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TJ Hammond (hammond_tj) wrote in omega_reality, @ 2012-10-13 20:32:00

RP: Thomas and Doug
Who: Thomas Hammond and Doug Hammond
Where: Their apartment
When: Saturday, October 13, 2012
Summary: The brothers discuss what happened the night before.


True to his word, Travis had put in a call to a piano tuner and by a random stroke of sheer luck, they were able to get the piano tuned that afternoon. Then the tuner was gone, Travis was off to his interview, and Doug was...well, TJ wasn't sure, but he assumed his room. And that left TJ alone with the Steinway.

He still wasn't quite sure what to make of that gift. It was funny because in his old life, the life he knew and was familiar to him, even if he kept trying to escape it in any way possible, he wouldn't have thought twice about it. Someone gave him a piano, something he wanted but was playing demure about for appearances. But, it was different, here. Maybe it was because such a point had been made about this not being the life he was used to, having to do without things. Or, maybe it was because Travis had done it and still didn't really get it because it wasn't his world.

Sitting down to play, he had one more thought of what made it seem so strange.

The last time someone had been that sweet, TJ had nearly self-destructed and he wasn't at all sure he didn't have his feet still on that path.



Was it love at first sight?
I didn't know what love at first sight was...before you.

The opening strains of Beethoven's Fur Elise came to him on instinct and he went with it, the piece as simple and pure as the love it was supposed to have been written for had been. Not that TJ thought anything he'd had was pure. He had thought what he and Sean had was real; it had been real for him.

It had been more real than anything else in TJ's life.

For the first time in longer than he could remember, he had been happy. Really, simply happy. Despite what everyone thought, he hadn't stayed clean for Sean. He'd stayed clean simply because he hadn't felt the need to use. Things were good. There was nothing to escape from when he had that safe harbor. He'd felt...loved, loved for himself and not the family name.



You gonna let them do this? Come after us like some kind of witch hunt?
I think what they're doing is the lowest form of politics, but the Congressman created this situation for himself.

Beethoven gave way to Lizt mid-phrase as the love song turned into Totentanz, frustration adding a slight more staccato than was written into the piece.

Getting involved with a married man was foolish. TJ knew that. But, it wasn't the first time and it probably wouldn't have been the last if he hadn't gone and done the unimaginable by falling in love. He'd barely been able to say the word last night, telling Travis about what happened. It was still true, though. He'd been in love with Sean Reeves, hopelessly so. Foolishly so, believing a Congressman would really give up everything for him, leave his wife and choose love over politics?

It was as stupid as believing his mother would try to help her son instead of protect the family's political standing. That had been the moment, he thought, the moment he'd given up his faith in her and her reputed moral ideals just like he'd given up his faith in his father years before. She claimed she wanted to help, but she couldn't even take five seconds to acknowledge TJ had feelings, emotions so tied up and intense it outweighed politics and press reactions. Instead, all she could do was tell him 'no', throw coming out and how bad it would be when the press found out at him. The woman stood up against the President of the United States when she wanted to. But, for her own son she couldn't go to bat against the likes of Fred Collier?



I wouldn't any more attend this thing that I would watch someone toss a baby seal into the jaws of an orca.

Rachmaninoff's Morceaux de fantasie now, as one piece blended into another with the change in direction of TJ's thoughts, each as unfinished as the last.

It had taken him six months to recover from Sean's abandonment. Six months. And the first time he thought he had something good, something with potential and a future...along came Papa to sweep it all out from under him. TJ's fingers fumbled a chord as he recalled once again being told he should have stayed with the piano. When was the last time he'd called his father Papa? Had he ever? Probably not. It was probably just one more soft side he'd had to keep hidden in his head, never let them show weakness.

Because TJ knew he was that baby seal. The soft, weak, black sheep of the family who wanted all the wrong things and didn't know how to handle the power thrust at him from birth. The orca wasn't the club, though. It was politics. TJ was being slowly eaten alive by it all and couldn't care anymore.

Except he had a chance here, a chance to grow stronger. He wanted it. He knew that. But, he couldn't shake the soft parts, the weaknesses, the need for that stupid, stupid mistake called love. That desire for affection of his was the one thing that had always caused him to fail. They only love us until they hate us.



Don't touch me! Yeah, we had sex, TJ. Big deal. I was lonely. And, yeah, it felt good, especially if I kept my eyes closed and it was fine while it was happening, but I always left here feeling disgusted with myself....I'm not like you, alright? I've got...a life, a career, not some pathetic American punchline. This life of yours, or whatever you want to call it? It may be okay for you? But I want more.

Beethoven's 5th symphony came crashing out only to slide into his Moonlight Sonata after a few passages.

A pathetic American punchline. Those were the same words he'd paraphrased when he went to Doug for the money for the club. What am I? Just some page six joke? Even his club, the best thing in his life, was tainted. His partners really only cared about having the Hammond name attached. And, had said as much.

How was he supposed to believe Travis' statements of friendship and support when none of that had ever lasted in his life?

And the man was confusing as hell!

First with the open relationship cover and not having sex because it wasn't kosher undercover. Then with the jealousy act. Okay, TJ had pushed then. He couldn't help himself. He liked that feeling of being wanted that much. And he wasn't a nice man. He knew he'd have no problems pushing until he got what he wanted while Travis was undercover.

But, he actually liked Travis...the real Travis, not the cover. He liked the irritating cop who didn't understand so many things about TJ or his world. TJ could feel himself wanting to trust Travis, caring about what the man thought of him. That was the last thing TJ needed. No matter how much he might wanted the boyfriend who got jealous of anyone else touching him, he couldn't take another Sean. Travis might disagree. But it wasn't like TJ would have many opportunities to fuck around anyway. He liked his privacy too much.

The music ran out along with his thoughts and TJ sighed as his fingers stilled on the keys.

An open relationship where they kept to Travis' no sex rule was best. When this was over, he couldn't miss what he'd never had.