Mary Magdalene (gospel_of_mary) wrote in nevermore_logs, @ 2012-04-23 08:14:00 |
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Entry tags: | judas iscariot, mary magdalene |
WHO: Mary & Judas
WHEN: Sunday night
WHERE: A bar somewhere
WARNINGS: language, sex
Mary felt like she was never not tired anymore. What had this year taken out of her more than any of those that had come before it? She found herself praying nightly, please let it end. She wanted the End of Days, for everything to be washed clean and to be unborn if that was how it was to happen with all of them.
Mary was pretty sure she didn't believe in the Apocalypse anymore though. They were nothing but belief, every single one of them, and it was clear that that had to extend to God as well. There would be no End of Days unless humanity made it happen and there would be no Heaven waiting to welcome her.
Sebastian's arrogant words about changing himself kept coming back to her and they made her quietly fume. None of them could change, not really. They could only ever be what man molded them to be, even those of them that had once been real. (And had she been real? Yes, she remembered it but what did any of that even mean? Plenty of those who had never been anything but stories remembered lives as well, so what made hers more real? What made Jesus exist just because some of them - written in a story long ago - remembered him?)
There were superficial changes Mary made to herself, things that twisted and changed, but she would always be Mary Magdalene and that woman they painted and prayed to would be whatever they wanted.
She resented all those prayers tonight, even more than other nights it seemed. She wanted to hate every single voice in her head that whispered for protection, for forgiveness, for guidance. Couldn't they see she had none to give?
Mary hadn't managed to pick up anyone tonight, her sombre mood and buried anger not working in her favour, but as she approached her crappy apartment she felt the familiar presence, and coming closer she knew he was in the bar. The bar under her own apartment, of all the places her could have been in the city.
So, worn out and empty, she walked in and quietly scanned the room for him.
Judas was nothing if not a man intent on punishing himself. He knew Mary's apartment was above, and yet he went into that bar anyway, despite his still tender ribs. As he sat at the bar, he yawned, exhausted by the constant self-punishment. He wished he could bury himself away and sleep until the Second Coming, and then it would be okay because He would be back.
He was at the bottom of his third beer when Mary came in, not drunk enough to claim that as an excuse to avoid her. He merely hunched his shoulders and pouted into his empty glass, the hair on the back of his neck prickling.
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[info]gospel_of_mary
2012-04-23 12:35 pm UTC (link) DeleteFreezeScreenTrack This Select
It was only for a moment that Mary considered violence and rage, but the thought passed her quickly. Too tired, too lost, too... everything.
But she approached him still, walking over slowly to lean at against the bar, her eyes on his hunched form.
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[info]faithtraitor
2012-04-23 12:45 pm UTC (link) DeleteFreezeScreenTrack This Select
He sighed and turned before she made herself known to him, meeting her eyes a moment. Then he nodded to the stool next to him, that she could sit if she wanted to. "If you decide to beat me again, please aim for the less-bruised parts," he said, sort-of joking.
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[info]gospel_of_mary
2012-04-23 12:54 pm UTC (link) DeleteFreezeScreenTrack This Select
"You come drinking at the only bar in all of New York City that I'm sure to find you at," Mary said, her voice quiet and flat as she sat down on the stool. "Glutton for punishment doesn't even seem to cover it."
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[info]faithtraitor
2012-04-23 01:07 pm UTC (link) DeleteFreezeScreenTrack This Select
Judas shrugged a shoulder apathetically. "Yeah well. It's better than moping around at home. Do you want a drink?" he said, signaling to the bartender.
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[info]gospel_of_mary
2012-04-23 01:12 pm UTC (link) DeleteFreezeScreenTrack This Select
"Haven't eaten much. Probably not a good idea." But she was ordering the same beer as Judas as soon as the bartender was in hearing range. When it was passed over to her she took a long drink from the bottle before setting it back down, not sure what to say to Judas, the man to whom she'd once been able to say anything.
