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Laura Moon ([info]spitandviolets) wrote in [info]mirage_rpg,
@ 2009-02-05 16:23:00

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Entry tags:andy gallagher, complete, day 31, laura moon

Who: Laura Moon and Andy Gallagher
What: Insomnia!
When: Day 31, very late night
Where: Laura's room, C112.
Rating: PG-13 for language and gory details
Status: Complete


If there was one thing that Mirage already knew about Laura, it was that she no longer had any concept of or any care for the concept of time. It had not supplied the undead woman with a clock. It didn't matter. When the sun was down, Laura was active and the rest of the world was not. When the sun was up, well, sometimes she didn't have a choice, and others she debated with herself as to whether or not she should be doing something. Thus, it was very dark, and possibly late or early.

Laura did not remember her own wake and funeral very well. She was not there, exactly. It was a distant memory, like watching herself from across the room. She remembered when her best friend spat on her face, and she remembered the violets. She also remembered the pose in which she'd been put to rest. At the moment, she was practicing it on her bed, bored, as usual, and cold, as usual. Her body was rigid, laying on her back on the plush, black coverlet, arms crossed over her chest, hands folded. Since she did not need to breathe, she was not breathing. Her eyes were closed but she did not sleep. Her hair was fanned out around her. Only the outfit, a pair of jeans and a black tanktop, which made her look even paler than usual, was out of place for a wake.

Having just retired from her computer, she was expecting Andy. When he would arrive, however, was uncertain. Drunk people ran on their own schedule. When she got drunk, when she was alive, she drank a lot. That, in fact, had been the death of her. Literally. Maybe she'd try to brighten Andy's mood with that story. The likelihood that he wanted to hear about her death, however, was probably not high. L was unique in that respect. Still, maybe she'd have another friend, someone else who wouldn't mind that she was dead and cold.

Focusing on the movements of the lights of humans, she managed to zero in on Andy's with only minor difficulty. Rising from the bed as a zombie from the grave, Laura sauntered to the door, opening it just as her guest arrived. She said nothing, holding the door open for him, dark eyes studying his face.



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[info]brain_ninja
2009-02-05 04:14 pm UTC (link)
Maybe it was because he'd opened himself up to Sam and Illyana that he'd felt like it wasn't as much of an escape as it was a distraction from everything. He hadn't told Illyana anything about Rose beforehand even if he'd originally thought he had, so that had made him feel as though he had to explain what had happened, which of course, was the opposite of not thinking about it.

So...he'd gotten drunk. Really drunk. And still, all he could do was stare at his ceiling and hate everything. The booze should've knocked him on his ass and it hadn't. So, now, he was just awake and depressed and angry. Angry with Rose, angry with the Doctor; angry mostly, though, with himself. For buying into the idea that someone like her would've even so much as noticed, much less been interested, in someone like him. He was stupid and now he was suffering the consequence of it.

When hours passed and he still couldn't sleep, but he couldn't stop his mind's gears turning and turning...or, for that matter, the room spinning, he stumbled across the room, retrieved his abandoned journal, and wrote in it, having to scratch out misspelled and sloppy words here and there. He just needed to get it out. It was a bit surprising how fast he'd gotten responses from Laura and a girl named Layla he hadn't met yet. Laura was offering company; Layla, some sort of sleep aid. He'd had enough toxins in his body for the day, he thought, so he went with Laura's offer.

It took a lot of effort (and hanging onto pretty much every wall, railing and just about anything he could along the way) to drag himself out of the building and over to the C resident building where Laura had said she was.

He squinted against the lights in the downstairs foyer and groaned at the way the floor wobbled beneath him. It took a few minutes to rack his brain and remember which room was Laura's and he knocked really softly, in case his memory was failing him.

In the dimness of the second floor hallway outside her room, he waited until the door opened and through beer goggles, she was gorgeous. Great. He didn't remember her being quite as pretty, but he also hadn't been paying much attention at the group activity; he'd been too busy trying to make sure he wasn't making an idiot of himself and falling over on those stupid skates. "Hey," he said dully, offering her a small, somewhat forced smile that didn't quite reach his eyes. She was holding the door open, so, gripping the door frame to keep himself upright, Andy managed to get inside. He didn't bother trying to cross the room, just stood barely inside and held onto the wall for support. "Thanks for the invite..." he slurred lazily.

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[info]spitandviolets
2009-02-05 05:43 pm UTC (link)
Wow. Apparently Andy's typing had not betrayed just how drunk he was. He was coherent, but barely, and his movements were pathetic, to say the least. Somewhere inside all of the formaldehyde, glycerine, and laudin was a very kind heart, the kind of heart that didn't beat. Perhaps that was what people considered the spirit or the personality. Seeing him as pitiful as he was, Laura's sympathies were stirred. He was having it rough. It was, in fact, way worse than she had suspected. He looked like her on the nights that she hit the bottle the first year that Shadow was gone. In those moments she had looked deader than she did even in death. Seeing humans with one foot in the grave was depressing.

Wordlessly moving to stand beside him, Laura snaked an arm around his torso, holding tightly onto him. Her grip held him firmly beneath the arms. Despite her delicate, feminine frame, she had an insanely strong grip. In fact, it may have been a little too tight. She had trouble being delicate. Humans were such fragile creatures. Draping his arm over her icy shoulders, peeling him off the door frame, the dark haired woman lifted all of his weight nearly effortlessly. His feet were only barely touching the floor. "It's nothing," she replied, guiding him slowly and steadily towards the plush, black, leather armchair that sat beside a matching sofa. "Night owls have to stick together, right?" Her voice was still that same dark, blank, emotionless tone that it had been that morning. After a short, slow walk from the door, she set him gently in the chair, careful not to move him too quickly. The last thing he needed was any quick movements. She did not want to have to clean up anything gross.

As she assisted him, she couldn't help but wonder if he noticed how frigid she was. Her room was kept cool to delay decomposition, but it was not uncomfortable. Her touch, however, many would find both unsettling and unpleasant. She, most certainly, could feel his heat when they were in such close proximity. Logic declared that he would just as easily feel her cold.

Laura's room was dim, and she liked to keep it that way. She did not need light to see. Everything was as clear at midnight as it was at noon. There were a few lamps, kept low, and the shadows in her room were long. There were also numerous candles that flickered. She found it amusing that they were always the perfect height - they were never close to burning out, but not brand new. Laura hated using brand new candles. Her room was somber. The carpet was a deep, forest green and the bedspread and furniture was black. It was very chic and mod. There were red and gold accents all over the room. One wouldn't think that the combination would work, but, in fact, it did. Oddly enough, the sound of a running fountain echoed through the room from a little closet with a glass door that was beside the bathroom. It was easily visible and strikingly beautiful. There was a statue of three women, one old, one a young woman, and one a child, with the water coming from the roots of a tree that was behind them. The water shimmered in the dim light.

Taking a seat on the sofa that was adjacent to his chair, Laura crossed her legs and leaned back, watching him carefully. "Can I get you something?" she asked, head canting to the side. Maybe some water would help. Also, she wasn't great at breaking the ice. She hoped that he didn't mind silences. Her conversational style, at this point, worked better when someone asked her things or spoke to her about things. "What's got you so messed up? People don't drink like that just because they think it's fun. Because, really, that's not fun. You look like crap."

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[info]brain_ninja
2009-02-05 05:59 pm UTC (link)
Andy closed his eyes, feeling a bit nauseous. It occurred to him that a slice or two of bread to soak up some of the alcohol would probably do him well, but the thought of food only made him feel sicker. He was definitely praying to the porcelain Gods by the end of the night, he could already tell. The room stopped moving and he felt like he was floating. "Oh fuck..." he breathed, letting his head drop forward. "Jesus, what the fuck..."

He felt numb from the booze and to him, her tight grip really only felt like he was being guided awkwardly and then she set him down in a chair across the room. Andy leaned his head back against it and could feel it pounding with the oncoming of what he predicted was going to be a killer fucking migraine. "You're so cold," he said stupidly. "Should turn up the heat," he suggested. "Thanks," he added almost as an afterthought in response to her having moved him away from the door.

Through bleary eyes, he looked around the room. It was dark and candle lit. Ah, shit...this looked like the room of some chick wanting to set a mood he wasn't anywhere near. "Nice digs," he said, though, rather than point it out to her.

She asked if he needed something and he started to shake his head. Oh, bad idea. He groaned. "Actually...some coffee or water or something wouldn't suck," he admitted. And then she asked what had him so fucked up and told him he looked like crap.

"Yeah, well, I feel like crap," he replied lazily, putting a hand on his face and rubbing his temples with his first finger, middle finger, and thumb, spread apart. "Just, this fuckin' chick. I'll get over it," he replied to answer her question. No, he didn't want to go into it with Laura, too. He'd rehashed it enough, he thought, for one night.

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[info]spitandviolets
2009-02-05 06:25 pm UTC (link)
Laura looked around as he complimented the room. "If you couldn't tell, I don't like lights very much," she commented. "It seems that the planet agrees with me." His comment about her being cold was amusing. "I could turn up the heat, but, I assure you, it wouldn't do me any good. It might even do more harm than good." She shuddered at the thought of accelerated decomposition. She was going to make her last batch of Norn water last for as long as possible. That last drink, back in West Virginia, had frozen her insides in an unforgettable way. That was not an experience she wanted to revisit anytime soon without total necessity.

