Who: Ernie Macmillan and Justin Finch-Fletchley What: Ernie and Justin may have been drifting apart -- they come back together over stress, secrets and sorting papers When: Wedesday, 21 March, late evening Where: Longhaven, Edinburgh Warnings: none really
There were times, in the past, that Ernie would not have felt guilty about showing up to Justin’s house late at night without any notification. After the war, if there was one person he could count on to be up all hours of the night, avoiding their nightmares, it was his best friend. But things felt far more awkward these days and Ernie knew he’d contributed some to this current feeling. He’d been mysterious and secretive, and Justin had a whole new life that didn’t revolve around their cloistered group of Hufflepuffs. Soon, Ernie suspected, he would too, and that was one of the items fueling his fear for what future he was building: that their splintering off into different industries, different relationships, would do to his stalwart friendships what Death Eaters hadn’t been able to. How did anyone juggle all of this? He didn’t know, but he also suspected that he wasn’t doing a very good job at it, that this was something that came natural to other people that weren’t him.
Rather than knock on the door, Ernie took the familiar path around the house, the fence opening up to him like a door was carved into it, and went to the small back garden to find a bit of gravel he could shoot up at Justin’s window. There, still, was a small pile he’d made just under Justin’s window, so he picked one up and launched it at the glass two floors up.
Longhaven House had always been open to Justin's friends, even more after the War. When he couldn't sleep, he was sure that another would be along sooner or later. Maybe it was odd, for a bunch of wizarding kids to find refuge in among the walls of muggles, but the War sometimes felt that much further away in his parents' home. As he stood in his bedroom, trying to figure out what was staying here and what would be moving over to the flat in Newington.
At first he didn't noticed the soft PLINK of stones against the glass, mostly because he had Radio 1 on for background noise. It wasn't until the fourth, or maybe the fifth, that he finally opened the window and popped his head out. "Ernie?" His brow furrowed as he saw his friend standing down at ground level. This wasn't all that unusual, but he honestly was surprised to see the other Hufflepuff. Thing had gotten awkward over the journals and he was just going to let the other simmer until it either cooled down or boiled over. "You know there's a door, right?" he gestured in it's vague direction. "Unlocked any everything."
“I didn’t want to run into your mother,” Ernie called up, his hands going into his pockets now that Justin had appeared, his shoulders up around his ears as he bounced a little in place. “I really want to avoid an interrogation.”
"Nah." Justin shook his head. "She and Dad are in London. Some play premiere, I think." He hadn't been interested in going and he liked the idea of them having a night out together. Plus he'd grown really spoiled when it came to magical transportation. He wasn't sure he could stand the ride down to London if he wasn't doing the driving and his mother hated when he drove. Said he went too fast. Ha. As if that were a thing. (She maybe had a point.)
"You wanna come up? Or go down to the pub?" He had a few notes in his wallet or he could put it on his credit card.
“I’ll come up, if you don’t mind. I don’t… I probably shouldn’t be here too long - I’m fucking buried,” Ernie hedged as, rather than waiting for a reply, he continued his walk to the french doors that led into the dining area. It wasn’t a lie - Ernie had the worn-through look of a man who was living by coffee and only just keeping his nose above the waves. Streaks of iridescent powder were on his heavy dark jeans and a little in his hair as he tapped the doorknobs thoughtlessly and walked in.
Justin took him at his word as he gave up sorting out what clothes and personal items would be coming with him to the flat. There was a matter of furniture, but that was what IKEA was for, and maybe a few items that were stuck up in the attic. He closed the window and began to make his way down the stairs, meeting Ernie halfway.
The others' appearance shocked Justin a tad. He hadn't seen much of his best friend at the football match or the book launch party, but he had admittedly been distracted by other matters and people. Guilt tugged at Justin slightly. He'd been so wrapped up in Monte and their relationship that he'd often ignored his mates. Justin pressed his lips together in a slight frown and promised himself to do better. Yes, thing and priorities might be shifting, but he couldn't ignore the people that had gotten him here.