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[info]faithtraitor
2012-04-23 01:15 pm UTC (link) DeleteFreezeScreenTrack This Select
Judas tapped his fingers against the bottle, and they sat together in silence for a little while.
"I shouldn't have... barged in on you, the other night," he said at last, a little hesitant. "So, I guess, sorry for that. I mean, really sorry. Cos of... yeah. Eh heh." He didn't look at her.
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[info]gospel_of_mary
2012-04-23 01:20 pm UTC (link) DeleteFreezeScreenTrack This Select
"Sorries don't change anything," Mary said, watching her bottle as she turned it in hand. Her tone wasn't accusing (for once) just a statement of fact. The both of them could be sorry forever but it would never make things better.
She took another sip from the bottle and then turned to him slowly. She reached out a hand, putting it on his cheek to make him look at her. And then she kissed him softly.
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[info]faithtraitor
2012-04-23 01:31 pm UTC (link) DeleteFreezeScreenTrack This Select
To say he was surprised was an understatement. He kissed her back for a moment, but then he held back stiffly, waiting for the follow-through. "You aren't here to betray me, are you?" he asked, foolishly, because he is nothing if not a glutton for punishment.
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[info]gospel_of_mary
2012-04-23 01:38 pm UTC (link) DeleteFreezeScreenTrack This Select
He drew back but Mary didn't move at all, just opened her eyes so that she could see him. "And how would I betray you?" she asked him honestly. He didn't trust her nor did she trust him. She'd made no promise to Judas so there was no oath she could break.
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[info]faithtraitor
2012-04-23 01:48 pm UTC (link) DeleteFreezeScreenTrack This Select
Judas shrugged sort of vaguely, giving it a moment before leaning back in so she could kiss him again. This was a lot more preferable to being kicked, and she seemed a lot more mellow than last time tonight. He lifted a hand to place it on her shoulder, wondering how far this was going.
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[info]gospel_of_mary
2012-04-23 01:56 pm UTC (link) DeleteFreezeScreenTrack This Select
When she did draw back from the kiss it wasn't to end it. Instead she said, "come upstairs." She was not fire and violence tonight, not like the last time. But nor was there anything romantic about what she wanted now. It was simply that she was alone and she hoped the human contact would make her feel better. Mary always felt isolated and alone without sex and maybe just for tonight she could bury that.
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[info]faithtraitor
2012-04-23 02:01 pm UTC (link) DeleteFreezeScreenTrack This Select
Judas did hesitate for a moment, but then he nodded. She didn't look as if she was leading him into a trap, so long as that Aztec was definitely out of the picture. Even if he wasn't, right now Judas felt he wouldn't care if he got beheaded again. The rest of the bar blurred out and he followed that beautiful woman up the steps to her apartment.
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[info]gospel_of_mary
2012-04-23 02:26 pm UTC (link) DeleteFreezeScreenTrack This Select
Once through that awkward window entrance, Mary moved to flick on the bare bulb that sat by the bed, casting a dim and gloomy light over everything that didn't quite reach the corners of the room, small as it was.
Then she turned back to Judas, undoing the zip on the side of her dress without making an attempt at it being a seduction. But she watched him as she did so, kicking off her uncomfortable heels. Mary didn't know exactly what she wanted or expected from Judas. She didn't even understand what she was searching for in him. Was it something of what they'd once had? It had never been like this though. In Israel she had never even considered Judas in sexual or romantic terms. He had been her friend and confidante, but never a lover.
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[info]faithtraitor
2012-04-23 02:35 pm UTC (link) DeleteFreezeScreenTrack This Select
He watched her for a moment, then shrugged off his jacket. He had always wanted her, at least a little, but it had been different back then. They'd both loved Jesus, and Judas knew that anything he could have had with her then would have meant nothing at all when her heart belonged to Him. He began unbuttoning his shirt, wondering if he should be trying to undress her instead.