"Did you get drunk or did you get drunk?" Getting up, she made her way to the bathroom, grabbing a cup on her way. She ran some water in the sink, making sure that it was cold, before returning to him. She set the glass on the coffee table. Hopefully he wouldn't knock it over. If he did, the chances that mold would grow were slim to none. "Sorry I don't have any coffee. I'm a water kind of gal. Suppose it goes back to my star sign. I was born October 27. Scorpio."

Reseating herself, she studied him carefully. A chick, huh? Shrugging, she nodded. Didn't sound so bad, and someone who didn't know any better would probably press him for more information. Fortunately, Laura knew that people didn't get that drunk without serious motivation, and that motivation was usually something they didn't like to discuss.

"I'm not one to give lectures. I know for a fact, though, that drinking yourself senseless leads to death. Even if it's just once in a while. You never know when it's coming. It's a dangerous force, and it's ruled by karma and fate, both of which we are all victims of. You can do what you want. I believe in going your own way. I will feel better, though, knowing that I told you the truth and gave you a warning. Drinking might not kill people every time, but it certainly can set in motion some very unsavory chains of events. An emergency room is a very cold and lonely place to die."

There. No mentioning of the chick. Laura was very capable of letting things go. The apathy of the dead was a blessing. She was glad that she didn't have to make him relive his sorrows again, though the flicker of her heart wanted to know in order to make it better.

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[info]brain_ninja
2009-02-05 06:40 pm UTC (link)
Andy opened his eyes and took his hand away from his face, letting out a huff of air that had started out as a deep, cleansing breath. He looked around the room again and, yep, she wasn't kidding. It was pretty dark. How he hadn't really noticed before was beyond him, but to each their own, he supposed. "O...kay..." he replied slowly, dim-witted with intoxication. "You could always put on a sweater or something, you must be freezin' your ass off," he commented, noticing the tank top.

"I...what?" he asked, confused. "I think it's pretty - hic - uh, obvious that I got myself drunk, don't you?" he asked, his words slurring together stupidly as if he couldn't be bothered to separate them into separate words. Or perhaps, as though he was not capable. She put a cup of water down on the coffee table and he thought to himself that maybe coffee would be better, offsetting the alcohol. A steaming mug appeared beside the cup of water and he gave a lazy, half-smile. If nothing else, the Planet was good at keeping him happy with material needs, anyway... He picked up the coffee first and when the smell made his stomach turn, set it down to take the water instead. "Thanks," he replied.

The dull throb in his head was driving him nuts. He could hear his pulse in his ears and feel it in his temples. And all for what? To drown out thoughts of someone who didn't seem to care as much as she said she did.

Laura prefaced a lecture by saying she wasn't one to give lectures and Andy was inclined to let out a bitter laugh even if he would've kept it to himself had he been sober. "I'm sure it is," he replied to the bit about an emergency room being a cold and lonely place to die. "So is, probably, a cabin the middle of nowhere surrounded by people intent to kill you to save themselves," he thought aloud in reference to what he now knew was his fate if he ever returned to the time from which he'd come.

"Look, I'm sorry...I'm in one hell of a mood, I feel sick, now, and I'm probably shitty company," he apologized.

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[info]spitandviolets
2009-02-05 07:15 pm UTC (link)
A sad shake of her head. "You won't understand why not, but a sweater won't help me, either. I'm cold, though. I'm always so cold." Her eyes wandered to the floor, studying the carpet. Her bare feet slid over it, stroking the soft material. She could feel it, slightly, and she knew that it felt better than, say, a knife in her stomach might. It did not, however, feel soft and comfortable.

Rising to her feet, Laura moved behind him. She could almost hear his pain. Her hand gently fell on his forehead, better than any sort of icepack or cold compress because it would never melt, never get warm. Really, it was a win-win situation at the moment. His head would, eventually, begin to feel better. She would get to experience some human warmth. Her fingers lightly dragged over the skin, her other hand lifting to join the rubbing. The heels of her palms rested on his eyes, pressing lightly. Leaning down, she spoke softly, trying not to be too loud. As she got closer to him, he would notice that she smelled of a fairly pricey perfume. There was a strange undertone, though, that was very earthy. It was like perfume...with a hint of rot and chemicals.

"I'll agree with you. A cabin surrounded by people bent on killing you is a more sure way to die than simply by drinking." Her hands moved away from his eyes and back to his forehead, resting there, fingertips rubbing in small circles. "But I think that drinking leads to less pleasant, more unexpected ways to die than simply going to a cabin does."

There was a faint chuckle. It was sad to her that she thought of her own death in such cold, abstract, matter-of-fact terms. It was what it was: a story that others should hear to learn from and never make the same mistake. There were morals in it about infidelity, about karma, about love, about the road to Hell being paved with good intentions. She wasn't sure where Robbie was, but she was pretty sure that he was in Hell. She was in her own personal one, so why shouldn't he be in the proper one?

"You don't need to be sorry. I was human once. Every night, for thirteen months, I drank myself into a coma. Every morning I got up, went to work, and I had a drink with lunch. I couldn't even wait until five o'clock. I suppose that was the second in a long line of sins. I made shitty company for people, and I often felt sick. Even after I stopped drinking, I don't think my foul mood ever went away. It was about to. Then fate took its due and karma took its revenge, and that's the way the story ends, in short, because people do get what they have coming to them. I was a really awful woman. Women are wicked creatures. I paid for that."

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[info]brain_ninja
2009-02-05 07:43 pm UTC (link)
Her words were so sad and yet there was no emotion in her voice. Maybe it was because he was so out of it...but Andy didn't understand that at all. Then she was moving and he stiffened because she was coming up behind him. Part of him didn't trust that, knowing what he did about how he was going to die. He didn't know whether Ava had done it behind his back, or maybe even worse, right in front of his face. But the fact remained that he'd only just met Laura and it was unsettling to have her out of his sight when he was so drunkenly defenseless, should he need to protect himself.

But then she put her hands on his face and they felt like ice. He'd have made a comment about it, but instead, he closed his eyes and let out a soft, short moan of approval. "That feels awesome," he remarked. He could smell her, now. The perfume could use a change, that was for sure. It reeked of...well...he wasn't really sure but like it had gone bad or something.

"Oh, my death was unexpected," he replied loftily. "Never saw it coming. The little bitch," he added bitterly. "Different little bitch," he clarified.

He relaxed after a moment, because her hands, however cold, felt so good against his skin. Part of him had to wonder if it was just because he had a woman touching him at all for the first time in years, but he ignored that and decided it was because his skin was hot and flushed from drinking and her hands were cold. "Human once...?" he asked, raising an eyebrow even as he kept his eyes closed.

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[info]spitandviolets
2009-02-05 08:34 pm UTC (link)
Her hands continued to journey across his forehead. They slid down a bit lower, gently rubbing at his jaw. The shape of his face reminded her of Shadow. She did not want to be reminded of Shadow. Regardless, she continued trying to soothe him. It was the least that she could do, but it was selfish at the same time. The heat from his face journeyed up her arms, and she could feel it in her empty veins. The warmth was wonderful, like being wrapped in a blanket. "Yes, it does," she echoed absently. Her voice always got a misty, distant quality to it when she was touching a human. They really didn't know how warm they were.

"So was mine," she replied, completely deadpan. "I never saw my death coming, either. I was too drunk and too preoccupied. Unfortunately, in that situation, I was the little bitch.

"My husband was sentenced to six years in prison for a bank robbery that I encouraged him to help with. He was only supposed to be the driver. I thought that it would be okay. He was only supposed to drive. Shadow was good at driving. He was supposed to get a cut of the money, and we'd have enough to do something with our lives, with our marriage. Well, one of the robbers made Shadow mad. He hit him, nearly killed him. They both agreed to a plea bargain if they rolled on Shadow. They got nothing. He got six years. We still got a cut of the money." She paused. "Heh. They'll never get it, none of them, without me, not Shadow, not that he needs it, nor those two rats.

"I thought that I would be okay; I wasn't okay. Instead, I got lonely. I didn't realize how my life revolved around him. He was my light, my everything. I drank away the first twelve months that he was gone. I knew that I would be dead from the drinking long before Shadow got out of jail, but he was just far enough away that I couldn't go to him, yet he was just close enough to make me feel guilty. My best friend and her husband were really great to us. They took care of me. A day didn't go by without one of them stopping by and the other calling me on the telephone. They were good people, Audrey and Robbie. I was the bad one. I was so lonely, and a woman has needs, especially when she hasn't seen her husband in a year and knows she won't see him for another five. Robbie and I started sleeping together thirteen months after Shadow went away. We had sex on every surface in our house, every surface except for the bed. Shadow belonged there. Robbie was a good friend, a great friend, and a good lover, but he meant nothing to me. He was just filling the void.

"Two years later, news came that Shadow was being released three years early for good behavior. I was ecstatic. Robbie and I were planning the party. I couldn't wait for him to come home. A few days before the party, Robbie and I went out to dinner. Audrey was fine with it. She thought we were testing the party menu. I wanted to break it off with him. I didn't need him like that anymore. Shadow was coming home. Unfortunately, I had a little too much to drink that night. I was happy, and I was tipsy, and I decided that I wanted Robbie, just one more time. One more good time. It was like having a bachelorette party all over again. I was going to be remarried to the only man that I ever loved. So, on the way home, I couldn't wait.