Ernie looked up at Justin coming down the stairs and, at the surprised look on his face, immediately frowned.
“It’s still in my hair, isn’t it?” He made an annoyed sound and waved his hand. “Nothing for it, I guess. What was I interrupting?”
There was a suggestion that Ernie might want to try a shower just on the tip of his tongue, but Justin thought better of it. "I forgot to eat dinner," not an unusual occurrence when he didn't have anywhere to be or anyone to tell him what to do, "but I have leftovers from last night's take away. Want some?"
He didn't wait for an answer, but instead led the way back to the kitchen. "Nothing terribly important. Packing. I'd forgotten how terrible it was."
Ernie himself couldn’t remember the last time he’d eaten but he was nearly sure it was the morning when he had Margie to take care of him and leave him a thermos of coffee along with some sort of breakfast food. But the rest of the day had been filled with re-glazing the inside of the display with the powdered Opaleye scales and then cleaning up that mess (ineffectively, it seemed), then recoupling it to the receiver and then, and then, and then - there was always something next and thought he knew that the list was getting shorter, so were the days. It played on his conscience, but he knew himself well enough to know that if it was all-nighters here on out, that he needed to punctuate them with, if not sleep, then some company.
He followed Justin into the kitchen. “I’d think it’d be easier since it’s all going, right? Put everything in boxes and away with it. When is your move in date?” he asked as he absently picked up a banana from the fruit bowl.
Justin gave an noncommittal noise. His bedroom furniture was going to stay here, mostly because it didn't fit in the flat. "Twenty-fifth? Twenty-sixth? Technically my lease starts on the first, but they said I could move in a few days early if I wanted." He gestured with his hand vaguely as he found the leftover pizza he mentioned.
Since it was just the two of them and reheating it in the oven would take too long, Justin used his wand to crisp it back up again. He scrounged up a few napkins and indicated that Ernie should eat something. "Drink?" he got a coke out for himself. So much better than pumpkin juice.
“Coffee?” he asked optimistically as he started separating out a piece of pizza from the small cluster of slices that remained. “I should be squared away this weekend if you need some help moving boxes -- presuming you’re just going to side-along them over rather than try to haul furniture up a landing. Are you excited? Gosh, I’m excited for you. Your own place to not worry about your parents walking in on you, your choice in art work on the walls, your own kitchen to learn how to cook in.” Ernie shoved the tail end of the bubbling hot slice into his mouth and took a bite. “Are you going to do a housewarming party?”
"We've got instant or you could wait for french press." Justin cracked open the can of soda and picked out his own slice of pizza. He had to pause and thing. He and Monte were going to look at RSPCA for dogs, but they hadn't nailed down an exact time just yet.
"I'm probably going to get mostly new stuff at IKEA––a muggle furniture store," he explained, "if you want to join in on shopping?" He wanted to avoid talking about when his father walked in on Monte and him a few weeks ago, though that was a motivating factor. "And I can cook. Sort of." It was just a total coincidence that he relied on takeaway more often than not.
"Do you think I should do a housewarming party?"
“I don’t know. Seems… well. You and I aren’t suffering for money. Seems a little solicitous to have a party to get housewares. But, I’m sure no one would say no to a party in Edinburgh at Justin’s new flat. Well - I suppose that depends on who you invite,” Ernie amended, thinking that it wouldn’t be just the usual folks. He looked to reconsider it a moment - what would Fraser do - as he went over to start pulling out the french press from the cabinet he knew it was in.
“Might be a good opportunity though to make acquaintances you’ll need though,” Ernie supposed as he started filling up the carafe with water so that he could charm it hot. “Or strengthen them, as the case may be.”
Justin chewed on his pizza thoughtfully. He didn't like the idea of throwing a party just to meet acquaintances. Not in a cheap student flat anyway. Or a relatively inexpensive flat where a lot of students congregated. "It's not big enough for anything really grand. I even wonder if we could get everyone from the DA in there." Probably not, but it was also doubtful that everyone would come.
