Night, or whatever counted as night in this void, had fallen. A dimmer quality to the void. A minor shift to signal that maybe people should consider sleep. Consider being the keyword. Ben knew it’d be tough, going from a week of ‘home’ back to the odd limbo. Honestly, he hadn’t made it any easier on himself by only coming back to campus to drop off supplies and meet up with people. A week of spending brisk nights under the stars really made the small dorm rooms feel even smaller. And while there was some comfort with the certain new arrivals, that itch had started to crawl along his nerves. A need for movement that a week of a non-stop whirlwind of activity only intensified. To add something physical to the turmoil that tried to take hold of his brain. For the pull of muscles to focus his mind on something other than the skittering thoughts in regards to betrayal, time differences, the general chaos of the multiverse, and how nothing was ever actually simple, especially when it came to adding bouts of guilt into everything.
So, with a mumbled apology and ‘don’t worry’, he slipped away and out the living room window. Old habits died hard after all. This way was just a short climb up one story to reach the roof, too.
Even with the light pollution, he missed the darkness of the city. Just the comfort of how the shadows would settle, providing easy cover to slip through and stay hidden, even with a brightly colored suit. Not that he had to worry about that last part now, considering he just opted for not wasting the time in changing and just tossed on a second hand t-shirt to go with the pj pants, but he still would’ve liked a bit more actual dark instead of just relying fully on his spider-sense to keep him on the path of least attention. Not that it fully mattered here. He knew he was walking a tightrope, being looser with his actions and words around those not in the know versus those from his circle of multiverses, but, well, get your entertainment where you can, right? He was enjoying the game, having the upperhand for once, although he was pretty sure the odds were evening out there. Still, it was fun and a distraction in a place that felt like it wanted to rip apart his sanity with any given week.
And maybe with this calmer atmosphere with a few less ghosts, he could find some other ‘therapy’ outlets. The elevation and feel of roofing tiles on his bare feet already helped to soothe his mind. Maybe not the heights the city had to offer, but he also was used to making due with what he could get. Not every city could be like New York, after all. Sometimes you had to make due with five stories.
Or a little more. Now that he had time to explore, he had his sights set on finding the highest point of the campus. The path meandered slowly across the rooftops, taking stock of them now that he could. Noticing distances and anchor points that could come in handy later. Getting from one building to the other was pretty easy until he hit the edge of Armitage, the gap between it and Peasley wider than the rest. Possibly still doable with a good running start, but that wasn’t his goal tonight. Nah, this was about exploring and staying low key. So the path from Armitage to Peasley winded a bit, down one building, an assist from some well positioned trees, and then up again, until he pulled himself up onto the roof...
… and froze in his crouch, his brow furrowed in confusion. Because, honestly, being met by some sort of pillow set up instead of an empty roof hadn’t even crossed his mind. He ran a hand through his hair as he straightened up, his mind trying to get traction on a possible different plan of action considering, well, this was someone’s set up, right? Was it public use or private? Was there some message board about this sort of thing he missed? It wasn’t like there’d really been a lot of downtime to make those sorts of announcements, were there? Although Elsa had done a ‘ice rink open’ thing so…
“There are stairs.” Usually those pillows would be the choice for lounging, but Ikol had climbed up a little higher that night, maybe to try out a different vantage point on the rooftop. Maybe because he worried that someone might find their way up here and he’d have to contend with that. His coat invisibility lifted, revealing his perch just above the doorway that lead out onto the flat environs of the Peaslee’s highest landing.
He hated to call this hiding, but if it hadn’t been because of Frigga, then possibly it was America Chavez appearing. Connections to him in one way or another that brought to the surface a sense of guilt…
A sense of failure...
A sense that he wanted to be alone with his thoughts. He thought to reach out to Rey, but even she had gotten some ‘gift’ from this week’s arrivals. And, so, he’d climbed up here to mostly huff. Because of all the things this place seemed to be doing for others, no one had turned up that he was glad for. It probably wasn’t personal. It felt that way, but it wasn’t.
