Who: MadFusty What: An overdue conversation about professional and personal boundaries. When: Saturday, 17 March 2000, morning Where: MacFusty Dragon Reserve Warnings: Language.
This morning was quiet. A slow recovery after their big night out. For most of the morning the book launch was far from her mind. Ellie was content to remember the pubs and the music that came after. It had been far too long since they had any sort of proper date night. Longer still since she wanted to snog Allie senseless in some late bar, not having to worry about the baggage of the last six years.
It was good.
Of course it wasn’t going to last, but Ellie hung onto that through most of their morning routine. And how strange it was that their morning routine would include walking a dog?
Champ was off leash, a bit ahead of them, sniffing the ground in search of what, Ellie wasn’t sure. (Dogs were weird. But maybe humans were weird too.)
“So, Merc brought up an interesting point at the book launch last night.” It was a segue, gentle, indicating she was now ready to talk if Allie was too.
Maddock had needed that night out, but also equally needed the morning for recovery too. He hadn’t had that much to drink as he usually would have, since he was just a couple of days off of pain potions.
It had been a quiet morning, but a good morning as Maddock slept in a bit with Ellie before they got up for their routine. He liked the routine of going out to walk Champ. It wasn’t that Maddock needed an excuse to go out, but it was nice for the three of them to all go together.
He was watching Champ as he was sniffing all the things. That was until Ellie spoke up. “Oh?” Maddock wasn’t expecting that turn of conversation. “What did he bring up?” Maddock didn’t say it out loud but he was thinking about last match.
Ellie took a big breath in and out. Big Girl Knickers. She could do this. More than that she needed to have this conversation with Allie before things became more complicated. “The short version is that I’m not welcome at Montrose events, for personal reasons more than professional ones.” She withheld the sticking point of it - that she made others feel not safe. Ellie still needed to digested that more.
That made Maddock come to a full stop. He looked at Ellie and gave her a careful look. Really? Really. “Well that’s fucking unfair shite,” was Maddock’s first impulsive answer. Professional was one thing. Ellie was the rival coach. But she was Maddock’s wife! And Merc’s COUSIN! They could all be reasonable fucking adults for a little bit to go to an event or something. “Is that why you didn’t want to go to the Montrose side last night?”
To be fair, for Ellie there was very little separation from the personal and the professional. She didn’t really know how to be the Portree Coach and the wife of a Montrose Starter. Sure, they had done it before, but there both players then. Her life was different now. Very different.
“Allie, I love you, but even you have to see that I’m persona non grata with the McGonagalls right now.” She didn’t think it would be magically fixed, but she hoped it would have been better by now. “And I don’t think that is going to be changing anytime soon.”
Maddock frowned at this. He could see it, but he didn’t have to like it. And of course he hadn’t forgotten what happened. He’d been there to see the altercation with Florrie and Ellie. Hell, Maddock had even been feeling guilty for not spending enough time with Florrie outside of work lately (and had hung out a bit at the party last night to make up for it somewhat!).
So, maybe the unfair part was him being selfish and wanting his job work life to work and his personal life to work with it. “Maybe,” Maddock relented a bit (on the part that things weren’t going to change for awhile!) and kept walking again because Champ had come back waving his tail wondering why Mum and Dad weren’t following.
“Is that just how it has to be now? That you’re not allowed to come around,” Allie thought it was ridiculous. He’d already seen Ellie trying to hide away and avoid everyone. And now that she was trying to face everyone again… she was just getting pushed back again.
Ellie tucked her hands back into her jacket as they started to walk again. “Well, he wouldn’t say it clearly, but that is what was asked.” There was probably more nuance there. All that talk about lines. It didn’t work for Ellie. “And fuck if I know, Allie.”
“But Merc is angry at me. Florrie too. Probably.” The difference was she couldn’t stop apologizing to Florrie. Only it was clear now that wasn’t wanted anymore. Time. Space. Harder things to give. “And I’m working through all of my shit, piece by piece, in a changing landscape, which is my journey. And if people aren’t ready to welcome me back, well...shit, that’s their right.” She hated that conclusion, but it was painfully adult of her.
“Mostly, I just hate how all of this is unfair to you.”
