InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "What does "T.F.U" stand for?"

TJ Hammond (hammond_tj) wrote in omega_reality,
@ 2012-10-13 20:32:00

Entry tags:

*complete, 2012 10, character: douglas hammond, character: thomas hammond

RP: Thomas and Doug
Who: Thomas Hammond and Doug Hammond
Where: Their apartment
When: Saturday, October 13, 2012
Summary: The brothers discuss what happened the night before.

True to his word, Travis had put in a call to a piano tuner and by a random stroke of sheer luck, they were able to get the piano tuned that afternoon. Then the tuner was gone, Travis was off to his interview, and Doug was...well, TJ wasn't sure, but he assumed his room. And that left TJ alone with the Steinway.

He still wasn't quite sure what to make of that gift. It was funny because in his old life, the life he knew and was familiar to him, even if he kept trying to escape it in any way possible, he wouldn't have thought twice about it. Someone gave him a piano, something he wanted but was playing demure about for appearances. But, it was different, here. Maybe it was because such a point had been made about this not being the life he was used to, having to do without things. Or, maybe it was because Travis had done it and still didn't really get it because it wasn't his world.

Sitting down to play, he had one more thought of what made it seem so strange.

The last time someone had been that sweet, TJ had nearly self-destructed and he wasn't at all sure he didn't have his feet still on that path.

Was it love at first sight?
I didn't know what love at first sight was...before you.

The opening strains of Beethoven's Fur Elise came to him on instinct and he went with it, the piece as simple and pure as the love it was supposed to have been written for had been. Not that TJ thought anything he'd had was pure. He had thought what he and Sean had was real; it had been real for him.

It had been more real than anything else in TJ's life.

For the first time in longer than he could remember, he had been happy. Really, simply happy. Despite what everyone thought, he hadn't stayed clean for Sean. He'd stayed clean simply because he hadn't felt the need to use. Things were good. There was nothing to escape from when he had that safe harbor. He'd felt...loved, loved for himself and not the family name.

You gonna let them do this? Come after us like some kind of witch hunt?
I think what they're doing is the lowest form of politics, but the Congressman created this situation for himself.

Beethoven gave way to Lizt mid-phrase as the love song turned into Totentanz, frustration adding a slight more staccato than was written into the piece.

Getting involved with a married man was foolish. TJ knew that. But, it wasn't the first time and it probably wouldn't have been the last if he hadn't gone and done the unimaginable by falling in love. He'd barely been able to say the word last night, telling Travis about what happened. It was still true, though. He'd been in love with Sean Reeves, hopelessly so. Foolishly so, believing a Congressman would really give up everything for him, leave his wife and choose love over politics?

It was as stupid as believing his mother would try to help her son instead of protect the family's political standing. That had been the moment, he thought, the moment he'd given up his faith in her and her reputed moral ideals just like he'd given up his faith in his father years before. She claimed she wanted to help, but she couldn't even take five seconds to acknowledge TJ had feelings, emotions so tied up and intense it outweighed politics and press reactions. Instead, all she could do was tell him 'no', throw coming out and how bad it would be when the press found out at him. The woman stood up against the President of the United States when she wanted to. But, for her own son she couldn't go to bat against the likes of Fred Collier?

I wouldn't any more attend this thing that I would watch someone toss a baby seal into the jaws of an orca.

Rachmaninoff's Morceaux de fantasie now, as one piece blended into another with the change in direction of TJ's thoughts, each as unfinished as the last.

It had taken him six months to recover from Sean's abandonment. Six months. And the first time he thought he had something good, something with potential and a future...along came Papa to sweep it all out from under him. TJ's fingers fumbled a chord as he recalled once again being told he should have stayed with the piano. When was the last time he'd called his father Papa? Had he ever? Probably not. It was probably just one more soft side he'd had to keep hidden in his head, never let them show weakness.

Because TJ knew he was that baby seal. The soft, weak, black sheep of the family who wanted all the wrong things and didn't know how to handle the power thrust at him from birth. The orca wasn't the club, though. It was politics. TJ was being slowly eaten alive by it all and couldn't care anymore.

Except he had a chance here, a chance to grow stronger. He wanted it. He knew that. But, he couldn't shake the soft parts, the weaknesses, the need for that stupid, stupid mistake called love. That desire for affection of his was the one thing that had always caused him to fail. They only love us until they hate us.

Don't touch me! Yeah, we had sex, TJ. Big deal. I was lonely. And, yeah, it felt good, especially if I kept my eyes closed and it was fine while it was happening, but I always left here feeling disgusted with myself....I'm not like you, alright? I've got...a life, a career, not some pathetic American punchline. This life of yours, or whatever you want to call it? It may be okay for you? But I want more.

Beethoven's 5th symphony came crashing out only to slide into his Moonlight Sonata after a few passages.