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[info]spitandviolets
2009-02-05 08:34 pm UTC (link)

"I leaned over, and my head was in his lap, so I didn't exactly see what happened. Robbie got distracted, my shoulder hit the gear shaft, and the truck didn't see us until it was too late. Death is horribly dispassionate. I don't even think that I was scared. One moment my head was in Robbie's lap, and I was going to town. The next thing I knew, a truck was making it's way through our car and over my body. It's all very fuzzy after that. I remember that I held out until I reached the hospital. It would have been horribly impolite to die on some stretch of road, especially after the paramedics had tried so hard to keep me alive. I made it to the emergency room. Audrey told everyone that I died with her husband's cock in my mouth. That is not the truth. While I may or may not have bitten down in all of the chaos and confusion, I know for a fact that they would have removed that before the hospital, and I know that I didn't die on the side of the road. I remember thinking 'I'm going to die' and then blackness."

After the long, dispassionate story, Laura fell silent for a moment, just rubbing his forehead. She feared that she had overloaded him with information. When you were drunk, you hardly wanted a long winded woman telling you her death story.

"In the end, that's how I know that karma exists. Bad people get what's coming to them. I learned a lot, even though it was too late."

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[info]brain_ninja
2009-02-05 09:12 pm UTC (link)
Andy let out another hum of appreciation as she moved her hands down to rub his jaw. He noticed that her voice had changed. Not necessarily the dull tone, so much as the way that she sounded...distracted? Distant? One of those, although Andy couldn't quite put his finger on it. It felt a little like she was exploring his face the way he'd heard blind people did to see how someone looked. She wasn't blind, though, so he wasn't sure he understood really what she was doing. Was she, like, getting off on it...?

She agreed, even, that it felt awesome and he couldn't quite wrap his head around that, either...all she was doing was cooling off his skin.

...actually, come to think of it, shouldn't her hands be getting a little warmer? He knew that his skin was hot because hers felt like ice by contrast, but it wasn't affecting her at all.

So was her death, she said and Andy opened his mouth to interrupt with a question, but she went on to tell a long story, only some of which his brain was able to fully process. He opened his eyes again and turned a little in the chair to look back at her.

The cold. The smell. Andy blinked as his intoxicated brain tried to put the pieces together.

"Sorry..." he said, sounding as confused and taken aback as he felt, "you're...dead? Like, actually dead?" he asked.

Well, that was one way to put his piddly fucking problems into perspective, he supposed. Somehow, between knowing Sam and being in this place, Andy wasn't as phased as he thought he probably should be. "Shit..." he said softly. "Wow, my problems sound like nothing compared to that. I didn't actually die, but only because Mirage sucked me up before I could."

He paused. Should he tell her his story to make her feel better? Or would the fact that he'd narrowly escaped only make her feel worse? Did she even care? It wasn't like he could tell, given her monotoned voice.

Curiosity struck him in the midst of his drunken blur of thought. "Do you feel as cold to you as you do to me...?" he wondered aloud.

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[info]spitandviolets
2009-02-05 09:37 pm UTC (link)
"Undead," she corrected as blandly as she'd told him the story of her entire death. Laura had now told the story of her death twice. Apparently there was some merit in telling it. Maybe it would encourage people to do more with their life. Maybe she could convince him to stop drinking. Or not, as the case might be.

"I'm undead. I was alive, I was dead, and now I'm something that's past both of those. Does that make sense?" She paused, then quickly added on to her statement. "I'm not a zombie. I do not like to be called a zombie. Yes, I am dead. Yes, I am cold. Yes, I no longer have many bodily needs in order to keep functioning. Yes, I clawed my way out of a coffin and a grave. No, I do not have a taste for brains." There was a touch of a smirk at her lips. Leaning over him, she looked down into his face. "Got it?" she added, her eyes looking into his. "Boo," she added, apparently amused with herself. Laura had a warped sense of humor. She liked things twisted.

Laura would not have cared had he decided to share his story. Indeed, his few comments shed some light on the situation. "Mirage saved you from death?" she said, mostly talking to herself. "That's interesting. I'm glad you didn't actually die. Not many people are like me. I am, in fact, the only one I know. I'm alone in that I died but am still around. I think it's a one in a very, very high chance."

Stroking her hands along his face, surprised that he hadn't jerked away from her touch, Laura bit at her lower lip. "No, your problems are definitely worse than mine. The thing about being dead, Andy, is that there really isn't a whole lot that you can consider a problem. I mean, I don't eat. I don't sleep. I don't feel pain or heat. There are no limitations on my body. My muscles never want to stop, and my bones only stop when they're crushed. You're not so prejudiced about dying and killing once you're dead. It puts everything into perspective. Yes, I need water to keep my cells hydrated. And, yes, decomposing is a bit of an inconvenience. But you? You still feel pain, both emotional and physical. You still worry about your future. You still ache. You have hunger, and thirst. You age. Humans are fragile. I never realized how breakable a human being is until I gained superhuman speed and strength. Your bodies are so utterly limiting...yet they're somehow overwhelmingly wonderful at the same time. It's very odd, and very complex. I miss being alive. I don't want to be dead. I don't want to be undead. Because my existence is so empty, I envy all of your problems. Not having any, after being human, feels very boring.

"What I fear most is the cold. I do feel as cold to me as I do to you, probably worse. I'm always cold, Andy. Except I don't feel it as cold. To me, the cold is a deep, bottomless nothingness. I'm afraid of that nothingness. Even though I know that there is a higher purpose, that humans exist for a reason, I can't remember what it is. I'm scared of the emptiness. The only thing that makes me feel, the only form of warmth I can feel, is the warmth from another human being. It's incredible. I killed a man with my bare hands, and the blood spatter made me feel almost human again. I hate that, and I fear it. Humans are so fragile. I just want to be warm. I only want to kill those who deserve it. I don't want to hurt anyone."

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[info]brain_ninja
2009-02-05 09:55 pm UTC (link)
Andy listened, dumbly awestruck, as she spoke. He had to give her credit for answering any questions he might have asked, including a few that he wouldn't have thought of in his current state of awareness. When she leaned closer, he stiffened and nodded at her 'got it?' and flinched at her 'boo.'

"I don't think it saved me from death..." Andy said slowly, "so much as I lucked out with the Planet's choice of timing. I wouldn't even know about it, honestly, if one of my friends from then wasn't here. I probably shouldn't have asked him, because I'm here now and I'm kind of regretting knowing...if I ever get sent back, knowing isn't going to protect me," he said. He was sobering slightly...his words, at least were coming together in coherent sentences without a lot of effort, even if he still felt a little numb and nauseous. "There's nothing I can do to prevent it if Mirage spits me back out there. She summoned a demon...and it killed me. I don't think there's any way to fight that off. At least, not that I know," he added.

Andy shifted a little in his seat as she continued to stroke his face. He couldn't tell if he was aroused, freaked out, or comforted. Maybe it was a combination of the three, for all he knew. As she went on speaking, he listened and...he pitied her. Envying a broken heart? Being jealous that he could feel physical pain? Hunger? Thirst? God, that had to be horrible...

And then, when she went on about the cold, the pity melted away and her words made Andy...sad. She said the only warmth she could feel was from another human being. That explained why she liked the feel of his skin as much as he enjoyed the feel of hers, he supposed. But, then she said that she killed a man with her bare hands and he tried very hard not to shudder at the thought. Especially - Jesus Christ... - when she said that the blood spatter made her feel almost human. At least she said she hated it and feared it. It made him feel marginally less freaked out when she said she only killed people who deserved it, but then again...what exactly merited a form of the death penalty in her eyes?

Andy killed someone, once. Someone who shared his DNA more closely, even, than just a sibling or parent. Did that merit his death in her eyes? Or...Andy used to use his mind control for personal gain. It wasn't malicious, not like Webber, but... Did that merit it?

He could, however, sympathize with her when she said all she wanted was to be warm. Part of him wanted to offer it to her. He was hot as fuck, anyway, and if all she needed to be warm was to touch him, it was the least he could do when she was trying to make him feel better. He hadn't even really realized until just that moment that she'd made him completely forget about Rose. Completely forget about unintentionally enticing Illyana to drink alcohol when she'd only really wanted a soda. Completely forget that Sam had taken time out of his night to spend time with Andy when he could've better spent his time getting to know his brother again.

But Andy didn't say anything. He looked back at her with sympathy and confusion and a whole range of sadness in his eyes. How did you tell someone that you wanted to help them, but you were too afraid and selfish to do it?

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[info]spitandviolets
2009-02-08 05:31 pm UTC (link)
She was absolutely devouring the fact that he seemed, at first, afraid of her. She had never seen somebody flinch at her 'boo' before, and it made her stomach turn. It was a combination of disgust and relief. Disgust was present because she hated what she was. It was a relief, though, that somebody could react normally to the fact that she was a scary undead. Still, she couldn't get her hands off of his face. She didn't want to lose the heat. It felt too good, too much like life.

