The ship was full of bodies. He stepped over them, looking for them. He wasn’t sure who ‘them’ were, just that he was hoping not to find them. Some bodies were charred, still smoldering. Others were cut up, disemboweled. The stench made him gag and he held his sleeve up to cover his nose.
It was then he noticed his hands were coated with blood. It dripped from his fingers. HE’D killed them all.
“Don’t be silly, Seanie. You try to save people.” He turned and Karen was there. Not emaciated and bald, swathed in tubing. This was the Karen he tried to remember, vibrant and full of life. She was untouched by the death around them, walking forward, her smile radiant. Her pale, red-gold hair hung in curls around her face. “This isn’t real. You’re dreaming.”
She reached out to cup his cheek and Sean drew back, not wanting to get blood on her, not wanting to taint her. She was persistent and her warm hand held to the side of his face. “You take your guilt to bed with you. Your fears. You try to save the world. You always did. Even if it led to blood. You beat the tar out of the school bully when you were nine, defending another little boy. But you aren’t God, Seanie. You aren’t responsible. Not for any of it. Not for me, not for Ashanti…”
“If I’d gone with Molly… I did let you down…” Sean felt the hot tears burn down his cheeks.
“No. You never did. You couldn’t know. This guilt is going to kill you. Especially as it’s unfounded. Oh, baby brother, let it go. You’ll do your best by the people on this ship. But you can’t save the world. No one person can. It’s rather egotistical to think you can.”
“You’re not real either. You’re gone, and I keep smelling lilacs and hearing those old songs and conjured you up.” Sean stepped back and looked around. Nothing changed.
“Maybe. Maybe I’m a deeper part of your subconscious psychoanalyzing you in your dreams. Now that’s a really scary thought.” She laughed. God, he remembered that laugh. Molly almost had the same, only Karen’s was deeper, a more husky edge to her voice.
“You save who you can. You do what you can. That’s all anyone is capable of.” She faded away as smoke.
He looked at the bodies. He had to find Molly, Li… Karen, Savannah and Chelsea. They were here somewhere.