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Aderyn Rhiannon Ceredig ([info]feuillemort) wrote in [info]nevermore_logs,
@ 2020-09-26 18:16:00

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Current mood: distressed
Entry tags:aderyn ceredig, iestyn ceredig, rhiannon llewellyn, saint david

WHO: Aderyn and Iestyn Ceredig, Saint David, Rhiannon
WHEN: Saturday night/Sunday v early morning
WHERE: Their room
WHAT: Just nightmares and bad times
WARNINGS: Mentions of sexual assault memories, torture memories.



Aderyn's lips were sewn shut, and they hurt so much her entire face throbbed. She was fully aware she was going to die, as starved as her body was and as thirsty as she was, it wasn't going to be long either. And the worst part of that wasn't the dying itself. It wasn't the hunger or the thirst clawing and raging inside her. No, there was something far worse that would come about when she succumbed.

She would be leaving Iestyn alone with Lucifer.

It wasn't like she could do anything to stop him now, but at least he knew she was here. She was with him. Once she was gone, he would have no support. No hope. Nothing.

Aderyn's eyes snapped to the stairway as a shadow preceded the arrival of Lucifer. She tried to shout to Iestyn, to warn his sleeping form that Lucifer was there. He was coming- And then Lucifer was on poor Iestyn, pinning him down. Her brother was definitely awake then, screaming and crying out for him to stop. For Addy to look away. For someone to save them.

Addy couldn't scream, and she couldn't look away. She stared in mute horror as Lucifer held her brother down and assaulted him. She could hear every whimper, every scream, every cry, and she couldn't do a thing, chained as she was, to the opposite wall, her lips sewn shut-


Addy jerked awake with a scream, which at least went far enough to prove her lips weren't sewn shut any more. But the room was dark and she didn't know where she was. There was the shadow of someone beside her in the bed and she didn't know who it was, so she just kept screaming.



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[info]piu_fermata
2020-09-26 06:43 am UTC (link)
Iestyn woke suddenly, disoriented at the screaming beside him, but it was hardly the first time this had happened, to either of them.

"Addy, Addy, it's not real," he said, flicking on the bedside lamp and wrapping his arms around his sister. "You're having a nightmare."

A moment later, David appeared at the door, bleary-eyed and wrapping a robe around himself over his pajamas. "What's happened?

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[info]feuillemort
2020-09-26 06:47 am UTC (link)
The second the light was on and she could see Iestyn was beside her and okay, she wrapped her arms around him. Maybe a little too hard. "Iestyn, oh my god!" she gasped, holding him tightly.

"Da!" she called out to him when he came in, and then she burst into tears.

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[info]piu_fermata
2020-09-26 07:19 am UTC (link)
Iestyn held onto Addy, stroking her back to soothe her. "It's not real, you're not there," he murmured.

David came in and sat down on a chair next to the bed, reaching out to rub Addy's shoulder. He could see now it had been another nightmare, and he let himself relax. There was no imminent danger, which is what he'd feared having woken so suddenly.

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[info]feuillemort
2020-09-26 08:06 am UTC (link)
Rhiannon was slower to arrive, as the guest bedroom was downstairs, but she walked in, clad in her purple robe, her eyes shaded with sleep. "Oh, sweetheart," she said soothingly, sitting on the end of the bed so she wasn't crowding.

Addy's face was buried in Iestyn's chest and she showed no signs of moving. "I dreamed he was hurting you, Iestyn. I was dying and I was going to leave you and I wouldn't be able to stop him hurting you."

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[info]piu_fermata
2020-09-26 01:04 pm UTC (link)
Iestyn grimaced. It wasn't his best thought, remembering how hopeless and helpless he'd felt watching his sister leave him behind. He caught David's eye for a second, but looked away, moving his hand to stroke the back of Addy's head. "It was just a dream," he said softly.

David glanced across at Rhiannon. He had had a suspicion that there were things that Iestyn and Aderyn had kept to themselves about their confinement that they hadn't shared, but he didn't want to prod at that sensitive spot until they were ready to talk about it.