"You think that you'd be dead if the planet decided to send you back?" Her heart softened. That thought was painful. She didn't want someone to be as dead as she was. In a way, they were both undead. Andy was still alive, yes, but his proper place, if he had been allowed to remain a victim of fate, would be in a grave. "You shouldn't regret knowing. Being prepared for death can be a comfort. Besides, the likelihood of you actually going back is not high. And I'll help you fight. If there is one thing that I would fight to save someone from, it's a certain death. I wouldn't wish it upon someone who didn't want it, who didn't deserve it."

A demon? People could summon demons? She'd never heard nor seen anything like that. "Were you afraid of the demon when she summoned it? Did it hurt you? Did you get a bad wound when it attacked?" What sorts of wounds did demons give? She couldn't fully imagine it. Then again, her imagination was not what it used to be. It was a little less vivid, a lot more flawed. Laura had become more literal. Maybe it was because her brain didn't function on a high level; maybe it was a side effect of decay.

Laura's system of justice was impartial, but it did rely on first-hand evidence. The men that she'd killed had been hurting her husband. They had every intention of continuing torturing him, and they were going to kill him when they got bored. Why? Because he was a misled soul, mixed up in something that he didn't understand, and persecuted for his bloodline. That sort of inhuman cruelty could not go unpunished. She was not, however, so judgmental that Andy was on the top of her hit list. His murder was probably justifiable, and who was she to pass judgment on a crime about which she knew nothing? No, she had known for a fact that Shadow was in mortal peril, and she had acted to protect him. She would protect anyone that she felt strongly about in such a way. For the most part, however, she was indifferent to the ideas of crime and punishment. They were mortal affairs, and they no longer concerned her. She could neither be tried for murder nor theft where she came from, nor for any other crime. She was dead. There had been an autopsy. Laura Moon, as a person, was no more.

If Laura had known of his sorrow or his pity, she would have been furious. That was one thing she didn't want. Her story was factual, not a sob story. She had been a very compassionate, giving person in life, and she wasn't going to start being a selfish, attention-sucking leech in death. People had too much to worry about to feel sorry for the dead. Additionally, she spent much of her time feeling plenty sorry for herself. Perhaps that anger was why she almost jerked away when she saw his eyes. That look pierced her far worse than any wound would. That was raw emotion, and while she didn't feel it, she could still understand it, and she could still recognize it. If she had breath, that look of obscure compassion would have taken it away. What had made him look at her that way?

If she had known that he had forgotten his problems, however, her anger would have been tempered. Genuinely, all she wanted to do was make people feel better. If she had succeeded at that, in some small and insane way, that was all she could ask. She would never ask him to help her, and she would never refuse him assistance of any sort.

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[info]brain_ninja
2009-02-08 06:32 pm UTC (link)
"No," Andy replied, frowning. "I know I would be dead. My friend...he got sucked up from the same place I did, only he went further on the time line. He saw me dead."

Laura said he shouldn't regret knowing, but he did. He wished he hadn't asked Sam, because it was just one more thing making him a freak of nature. He shouldn't even be alive and yet here he was, a living, breathing human being...talking to the female version of what he should rightfully be. It would've been disorienting and upsetting enough if he was sober, but while he was intoxicated? It was just salt in an already gaping open wound.

Though, when she went on to say that she'd help him fight, he couldn't help the sad smile that his eyes betrayed. "I wish it was that easy," he sighed.

"I...don't know. I wasn't there, remember? All I know is what Sam said and he hadn't seen it happen. He only saw the aftermath. I was dead and she admitted to doing it. Another guy that was with us, Jake, killed her and then he got into a fight with Sam and that was when Sam got pulled here.

"So, really, all I know is that Sam saw my body and Ava had broken the salt line protecting us so she could summon the thing in to take me out. From what I heard, she was the heavy-weight champ of the Psychic Kids Network or whatever. I don't think I was the first and I probably wouldn't have been the last, except that Jake killed her. And..." he paused and sighed, leaning back against the chair, closing his eyes. "I can't even be consoled into thinking that he did it for me, because I know he didn't. We were all there for one thing and it was to fight to the death. Last one alive wins. I don't know what the prize was, but I have a feeling it was nothing good.

"Sam didn't give me any details about how my body looked and I don't want to know. Knowing I'm defying death by being here is enough to fuck with my head...I'd drive myself insane, probably, thinking about it if I knew everything," he admitted.

Laura was unwittingly becoming a sounding board for the rush of shit that Andy kept hidden behind his happy-go-lucky demeanor. Too much liquor and emotion just made it too exhausting to bother keeping up the facade. She wouldn't care, anyway; she barely knew him. Why should she? It just felt admittedly good to get it out.

Scared or not, he owed her as much as a chance. She was a good listener and she was genuinely trying to help him feel better. His stomach had settled, partially from the rehydration the water offered and partially from her icy cold touch regulating his own body temperature to a more comfortable one again.

Andy opened his eyes again and leaned his head back to look up at her. "All you have to do is touch me? To be warm?" he asked. He might owe her one, but it wasn't like he didn't want to repay the favor. He just wasn't sure, really, how...

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[info]spitandviolets
2009-02-08 07:12 pm UTC (link)
"Well, you shouldn't worry about it. You're not there, you're here. You're not me, you're you. You are alive, Andy. You are a living, breathing, human person, and you get all of the entitlements and repercussions that go along with that fact. Everybody dies. If there is one thing that I know as the absolute truth, the one thing that I can tell you with one hundred percent clarity and certainty, it's that every single human being dies. Nobody wants it to be them. Nobody wants it to be now. You were in a situation of pure and certain death. You were, apparently, a gladiator on the field of battle with no chance of survival. You have received what some people wait their whole lives for and never get, Andy. You got to cheat death." There was a slight pause. "Do you think that I got to cheat death? The way I look at it, existing like this, I'm not cheating anybody out of anything. The reaper has taken his toll on me. I'm dead. You're alive. You need to make the most of it. Every single second is a gift. It's possible that you'll never have to go back, possible that you could stay here forever. So stop thinking about the whatevers and the maybes and the possibles. Who cares what Sam saw? Who cares about the details? You could be dead, but you are alive. And you're warm. And you're making a dead woman jealous."

Laura was usually an incredibly sympathetic character. She found it hard at times, however, to properly place her pity behind certain people and situations. This was one of those moments. From where she was standing, Andy was absolutely privileged. Nobody had stepped in to save her while her head was in Robbie's lap. No random, lonely-ass planet had intervened on her behalf. He was damn lucky! She shook her head some.

"Give me a minute," she said, her voice icy. Making her way to a drawer in her dresser, Laura slid it open and pulled out a pack of clove cigarettes and a zippo lighter. She put one of the death sticks in her mouth and lit it up. "Can I offer you one?" It would be rude not to, and it didn't seem likely that she'd ever run out. There was a drawer full of them, and enough lighter fluid to keep her lit for years. At least that part was comfortable. She made her way back to him and set the lighter and cigarettes down on the coffee table.

Taking a seat on the arm of his chair, Laura smoked with one hand and absently stroked his forehead with the other. Her fingers brushed over his skin and through his hair. She allowed her nails to lightly rub at his forehead, tracing small lines across the flesh. A long drag of the cigarette was taken into her lungs, and she held it for a moment. Deep in thought, she exhaled it slowly, careful to turn away from him in case he was sensitive about that sort of thing. L didn't much like her smoking.

"All I have to do is touch you to feel your warmth. I'm never really warm myself, but touching a living person sure helps. It's like being wrapped in a really nice blanket, or snuggling with someone on a snowy day in front of a fireplace, or cuddling naked and sharing body heat after sex. Does that make sense?" She chuckled and exhaled the last bit of smoke in a ring. "No, I don't suppose that it does. Suffice to say that touching you makes me feel something. And whatever it makes me feel is better than empty and alone. It's nice, and the best way I can describe it is warm."

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[info]brain_ninja
2009-02-08 07:39 pm UTC (link)
All at once, Andy realized that using her for a sounding board was a bad idea. He'd done a stupid thing. Well, what else was new for today? He supposed it served him right for taking up another woman on another offer to spend time with her. He'd probably never get it right and even if he was alive, when he did die, it'd be alone. That was fantastic. Just fucking great.

"I didn't mean to offend you," he slurred lazily, looking up at her with apologetic eyes. "God, I'm a real fuck up these days. I mean, I always was, but I'm breaking my own records left and right in this place. I'm bitching about being alive to a dead woman. Real fuckin' sensitive." He sighed. "You're trying to make me feel better and I'm paying you back by being a dipshit. I'm sorry. And you know...I'm really not so...emo," he muttered.

He wasn't. Most of the time, Andy loved his life. It didn't matter to him that he was a nobody and it didn't matter to him that he lived in the back of a van with only a bong, a disco ball, and Doors CDs for company. To Andy, life was just there. You lived it and you loved it and then you kick the bucket. If you didn't love it, at least you shouldn't waste it by dwelling on this sucky bullshit. He never had, really, until all the craziness with the psychic thing and Webber...and Tracy. And now this place. Starting over should've been easy for him, but he'd never bothered trying and he was flopping around in the effort like a fish out of water. Because of it, he was hurting feelings and making people mad.

This wasn't the person Andy was and it certainly wasn't the person he wanted to be.