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[info]gospel_of_mary
2012-04-23 03:09 pm UTC (link) DeleteFreezeScreenTrack This Select
Naked, Mary approached Judas and helped slip the shirt off him. Then she laid a kiss upon his bare shoulder, and then against his chest. She could see the bruises she'd left on his body, even though her own body was blocking most of the lamp light.
Her hands tonight were tender and gentle with him and Mary didn't speak as she removed his pants and then drew him to the bed, reclining and reaching out a hand for him to join her.
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[info]faithtraitor
2012-04-23 11:56 pm UTC (link) DeleteFreezeScreenTrack This Select
He wasn't really sure why she was being so gentle to him. Maybe it was an apology for the other night, maybe it was convenience. He didn't want to speak in case it broke the spell. He bent over her and kissed her as he joined her on the bed, one hand caressing her side. He lay next to her, half on top of her, so there was as much skin contact as possible. It was close and quiet in that tiny room, but that was as it should have been.
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[info]gospel_of_mary
2012-04-24 05:44 am UTC (link) DeleteFreezeScreenTrack This Select
Judas' body was warm against hers and although Mary still hated him, that comfort was better than an empty bed. She drew him onto her, inside of her, her face pressing into his shoulder as she encouraged a rhythm.
She didn't kiss him and the only sound was of their bodies and their breath. After he came Mary slipped herself gently free from beneath him, her breathing heavy and her mouth dry.
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[info]faithtraitor
2012-04-24 06:17 am UTC (link) DeleteFreezeScreenTrack This Select
Judas lay next to her, breathing heavily as he tried to pull himself together. Gently he kissed her shoulder, then sighed deeply. He wasn't sure what to say.
"Mary, I," he began, his voice a little rough. Then he cleared his throat. "I have some cigarettes in my pocket if you want one."
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[info]gospel_of_mary
2012-04-24 11:17 am UTC (link) DeleteFreezeScreenTrack This Select
She shifted, sitting to lean against the wall behind them, one leg half drawn up to balance her. "Yeah," she said quietly. "Alright."
She didn't reach for blankets to cover herself, but just waited for him to get the smokes. Mary had little modesty when it came to her body.
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[info]faithtraitor
2012-04-24 11:48 am UTC (link) DeleteFreezeScreenTrack This Select
He got up to rummage in his discarded clothes for the smokes and his lighter, glancing only quickly at Mary as he rejoined her. He found an empty glass on the floor they could use as a temporary ashtray.He pulled the blankets up over them before he rolled two cigarettes, lit up both at once, and then passed one to Mary. Then he sighed and leaned back against the wall to inhale deeply and let it out slowly.
"Well... that was... good."
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[info]gospel_of_mary
2012-04-24 12:01 pm UTC (link) DeleteFreezeScreenTrack This Select
Mary turned her head slowly to look at him with a withering expression of did you really just say that? But then she took a deep drag on the smoke between her fingers and when she released it said, "or something."
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[info]faithtraitor
2012-04-24 12:33 pm UTC (link) DeleteFreezeScreenTrack This Select
Judas paused, then shrugged a shoulder. "I guess." He let the silence hang then, feeling weary. The cig was making him feel relaxed and tired, and when he was done with it he ground it out on the side of the glass and lay back, arms crossed over his chest, his gaze following the shadowy lines of the cracks in the ceiling. He really didn't feel like moving, but he supposed Mary would kick him out in a moment.
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[info]gospel_of_mary
2012-04-24 12:49 pm UTC (link) DeleteFreezeScreenTrack This Select
Mary smoke slowly, letting it rest between her fingers more often than it was between her lips. Finally she asked, "do you believe that people can change?"
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[info]faithtraitor
2012-04-24 12:59 pm UTC (link) DeleteFreezeScreenTrack This Select
"I guess," Judas answered after a minute. "Given the right motivation."