He shook his head. "I know things are changing, but they don't have to change." Justin paused and took a deep drink of soda. "Okay, that sounded better in my head, but if I'm having a party at my flat, I'm not inviting people I barely know so they can poke about my medicine cabinet. We both know Wayne's going to do that anyway."
Ernie chewed on his bite distractedly, going to the freezer to take the bag of coffee grounds out of it and start shaking a large amount of them into the charmed hot water. “Aren’t they, though?” Ernie suggested as he gave them a swirl with the end of his wand and put the plunger on to steep. “Changing? Not that that’s bad, of course - I mean, Monte is great. And Banchory is going to be great too. But… well… things have changed a lot,” Ernie said awkwardly, if honestly. “Both of us.”
Justin watched as Ernie moved about the kitchen with simple familiarity. He didn't want this to change, even as they they started new ventures. Banchory could very well fail miserably, which Justin knew very well, but didn't let on he believed, lest the wrong person overhear and take advantage of his doubts. "They have," he said cautiously. "But I think this is what most people go through after leaving school." And when they didn't have a War to delay this rite of adulthood.
He pushed another slice over to Ernie. It looked like he needed it. "So we have different interests. Maybe we'll start having a slightly wider group of friends that don't completely overlap. But you're in my parents' house and know where everything is. Do you think I would let just anyone here?" His parents weren't defenseless, but they were muggles. There were very few people Justin would trust them with.
“I think you’re a little late to keep me out,” Ernie said with a half-smile as he swallowed another third of his slice and looked down at the one Justin pushed over to him. Turning his slice over, he made something of a sandwich off the pizza slices and dangled the whole thing over his mouth so he could bite the two slices even.
“I think,” he said as soon as he swallowed, his voice careful, “that I think regardless of anything- anyone - else, I’d like to keep you as my best friend.”
"I wasn't aware that was something we needed to talk about." This time Justin did frown fully, the gears turning over in his head. "Have I missed something?" Was it Monte, he wanted to ask. He knew that he got wrapped up in the Quidditch player, but he figured that was just the novelty of a new relationship. He could remember Hannah when she first got with Neville. "Did I do something wrong?" Justin hated how small his voice sounded, but he couldn't feign confidence. Not about this.
He couldn't imagine a time without Ernie by his side. Yes, he was verging on something completely new and exciting with Monte, but that was a relationship completely different and apart than his friendship with Ernie. Ernie was his brother in everything but blood. If Ernie thought that there was a chance that wasn't the case anymore, then trouble ran deeper than either of them thought.
Ernie pursed his lips, then shook his head solemnly. “No. I did,” he said with a frown, then his mental timer went off. He got up silently and went over to get a mug to pour his pressed coffee into without any adulteration. Retaking his seat, he set the mug down and put his hands on the island countertop.
You know this is going to make you feel better, he reminded himself. Honesty, whatever the outcome, generally did. But his heart pounded a little faster, and not just because all he’d drunk the last two days was coffee. Just say it.
“I have a boyfriend,” he said, biting his bottom lip as he cupped the coffee between his two hands. “Em. A secret one. Obviously,” he concluded, the volume of his voice dropping more and more as felt his heart beat faster still.
The words didn’t quite register for Justin at first. Because he was so used to talking about his boyfriend, that the idea that Ernie could have one as well just didn’t make immediate sense. “A boyfriend,” he repeated. “A secret boyfriend.”
His brow couldn’t furrow any further than it already had. The immediate part of him was hurt, because why hadn’t his friend thought to share it with him, but then his brain began to catch up with him. He hadn’t exactly been forthcoming when it came to Monte, waiting until they had been together for almost two months before announcing it after he’d fainted and then only out of necessity. Ernie hadn’t had to tell him, but he had chosen to. Likely before he had told anyone else. So while yes, it hurt, Justin also needed to get over himself.
“Does he make you happy,” he started, putting down his can of soda, “and he didn’t ask to be a secret because he’s ashamed of you, did he?” Truthfully, that upset Justin more than the whole secret in the first place. Ernie deserved to have someone who knew exactly how brilliant he was.