Laura offered him a cigarette and he opened his mouth to protest, until she lit it and he could smell that it wasn't a cigarette at all; it was a clove. "Yeah, actually, if you don't mind," he replied. Why not? He was already cheating death and his lungs could take a massive hit and hold for almost a full minute. A clove certainly wasn't gonna kill him.

When she sat on the arm of his chair, resuming the stroking of his face and moving her fingers through his hair, he relaxed a little once again. She might just be using him for his warmth, but it was a gentle touch and it was somehow oddly reassuring. It reminded him a little of the way Tracy used to touch him right before or after sex. He figured that wasn't Laura's intention, but there was a morbid familiarity to the touch, anyway, so he let her continue.

"Yeah, it makes sense," he countered. "I've done all those things; I know how they feel."

Andy paused, hesitating for a moment before pulling himself up onto the opposite arm of the chair. He put a hand on her cheek and when it felt just as icy as her hands, he had to make an effort not to recoil. Cold hands were nothing terribly out of the ordinary, after all. Everybody got cold hands once in a while. Icy, even. But her face... He moved his hand away, then, putting both his hands on her mostly bare shoulders, running them down her arms. Every inch of her was so cold. He couldn't imagine how uncomfortable and awful that must feel...

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[info]spitandviolets
2009-02-08 08:29 pm UTC (link)
She paused a moment to listen to his words. A small smile actually cracked across her frigid face. "You didn't offend me," she replied, shrugging a little. "I don't get offended. I was only attempting to put things into perspective for you. But, if you keep calling yourself a fuckup and a dipshit, I might get angry. It's funny which emotions you can remember after you're dead; tends to be only the really powerful ones. So, please, don't worry about it. I'm fine. You didn't offend me. I accept that I'm dead. I don't love it, but I accept, and I move on. I pass for human most of the time. It's enough."

It wasn't quite enough. She would have liked a lot more than passing for human, but every day that someone didn't realize, without her telling them, that she was dead was a pretty good day. It was enough. Days, however, didn't mean so much to her anymore. Time passed very strangely. Everything was just one long eternity with no foreseeable end. In it, people were born, lived, slept, ate, did all of the things that people needed to do, and died. That was what the world, and time, looked like at this point. With Andy and his insomnia, it must have looked pretty similar.

Grabbing one of the cigarettes, Laura placed it in his mouth. Leaning forward, she lit it with her own. That had been one of her favorite tricks, back in the day. She smirked at him and nodded. "You know, you should avoid this crap. It's going to kill you one day." A chuckle. There was dark irony in that someplace. She hoped that he could find it, though he was probably too drunk. Hopefully he wouldn't take offense. Cloves, though, were just as deadly as normal cigarettes. Shadow had given her a pamphlet once.

"I've done all of those things too, albeit not for quite some time. Good to know that I'm not just naming off more things that you can't relate to. Sometimes I just assume that everybody in the world knows all about getting intimate with people. It was a bad habit of mine; seems that it still is."

Laura's first instinct was to pull away when he put his hand on her cheek. She hadn't been expecting that, not at all. She always reached out to people, though Andy was only the third person she'd touched since dying. As he recoiled she felt it, and she wasn't surprised in the least. Her skin was cold, unexpectedly so, and it was a little bit clammy and sticky at the same time. It couldn't have been pleasant. His warmth, though, was enough to make her stay as still as a statue, not pulling away from his warming caress. It was wonderful, better than anything she could imagine. Even Shadow, her own husband, hadn't been daring enough to touch her like that when she came back. I think there are several aspects of our marriage we're going to have to work on. 'Baby, you're dead.' That's one of those aspects. The conversation echoed in her brain. Laura breathed out as his hands rubbed down her arms. Her eyes had fallen shut, for once completely at a loss for words.

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[info]brain_ninja
2009-02-08 09:08 pm UTC (link)
Laura said it was the most powerful emotions that she could remember in her death. Andy knew anger was powerful, so that made sense. He wondered if envy, jealousy, and elation were amongst the few in her memory. Andy didn't have the balls to ask her. At least she said he hadn't offended her. He'd have felt badly; really badly.

He smirked lazily around the cigarette when she put it between his lips. "Monkeyfuck," he said with appreciation, the clove bouncing lightly up and down as he spoke. "Nice." He took a drag and held it in his lungs for a minute, relishing the only slightly unfamiliar burn of it there. It felt different from the pot, but it was kind of a nice jolt. "Thanks," he said, exhaling the smoke with his words.

Pinching the cigarette between his lips as he moved his hands over her skin, he watched her face. He must be doing something right, because she'd closed her eyes. Or he could be doing something really wrong because she'd frozen in place and wasn't talking anymore. It wasn't a nice feeling, touching her. She was clammy and kind of sticky all the while being cold. It didn't feel like anything Andy knew, he just knew it was unpleasant. It was also the least he could do. "You okay...?" he asked softly, not really wanting to disturb her if she was trying to relax and soak in the heat, but also not wanting to be on the receiving end of a slap in the face for misinterpreting something. His hands slid back up and he had to make an effort to resist the urge to pull away again and wipe them clean on his ever-present hoodie. That'd just be fucking rude.

Gently, Andy moved his hands to her neck and cupped both sides of her face at her jaw. Her skin wasn't warming to his touch that he could tell, but his hands were starting to react to the cold. He wouldn't be a very good heat conductor in a few minutes, he didn't think.

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[info]spitandviolets
2009-02-08 09:36 pm UTC (link)
"You can stop," she said after a long and somewhat awkward silence. "It's okay. I can feel you flinching, even the slightest bit, and your pulse is irregular. It's okay, Andy. You don't have to."

Laura's eyes opened, and she gently took hold of his wrist. If she were able, she'd probably shed a single tear. That last motion had hit her hard, him holding her face like that. It was Shadow, pure and simple. Andy was too much like him. They were both rough around the edges, incredibly so. They both liked to open mouth and insert foot. They both had terrible luck with women; Shadow had only been with two or three girls once he'd gotten to Laura, in opposition with her...much larger experience pool. They were both scruffy looking; they were both oddballs in the world of men. They weren't the stereotypical guy. There was something both wonderfully and revoltingly sympathetic and sentimental about them. They both, also, seemed to have a heart of gold, and they liked to stay committed to whatever they were doing, even if they hated it.

The worst part for Laura, about this realization, was that she knew she would miss Andy when he was gone, away from her, in the same way that she missed Shadow when he was away from her. The revulsion that Andy was showing, the awkwardness, it was Shadow's. Shadow had only touched her because she had been his wife. He had felt obligated to touch her, to show her kindness. It had been the worst hug of her entire existence because there was love, pain, disgust, and sadness. So why was Andy feeling obligated?

Getting up, the dark haired woman made her way to the sofa. She stretched out on it, tucking her feet under the cushion, and smiled over at him as best she could. "I love cloves," she said, sighing and exhaling smoke at the same time. "They almost taste like something. And it does help me relieve stress a little bit."

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[info]brain_ninja
2009-02-08 09:59 pm UTC (link)
Andy frowned. He'd hoped he'd been able to keep that to himself. "It's just different, Laura... I'll get used to it," he said firmly because even he wanted to believe it. "It's not so bad."

All right, that was a lie, but he felt justified in believing that if he touched her long enough, he would get used to it and it wouldn't be so bad. She'd extended an offer to keep him company when he was feeling lonely. She'd helped him put things into perspective and he knew he'd be far better for it in the morning. The least he could do was the only thing he could, physically, to help her out in return.

But she'd taken hold of his wrist and he froze. He'd pushed a button of some kind, because she looked thoughtful and maybe...no. He thought for a moment he'd seen a sadness there, but he couldn't be sure. It was dark...and she was dead. She'd said already that only the powerful emotions could come through and sadness sucked, but Andy didn't think it was all that powerful.

Laura moved to the sofa and Andy bowed his head, taking the clove from his lips and holding it between his two fingers, cherry pointed toward the sky as he set his hand on his knee. Something he'd done hadn't been welcome and he felt an awkwardness wash over him. Should he apologize? Leave? He looked up again when she spoke. She'd changed the subject entirely. Andy lifted the clove up and took another drag, nodding. "I always used to smoke the Djarums in the maroon and white box...they have somethin' on the tip that makes your lips tingle and tastes like cherries. Fuckin' trippy when you're already high," he said, deciding to go with the conversation rather than make things worse by revealing how uncomfortable he felt with whatever faux pas he'd committed. "I haven't had a clove since, like, high school, though," he added lamely.

He paused, dragging on the clove for a moment and exhaling it in thin brown-gray plumes. "...do you want me to go?" he asked quietly. He was well sobered now, he thought, between the conversations and the feel of her cold skin. "I don't wanna overstay my welcome," he added for good measure. He really didn't, but at the same time, he didn't want to make her feel like it was her that was making him want to go, because it wasn't. Not really.

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[info]spitandviolets
2009-02-08 10:37 pm UTC (link)
She shook her head, waving a hand at him, indicating that he shouldn't worry about it. Another long, slow drag on her cigarette was taken, and she exhaled it equally slowly. It hurt, the fact that he didn't want to touch her. Most people would rather touch a frog or something; at least they were supposed to be cold and moist. Yes, Andy was just like Shadow, even in that they didn't want to touch her. She'd be fine, though. Maybe she needed to just stop trying. Maybe that was the curse of being dead: you wanted to touch them so badly, but they were always just out of reach. It was better off for everyone if you just kept your hands to yourself.