"Not people-people," Mary clarified, stubbing out the end of her cigarette and leaning forward to toss it with force across the room. "Us. The things that we are."
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[info]faithtraitor
2012-04-24 01:13 pm UTC (link) DeleteFreezeScreenTrack This Select
"Oh." Judas stared at the ceiling some more. "Maybe. I've probably changed. I've got more bitter. I'm trying to tidy myself up a bit. Agatha is trying anyway. Agatha hasn't changed, I don't think. She's still a virgin martyr. Um." He tried to think of other immortals he knew, which didn't amount to many. He tended to avoid them. "Thomas is alright, but I haven't actually seen him in so long I don't know what he was like before now."
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[info]gospel_of_mary
2012-04-24 01:18 pm UTC (link) DeleteFreezeScreenTrack This Select
"I fucking hate saints," Mary muttered, her lips twisted into a snarl. "Every single one of them, pretentious do-gooder assholes who give too much of a shit about mortals." Mary gave too much of a shit about human beings as well, but it was easy to pretend she didn't. At least for a little while.
"I don't believe we can change," Mary said stubbornly, climbing out of the bed and walking to the sink. "I believe we are whatever we are and that's it." Leaning down she put her mouth under the tap to drink from the flow.
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[info]faithtraitor
2012-04-24 02:28 pm UTC (link) DeleteFreezeScreenTrack This Select
Judas really had no idea either way, so he sniffed and shrugged. "So I'm the betrayer forever then," he said dully. "Good. I'm startin to like being hated." He considered rolling another cigarette, maybe a spliff. "You don't happen to have anythin a bit stronger about, do you?"
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[info]gospel_of_mary
2012-04-26 02:31 am UTC (link) DeleteFreezeScreenTrack This Select
"Just as you deserve," Mary told him before turning off the tap and reaching under the sink to pull out the half-empty bottle of bourbon there. Walking over, she dropped it onto the bed beside him and then sat down herself at the end, resting her elbows on her knees and considering the dark patch of floor where Judas' blood had left a stain last time.
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[info]faithtraitor
2012-04-26 05:33 am UTC (link) DeleteFreezeScreenTrack This Select
Judas shot her a look of annoyance, and took the bottle. "Just... fucking... leave it, alright?" he said, not very loudly, so she could pretend she didn't hear it if she wanted, lacking conviction. He swigged from the bottle.
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[info]gospel_of_mary
2012-04-26 12:18 pm UTC (link) DeleteFreezeScreenTrack This Select
Mary didn't sneer, but it was an expression not all that far off. Her back was turned to him though so he wouldn't have seen it. "Like to came to me expecting to hear praise," she muttered with a shake of her head, and then added: "Like either of us are things that deserve happiness."
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[info]faithtraitor
2012-04-26 12:33 pm UTC (link) DeleteFreezeScreenTrack This Select
"Yeah well for once I'd like to not be reminded of it every five seconds," Judas grumbled. "Sometimes I wanna fuck and smoke and get wasted and not have to think about what I did. So just can it for tonight, willya? Fuck." He took a long pull from the bottle and thrust it at Mary, then grabbed his tobacco to roll another cigarette angrily. "You got any pot? Agatha has the nose of a bloodhound, I swear to God, I can't get anything past her."
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[info]gospel_of_mary
2012-04-26 12:47 pm UTC (link) DeleteFreezeScreenTrack This Select
Mary spun on him where she sat, hair whipping over her bare shoulders and eyes angry. "What do think this is?" she demanded of him. "Do you think we're socalising here? Do you think we're friends?" The word was venomous, biting, hissed.
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[info]faithtraitor
2012-04-26 12:52 pm UTC (link) DeleteFreezeScreenTrack This Select
"Do you have anyone else?" Judas snarked back, unfazed. "Lets be honest, if you had a better option, you sure wouldn't be fucking me." He lit up the cigarette and blew the smoke out of the corner of his mouth.