“But, sure, climb up the side. That isn’t suspicious at all.”
Ben’s head whipped up and around at the voice. Familiar voice? Though maybe with a bit less of the zip it normally had… He couldn’t really get a fix on it, the space was pretty open after all, not many places to hide, and his spider-sense wasn’t really helping. The figure appearing out of thin air made why all to clear. Just sitting around, being invisible, really wasn’t much of a threat, was it? And if his spider-sense accounted for any threats to his ego or peace and quiet plans, well, it’d be going off all the damn time. He puffed out a sigh, his shoulders and head sagging a moment, because of course that’s who the voice belonged to. Not that he minded. There were far worse people he could run into, even if his plan had been for a guest list of no plus ones.
His hands and shoulders lifted in a dramatic shrug. “You can only brag about climbing a college building if you do it from the outside,” he tossed back, although the remark was half hearted and didn’t have nearly as much of the jesting tone that his retorts had. He mussed up his hair as he started to take a slow stroll around the rooftop set up. “I wasn’t expecting a pillow fort.”
He hadn’t expected anyone really. Well, maybe one person. Another if he really felt like pushing the whole ‘I don’t want to see you’ thing. But meeting Loki up here, well, it shouldn’t have been that surprising considering their talk on that last day in New York. Sure, maybe the god was just fishing. Piecing together more and more of the game of ‘so who exactly are you?’. But finding him up here, well, that lent a bit of honesty to that wanting a rooftop view. Something they seemed to have in common.
One of many things they seemed to have in common.
Which is why he stopped his pacing to focus up at Loki on his perch. His head tilted and eyebrow raised slightly in genuine curiosity. Open in a honest way instead of that scientific or mystery solving way. “Looking for an escape too?”
“Few expect a pillowfort. Also, let’s not call it that. We’re not five. It’s a rooftop lounge.” The exasperation was even dulled from the usual level of Loki theatrics. If one could throw a sigh, they were all capable of it… Ikol more so than most. This was a mere toss with a limp wrist. A little puff of harmless air.
“And it’s typically Loki only or invite thereof,” Ikol continued with a pointed look. He let his limbs feel the pull of gravity downward, then slipped down from his perch with a graceful hop. Hands were thrust into pockets and he stalked over like some bedraggled owl to give Ben a closer look. The last question asked had posed an interesting scenario, but Ikol himself hadn’t been paying too much attention to the onslaught of arrivals after so much. Still, if Ben was escaping as well, then…
“Looking for quiet and fresh air. I am sure you noticed that the All-Mother -- one of them, at least -- is out and about. I can’t say I want a chat with her. Mommy issues. It happens.” He stopped in front of Ben and leaned in, face-to-face. “Who chased you up here?”
“I don’t know. Are we really, oldest and youngest?” Ben couldn’t help quipping back. “Maybe you are five. Or even three.”
Which maybe needling wasn’t the best method when an olive branch had been taken, no matter the reason. But he also couldn’t help the pout at the all to clear statement. Territory staked out. Yes, the gods had been there longer, but it still annoyed him if just because rooftop real estate while in the void was minimal. It wasn’t like they had an entire city to negotiate with. But on the other hand, it was a fair warning and a realization that this could’ve gone a whole lot different if he’d bumped into Old School. Especially if he’d interrupted what could’ve been family time from what he’d skimmed and Loki’s comments.
“How different of you. Most just default for the daddy issues,” he said before slowly nodding his head with a puffed out sigh. “Noticed a lot of familiar names, but only a few familiar faces.” Which seemed to be an ongoing theme really. And of any more had shown up after the two names that really caught his eye, well, he’d gotten a bit distracted.