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[info]feuillemort
2020-09-26 01:09 pm UTC (link)
"It was a memory!" she hissed, even though in the dream it had all been jumbled up. "I know you don't want me to have seen, and you don't talk about it, but I saw what he did! I saw him- Iestyn, I saw him. And I- All I could think was that I was leaving you and he was just going to keep doing it again and again-"

Rhiannon didn't know what Addy was trying to say, but cold dread stole into her stomach and without even thinking about it, she inched over and reached for David's free hand.

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[info]piu_fermata
2020-09-26 01:18 pm UTC (link)
"Don't- don't-" Iestyn wanted to push the words back into her mouth, didn't want the pity, the eyes looking at him, knowing what he did. He glanced between David and Rhiannon, looking furtive and guilty and sick, and closed his eyes.

David pressed his lips into a thin line. Just when he thought he had a handle on dealing with all this trauma, a new thing would rear its ugly head and turn everything around again. He held out his hand and let Rhiannon take it, because it was such a simple thing to offer comfort when it was asked for, and not something he bregrudged.

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[info]feuillemort
2020-09-26 01:24 pm UTC (link)
"Iestyn-" Rhiannon breathed. "My darling boy, whatever he did to you, it wasn't your fault." She had seen that look of guilt on him before, but never so harrowed. Never so sick.

Aderyn sat up then, look at him, her expression crushed. "I had to watch it! I had to watch him touch you-"

Rhiannon wanted to wail in anguish, but she kept her expression open and loving even as the floor was falling out from under her.

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[info]piu_fermata
2020-09-26 09:39 pm UTC (link)
"I didn't want that!" Iestyn protested. "I didn't want any of it!" He didn't want to talk about it, didn't want to think about it, wanted to lock it all away in a small dark box and bury it down deep where it couldn't hurt him.

"Of course you didn't. Nobody blames you for anything," David said softly. "But Aderyn feels pain for you too. We all love you, no matter what."

Iestyn shot him a look of such disbelief that his heart clenched for him.

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[info]feuillemort
2020-09-27 11:44 pm UTC (link)
"You told him to stop! He said no," she told Rhiannon and David, in case they needed extra confirmation. "He screamed it."

Rhiannon, however, hadn't needed any extra confirmation, and knowing that her darling nephew was raped while screaming was definitely not on her list of things she wanted to hear. She wanted to scream herself, or vomit, or throw things, but reacting like that wasn't what Iestyn needed. She would pull David aside later, and they could lose their shit together.

For now, she leaned forward, "Iestyn, your father's right. We all love you so much. It sounds to me like that awful man took advantage of something beautiful about you, and that is not your fault. You are wonderful the way you are. And this was not your fault."

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[info]piu_fermata
2020-09-28 12:09 pm UTC (link)
Iestyn let out a shaky breath, only able to hear Lucifer's whisper in his ear- Won't your family be so ashamed of you. Abomination. Pervert. Sick.

It was so hard, so hard, to verbalise his pain over this. "You don't know what I-" He could feel the gag in the back of his throat, a reminder of that nights spent vomiting his guts up and shivering on the bathroom floor. "I- I just wanted to get it over-"

David dropped his gaze and rubbed his hand across his face, trying not to tear up over this new uncovered wound.

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[info]feuillemort
2020-09-28 12:15 pm UTC (link)
"Of course you did," Rhiannon soothed again. "Iestyn, sweetheart. Can I hug you, darling? Of course it's alright if you say no. What do you mean we don't know what you?"

Addy sniffed and she leaned up, crawling across the bed to insert her still tiny body into David's arms for a hug.

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[info]piu_fermata
2020-09-28 01:08 pm UTC (link)
David was happy to have Addy to hold onto. It made him feel better having her, even though she'd come to him for comfort. He tried to think if there was anything he could do, but he felt at a loss. It just wasn't straightforward to fix.

