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Aderyn Rhiannon Ceredig ([info]feuillemort) wrote in [info]nevermore_logs,
@ 2022-02-25 22:56:00

Previous Entry  Add to memories!  Tell a Friend!  Next Entry
Entry tags:aderyn ceredig, henry claus, iestyn ceredig, saint david

WHO: Addy Ceredig, Iestyn Ceredig, Saint David, Henry Claus
WHEN: Saturday Feb 26th
WHERE: Medical tattoo place
WHAT: Medical tattoos and trauma
WARNINGS: TBA but memories of Lucifer's basement



Addy hardly ever left her room without concealer on. It didn't matter if all she was going to do was schlub around at home, she was in full-face from sunup to sundown. She could count on one hand the amount of times anyone who wasn't Iestyn had seen her scars, and most of those were when she was in the hospital. Or when she had literally just vomited on Henry and then cleaned herself off. Addy hated them. Didn't like to see them in the mirror. Didn't like other people seeing them and either looking at her with pity, or not looking at her at all. The scars were large and ugly and they told a story far more terrible without Addy ever having to say a word.

Today though. Today was her first tattoo session and she was going without makeup. She had had one session where large photos had been taken so colour matching could be done, and she had gone in full face and then she had had to clean it all off in the bathroom and it had felt horrible. So for the entire ride, she huddled in the backseat with Iestyn. Henry and David were in the front seats, doggedly trying to have a cheerful and distracting conversation but Addy kept her hoody pulled up over her head and she clung to her brother's arm.

They pulled to a stop in the car park, and Addy turned to Iestyn, frowning. "Remind me I'll be okay?"


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[info]piu_fermata
2022-02-25 11:01 am UTC (link)
Iestyn was feeling nervous, there was no denying it. He just wanted this whole thing to go well for his sister, so very much. He wanted to see her happier with herself again. And he wanted to see this over and done with.

"You'll be okay," he said quietly back to Addy, and he squeezed her hand gently, not wanting to show his anxiety and almost managing it. "This will all be over soon."

"Here we are," called David from the front seat, turning to look over his shoulder. "Are you ready?"

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[info]feuillemort
2022-02-25 11:08 am UTC (link)
Of course she wasn't ready, but she wasn't going to let that stop her either. So she nodded and sort of slid out of the car like a morose blob. The second Iestyn was out as well, her hand was back in his again. She needed him beside her.

They walked into the little office, which didn't look like a tattoo parlor at all. Which made sense, considering they only did cosmetic tattoos to cover scars. Addy signed in, and she didn't even have to wait, they were all escorted through to the little suite in the back.

The tattooist, Grainne, had met Addy last time, and she knew at least some of the details on how the scars came about. Addy loved that Grainne was easygoing and didn't seem to pity Addy. She likely saw so many scars that she was used to keeping neutral. "Up on the table then, Aderyn," Grainne said, patting the table. She then turned to introduce herself to the rest of them. "I'm Grainne! I'm here to make this as pleasant as possible so if any of you need anything let me know," she said, before offering her hands to each of them in turn.

"I'm Henry," he said, shaking her hand first. "I'm the soon-to-be brother-in-law."

"Oooh, exciting!" Grainne said, before reaching for Iestyn's hand.

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[info]piu_fermata
2022-02-25 11:41 am UTC (link)
Iestyn nodded to her and shook her hand. "I'm Aderyn's twin Iestyn," he said, and stepped back to let David take over, asking about how long this was likely to take and what kind of expectations there were and if he could play some music perhaps.

Iestyn turned to Addy and leaned in close against her shoulder, and his eyes scanned across towards the table with the tattoo machine on it, and he felt a thud in the bottom of his gut. "You'll be okay," he whispered again, partly for his own reassurance. "It'll be over before you know it."

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[info]feuillemort
2022-02-25 11:49 am UTC (link)
"Of course, you can play any music you want to!" Grainne was saying to David. "And we'll play this first session by ear. If Addy needs a break or to stop for a while we can do that. Whatever makes everyone feel most comfortable."

Addy laid back on the little bed, and her hands went out to hold David's hand on one side and Iestyn's on the other. Henry, ever dutiful, stepped up to put a hand on Iestyn's shoulder, just letting his fiance know he was there without crowding. Grainne got chairs for all of them so they didn't have to stand awkwardly.