So before answering that last question, he took a step back with a slight pivot. An attempt at some breathing room and a break of that stare. “‘Chase’ is a bit much.” He shrugged as he pivoted more to look out over the campus. “You had it right with the quiet and fresh air. Some avoiding. But if it was a chase…”. He made a face. “Well, we’d probably be dealing with someone actually using the stairs, which, um, if some old guy stumbles on Fort Loki..”. He paused a long moment, not quite sure where he was going with it and mildly annoyed at himself for, well, caring for one and also thinking that asking the god to be nice was too gracious. “… don’t stab him, I guess…”
The age remark earned a half eyeroll, but that didn’t faze Ikol much. He could usually take as good as he gave, even if he wasn’t in the best of moods. It was a culmination at this point, and he started to understand when Loki had spoken about weeks on end of the doldrums and bad luck and generally feeling off. Sure, Ikol had found his way into understandings and half-apologies, but things layered. Beneath the crankiness born of seeing a Frigga around was a strata composed of a week in New York City when he’d nearly been murdered in a trash pile in a back alley. And below that was another layer of whatever was going on with him and Kate: frenemies and persistent pains in each other’s sides. And below that...
Down and down and down. Things that were unresolved. Things that festered. Leaving had been the solution previously, but Derleth laughed in the face of that. He was as captive here as anyone else was. The best he could do was turn invisible and sit on a rooftop. Pathetic.
Cowardly.
Down and down and down some more.
“Oh, don’t dismiss daddy issues. I have some of those, as well. Odin hasn’t stomped around lately, so they’re happily nestled somewhere I don’t have to contemplate them.” Ben leaned back and then turned. Ikol let him shift away, but a cruel twist at the corner of his mouth suggested that he’d taken some delight in pressuring someone to move away. Old Loki stuff. He should probably stop that.
“Which old guy is this? We have a Rogers. Technically -- or so I hear -- he’s an old guy with mismatched wrappings. You’ll have to give me a description, or stabbing might have to remain on the table.” A bluff, but the one thing about being a Loki was that everyone always assumed you were unhinged enough to carry through on threats. And maybe they were right about that. Again, Old Loki stuff. He should probably stop that.
“Y’know family issues aren’t like Pokemon, right? You don’t have to catch them all.” But really what would anyone expect from Asgard? There were old Norse myths that supposedly had some truth, but even without those, their family had a history of millennia. His own rag tag mess of a family hadn’t even hit a decade and had collected way too many issues along the way. And that didn’t even toss in any multiversal aspect.
Or supposed found family, wanted or otherwise.
Which, again, made this feel so familiar. The deflection. The joke that maybe wasn’t a joke. Maybe a little more threat of possible violence, but still the same feel. He shook his head in amusement before glancing over at Loki. “Oh, you would really be aiming for a fight if you accidentally stabbed Cap for being the wrong old man. I think that’s Avengers Assemble levels of trouble.”
He could keep up the jest. It’s not like Loki even knew who he was talking about. He doubted the god really kept up to date on specialty sciences, let alone from years ago. But there was that twinge again. That bitterness and spite. That knee jerk of ‘yeah, sure, stab him anyways’ caused by something left open for infection to ebb and flow through. Which he should be better than and yet…
He rubbed a hand over his face before going to pull himself up to Loki’s previous perch. Sitting in the edge, he rested his elbows on his knees as he carded his hands through his hair.
“Depending on the day, I might cheer you on,” he muttered before letting out a deep breath. “Greying hair and beard. ‘Bout my height. Probably in some suit or lab coat, I don’t know. Likely to open with a ‘young fella’ or ‘kid’.”
Ben’s spryness was observed and resolutely filed under a list of previous thoughts, musings, evidence. There was a solid consideration for who he was, but the fun was in toying with the notion and never asking the question. Cat and mouse. Spider and fly? Maybe that was too on-the-nose.
“I don’t believe familial strife is catching or able to be caught. I was adopted. It’s a mess. Maybe more than you would realize.” Ikol sighed, and then leaned his shoulder against the wall of the brick housing that contained the stairs, just adjacent to Ben. He looked out on Derleth with eyes focused on something beyond the trees and buildings that met his gaze.
“Alright, don’t stab an old man in a lab coat. Done. Any other requests?”