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[info]gospel_of_mary
2012-04-26 12:57 pm UTC (link) DeleteFreezeScreenTrack This Select
Now she stood quickly, advancing on him along the side of the bed. "That's it," she told him, grabbing his arm to pull him up. "Out. I'm done."
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[info]faithtraitor
2012-04-26 01:08 pm UTC (link) DeleteFreezeScreenTrack This Select
"Oh come oooon!" Judas groaned, trying to shake her off. "Fuck's sake Mary, it's okay for you to insult me but I can't insult myself?" He rolled his eyes and got up, shaking off Mary's hand and grabbing hold of her upper arms firmly. "I'm gonna take a piss. Here, have a smoke and calm down, okay? Can we just- not?" He put his cigarette on the side table, then wandered away towards the bathroom, scratching his head. "I think you owe me one anyway."
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[info]gospel_of_mary
2012-04-26 01:11 pm UTC (link) DeleteFreezeScreenTrack This Select
"I'll shoot you," she told him as he went towards the bathroom, but even to herself her voice lacked conviction. She could beat him up and take all her pain out him him, but she wasn't capable of taking a human life, not even his worthless one.
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[info]faithtraitor
2012-04-26 01:25 pm UTC (link) DeleteFreezeScreenTrack This Select
"Yeah, yeah," Judas said, waving a hand over his shoulder. He didn't bother closing the door while he pissed, and he was humming a tune under his breath that he couldn't quite place. It sounded vaguely churchy though. He came back to the bedroom and scratched his ear, looking at Mary.
"Look, Mary, I just- can we at least be frenemies or something, cos you're about the only person that even gets any of this, and you have an amazing rack, and I'd like for sometimes to talk to someone who doesn't secretly think I need reforming. You know I'm a shithead, and I don't care if you're a whore, and I'll let you beat me up sometimes if it makes you feel any better. I'm not asking you to forgive me. I know you can't. I can't forgive me. I just want to be able to- I dunno. I mean-" he laughed slightly. "We're both standing here naked, we know each others' darkest secrets, and you gotta admit that the sex is alright. Or I'll go right now if you really hate my face that much, but I'd rather stay here. Go another round?" He knew that last comment was pushing it, but he said it with a little smile that used to be able to win girls over, a long time ago.
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[info]gospel_of_mary
2012-04-26 01:46 pm UTC (link) DeleteFreezeScreenTrack This Select
Mary watched him for a long time, that smile of his doing nothing for her. Once she'd found it charming. She'd found him charming. She'd been nothing more than an unwell young woman when Jesus had cured her and then let her travel with his apostles. Those men - most of them - had been so different to anything she'd known before, and those that welcomed her - which hadn't been all of the apostles - had welcomed her so completely and with such love. Like Judas. He'd been handsome and kind and clever and she liked speaking with him into a late hours of the night as campfires burned down.
"I'm going to have a shower," Mary told him coldly, walking past. She hadn't, she noticed, actually said no to his ridiculous suggestions.
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[info]faithtraitor
2012-04-26 01:59 pm UTC (link) DeleteFreezeScreenTrack This Select
Judas smirked, and quickly wiped it away. "I could join you," he suggested, going to pick up his half-smoked cigarette. She hadn't said no. For once, he felt a little bit better.
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[info]gospel_of_mary
2012-04-26 02:07 pm UTC (link) DeleteFreezeScreenTrack This Select
His smugness burned underneath her skin and she turned back, grabbing him as he went for the smokes and shoving him into the wall, jamming her forearm against his windpipe. "If you're trying to make this meeting go like the last one then keep talking, smartass."
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[info]faithtraitor
2012-04-26 02:15 pm UTC (link) DeleteFreezeScreenTrack This Select
Judas made a sound of surprise and pain, grimacing at the tightness across his throat. He had a sudden flashback to the first time they met, the hard fuck in the alley before her stupid Aztec boyfriend chopped his neck open. It wouldn't be so bad if there were more times like that, minus the dying of course.