Laura reached out, picking up her cigarettes. "Djarum makes great cigarettes." She wiggled the box a little bit. "Djarum Black Slimz. Even in death I can't not smoke girly cigarettes. I'll try pretty much any flavor of Djarum Blacks, though. I used to get teased that I belonged in the twenties, complete with flapper dress and cigarette holder. I think I'm a little too scandalous for the twenties, though." Sitting up a little straighter, she folded her legs beneath herself. "I can't deny that I've always loved a good smoke. Maybe I'm a really stressed out person. I like the mentholated kind like those cherry ones, though. The subtle burn feels really good. Though I can't say that I've ever had a smoke while high. I think I only did that once. It was so long ago that I really don't remember. Maybe at some point, in high school?"

She shrugged and leaned into the sofa a little. It was a nice conversation, laid back, the closest to a human discussion she'd had in a long, long time. Laura ran a hand through her hair, shaking out the long, chestnut colored locks. "Do you want to go?" she echoed, rephrasing his question. "I'm not going to keep you here. The invitation was for you to come and stay as long as you want. I don't want you to stay, though, if you'd rather be someplace else. That's the nice thing about being dead. You don't worry so much about rejection." You do still worry about what people think of you, though, and she was pretty certain that Andy was completely petrified of her. Or at least disgusted with her. And why shouldn't he be? She was a corpse who liked to have long discussions about nothing in particular, just shoot the breeze.

"For the record, though," she commented, dark blue eyes flickering over to him, "I do like your company. It makes the night pass a little easier, not being in here alone. Night, day, weeks, months, they don't matter to me. Everything is just one long, endless stretch of time. I can pretend to sleep, but I can't actually sleep, so things are just as long one way or the other. When you can't sleep, you can't dream."

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[info]brain_ninja
2009-02-08 11:11 pm UTC (link)
Andy could tell by the wave that she didn't believe him and he deflated a little. He genuinely wanted to want to touch her. He wanted to be able to make her feel better and oppositely reciprocate the pleasant cold she'd given him when he'd had the pounding headache upon reaching her room. He couldn't help it that the feel of her skin was unexpected and not at all pleasant, but he wanted to be able to push that away. She was a nice girl and she deserved to be treated like one. Andy just wasn't sure he could be the one to do it, no matter how badly he wanted to.

She went on talking about the cloves and for a moment, the awkwardness dissipated. It felt like any random conversation Andy had ever had with anyone else. Maybe she was still more human than she was giving herself credit for, he thought but didn't say.

"No," he replied honestly. What was the point of leaving? He was starting to get a little tired, yeah, but he'd just end up in an empty bed, mulling over the bullshit with Rose, anyway and that'd keep him up. Then there was also the journal...he could spend hours awake on that thing reading everyone's entries and commenting on them...well, he would've, anyway, if he was in the mood to be more social. Not tonight, though, maybe. Tonight, he'd just end up laying in an empty bed, staring at the disco ball on the ceiling, however sad and lifeless it looked with no lights to reflect off it. "Where would I go? Back to my room to mope? I'd rather stay with you. You're keeping my mind off things," he admitted. "But, like I said. I don't want to overstay my welcome."

He looked back at her when her eyes flickered to him and he gave her a small, sad smile. "That's gotta be rough," he said gently. "I've started to feel like days are bleeding together, myself, but...all the time? That sucks," he commiserated. He paused and shifted himself into a more comfortable position in the chair, lowering himself off the arm of it now that she was no longer perched on the opposite one. "I'm sorry, you know, if, like...I made you uncomfortable before," he finally said. "I was just trying to help."

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[info]spitandviolets
2009-02-09 12:11 am UTC (link)
"My door's always open, and I made the invitation. You're always welcome to come here, whether I'm here or not. I'm usually not gone long, especially during the day. Or the night. I'm not a very social creature, I don't think. It's too hard to keep up appearances. I don't care to lie about what I am, and people generally don't take it too well. When I was back home, I pretty much lived in the woods and moved in the shadows. Sure, I would stop for days at a time and do absolutely nothing, just sit and stare, but it was better than having to deal with human beings. Very closed minded, from what I've seen. But I really don't prefer gods. Not at all. Bastards, all of them."

She would have laughed if he'd called her a nice girl. She was not a nice girl. She had died giving head to her best friend's husband. Nice girls didn't do things like that. Nice girls didn't cheat on their husbands. Nice girls, generally speaking, did nice things, not the kinds of things that Laura Moon had done. It was very possible, though, that she didn't realize how human she still was. It was hard to pin down what made a human, well, human. It wasn't in the physical, that she could certify, and it wasn't wholly emotional, or spiritual, or mental. It was an odd blending of all of the above, and you lost just enough to make you not a person when you died. That was how Laura felt.

It made her glad that he'd rather be there with her, even if she couldn't have his warmth, and even if he thought she was gross, like a science fair project. Helping in some small way was the best that she could do. "I'm good at that. My mind tends to wander now and then. I'm not usually a woman of many words, but I like that I can distract you. Conversations about absolutely nothing important are my specialty. They always have been. I used to converse with the people in the coffee shop back home for hours. It was always interesting. I like people. I always have. You're all so interesting, with all your different histories and opinions. And you remind me of someone, Andy, someone who was the most interesting person I ever met. That intrigues me. Even when you're talking about nothing, you're interesting."

"If you do feel tired, feel free to take the bed. Like I told you, I don't sleep. I don't really care if scandalous rumors start flying about me. You're welcome to sleep here whenever you want, and I'll do my best to have Mirage conjure you up a teddy bear or something." She couldn't deny that she wondered what it would be like, snuggling a sleeping person, feeling their warmth. It seemed odd, especially since she didn't sleep. Wow, she thought, I've really gone peculiar.

Looking up at him, shrugging, she tossed her hair a little. "I get a lot done. I've taken up sudoku, though I hated them in life, and I do crosswords. There's a few computer games I like to play. Solitaire never really gets old. I wish I liked to read more. Maybe I'll try picking that up. And try not to worry about it. I don't get uncomfortable. I react only to your discomfort. Nothing bothers me, so I have to go off of what bothers you." She thought about elaborating but then thought better of it.

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[info]brain_ninja
2009-02-09 01:30 am UTC (link)
With a smile, Andy nodded. "I dunno how comfortable I'd be just barging in here when you're not around, but...thank you," he replied. She was saying that humans tended to be closed-minded. Andy had to agree completely. "It's kind of gross how closed-minded we are, sometimes," he said with a roll of his eyes. "It really is. I like to think of myself as pretty open-minded, myself. I'll give anything a try once and anyone a chance once, you know? Because what's the point, otherwise? If I surround myself with people like me, I might as well just be alone. Variety is the spice of life and all that shit," he added.

When Andy thought about it, he thought maybe he'd proved himself open-minded. He'd been scared shitless of her once she'd explained what she really was and still, he'd had it in himself to stick around and give her a chance. She was something entirely unrecognizable to him, and he'd still tried to give her a chance. He'd done a shitty job of it, obviously, but he'd tried. If he thought she'd let him, he'd try again, because she wasn't bad...just different.

"I'm big on conversations about nothing when I'm high. Like, really really into them when I'm high. But, any other time, I think they're good for getting to know someone. Because, really, small talk is a joke. No one listens to anyone else when there's small talk. 'So what do you do?' 'Well, I...' and then we tune out. It's human nature, I think, to be a little bit self-absorbed, but when you're talking about nothing...there's no pressure to remember what's being said, so I think it's easier to listen. Fuck, does that even make sense? You'd think I'd be able to string together a coherent sentence now that I'm sobering up, but apparently not..." he laughed, wrinkling his nose in self-annoyance while scratching the back of his head.

She offered him her bed and Andy thought maybe he saw a chance at fixing his mistake. "I don't really need a teddy bear, but thanks," he said with a smirk. The smirk fell away and he looked back at her, giving a small shrug so as not to look specifically overzealous. "It's your bed. We can share or I can go back to my room...it's no big deal, either way," he said as casually as he could manage. Maybe she didn't necessarily need to touch him to feel the warmth; he hadn't thought to ask. If she didn't, then she could share the bed with him and still feel the body heat without having to feel him involuntarily recoil. Win-win situation, that, too...he wouldn't have to sleep alone and turn over the events of the day in his mind all night and she'd be able to keep warm. If she was cool with it, he was. But, he certainly wasn't going to push if she said no, because, well...he'd learned his lesson about pushing his luck already here on Mirage.

At the end of her response to his apology, Andy frowned. "You don't bother me, Laura," he said softly and he meant it. She didn't. The feel of her skin didn't bother him...it just wasn't something he was used to and although he had no idea whether or not he ever would be, he felt "bothered" was the wrong word to describe how he felt. Uncomfortable was probably better. Awkward, uncertain, curious; those all fit, but Andy didn't think "bothered" did at all.