Iestyn didn't know what to do, but he didn't say no to Rhiannon. "He- he made me- c-" He did gag on the word that time, and burst into tears, covering his face with his hands and leaning towards Rhiannon in his misery.

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[info]staticasthesea
2020-09-28 01:13 pm UTC (link)
"Sweetheart, it's okay," Rhiannon soothed. She wrapped her arms around Iestyn and she planted a kiss on his head. "I understand. I understand what he made you do." She glanced over at David, her expression crushed. "It's not your fault. Those things...do what they're going to. It doesn't mean you wanted it." She chewed on her lip for a moment and then admitted, "it's happened to me to. So you see, I'm never going to think of you differently. Not ever. All I'm ever going to do is love you. So much."

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[info]piu_fermata
2020-09-28 08:20 pm UTC (link)
David met Rhiannon's eyes over Addy's head, feeling deeply sorrowful too. He felt awful for what his poor children had to go through, and for Rhiannon too. It wasn't right. He held Addy tighter, stroking her hair.

Iestyn was crying too hard to ask her what she meant, his face pressed into her shoulder and his hands clinging to her robe. It hurt, all of it hurt, and Addy's pain over him hurt too. He didn't know how to deal with it all, it was too big.

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[info]staticasthesea
2020-09-29 08:44 am UTC (link)
Rhiannon just held him, her hands soothing over his back, letting him cling. She kept up her muttered litany of love and support, never letting up for a second. She never wanted Iestyn or Aderyn to every doubt she loved them more than anything else. Nothing could change that, especially not awful devils who twisted everything good.

Aderyn clung to David, just as tightly, her face buried in his chest. "I'm supposed to protect him. And I couldn't."

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[info]piu_fermata
2020-09-29 09:13 am UTC (link)
"You did all you could," David said, rocking her gently. "Nobody could have asked for more."

Eventually, Iestyn's sobs subsided to hiccupy sniffles, and he turned his head, although stayed leaning against his aunt. "I miss Mum so much," he said, "but I'm so thankful she didn't have to see this."

At that David teared up, and cast up a small prayer to Bridget, hoping that he was doing well enough in her stead.

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[info]staticasthesea
2020-09-29 09:21 am UTC (link)
Rhiannon thought her heart couldn't break more, but it could. "I can understand why you feel that way," she soothed. "But you know she would be right here, loving you just as much as always. I miss her too."

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[info]piu_fermata
2020-09-29 09:54 am UTC (link)
"I know. But she had enough pain." Iestyn glanced at Addy, then closed his eyes. "What did you mean, it's happened to you?" he asked in a smaller voice, a bit tentatively.

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[info]staticasthesea
2020-09-29 10:10 am UTC (link)
Rhiannon let out a long, slow breath and then she dropped her head to plant a kiss on Iestyn's hair. She hadn't told anyone this before, not even Bridget, and opening up about it now was only to make Iestyn feel better. She shot a wary look at David, but she couldn't very well ask him to leave while his children were so upset.

"I was in university," Rhiannon started, "my first semester. My only semester. And a professor- I went to see him for help and he- He locked me in his office. Didn't let me out until he was done. I never went back. Bridget always thought I quit to take care of our Ma, but when she got her diagnosis, I had already stopped going. Do you think differently of me, Iestyn?"

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[info]piu_fermata
2020-09-29 10:46 am UTC (link)
Iestyn knew this was one of those rhetorical tricks to make him feel less hard upon himself, but there was only one answer to the question, and he shook his head. "But you never told anyone."

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[info]staticasthesea
2020-09-29 10:51 am UTC (link)
"You got me there, kid," she admitted. "No, I didn't. But I should have. Because keeping it inside has- Well when was the last time I dated anyone?"

"N-never?" Addy answered, her voice small.

"Exactly," Rhiannon sighed. "I should have, because it wasn't my fault. And it wasn't your fault. People hurt us, and what happened is on them."

"I love you," Addy whispered to her aunty.

"My dearest girl, I love you too," was Rhiannon's reply.

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[info]piu_fermata
2020-09-29 11:16 am UTC (link)
Iestyn was silent for a moment, thinking it over, being drawn out despite himself.