"Could be worse," he grunted, not trying to push her away, because her other hand was free and she could go for the tender spots.
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[info]gospel_of_mary
2012-04-26 02:27 pm UTC (link) DeleteFreezeScreenTrack This Select
Mary narrowed her eyes on him, keeping her forearm against his throat. She didn't know what she was supposed to do anymore. But it was true what Judas had said - she didn't have anyone else. She'd lost the only man who had loved her - if Huitzilopotchli had ever even loved her - and the others she knew just put up with her and nothing more.
So without letting him breath easier she reached now and slowly ran her fingers up the inside of his thigh, eyes locked on his.
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[info]faithtraitor
2012-04-26 02:36 pm UTC (link) DeleteFreezeScreenTrack This Select
Judas twitched, watching Mary's face as he wondered whether she was going to do something nice with that hand, or give him a savage punch to the balls instead. The mystery of it was kinda intriguing.
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[info]gospel_of_mary
2012-04-26 02:43 pm UTC (link) DeleteFreezeScreenTrack This Select
She was tempted to rip his balls off (just for a moment, just because he deserved it) but instead her touch was gentle, fingers slowly working to make Judas hard even as she pressed a little more into his throat.
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[info]faithtraitor
2012-04-26 02:48 pm UTC (link) DeleteFreezeScreenTrack This Select
"Could be a lot worse," Judas said, his body needing little encouragement to respond. He was being molested by a gorgeous naked woman, who could turn on him at a moment's provocation. What was not to like?
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[info]gospel_of_mary
2012-04-26 02:52 pm UTC (link) DeleteFreezeScreenTrack This Select
There were things that Mary was very good at. Handjobs were one of those things. She told herself as she stroked him that she could destroy him whenever she wanted, that she could rip him apart. But she didn't want to.
"Tell me you want me," Mary whispered as she pressed harder against his windpipe.
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[info]faithtraitor
2012-04-26 03:01 pm UTC (link) DeleteFreezeScreenTrack This Select
"'Course I want you. I've always wanted you. Look at you." He could just feel her nipples against his skin if he leaned out a bit. Holy shit, there were some pleasurable side effects to whoring.
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[info]gospel_of_mary
2012-04-26 03:11 pm UTC (link) DeleteFreezeScreenTrack This Select
I've always wanted you. It was exactly the right thing to say to Mary, who so desperately needed to be wanted, who craved being desired, who forced down the loneliness and the guilt with the touch of hungry men.
The hand that choked him stopped, slipping her hand down onto the side of his neck to yank him close and kiss him fiercely, her hand still working between them.
Her kiss threw him off balance for a moment, but he caught himself and kissed her back just as hungrily. She was the only one who had any idea of the self-loathing he battled with every day. She might just let him hate himself without adding the guilt of trying to make him a better person. Agatha was a wonderful person but in her efforts to improve him, he always felt he was a bit of a disappointment, because he can never be the man she seems to think he can be. Mary might even take the drink and drugs with him, so they could hate themselves in comfort. His hips jerked into her hand and he wrapped an arm around her back, the other hand on her breast. He didn't care about getting as far as her bed even, but it would be more comfortable than the floor.
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[info]gospel_of_mary
2012-04-26 03:44 pm UTC (link) DeleteFreezeScreenTrack This Select
Already her breathing was growing thick with lust, her own hips moving against him. She bit down on his lip hard - although not enough to draw blood - and hissed, "fuck me. Just- fuck me." Make me forget everything that isn't right now.
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[info]faithtraitor
2012-04-26 03:56 pm UTC (link) DeleteFreezeScreenTrack This Select
Judas needed no second invitation. The first time had been all soft and silent; this time it was rough and noisy. He got her onto the bed and didn't waste time, burying himself into her as deep as he could go. He worked out his frustrations on her, until he came with a curse, fingers digging into her hips.