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[info]spitandviolets
2009-02-09 09:27 am UTC (link)
"I'm not sure I entirely mind how closed minded human beings are. I think it's nice. If you're set in your ways, then so many more things come as a shock. When you don't expect anything, when you don't have any preferences or standards, things become a bit difficult." The cigarette was burning dangerously low; it was almost down to her fingers. It was as if Laura didn't even notice. "If you think about it, even your preference for being open-minded is a little bit closed-minded, don't you think? If you found the perfect group of friends, would you go about shunning them for people that you may or may not like? You humans, it's hard for you to ever find a comfortable place to exist. I think that's why I like watching you so much. You're unique in that. Every other creature seems to have a niche. It's just you. You don't accept your place in the order of things, and none of you seem to want to try. I mean, how many of you even know what that place is? I've heard arguments from many different perspectives on what it should be. Some say you should fight the gods. Some say you should prostrate yourself in front of them and worship, hoping that they might show some mercy. Others go so far as to say that there are no gods. If there aren't gods, what is there? Are you all alone and existing without a purpose in the universe? Human theory is positively absurd once you come down to it. It's like you all try to isolate yourselves, try to make live in this universe, in any universe, as difficult as possible. As humanly possible. I mean, have you ever stopped to think how sad that lot is?"

"Small talk isn't necessarily a joke. If it is, then it isn't very funny. I think that's what proves I'm not human anymore. I don't tune people out. Then again, when you've experienced the eternal silence, I think that you're willing to listen to just about anyone in earnest. People say more interesting things when they think that no one's listening. They think that what's being said will not be remembered. In turn, they are more free with their speaking. I think it's when you're alone that you say the most interesting things. It's hard to be interesting on the spot. For example, if I turned to you and said 'Andy, be interesting,' what would you say to me? What would you try to do? But when we start off a conversation with something like 'how was your day?' or 'what are you up to?' it's entirely up to the other person to decide where that conversation is going. That's when you can learn an awful lot about people."

The cigarette was all the way down, and there was the faint smell of burning flesh. She kept her vision on him, completely ignorant of the fact that she was being seared. Crossing her legs, Laura studied him carefully, shrugging with a faint smile. It was a ghostly hint of a smile. She paused. What would it be like to be a ghost? That was what dead women thought of. Would it be better than this, or would it be worse? She imagined that they wouldn't have the bodily problems or the illusion that they were still human. They were just ether. She was a meat sack.

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[info]spitandviolets
2009-02-09 09:27 am UTC (link)
Smirking at his comment, Laura shrugged. "Suit yourself. I know that some people like teddy bears. I was wondering if you were one of them. But I'm not sure why we would need to share. I just told you that I don't sleep. What are we going to do? Get into bed together, you drift off, and I stare all night? Because that's not creepy or anything." Shaking her head, she shrugged, mildly amused by that thought. "But, if you really want me to cuddle with, that's fine. I'll be sure to wear as much clothing as possible. Maybe the planet is hiding a pair of pajamas around here or something. Who knows? Just let me know when you're ready to go to bed and I will get you all tucked in, snug as a bug."

She still wasn't convinced that he wasn't bothered by her. Still, he looked so young, so earnest. The fact that he had added her name, had addressed her directly, lent some credibility to his remark. She didn't bother him. That was nice to know. She was still a source of discomfort, and if that wasn't bothersome, Laura didn't know what was. Still, she'd let it drop. There was no point rehashing the same thing over and over. Why did Andy seem like such an honest, genuine person? It was strange, and a little alarming. Not many people were good, or honest, or trustworthy, or true. Fake people were fine, but it was the real ones that you had to watch out for. Real people had the capacity to hurt and be hurt. Shadow had been a real person, and look what she'd done to him. "Be careful," she said absently, her eyes studying their shadows dancing on the wall. She meant it, but she hadn't meant to say it out loud. Care was all the precaution one could take against pain, against sorrow, against losing touch with reality.

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[info]brain_ninja
2009-02-09 03:36 pm UTC (link)
Shaking his head and grinning back at Laura, Andy let out a small huff of laughter when she pointed out that his self-proclaimed open-mindedness was actually a form of the exact opposite. "I guess I never really thought about it that way..." His eyes flickered to the clove she was smoking and he noticed how close to her fingers it was. He looked back up at her. "But, no. When it comes to the perfect group of friends, there's no such thing. Not for me, anyway. Nobody's perfect, so I don't see how that could work. I like people. A lot. Like I said, I'll give anyone a chance. I mean..." he paused and shrugged. "The way I see it, I have my core group of friends. I have Sam and Yana and they're like me. We...mesh. But, I mean, that doesn't mean I'm only gonna hang out with them. I like meeting new people and making new friends. I didn't have that back home, so I'm not gonna turn my nose up at it here, ya know?"

She was saying that people tended to make things difficult for themselves and when Andy thought about it, he decided she wasn't entirely wrong. "Well...I don't see it like we do it on purpose," he pointed out. "I think...sometimes, it just happens. We walk ourselves into bad situations and when we don't know how to deal..." his voice trailed off and he let out a bitter huff of laughter when he thought about Rose and the fight...and all the alcohol he'd tried to wash it away with. "...we make it worse."

"Not a joke, like funny, ha ha," Andy replied. "Like...just a saying. And I don't think it proves that you're not human just because you actually listen. Not necessarily. You're still human you're just...not alive," he said with a shrug. She asked what he'd say if she said, 'Andy, be interesting,' and Andy chewed his bottom lip for a moment before grinning a little. "I'm a freak," he said. "I'm a psychic freak of nature. I used to force gay porn into this one guy's mind's eye, just because he was a dick. If I wanted a cup of coffee and I didn't have money, I'd ask someone on the street if I could have theirs and they'd give it to me. I never had bills to pay, because when debt collectors came, I told them that I'd already paid and they believed me." He looked down. "When the cops found my brother's body, I told them that he killed himself and that they all saw it...and they agreed."

He could smell her flesh starting to burn and he looked down at the cigarette again. "You're burning yourself," he said quietly, because he didn't want to offend her but if that smell was anything like the smell of burnt hair when it got stronger, it'd make him nauseous again.

With a small smile and a sheepish shrug, Andy looked back up at her face. "I know you said you don't sleep, but...I guess that's exactly what I was thinking. Though, when you put it that way, it does sound a little creepy," he admitted. "I just figured...I could sleep and you could feel warm. Win-win situation, but it's okay," he said. "Maybe I should go back to my room when I'm ready to sleep. God knows when I wake up in the morning I'm going to be disoriented enough, actually, and waking up in here is gonna weird me out for a few minutes until I figure out where I am," he realized aloud.

Then she looked as though she'd gone into deep thought or maybe introspection until she said, "be careful," as she watched their shadows on the wall. "Be careful of what?" he wondered out loud.

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[info]spitandviolets
2009-02-09 08:51 pm UTC (link)
"Burning?" Looking around and then down at her head, Laura let out a bland "oh" and dashed out the cigarette in the ashtray she'd been using. That was always embarrassing, and it seemed that it happened quite frequently. Once crisis was averted, her attention turned to him again.

"Nice," she replied, smirking and shrugging. "So you've got a clique. That's not bad. Human beings crave companionship and like-minded individuals. Sam and Yana are your best friends. It is good to have such a group, a core, if you will, that you can depend on. I hope that they are true and that all is well. I don't doubt it, though. You don't seem like a delusional person." She shrugged. She was sure he wasn't only going to hang out with them, but it was highly likely that, if one were looking for him, she would find him with one of them. It already felt as if there wasn't much room for her, and that was fine. She didn't expect anyone to go out of his or her way to make a place for her. She could survive just fine. She would survive just fine. That was the great thing about not having many needs.

Nodding as he gave his interesting fact, she looked over at him. So he had powers? That was interesting. And mind control? She wondered if they would work on her. Did her brain still work? That was a stupid question with an obvious answer. Of COURSE her brain still worked. How else would she be talking and conversing with him? It was in that moment that Laura wished that she had done better in school. She had never been overly smart. Fortunately, she felt like that didn't matter to Andy as much as it mattered to L. "So...you're trying to convince me that you are a freak because you can get people to give you coffee, and you can avoid the law? I don't think you win on this one, though it is a fun fact. You're trying to tell the dead lady that you're a freak? Instant lose."

If Laura were more expressive, her face would have fallen. "Maybe you should go back to your room, Andy." Her voice echoed his comment. She was quickly growing tired of that game. "It's creepy, and it's awkward, and you should go." That was what was wonderful about not being very expressive. Her tone was completely flat. It wasn't sarcasm, it wasn't hurt, it just...was. The way he kept saying he should go back, though, had rubbed her the wrong way. It was as if he was trying to convince himself. She'd heard people do that kind of thing before, and it was always and only when they were trying to make themselves do something they didn't really want to be doing. "You shouldn't wake up disoriented. Or weird." She decided to disregard his comment about the 'be careful.' He wouldn't understand, especially not right now, and there was no need to tell him something he either already knew or didn't care about.

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[info]brain_ninja
2009-02-09 10:47 pm UTC (link)
Somehow, whether she meant it or not, Andy felt a little condescended by her remark about the clique and the way she said he hoped that they stayed true. "Yana's new," he said, feeling the need to defend himself, "but Sam's for sure. I knew him back home. He saved my life...and Tracy's. And lots of people, but...he's for sure." Well, it had started out as a vehement defense and had ended with his sureness faltering only under her gaze, his voice softening with the awkwardness of his statement.