“I think that’s called marriage,” Ben pointed out absently. “Catching familial strife that is. You smoosh two families together and just….” He straightened up as his fingers spread wide in mimic of an explosion. “Exponential drama and strife.”
Which was a tangent. His brain latching onto a train of thought and then just spilled out his mouth even as he mulled over other things. Because he’d picked up bits and pieces. Oldest and youngest sibling. It was hard for anyone to not know the basic Thor and Loki clashes. Mother issues. Father issues. Sibling issues. Mess was probably an understatement. But then that was family in general, right?
“I might surprise you,” he said with a glance down at the god. “If you don’t believe me, I could always project at your current situation. See how many scoffs and eye rolls I can get.”
There was a look towards the rest of the rooftop, vacated as it was. What else did he have to do right now beyond stew in his own slow-boiling temper and grow ever-increasingly more frustrated at himself? Ikol crossed his arms, then looked down at his feet. It was a quiet moment of thought.
“Fine. Surprise me. Regale me.” Ikol was quick off his mark towards one of the throw pillows, which he drew nearer and then planted himself into. “You like talking. Let’s see what you have.”
Ben’s eyebrows raised a moment in surprise at the offer being taken. Sure, taken maybe in jest or exasperation or something that wasn’t full curiosity, but taken none the less. He nodded slowly, silent for once as he pulled his thoughts together and also weighed the current seating position. On one hand, the angle might get awkward, but it provided a good distance. Both physical and mental. Just an actor on a stage, right? A performance that could easily be brushed off. Especially if any of his ‘projecting’ managed to hit a sore spot.
And it really was projecting. Even if he got pieces here and there from offhand comments and snark, he didn’t know Loki. He couldn’t even pretend to know all the details. But he knew his own experience and his own feelings. He’d lived this too often after all. Interaction in certain circles was always difficult. Every person was a landmine waiting to explode. Did strangers know his face and where from? How should he interact with people he knew? Would they recognize him as someone else? Could he forge new friendships or more with them as himself? Which always skirted around the one piece of family he yearned for. Even trying to bridge that gap for real… that was a whirlwind of thoughts and emotion that couldn’t really be touched.
That was just in his normal life. Right now he was getting a good dose of what to do when people you didn’t expect to be weren’t on the same page. Time difference. Dimensional difference that led to a divergence of memories. And that was just with the person who he could never turn away, not the can of worms he’d been avoiding since he told him to shove off on the network.
A final nod before he took a deep breath.
“Alright. We’re stuck here. Something nobody likes, but someone used to slipping in and out of situations? There always being some sort of out? Has to be infuriating.” He waved a hand out across the campus. “And now family’s come and it’s not even a place where you can just jet off as far from campus as possible. Sure, you have your issues from home, but it’s not even that. Because multiverse, right? It’s your family, but not too. A whole lot of question marks. A tricky situation to navigate and keep the upper hand even when you don’t have a shit load of baggage to go along with it. Even if you don’t want to deal with your issues, at least you know where you stand with your family.” The corner of his mouth twitched up slightly with a short snort. “Or you think you know. How to avoid, how to deflect, how to push all the buttons to get the outcome you want. But now…”
He shrugged, his head tilting to the side with the movement, prompting him to reach up and push his hair back out of his face.
“A mystery. Maybe she’s exactly the same. Maybe she’s not. But which ways will it be? Will the changes hurt whatever issues you have or just support that you’re right for holding them? You won’t know until you poke the beast, but will that information come out in a drizzle you can control and let be if you don’t like what you see or will it be a deluge that forces you to deal with everything? You don’t know her.” His gaze tracked downwards, focus aimed at his hands but not really latching on as they went distant. “And she doesn’t know you. Will she see you as how you want to be seen by her? Or will she not recognize you at all? Or, maybe worse, will she only see the parts of you that you know are from her Loki? And will those be the parts you loathe about him for one reason or another or maybe just…”
His brow furrowed slightly, trying to piece together that feeling. He wasn’t sure how it could apply to the Lokis, but there must be something equivalent. That yearning pushed on by desperate hope, but tinged by self doubt and hatred. “.... that recognition of something deep within you that transcends dimensions…”
A pause as he mulled over those last words a moment. He then blinked out of his stare, eyes training back to where Loki had taken a front row seat. His head tilted to the side in question as his hands spread open wide in a ‘so how did I do?’ gesture.