Grainne finally took her seat and she pulled over a mirror so she could look at the scars, magnified. "I'm going to start now, but I want you to tell me if you need to pause or stop, okay, Addy?"

Addy nodded, and then she looked over at the tattoo gun and squeezed her eyes shut. "It's going to be alright," Grainne reassured her, remember to keep breathing."

Grainne got a little of the colour and leaned in close, the sound of the machine was loud, all of a sudden, and then the needle started doing it's work and Addy let out a shocked cry. Grainne stopped as Addy squeezed her brother and dad's hands. "No. No, I'm okay, keep going," Addy hissed and Grainne complied. If she kept her eyes shut maybe, just maybe she could forget about all of this.

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[info]piu_fermata
2022-02-25 12:05 pm UTC (link)
David pulled out his phone and his reading glasses, and frowned at the screen as he searched for the playlist he and Addy had prepared together and pressed play. Hopefully the music would help to distract from the drone of the machine.

Iestyn startled a little at Addy's cry, and felt a twist in his stomach that made him take in a deep breath and let it out slowly, trying to calm himself and not draw focus from what Addy was going through. The needle glinted in the overhead light and he had to look down at his lap, unable to watch, his pulse rushing in his ears.

It is fine. She is fine. This is helping. He told himself this over and over, focusing on maintaining a calming breathing pattern.

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[info]feuillemort
2022-02-25 12:09 pm UTC (link)
Addy squeezed her eyes shut and she tried to listen to the music she had picked out. She tried so hard, but it hurt and the longer her eyes were closed the less and less she was able to pretend this wasn't happening. And then images of Lucifer above her, the needle glinting as he held it close for her to see- Addy's eyes flew open, reminding herself that it wasn't Lucifer, it was Grainne who was nice and helping and she wasn't about to die.

God, she had been so close to dying-

Henry noticed Iestyn's breathing going a little funny, but he didn't draw attention to it. He knew Iestyn wouldn't want that. He did start rubbing Iestyn's back though.

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[info]piu_fermata
2022-02-25 12:42 pm UTC (link)
Iestyn risked a glance up at Addy's face, and saw how pale she looked, and the way she had her eyes shut, her mouth tense as the tattooist leaned over her. He felt a surge of nausea, a cold sweat breaking out on his forehead and prickling his back.

It was too close, too much to watch this. He felt woozy and sick. His hand was gripping Addy's tighter, maybe too tight, as he was taken back to that moment in the dungeon.

"Henry," he whispered, turning his head away and taking deep breaths to calm his stomach. "Can I get some water? I'm feeling-" He pressed his lips together and swallowed hard. He could do this, he could fight through it, for Addy he could do this!

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[info]feuillemort
2022-02-26 04:31 am UTC (link)
Henry worried at his lip for a moment, before jumping up to help. "In the little kitchenette there's water, mugs, tea, instant coffee," Grainne explained. "Take whatever you need."

Henry nodded and went to grab Iestyn a glass of water. He brought it back and sat close, trying to model deep, slow breaths, in and out. He rubbed Iestyn's back, showing support without making a big deal out of it. He wanted to suggest they take a breather, but he didn't know how that would go over. He would let Iestyn lead.

Addy, for her part, just kept clinging. It was fucking cruel that in order to get past this terrible thing Lucifer had done to her, she had to endure yet more pain. And yes, the pain wasn't as sharp or as awful, and she wasn't nearly dead of starvation or thirst right before her ability to eat and drink was robbed of her- It was still fucking bullshit and she hated it.

When Addy considered that time, however, it wasn't the ability to eat or drink being taken away that she hated most. It was that she honestly believed they were her last hours on earth, and she couldn't spend them telling Iestyn over and over again how much she fucking loved him. She couldn't give him sweet words to remember her by, or bolster his strength so he could carry on. All she could do was watch mutely as Iestyn suffered the terrible anguish of knowing he was going to lose her. And she couldn't say a thing to ease that for him.

Those thoughts, whirling to the surface, made her whimper and squeeze her eyes shut again, her hands tightening against David and Iestyn's grip with every little stab of the needle, even as she whispered, "keep going."

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[info]piu_fermata
2022-02-26 10:39 am UTC (link)
Iestyn and Addy were holding onto each other's hands so tightly their knuckles were turning white. Iestyn was barely feeling the discomfort from it, just trying to breathe through the horrible sickly clammy feeling he had, trying to push past the gut-wrenching feeling of watching his bubbly, talkative sister dying slowly in silence. The water helped, but he took a swallow and then just held onto the glass for dear life.