Maddock wrapped his arm around Ellie so that he could lean down and kiss the top of her head. It sucked. It all just sucked. He listened to her. It was hard to think of Florrie being angry with anyone… even Ellie. Florrie never seemed to get angry very long to him. Disappointed maybe… “Well if they’re not ready… yeah that’s on them,” Maddock agreed. And if Ellie being around made that harder… well if the shoe was on the other foot, Maddock could sympathize more. But as he saw it, Ellie couldn’t move forward unless people let her.
But Allie felt even worse when Ellie explained how she thought it was unfair to him. “Look, you don’t need to worry about me. I’m here for you. And we’re together, and nothing anyone says or does is going to change that,” he explained. While he wanted her around, that was again what he wanted. “If you don’t feel comfortable about being at a Montrose event… or if people make you feel uncomfortable about being there, I want to know so we can fix it. Even if it’s just leaving.”
It was easy to lean into him, for Ellie to take that comfort. “But together means this goes both ways. Yeah? I know I can be a lot. Like a lot, a lot.” As much as she didn’t want to give too much weight to the past, it did matter. “And Merc is your boss. Florrie your medic and friend. I don’t want to ruin that, just because I messed things up on my end.”
That’s what Allie was there for. To lean on. “Yeah, but I wouldn’t want you any other way. Unless that other way made you happy.” He knew that Ellie was a lot. He’s always known that. And he was feeling bad that most of this was coming to a head now while his own working relationship had been… fine. And well… as much as Maddock felt like going and giving Merc a piece of his mind, he only had to remember what happened the last time he got into an argument with his coach. “Honestly, on my end it hasn’t even come up, except for Gabi coming up to us at the match. I spent time with Florrie last night at the party. I mean… it had been the first time in awhile, but it was fine,” he explained. He’d be damned if anyone actually told him off for bring his wife around.
“Good.” Ellie didn’t doubt that Merc could be professional. Florrie too for that matter. “I think it’s going to be harder with the other stuff. Like the picnic or parties, or coming around to your matches.” She frowned at that thought. The box was off limits, by all measures. Ellie disliked the team box by most measures. What she did like was getting to watch him play. She liked getting to celebrate, to share that moment with him right after it was done. “I want to be there for you, to be a good partner and wife. But, well, I can’t always get what I want.”
Maddock nodded and understood that things were going to get harder. “You’ve come to all my matches before without a problem,” he pointed out but he supposed that wasn’t the point. That moment of seeing her after one of his matches (or hers for that matter) was something he looked forward every time. But to even think of parties and picnics, and how obvious that would be if other significant others were there and his wasn’t. If the excuse was because she was the rival coach, that would be one thing. Personal family drama just made it feel awkward. Just another reason for Maddock to be ‘careful’ about integrating back into the team because he was lucky to be back. “You are there for me, especially when it matters. This doesn’t change that.”
Ellie wasn’t sure if that was true. She hoped that it could be. Maybe everything else had to be off the table, or modified somehow in ways that … well, that sucked. She pouted. “I still want to snog you after matches.” And other times too, usually, but that one was theirs.
Maddock smiled at that and gave Ellie a squeeze to his side. She looked cute with that pout. “I still want to snog you after matches too,” he confirmed. “Honestly, you can snog me anytime you want,” Maddock added with a smirk.
“No. Just after matches.” It was teasing, but they were setting out new rules here. “But maybe putting a hold on accompanying you to Montrose or McGonagall events for a while.” Ellie swallowed. She didn’t like what came next, but she felt like she had to say it. “And, you know, you don’t have to come with me to Portree things, if you didn’t want or if that was more fair.”
Allie smirked when Ellie teased him about just snogging after matches. He nodded about putting a hold on her coming with him to other events. Allie still didn’t like it. Maddock shook his head at her concession. “If it’s fun, then I’m going to come. And if it’s not fun, I’m going to come anyway because you’re there. And I can bother McCormack. Or bother Ainsley. Or hang out with Pip. I have other reasons,” Maddock explained though obviously the main reason was her.
Rather than say anything just then she turned to kiss him. “Okay, but I need you to tell me if it becomes too much. Maybe even before it gets too much? So we can fix that, together too.”
Maddock smiled and kissed Ellie back. “I will. Promise,” he said. “Together, we’ll decide what’s too much.”