And there it was, right there; packaged neatly and less threateningly than perhaps Ernie had feared. Ernie took a sip of his coffee - his strengthener in this moment - and put the cup down.
“I suppose… we both were. Are. Still. Sort of. Unsure of what happens next. Whether we’re worth each other pitching over our families. What… maybe shame isn’t the right emotion. But… oh. We just have a lot to lose, regardless of whether it’s fair or not,” Ernie said into his coffee cup. “Yes, though. He makes me happy. Very happy. Happier… happier than I ever expected I’d allow myself.”
Only just then did he look up at Justin. “It’s different than friends, isn’t it? I can’t place my finger just how but it’s not just… friends that… well. Get together. It’s a bit of a different sensibility. You know?” he asked, picking up his pizza sandwich and nibbling at the end, not feeling all that hungry with the way his stomach was turning over, butterflies churned anew.
Justin did know. Hanging out with Monte was different than hanging out with any of his friends. For one, there was a lot more touching and silent looks that conveyed more meaning than he ever thought. They might not have many inside jokes as he did with his friends, but Justin was asking Monte about his thoughts about dogs. Not Ernie. Not Susan. Not Hannah. Not Wayne. And so on. So yeah, it was different, but not bad.
“You deserve to be happy,” Justin said with conviction, his shouldered squared back and with firmness that he hadn’t felt in while. Because this was a subject he knew quite a bit about. “And if your family wants you to be happy. Or they should.” He thought back to what he knew about the Macmillans. They seemed to be more progressive than some of the other old wizarding families. That only promised good things, right? “And if not, the rest of us will be happy for you.”
“Happiness isn’t the great determinator or driver of pureblood life - success is,” Ernie replied distantly. “People don’t get disowned because it makes someone happier - they do it to stabilize or improve their success. I don’t… I don’t think I have much to worry about with my grandmother because she has Fraser, and so long as she’s amenable, no one else will dare say a word. But on the other side… I don’t think my mother is going to be so polite as yours was.”
Justin snorted, not caring how that looked or sounded, because he was getting real tired of this pureblood bullshit. "So you're saying, that even after all you've done to fight against pureblood superiority and so on, you're still going to cling to the idea that your entire purpose in life is pop out wee bairn for the next generation?" He purposefully over exaggerated his accent. "I call bullshit on that."
Because success was something completely different and apart from procreating. Justin fully believed that Ernie's invention would help revolutionize the wizarding world. And that had fuck all to do with who his friend chose to sleep or not sleep with. "And if they do disown you for that, then they're nothing but close minded little bigots." And if they did that, Justin would finance Ernie's inventions himself, regardless of what might be tied up with Banchory. He'd figure it out.
“I’m fairly sure that the proceeds from the invention will undoubtedly keep me, if not the lifestyle I”ve become accustomed to, than certainly not out on the street. It’s just…”
Ernie rubbed his eye under his glasses and tried to relax some; it felt impossible. “All of those things can be true and all of those things can still be very difficult in practice. I don’t need you tell me these things Justin - I already know them. I’m just… I’m just trying to explain… it’s hard, alright? I know it’s hunky dory now in the Muggle world, but it’s not here. This wasn’t the way I grew up. It’s hard. And you telling me everyone is stupid and I should just blow them all off is… I know it’s the ending. Alright. I know it is,” he concluded dejectedly.
Justin opened his mouth and closed it. Ernie had a point, even if he didn’t like what was being said. If he maintained that his friends could sympathize with his experiences of being a muggleborn, but never fully understand, then the same must be true for the pureblood experience. He simply shook his head. “Maybe your parents will surprise you,” he finally offered as a sort of olive branch.
Maybe it was time for a change of topic.
“Are you ready for Friday then?” Justin had no idea if that was the right topic to shift to, but he was pretty sure discussing what was going on between Hannah and Neville and the question of when the Gryffindor would finally propose was something he should stay away from. That journal conversation had ended awkwardly. And since when had things been awkward between them?