"Can we pause a moment please?" David spoke up, and waited for Grainne to stop and pull back before he spoke again. His children, both so brave and struggling with their demons so hard, just needed to be told that it was okay to step back. "Iestyn, you are very pale, son. Are you feeling unwell?"

Iestyn risked a glance upwards towards his father, but his eyes flicked to Addy with her lips pressed tightly together and he had to close his eyes and exhale a careful breath.

"It's alright if you need to step out," David said gently. "I will stay with Aderyn and take care of her." He looked to his daughter, brows lifted slightly in query, hoping she would tell Iestyn it was alright to take care of himself too.

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[info]feuillemort
2022-02-26 10:45 am UTC (link)
Addy forced her eyes open and she chanced a look at Iestyn. God, he was pale. He looked haunted and she hated seeing him like that; her sweet, wonderful brother. "Annwyl," she said firmly, "go take a breath. I have Da with me."

Henry, who was relieved that David had stepped up and taken over, stood first so he could help Iestyn to his feet. "Come on, babe, let's go get some air, hmm? Just for a little while?"

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[info]piu_fermata
2022-02-26 11:43 am UTC (link)
Iestyn hesitated, not wanting to abandon Addy. David was giving him a reassuring nod though, and after a long moment he gave in. He let Henry help him up. "I'm sorry," he murmured to Addy. "I didn't want to let you down."

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[info]philosophos
2022-02-26 11:47 am UTC (link)
"That's really not what's happening here, Annwyl," she reassured him. She had said someone would need to be there for him in case it was all too much. She was pretty sure if he was the one with the mouth scars, she would be in the same boat. "I've got Da and my playlist. It's okay."

Henry led Iestyn out into the little waiting room, which was blessedly empty. "Do you need to sit or do you want to go outside?" His poor, sweet Iestyn looked so dreadful.

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[info]piu_fermata
2022-02-26 11:59 am UTC (link)
"Outside," Iestyn croaked, just needing the space around him. He stepped out and let the cool air refresh him and help alleviate the clamminess of his skin. Then, once he'd had a moment, he finished the rest of his water. "Oh god. Henry-" Turning towards his partner, he buried his face into Henry's shoulder, not crying but breathing very deeply and needing his support.


Inside, David smiled at Addy. Privately, he thought maybe she would do better without Iestyn there too, because their private horror fed off each other. She wouldn't feel the need to manage Iestyn's feelings as well as her own without him there. "Are you able to continue?"

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[info]philosophos
2022-02-26 12:04 pm UTC (link)
"Oh, baby, it's okay. I've got you," Henry soothed, wrapping his arms around Iestyn, one hand going to stroke Iestyn's hair. "I've got you, my love. Oh, honey. It's okay. Addy's okay. I know, that had to be so hard to watch."

Addy firmed her jaw when David asked if she could continue. "I want this," she said, shaking but determined. She leaned back down and nodded to Grainne, who smiled warmly at her and started the process up again. Addy snaked her hand into her father's and she signalled for him to turn the music up, just a bit.

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[info]piu_fermata
2022-02-26 12:41 pm UTC (link)
Iestyn slowly let the tension leak out of him, Henry's arms cradling him helping to make the nausea fade a bit. "I thought I could do it," he mumbled. "I just wanted to support her."


David held Addy's hand gently, stroking the back of it soothingly as he pressed play on the music again. Music soothes the savage beast, so they say, and as he hummed along with it, he put his energy into using that to soothe Addy, and let the pain and discomfort fade enough that she could make it through this.

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[info]philosophos
2022-02-27 11:08 am UTC (link)
"You do support her," Henry was quick to say. "It's okay to know you need a break too. She wasn't the only one this happened to," he reminded Iestyn gently. "You didn't do anything wrong. Do you want to go on a walk, or sit out here a while?"

Addy realised she should have just had her dad there and asked him to use his saintyness from the beginning. She could feel whatever good vibes he was sending out flowing into her hand from his, and throughout her body, and it was working. She let out a sigh of relief and just relaxed.

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[info]piu_fermata
2022-02-28 10:29 am UTC (link)
"A walk, maybe," Iestyn said, looking back at the door, wanting to be with Addy while at the same time needing to move further away from the trauma. "God, it was almost like- like watching her- all over again- It was worse than I expected." He turned his face away from the building and pressed his hands against his cheeks.