"They have a demon who pretends to be other people. Before it pretended to be Da, it pretended to be Alan. Lucifer made him-" He took a deep breath. "Made him put his- his mouth on me. But I thought it- that it was him, being tortured too. And he had photos, of me and Alan, taken before, when we were together. Spying photos. I felt so- so-" He trailed off, feeling too exhausted to cry again.

"A gross violation." David shook his head again sadly. "That is just awful." He felt so sad that their trust had been shattered so badly.

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[info]staticasthesea
2020-09-29 11:28 am UTC (link)
"You had no reason to think it was anyone else," Rhiannon soothed. "My dearest boy, I hate that this was done to you. You are so brave to talk about it. So brave. And you survived. Everything he threw at you, you survived. I don't have words for how amazing you both are."

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[info]piu_fermata
2020-09-29 12:00 pm UTC (link)
Iestyn sighed heavily. "I sure don't feel amazing." He pulled away to lie down again on the bed, feeling completely wrung out. "Thank you," he added, reaching out to squeeze Rhiannon's hand.

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[info]feuillemort
2020-09-29 12:04 pm UTC (link)
The moment Iestyn pulled away from Rhiannon, Aderyn was out of her father's arms and beside her brother again. "I just want to keep you safe," she told him, holding him tight.

"No. And feeling amazing might be some time off, but you'll get there," Rhiannon promised him. "I know you will because I have so much faith in both of you. My two favourite people in the whole world."

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[info]piu_fermata
2020-09-30 10:05 am UTC (link)
"I know," Iestyn sighed, hugging Addy back. "Maybe a bit of sleep will help."

"We love you both very much," David said, getting to his feet. His head was starting to hurt too, repressed emotion manifesting itself physically.

"Will you leave the light on in the hallway?" Iestyn asked, and David nodded yes and bent to kiss both of their foreheads.

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[info]staticasthesea
2020-09-30 10:10 am UTC (link)
Aderyn cuddled down beside Iestyn, content to try to sleep again if the light was on. Rhiannon did as David and done, bending to kiss both of them goodnight and then she headed out of the room on David's heels.

Once they were out of sight, Rhiannon reached for his hand again. "Kitchen. Tea." There was no way she was going to go back to sleep right now.

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[info]dewi_sant
2020-09-30 10:13 am UTC (link)
David nodded and followed her down the stairs, not exhaling his ragged sigh until the kitchen door was safely closed behind them. The he ran his hands through his hair and closed his eyes against the sorrow he felt.

"It's so hard," he said softly. "I don't know what to do."

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[info]staticasthesea
2020-09-30 10:35 am UTC (link)
Rhiannon went to flick the kettle on and then she leaned against the kitchen bench, her expression stormy. "You did everything right, David," she assured him. "It is hard. It's awful. But you're doing everything right."

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[info]dewi_sant
2020-09-30 11:33 am UTC (link)
"I can't fix it. I wish I could fix it." David shook his head, fetching two mugs out of the cupboard. "At least if I could guarantee he won't come back for them, so they could move on properly... "

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[info]staticasthesea
2020-09-30 12:01 pm UTC (link)
"No one can fix it," Rhiannon nodded, "and knowing that is the hardest thing. But you can keep doing what you're doing. What they need now is just constant love and support. A reminder they are loved. That what happened to them hasn't made them any less worthy of anything." Rhiannon didn't know what to do about Lucifer possibly trying any of this again. She knew the twins wouldn't survive it. "You're a good father, David."

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[info]dewi_sant
2020-09-30 07:47 pm UTC (link)
David let out another deep sigh. He knew everything she said already, but sometimes it didn't hurt to hear it again.

"If Bridget were here..."

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[info]staticasthesea
2020-10-02 10:22 am UTC (link)
"If Bridget were here, she would be so proud of you," Rhiannon said firmly. "And she would be proud of them. They're trying so hard. They're going to get through this. And they're lucky to have you beside them."

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