It was a gear shift but one he could handle… somewhat. Ernie slid his forehead onto the counter and moaned dramatically. “I don’t knooooooow,” he moaned. “I keep getting terrified it will suddenly hail bludger-sized ice and everything’ll be ruined or that I’ll show up and everything will be gone, stolen by some… one. Or broken. Just, in pieces.” This was more classically Ernie - panicking less over the things he could control and all the things he couldn’t.
This version of Ernie Justin knew how to deal with. "It's not going to hail," he said patiently. "There's not even a chance of snow that day. I checked at the sources I could think of." The day he got the invitation, Justin went about looking at all the muggle and wizarding sources when it came to predicting the weather. "In fact, most of them seemed to agree that you will have reasonably nice weather."
Reaching over, he poured the remaining press-pot coffee into Ernie's cup and got up to dump the coffee grounds. He should probably switch his friend over to decaf. Or maybe water, but if his friend wanted to over caffeinate himself, that was his choice. Ernie was a big boy. "And the team has plenty of security, knowing your family. Nobody is going to steal them, " he reasoned, taking a seat. "And nobody is just going to come over and break things for shits and giggles."
Justin popped the remaining crust into his mouth and chewed thoughtfully, placing a hand on Ernie's shoulder and patting it. Hopefully that didn't come off as condescending. Helga, Hannah was always better at this than he was. "It's going to be aces, you know."
“I just don’t want to embarrass myself,” he said exhaustedly. “I know it works. But to build it up and invite people and bloody cater it, only to have something catch on fire and explode - I’ll never live down the shame. I even invited the patents officer - god…”
Ernie looked up, a sixth sense telling him there was more coffee in his cup. He raised his head further enough to sneak the cup under his mouth to take another sip, then looked at Justin. “Can I help you pack up your room? Just for a little while? Just for the distraction - I’m bloody mental.”
Explosions could be fun, Justin wanted to point out, but didn't out of concern for his friend's mental health. What Ernie needed was to be built up. Poking him at the exact wrong place and moment would only deflate him. He'd save that for next time, Justin promised himself. "Sure, let me get another coke." He also retrieved a glass filled with ice before gesturing that Ernie and his coffee should follow him back upstairs.
"Not everything is going," he explained as he wandered into the room that served as a quasi-sitting room and study right before his bedroom. Normally he was a relatively neat person, fully committed to good organizational habits, but even Justin could admit that it looked a little disreputable. Piles of books and papers were stacked about the room. But at least they were neat stacks. Most of his school things were staying here, save for a handful of mementos from friends and his DA coin. There was also a whole matter of Banchory related paraphernalia, including the framed antique Banchory uniform he'd received from Kirsten McBride. "I'm going to a muggle furniture store to get stuff that'll actually fit in the flat and if the dog ruins it, it won't be the end of the world."
Justin paused, realizing he had only told Monte about a new pet companion. "My parents don't like the idea of me living by myself so they're paying all the adoption fees and such when I pick one out."
Ernie raised an eyebrow at the prospect of a dog. “You? With a dog?” he said abruptly, trying to imagine his very neat friend with a dog that would live in his house most of the day while Justin was doing Banchory things. ‘Dog person’ was not the first thing that rose to mind when describing Justin. “I always pictured you more… as a cat person. And they can be incredibly loyal and protective - cut a jugular without warning,” Ernie snickered as he went over to look at the framed Banchory uniform.
“Besides - don’t they know you’ll be having a guest most nights?” he asked, raising an eyebrow and looking slightly smug.
Justin wasn't much of a pet person to begin with, so he was hoping that the dog thing would be easy. Maybe not, considering the way Ernie sniggered. "I think they're pretending that's not the case and Monte's allergic to cats anyway." He stooped down to inspect a pile of papers, of which only a lone photo made the cut to the Newington box. Everything else he banished into a box labeled FOURTH YEAR. "Or maybe they're hoping the dog will be a giant distraction." Nevermind that he and Monte hadn't even reached that point yet. Any times he ended up staying over, the only thing that happened as sleep and Justin always remembered to take his pills with him.