“Projection’s a little narrow focus, but I’m here all week and specialize in a whole lot of topics.”
The seconds after Ben finished were quiet. Ikol notched his chin on his cupped hands as he leaned forward on the pillow. There was enough said that rang true, but it wasn’t a Loki’s game to let on about everything. He looked at Ben, emerald green eyes narrowed and mouth pulled taut into an unyielding line.
“When was it that you felt so seen and unseen at the same time?” Ikol’s tone was steady as he asked. He regarded Ben, not merely as someone who might brandish a skintight hero suit, but as someone who seemed to have some insight into the complications of the multiverse, or perhaps whatever came with being taken for someone else. “Who was it that saw Ben Reilly, but took him for someone they knew and he happened to share some commonalities with?”
They were rhetorical questions. The answer wasn’t expected. It felt like it was less something to pry with and more a general acknowledgment that maybe they were speaking similar languages here. Being something else to what was expected. Being Other.
Ikol raised a hand and straightened up slightly. He gave a one-shoulder shrug. “I am happy for all who received something that they were missing this week. I don’t believe my searching for what I need will lead to any helpful outcomes, is all.”
For all the jokes of how much Ben liked to talk and that silence needed to be constantly filled, he did know how to keep quiet. To just shut up and observe. After all, that was part of the whole crime fighting gig too, right? Following trails and clues and hints. But it was more than that for him too. Being a non-entity trying to find a place in the world, he had to be tuned in to people. To know when things would go south before the heading was even changed. To know which people to maybe make a connection with and which ones to avoid. Maybe his judgement wasn’t always spot on, but it was still a habit he couldn’t just toss out.
And, really, observing the man in front of him was, well, god-tier levels. Well-known trickster that people still saw as the God of Lies. Yeah, not that type of person who would or could give away much. But he felt he still had a good passing read. Nothing he said hit a major nerve. There would have been some sort of reaction if that was the case, right? Most likely a dramatic brush off, but if it was the right nerve, maybe something more explosive and pointy.
Something struck a cord though. The wording of the questions showed that enough. His projecting boiled down into a show of simple understanding. Although he couldn’t help he amused smile at the first question. Really, that was just his life in general and the most recent incident had been just that very same day. And whether the questions were just the god processing more pieces to the ‘616 mystery man’ or actually reassessing how Ben fit into his scope of how much he could possibly empathize with, it didn’t matter. It was enough of an acknowledgement.
So there was an actual pause, a consideration of Loki’s words before he went on. “Doesn’t mean you don’t think about it though. Or yearn for it.” A hesitation. A consideration to leave it there, but that first question poked at him. He shrugged. “I have family I know I can never see and yet…” He circled a hand beside his head. “... the what if machine keeps on churning, even if maybe one in a hundred outcomes actually end well. Even when it’s just the way that’s best for everyone.”
It was hard to say if Ben was experiencing some amount of bravery or a lapse of good judgment, but that last confession pulled Ikol’s focus. He couldn’t help it. He was nosey. He was wanting of a story. He pulled himself up from his pillow out of restless energy and started to pace.
“Obviously seeing them is difficult from here, but I sense the barrier remains even if you’re in the same world, same time…” Ben’s leg was smacked with a playful backhand. “Did you betray them? Did you do something awful at the last family gathering and were kicked out?”
There was a pause, then… “Did you die at some point and the terms of being not dead are hard to explain? Are there deals with devils involved?” Because why not. Devils were usually part of the picture, somewhere and somehow.