He shifted uncomfortably when she made the point that he was calling himself a freak in the presence of the living dead. She had a point. "I call myself a freak because normal people can't do shit like that. Normal people wouldn't." His mind shifted back to Webber.

I see you... Webber had said, looking into the woods with a smirk. Looking right at Dean. Bye bye...

Andy closed his eyes, flinching as he heard the sound of the trigger and the echo of the gunshot in the night richocheting through his memory; the only time he'd ever touched a gun and he'd killed someone. Someone he'd counted as a friend... God, if anyone should have trust issues, it should be Andy, he thought miserably.

He took a deep breath and pushed it away. That was the past and it was over. Webber was an even bigger freak than Andy was. He'd done the right thing, in the end. As much as he hated knowing that he'd, in the grand scheme, sunk to Webber's level by killing him, he'd saved Tracy's life. And Dean's. Maybe even Sam's, although he figured that could be considered paying back the favor.

When he opened his eyes again, Laura was saying that he should go back to his room. Frowning slightly, Andy nodded. This had been a stupid idea, anyway. Who had he been kidding? He should've gone to bed and slept it off, rather than taking up this woman's time, even if she said time didn't matter. She didn't know him and he didn't know her. All he'd managed to do was make himself out to be a bigger jerk than he actually was. Andrew Gallagher, Freak Extraordinare; King of Word Vomit. "Yeah, maybe. I'll wake up disoriented because I drank half Illyana's weight in Jack Daniels, Laura," he muttered, standing. "Doesn't matter where I sleep, I'll still have the hangover from hell. Thanks for helping me pass some time. Sorry I wasn't terribly good company," he added, looking back at her.

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[info]spitandviolets
2009-02-10 12:52 am UTC (link)
With breakneck speed Laura was across the room. Her icy hand wrapped firmly around his wrist. The woman had quite the grip. Dark eyes staring into his face, Laura tried her best to stare him down. Considering that she didn't need to blink, she was probably winning. "Hey," she said, her voice serious, "don't be like that, Andy. I didn't mean it in that way. You're taking all of it wrong, and I'd like to believe that it's the booze talking. I'm insensitive and incapable of realizing the impact my words will have, but I have never been and will never be that much of a bitch. You kept saying that maybe you should leave. I am quite literal. If you wanted me to disagree with you, I didn't get that. It sounded to me that you were trying to convince yourself to go. If you want to go, go ahead. I'm not going to stop you. I am going to try to stop you from walking out that door before you know my intentions. I am here for you, and I didn't mean to insult you. I wasn't telling you to get out. I'd be agreeable to your staying. I would prefer it."

That stare was intense. It may have been dead, but someone staring that long always meant something serious. She couldn't believe how difficult he was being. She wasn't angry at him, but he was being difficult. Pathetic could be cute and endearing, but his self pity had crossed a line. And he was jumping to outrageous conclusions about her. Laura really didn't have enough emotions to experience all of the things that he was imposing upon her. That was the trouble with being a blank slate that was open to interpretation. She had to wonder how some abstract painters felt.

Realizing that she was still holding his wrist, and that he probably didn't like it, Laura let go of Andy. She stood there, still staring for a moment, but her gaze eventually moved off of him, focusing on something off to the side. Just what she was looking at, however, she wasn't quite sure. Things weren't going well. Mirage was bound to be just as bad as Earth, if not worse. Here, everyone would know that she was dead and that she was around. They'd be able to find her, if they wanted, or avoid her completely, if they wanted. It was like being teased and taunted, the proverbial horse with a carrot suspended in front of its face. She'd keep running, trying to find human warmth and companionship, keep trying to find some reason for her to exist in this world that didn't need her. She'd come up short. People didn't need her protection, and they certainly didn't need her help. Reluctantly, she turned away from him. Unsure of where to go, Laura moved to stand in front of her desk, fingers lightly gripping at the wood. It splintered faintly under the pressure.

"You were good company. I'm a shitty host. Regardless, I hope you'll think to pass some insomniac hours here. Or other types of hours. My door is always open."

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[info]brain_ninja
2009-02-10 07:04 pm UTC (link)
Andy jumped with surprise and then froze, wide-eyed, when Laura grabbed his wrist harshly. He winced slightly, looking down at his wrist as he tried to wrench out of her grip. No go.

When she started talking, he looked back up at her. "Well, I mean...can you blame me for takin' it that way?" he asked, frowning slightly. Was she so far gone from life, now, that she couldn't remember what it was like trying to read mood from words and context? Part of him even felt badly knowing that if that was the case, Laura was gonna have a hard go of it, trying to interact with people whose minds processed things the same way his did. But, she said that she prefered he stayed. "I wasn't trying to talk myself into leaving," he replied. "I was trying to give you a get out of jail free card."

His eyes meandered toward her bed after she let him go and he shook his hand to help the blood circulation flow pick up again; his hand was numb, now. Man, that thing looked comfortable and Andy was getting really tired, now... He looked back at her, only, by the time he had, she'd moved, her back to him as she held the edge of the desk. Even from where he stood, Andy could hear the splintering of the wood, although he assured himself he was only hearing things and that it wasn't real. Nobody could do that, just by holding onto it, right?

"You're not a shitty host," Andy replied, running a hand through his hair. "I think we're just miscommunicating, that's all." He wasn't sure if that was the problem or if they'd just never really see eye to eye, but he liked to believe it was because it was their first time ever really talking mixed with his alcohol-addled brain.

Moving across the room, Andy sat down on her bed. "Man, I don't wanna, like, negate all that with this, but...it's finally hitting me and I'm fuckin' tired..." he said softly. "Sure it's okay that I stay here? I'm honestly not really keen on the idea of stumbling back to my own room if I don't have to..." he admitted.

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[info]spitandviolets
2009-02-12 12:50 am UTC (link)
"No, I can't blame you," Laura echoed, glancing at him from across the room. Really, she couldn't. It was she who was dysfunctional, not him. She was dead, she was socially inept. He was alive, and his understanding of things far exceeded her own. It was hard for her to conceive of how people would take the things that she said. And, truly, she found it hard to care. Being blunt was the way that she worked. Truths were the way that she worked. It felt too difficult to hold things in anymore, anyway. Even though she had more space inside, she had less of a capacity for holding things.

Her eyes followed him to the bed. "I don't need a get out of jail free card. Your presence does not bother me in the least. I concern for you and what you will think when you wake up in the morning, because while you are sobering, I have a feeling that everything will still be vastly hazy. I am pleased that my bed will be used for its intended purpose for once. When I lay down to pretend to sleep, just to see if I manage to actually do it, it feels more like a wake than a bed. The bed is fulfilling its duty, and it is living up to its potential bed-ness. I think that the bed god, somewhere, would be thoroughly pleased with it once you've fallen asleep there."

Making her way over to him, Laura stood beside the bed. She reached out, her hand gently stroking over his forehead. She wasn't sure, exactly, what she was going to do for the hours until he woke up. What she knew for certain, however, was that she would not be there when his eyes opened. The last thing he needed was her sitting there staring at him. Would he remember anything about her? Would this all seem like a dream, or some kind of hazy, underwater nightmare? Part of her was curious what his process would be in the morning. Maybe she wouldn't be there be there, but she might watch. Then again, she might be tempted to interact, and that would be harmful.

"Go to sleep, Andy," she murmured, her fingers twisting lightly in his hair. Her dark, dead eyes gazed down at him. Applying light pressure, she pushed him back. "It's okay if you stay here. I don't like the idea of you stumbling back to your own room, either, and I think I've done enough damage for the night." A faint, crooked, hopeful smile crossed her purplish lips. "I'm not going to degrade your masculinity by throwing you onto my back and carrying you."

Her hand slid over his eyes, covering them, her touch cool and soft. "Go to sleep, Andy. It'll all feel better in the morning."

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[info]brain_ninja
2009-02-12 03:52 pm UTC (link)
At least she seemed to understand where he was coming from. He was trying to understand her, however difficult it was for him at this point. He hoped very much that by the time he was sobered up, he'd be able. Andy was the type of person who genuinely wanted to connect with people. He'd been cheated, he felt, in his old life by that, between Tracy being too afraid of him to continue talking to him and Webber turning out to be, well...what he'd turned out to be. So, here on Mirage, when Andy had a second chance, he wanted to take it. If it took a little more effort on his part, then so be it.

It made him feel a little sad to know that she really, literally couldn't sleep. If time dragged for him here, he couldn't even begin to imagine how it must drag for her if she couldn't even kill time by taking a nap or by sleeping the night away into day. Although, maybe she'd prefer to sleep the day away into night; he wasn't sure, but he thought maybe.

"I don't know, it might be a little hazy," Andy agreed, "but I hear there's a miracle hangover cure around these parts, so...maybe not," he said with a small, tired smile.

She stood beside the bed and stroked his forehead again. The cool, soothing touch was making him even more tired, so he was almost grateful when she told him to go to sleep, twisting her fingers into his hair. He looked up at her as he let her push him back onto the bed. Smirking, he nodded. "Yeah, please don't," he replied genially when she said she wouldn't carry him back to his room.

Her hand slid over his eyes and he let them close as she told him again to go to sleep, reassuring him that he'd feel better in the morning. Part of him was fairly certain that she was right. "Mmmhmm," he hummed in agreement as he relaxed. It didn't take long for sleep to claim him, after that.

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