"But it would be kind of nice to have a dog. Take it places. And things like that. Can't do that with a cat." He remembered back just after the war and his leg was still healing, his therapist had suggested getting a pet of some kind. It hadn't happened then, but better late than never, right?
“That’s true. I think dogs are grand - they’re so friendly, they seem to know when you’re sad, you’ll never need an alarm clock. I thought about getting one myself but, you know, I can’t even keep track of my own eating habits let alone another creature. I don’t think they are trying to distract you from Monte, though. Did she ask you about meeting him and his parents?” The she was, of course, Justin’s mother.
Getting up and being forced to account for another's well being was part of the reason why the therapist suggested a dog in the first place, but Justin thought he hadn't done too badly for himself. Of course, that was when he lived with his parents, who, while not exactly known for their helicopter ways, could at least keep an eye on him. Which had been one of the arguments his mother had used against the whole flat thing. Along with the fact that he didn't have a full, steady job (apparently burgeoning sports franchise owner didn't cut it) and he had never paid bills before.
"We might have discussed it," Justin hedged, "over some very loud and angry statements." It was his dad who had brokered the compromise, which had included the dog and the promise that before summer hit that they would at least get to meet Monte proper before meeting Monte's parents. Justin also needed to find a job of some sort, wizarding or muggle, beyond organizing Banchory. Probably at some point he should tell them about Jason's offer with Uplift, but that could wait and make it seem like he was actually trying to find work. There was also the matter of him needing to tell his parents things rather than letting them discover it for themselves.
Ernie waited a beat to see if he was going to get more out of him than that, but he didn’t. Justin’s face was clouded over and, even if he couldn’t hear it in his voice, he could more than see that this was not a conversation to tread. Ernie set his shoulders and sat up a little straighter. “Okay. Well. What can I help you with?” he asked with some enthusiasm.
Maybe being walked in on was a good thing, Justin mused. It forced him to face the fact that he had been treading water for over a year. At least now he had a direction to go in now. Which meant packing. “I’m still trying to go through all of this.” He gestured at the remaining piles. “School work and things like that are staying. There are boxes for each year. Banchory things over there,” he pointed to another box. “Where I will go through and actually organize them. Things I actually want to take are in the Newington box.”
The system was rather simple and Justin knew he would likely have to go back through the Newington box again before it was actually ready to go, but it was a start. And this was before he actually reached his bedroom. Clothes were going to be a nightmare. “You’d think we’d have plenty of practice with this, but apparently moving into a flat is a lot more work than getting a trunk together for school.”
“Hogwarts was far stricter on what you could bring - that’s for sure,” Ernie remarked as he went over to pile and reached down to pluck up a scroll to unfurl and identify. Third year potions essay on wolfsbane - Ernie almost snickered at the memory - and curled it back up. He did another before he ventured out, as carelessly as he could it make it sound:
“It’s Georgi, you know. If it wasn’t patently obvious.” He tossed the potions scroll towards the proper box - it bounced off the edge disappointingly.
It hadn’t been, at least not to Justin. Or maybe it had been, but he was ignoring the signs. In either case, Ernie trusted him enough to confirm the identity of the mystery boyfriend. Justin took out his wand to move the tossed scroll into the appropriate box before he forgot about them as he tried to figure out the appropriate response to that revelation without putting Ernie on the defensive.
“Well then, here’s a blanket invitation for him to come out whenever. We can think of a cover story later.”
“Just getting involved with Uplift. More and more,” Ernie thought up as he upended another scroll, then looked over at Justin with a strange look. “Have you kept all of your work since you started school?”
Justin's return look matched Ernie's perfectly. "Yes, doesn't everyone?" His dad always kept his schoolwork from reception on, so he just kind of continued the habit. And they would need something more than just Uplift when the time came for it because he wasn't sure Hannah would by it, but he would worry about that later. Because there was packing to be done.