Ben made a face as he pulled his leg up out of Loki’s reach. He rubbed where the god smacked for good measure, to add to the idea that the face was over the intrusion into personal space and not about the string of prying and yet very on the nose questions. Granted, none of them really applied to the family he’d been thinking of. No, that one was a case of her having no idea that he even existed and the can of worms that’d open if he were to introduce himself. But the others, well, they rang true on many levels of just some of the strain he’d put on various relationships. God, what was his life that all of those actually applied? His composure regained by the time he resettled criss cross apple sauce on the stairwell roof, he raised an eyebrow at Loki.
“Oh, is it your turn for projecting? I missed that we were swapping back and forth,” he gave as an answer before shrugging, as if Loki had been asking what he liked to do in his free time and not about death, devils, and betrayal. “Por qué no los dos?”
“You didn’t catch the pass? We’re sharing, Ben. Thus, you share, I share. We all share.” Ikol watched the other man tug his shin away, then fold his legs into a tidy pretzel. Flexible. No, that also checked out.
“Los dos also implies two things. I believe I listed a few more than that, even. Oh --” Suddenly, the trickster whipped his attention back to Ben. There was something here to latch onto and he was like a cat that had found small prey to hunt. “Have you ever met Mephisto? Tell me it was him. I despise that devil. Truthfully, I think he despises me equally. Underworld types, am I right?”
Ikol didn’t wait for a reply. “Of course I am. They’re all seedy.”
This time, Ben didn’t have as good a cover for the wince. There was good reason that they’d gone the full mask route with the whole Spider-Man get up. Sometimes controlling a reaction just did not happen well with them. He tried to meld it into just a wide-eyed start of having the god’s attention so keenly focused on him. A bit too enthusiastic, but really, that had to be better than moping about. Honestly, most things were better than just moping about and a distraction was a distraction.
“Well that answers where that question came from.” He frowned, his head tilting and his eyes narrowing to study the god. “Except for the fact that why would someone just as likely to be doling out deals be making them with the devil?”
“And that,” Ikol replied with one finger extended void-ward, “is where the open question session ends. You crash my turf, and I played the game for a bit -- but we’re not that close, Ben. No hard feelings.”
From the depths of a magical coat pocket, Ikol withdrew his phone and gave it an idle look as he unlocked it and started to jump through apps and network posts. “If you wish to stay for a bit and enjoy the fine Void air, you are welcome to do so. But, no personal talk. There is also an Atari that I haven’t fired up yet.” As Ikol finished, he flicked his phone’s screen off and looked up. Clearly the choices were given with the expectation of a quick answer.
So much for ‘we share’. Not that Ben was really surprised. That ‘game’ was always more fun when you were the one asking the questions, not being put in a position where you might actually have to answer them. Still, his hand went up in a ‘what the hell’ gesture, although more about the turf crashing than anything else. But then he hadn’t expected for an exploration of the rooflines to involve people staking claims. He was really getting tired of having to shift his natural preferences and instincts just because someone got there first. At least in the city there were other options and memories he might want to deal with anyways attached to certain places, but here…
“You might want to get a sign,” he pointed out, legs dangling over the edge of his perch again. “Or a fence. Since, y’know, public building rooftop.”
Honestly, he didn’t want to move. Despite the current bristly shift, there was still an odd level of comfort here that wandering off might completely dissipate. Plus video games were a good distraction and yet… His chin tilted up slightly in challenge.
“That no personal talk go both ways? ‘Cause I’d really hate to have some high score chance ruined because suddenly the time I got banned forever from family dinners because I brought the wrong type of cranberry sauce becomes more interesting.”
Ben’s ‘what the hell’ gesture earned a head tilt and a brow raise. It had been touching on why a Loki would make any such deal with Mephisto, and down that way was more than Ikol wished to divulge or hint at. He’d already made a confession about his magic aversion in the last week. No, there was a fine line and it would remain intact here.
“Again, most use the stairs, and I can keep that door decidedly shut,” Ikol replied evenly. “But if you want to recount familial stories for comedic spice, then by all means.”
He turned heel, and gestured at a TV stand with a TV and a makeshift entertainment system -- all without looking at Ben. “Grab a pillow. The controller doesn’t reach that far.”