A pathetic American punchline. Those were the same words he'd paraphrased when he went to Doug for the money for the club. What am I? Just some page six joke? Even his club, the best thing in his life, was tainted. His partners really only cared about having the Hammond name attached. And, had said as much.

How was he supposed to believe Travis' statements of friendship and support when none of that had ever lasted in his life?

And the man was confusing as hell!

First with the open relationship cover and not having sex because it wasn't kosher undercover. Then with the jealousy act. Okay, TJ had pushed then. He couldn't help himself. He liked that feeling of being wanted that much. And he wasn't a nice man. He knew he'd have no problems pushing until he got what he wanted while Travis was undercover.

But, he actually liked Travis...the real Travis, not the cover. He liked the irritating cop who didn't understand so many things about TJ or his world. TJ could feel himself wanting to trust Travis, caring about what the man thought of him. That was the last thing TJ needed. No matter how much he might wanted the boyfriend who got jealous of anyone else touching him, he couldn't take another Sean. Travis might disagree. But it wasn't like TJ would have many opportunities to fuck around anyway. He liked his privacy too much.

The music ran out along with his thoughts and TJ sighed as his fingers stilled on the keys.

An open relationship where they kept to Travis' no sex rule was best. When this was over, he couldn't miss what he'd never had.

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doug_hammond
2012-10-17 02:40 am UTC (link)

Doug snorted. It was all so absurd, from the lack of friends to the insane cop. "I know, TJ. I get that, but I'm telling you, he doesn't sound like he's lying and yes he's an undercover cop, but I sat in the Situation Room. I know when people lie." Politics certainly taught you how to read people, or maybe you succeeded in politics if you knew how to read people.

He put an arm around TJ's waist, watching his fingers over over the keys. "I'm sure she didn't handle it right. Mom panics when you're involved. She starts thinking about things that need to be done and doesn't remember that you're not following her, because it's not what you do. She also wants to protect you. You go missing an hour and I get a phone call. We don't see you for half a day, and every discussion starts with 'have you spoken with your brother'. You know between her and Nana, I'm not sure who cares less if I'm around. I'm only a way to get to you." It didn't even matter how much he tried. It was always about TJ and what he needed.

Dough shrugged. "I'm here, in Pittsburgh, with no money, no job. I can't be that sane." He smiled back. "Yeah, that sounds about right."

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hammond_tj
2012-10-17 03:34 am UTC (link)

"Doug, that's because if I disappear for an hour, the assumption is I'm doing something that she'll have to clean up. Not because she's worried about me. Listen to me." Staying close so as not to break free of the hold Doug had around his waist, TJ turned a little more until he could frame his brother's face with his hands. "You're the glue of this family, you know that? Without you we'd all be lost. Mom, Nana, especially me. If you want proof of that, you're here. I could walk away from them without a backward glance. But, I couldn't do this without you." He leaned his forehead against Doug's. "It's my fault. You're the good son, the one who they don't have to worry about what stupid things you're going to do next. I'm always fucking up and needing to be saved. And it's safe to take their attention off you because they trust you. They're never going to be as proud of me as they are of you. Look at their arguments for why we should have stayed. For you, it was all about the things you could accomplish, how much they needed you there to help. I just needed their protection because I can't do this on my own.

"And, Mom doesn't do emotions. If she did, she'd admit to herself, let alone us, that she's still in love with Dad. But, instead she plays these little political games with him. But, you and she have a bond, too. You get each other in ways the rest of us don't. Even me. I may be your twin and I may think I know you better than anyone else. But, I think there are parts of you she'll always understand better. think about it. If politics are our family's way of showing affection, could she have any greater affection than to have made you Chief of Staff at State? She didn't have to do that. Being her son doesn't mean you automatically get a huge role in her political life. She chose you, though, little brother. She chose you to be her right hand, she trusts you that much. And not one of us really trusts easily...okay, except maybe for me, at least according to you."

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doug_hammond
2012-10-17 03:45 am UTC (link)

"Bull. She is worried, and not because we need to clean up after you. She is worried for you and that's why we clean up after you. I know you can't tell the difference, but it's there." Doug smiled a little, while he closed his eyes as they sat there, foreheads pressed together. "I never doubted that you care and it's not your fault. They are the way they are." He wasn't going to argue with TJ about who got more attention and why. He wasn't going to bring up how easily their mother had turned on him for his mistakes.

"I was Chief of Staff, because it usually goes to the person running the campaign and her campaign manager went to work for Garcetti. I was the next one in line, and she doesn't trust anyone." He snorted. "You know, I always thought that if she could have done it, she would have taken Dad with her, despite the fact that they weren't talking."

He pulled back and looked at his brother. "We're on fucked up family. Travis isn't that insane compared to us." He patted TJ's leg. "Come on, enough of this. Let's make some food we can have. You can even impressed your fake boyfriend and leave him something for when he comes home."

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