible because he'd been used to cause Brian pain.

Pulling back only enough that he could see Brian clearly, he brushed his fingers over Brian's cheek. "I wish there was something I could say that would make this easier for you. I love you so much. It's nothing compared to what you've been going through. But, I did miss you. You are more important than saving the world, Brian, any world."

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Re: Brian/John (side of Robert)
[info]b_kinney
2012-11-18 06:19 am UTC (link)
Brian shook his head and brought a finger to John's lips. "Don't. We can't get any deeper. You can't make promises you shouldn't have to make. I know who you are. I've always known. No regrets, John." Despite how fucked up he was, he wouldn't and couldn't regret what they had. He refused to live life thinking of the 'what if'.

"Drinks would be nice, but I'll settle on water, and then a sleeping place. I really can't deal with anything tonight. Withdrawal is a bitch and it's happening whether I want to be sober or not." He turned his head, ever so slightly and kissed John's wrist. "Of course you missed me. I'm amazing." He almost delivered it in his normal tone, but his nerves were too shaken, his body too tense. "I need some peace for tonight, okay?"

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Re: Brian/John (side of Robert)
[info]johnbaum
2012-11-18 06:51 am UTC (link)
"Water, sleep, peace. Those I can do." Time he could do, too. John knew that one conversation, no matter how intense and emotional, wasn't going to miraculously heal the damage that had been done. But, he'd be there to watch over Brian and help him as best he could.

Nodding, he stepped back reluctantly and held out his hand. "Come on. Let's get our things and I'll ask Derek to take Snazzy tonight. Then I'll take you somewhere quiet where you can sleep."

And if John spent a large portion of the night watching over that sleep, well, it was just to make sure Brian got the peace he needed.

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