Mstislav (distractable) wrote in oblivionrp, @ 2009-04-09 01:52:00 |
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Entry tags: | nik, nik and slav, slav |
Who: Slav solo (OTA)
What: Attempting to turn his muddled thoughts linear.
When: 7 AM
Where: D Deck, Gaia
Rating: PG/PG-13 (some language)
It was not in the least bit logical. No, Slav was not thinking about the fact that he had meant to go outside and enjoy the sunshine and the breeze, and found himself thanks to one way or another in a greenhouse, trying to be of some use by putting things as back together as he could figure it. On his way out onto the deck, he had gotten sidetracked by the idea of food, and then from there had been distracted by staff members all over the place attempting to restore order. Volunteering to lend a hand, well it had just seemed like common sense and part of what he was looking for.
Sure, it was not the shop where he was an apprentice, where he helped rebuild classic cars back into the gloriously shining beauties that they were meant to be. What lay under his fingernails now was not grease, and the smear on his cheek was potting soil and not mechanical lubricant, but returning this greenhouse into some state of its original state still sort of fit his skills. He was good at puzzles, after all, he could look around and at least see how everything could fit together. Maybe he would not get it exactly right, not his first time, but he could try.
That was the sort of mental groove that kept him from being distracted, a common and frequent fault of his. A fault that he had not considered all that bad until he had been fiddling with the computer in his room and electronically tripped over Nik's journal entry. The story he had written in it was an old one, and one Slav had vaguely remembered reading before, but it was the comments afterward that had really caught his eye. That had really felt like a kick to the gut.
Not like he had missed the fact that Nik did look after them all, that their parents had never been around much, even Slav was not that unobservant. Just...he had never really figured how much the Oldest seemed to resent them all for it, it was not like they had meant to suck his childhood away and fuck up his life as they apparently had. Stupidly, and here was the illogical part, so watch for it, Slav wanted to resent him to hell right back. He wanted to prove that he could take care of himself, that Nik was wrong, Wanted to shove anything back to avoid the hurt he felt over the fact that while he had still been hero worshipping Nik like a jackass, bad-tempered and foul-mouthed as he was, his older brother obviously considered him a step above an idiot child. If that.
Their parents he could understand describing him like that, especially Bianca, but he must have been a grade A idiot to think that his oldest brother thought any different. And wondered in this temporary moment of clarity if Ios and Gor thought the same thing. There should have been some comfort in the fact that Ios had stood up for him, but it was more than a little overwhelmed by Nik's revelation.
Then there was the whole thing where he honestly felt bad that he had apparently helped make Nik's life worse, even if he had never meant to and certainly never realized it. Yet going up to his oldest brother and going, "Sorry I apparently helped screw up your life, I had no idea," did not seem like a great plan. Neither did saying, "Guess it's genetic that we all make your life hell and don't even notice, does that make me like Louis and Bianca?" Never mind the fact that he was subconsciously avoiding thinking about the fact that their parents were missing, and not even the people who ran the ship knew if they were still alive.
On top of everything else, Slav was feeling restless, and a sense of pointless uselessness that had begun just about midnight and had yet to go away yet. Picking up heavy pots, moving them around and putting them away was not exactly doing much for his troubled mind, but it was at least forcing his body into action. A thousand times over, he would rather be putting together some beauty that had come out of the factory long before he had been born, but for the moment this would do. The teenager, at the moment feeling older than his years, grunted as he hefted the pot onto the shelf in front of him.
Great, now he was joining his brothers in the I Heart Brooding club.