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[info]philosophos
2022-02-28 10:36 am UTC (link)
Henry wrapped one arm around Iestyn, and he used it to guide his fiance slowly away from the building so they could take a little walk in the fresh air. He was glad that the air was warming up a little, and he had put at least some of his weight back on so he wasn't freezing.

"That must have been the most terrifying thing," Henry said quietly. "In the basement. Of course seeing the tattoo machine is going to bring back memories. She's safe though, even if she's not having a great time."

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[info]piu_fermata
2022-02-28 10:59 am UTC (link)
"I know, I know, it's not rational," Iestyn said, hugging his arms around himself. "It's not the same thing, I know it isn't, I just- it just came up like-" He shook his head to try and remove the memory from his mind, hoping he wouldn't revisit this in his sleep later on. At least he had Henry beside him on this. It did make things easier.

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[info]philosophos
2022-02-28 11:02 am UTC (link)
Henry pulled Iestyn in close to kiss his head. "She's so brave though. Isn't she?" Maybe if they focused on how brave Addy was for doing this even though it hurt, instead of why it needed to happen in the first place, that would help? "It has to be scary, and she's doing it anyway. She's so brave."

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[info]piu_fermata
2022-02-28 11:55 am UTC (link)
Iestyn nodded. He knew how brave Addy was, he'd always know it, ever since they were kids on the playground. Of the two of them, she was definitely the braver one. Certainly the bolder.

"When we were kids, I remember one time a kid chucked a rock at me and it made me cry, and she just let them Have. It. Took on a boy twice her size and won. She has always defied expectations." He let out a soft "Hah," tiredly amused at the memory.

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[info]philosophos
2022-03-01 09:51 am UTC (link)
The corner of Henry's mouth quirked up when he thought of Addy, facing off against some bully twice her size. But then - that had been what had gotten her mouth sewn shut in the first place, wasn't it? Addy had told Henry she had seen Lucifer just going after Iestyn and she had feared Iestyn breaking and something had snapped. She had screamed at the devil. She had called him names and told him he was nothing but a powerless bully and he had nearly killed her for it.

Ever since that story, Henry never questioned the lengths Addy would go to in order to protect her brother.

"She's a badass," Henry said, impressed. "Pure badass. You are too," Henry said, giving Iestyn a squeeze. "In a quieter, steadier way."

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[info]piu_fermata
2022-03-01 11:13 am UTC (link)
Iestyn glanced at Henry, and then after a moment, said with a quiet sigh, "I try."

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[info]philosophos
2022-03-01 11:17 am UTC (link)
"Babe," Henry stopped walking so he could take Iestyn's hands into his own. He sort of felt like this might require looking deeply into each other's eyes. "You were put through the ringer because of your sexuality and you still have the balls to love out loud. To get up on stage most weekends in a dress, singing your heart out. Don't ever think you're not also a badass, just because you needed to step away from a traumatising situation to get some air."

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[info]piu_fermata
2022-03-01 11:44 am UTC (link)
Iestyn looked back at Henry and gave him a faint smile. "Thank you," he said. "You're always... You're you. The best you." He squeezed Henry's hands. "Do you think she would be upset if I wait out here until she's done? She has Da, she's not alone... Just the thought of going back in is... I don't want her to have to think about me being sick when this is her healing process."

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[info]philosophos
2022-03-01 11:48 am UTC (link)
"I don't think Addy could ever truly be upset with you, babe," Henry said, leaning in to kiss Iestyn's forehead. "And I know she would understand you needing to wait out here. You're right, she has your Dad with her. She'll be okay. I can shoot David a text if you want to let him know? And then we can keep walking? They can text us when it's all done and instead we can fuss over her for the next few days?" Addy wasnt going to be able to speak well, and she was going to have to eat soft food. Henry had already offered to make about 8,000 different types of Jello.

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[info]piu_fermata
2022-03-01 12:12 pm UTC (link)
With a nod, Iestyn agreed, but with the caveat that he would do the texting himself. He felt like he should be the one to do it. "It'll be a couple of hours yet. Should we find a cafe?" he suggested as he put his phone away. "I could really go for a nice cup of tea."

Tea and Henry, and the knowledge that Addy was on the way to being able to smile at herself in the mirror again. Silver linings.

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