InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "Let him in"

i_am_king (i_am_king) wrote in mirage_rpg,
@ 2008-08-23 01:30:00

Entry tags:

arrival, ash williams, complete, day 12, giselle

Oh... COME ON!
Who: Ash and Giselle
What: The King Arrives, Baby
When: Around noon
Where: The front entry way of the resort
Rating: R, for language at least
Status: Complete

His blue eyes blazing like fire, stunning raven locks tossed back brusquely to the side, firm muscles straining at the edges of his tunic, the greatest hero that mankind would ever know stared at the carnage that a night of battle had wrought. Along side the evil Deadites, the innocent bodies of men and women lay crumpled, their bodies soon to be buried in a christian fashion. Meanwhile the Deadites were gathered up to be burned in a fiery pire to make sure that they never rose again. The battle had been fierce, but one man had risen from the crowd to lead them, the way that a true king should. There had been a price for it, but in the end this man had lead them all to triumph and glory the likes of which most of them would never know again in their lifetime. His cloak flowing in the wind, Ash had just one thing to say as he thought about the sacrifice that had been made...

"God damn I kick ass."

Sure, depending on how you looked at it, one could have possibly argued, if they wanted to be a real prick that what had happened was somehow Ash's fault. Yeah, he'd been with a group that had accidentally played some tape read by some professor god only knew how long ago about a book of the dead which sort of unleashed evil into the world. Yeah. But was that really his fault? No! He'd done everything he could to fight the dead, even when it had meant doing things... unspeakable horrible things that had transformed him into the man he was today. Hell, he'd even given his right hand for justice.

Sure, he'd accidentally gotten sucked back in time, afterwards, and come here. And yeah, they'd sent him on some rescue mission to retrieve it, given him some stupid silly words about 'Klatu' this and 'Verata' that. And yeah, depending on how you looked at it, well, he'd not exactly remembered the words. But hell, he'd had to fight off demons, AND a doppleganger of himself while he was on his way. You couldn't expect someone to have a perfect memory, especially after you'd gotten a concussion from trying to fight off the little buggers...

So, he'd kind of sort of unleashed true evil upon the world, the sort of evil that he'd been on the mission to avert. But in the end, when those little sissies had gone crying and talking about fleeing, he'd been the only one of them to show that he had a pair, that he wasn't going to run home screamin to mama. And dammit, he'd kicked some serious ass. He'd caused the Deadites to run like little babies... that could... y'know... run and stuff.

When it was all over, he could see the joy in their eyes, the admiration, and he knew that when it came down to it, they all wished that he was their king instead of that stuck up guy with the beard, who couldn't even drink a few pints without getting drunk off his ass. Yeah. He was a man from the future, he had so much to teach, so much that he could pass on to future generations. He could tell by the way they looked at him, that they wanted to elect him their king... or... however it was that they tossed out the crappier old king for the far superior new king from the future... with guns. Yeah.

They didn't ever... come right OUT and ask him, per se, but Ash was sure that'd be because they were a bit embarassed to do that to old Arty, and they knew he wouldn't stay with them. Sure, he might have been able to take it easy, nail a few medieval broads while he was here. Make sure that the seed of Ash lived on. Hell, he probably could have created his own dynasty... but... there was something to be said for the future... like... television.. running water... porn. The internet. Important things that these people could never really understand...

So even in the wake of his finest victory, Ash was already prepared to leave. He could see the hurt in the eyes of.... uhm... dammit, what was her name? Shelly? Susan? Samantha? Sherry. Oh hell, that was close enough. Sherry looked at him with those big doe eyes of his that said that she was going to start to cry, and bring up the pillow talk again. And jesus, she had a lot of nerve making him feel guilty, when really he'd been the victim in all of this. A stranger in a strange land, lost, nearly killed by deadites, whipped, beaten. And she'd seduced him with the comforts of a warm bed and a nice rack. If anyone should be getting all teary eyed, it should be him, except... that was kind of a sissy thing to do.

He said his goodbyes to her, gave her a kiss, and then approached the old man, who told him the way to get home. All he had to do was go, drink a few drops of the potion, say the magic words and he'd be back in his own time. Yeah. So why did the old man give him such a hard time about the words... again? Sure, he'd messed them up, slightly, the first time. But this time, he knew them like the back of his hand. Only a real idiot would get them wrong again.

"Are you SURE?" the geezer said, practically falling apart from old age as he whined and harped at Ash.

"Alright, alright, I got it... Jesus." Ash growled back, and snatched up the potion in his hands, taking off before the old man could chew his ear off again about magic and the consequences of a single missed syllable. Niktu, Niktu.. he'd never forget the friggin N word. Well.. not THAT N word, but Niktu, the ... oh never mind. He wasn't going to forget the end of the magic phrase like he had last time.

And as he got to the edge of the land, he held up the magical potion in his hands, and spoke the words. "klaatu..."

"... Klaatu...." Ash paused and looked around. Oh... come ON! He knew the words, he knew them as well as anything when he'd left. All he had to do was calm down, yeah, calming down would help. If he just took a slow breath, calmed down, spoke the words... it'd all be fine. But that middle word... what was it again? Barista? Barbell? Bimbo?

"Klaatu... something... Nikto..." Ash repeated, turning around and looking at the Kingdom. He could ride back... go talk to the old man again. But then the old man would start whining about how it was a single simple magical phrase, and go on and on about how when he was a young mage he'd have memorized a novel by now and holy hell if Ash wanted to go through that again. And then Shelly would start staring at him with those eyes and be all like 'you're leaving me, and I might be with child!'

He was going to do it. Just... say the words. "Klaatu... barracuda.... nitko..." He said, sounding somewhat less than one hundred percent sure of the words himself. But, there was no thunder... no lightning... no summoning of the undead... Ash made sure to wait a few minutes this time to be completely certain that there would be no deadites popping up. And then, he drank down the potion...

And arrived in the middle of a desert. No... NO!

"OH COME ON!" Ash screamed to the heavens. "I said the words!... more or less... I got them right this time!... right? COME ON!" But the empty heavens of the planet didn't answer back. Ash didn't know it, but he was rather lucky that he hadn't been caught in the middle of a hurricane raging, though had it been mentioned to him he would have snapped back that a hurricane would have at least been shady.

As it was, the weary time traveler picked a direction, and started to walk... and walk... slowly the morning sun began to rise, and Ash began to sweat. It was fine at first, a little bit of burn to keep him in shape... but then the burn became sunburn, and the hours wore on, and for some reason he had the distinctive sensation that he was still in that chain gang with Erik the Red or whoever he was.

After days of wandering... or a few hours, depending on your perspective, Ash's eyes laid upon the outline of a building. True, but this time his face was sandy from when he'd thought he'd spotted water and tried to drink the sand... and even more sandy from when he'd thought he'd caught a supermodel sun bathing and had tried to leap on her after stripping off his tunic... and then there was the budweiser fountain incident...

But, never one to be daunted, Ash began to run to the building, laughing as he went, nearly dropping his chainsaw and sawed off shotgun that were strapped to his back in glee, as he came up to the building. "It's... real... IT'S REAAAAAL!" He screamed with delight, and then promptly fell to his knees from exhaustion, as the world started to spin... No, he'd come so close, so close to surviving. He couldn't go out like this, not when he was so damned close!

With all his energy, Ash managed to open the door and pull himself in, across the carpet, one hand after another as he cried out to anyone who would listen in a whimper... "Beer.... need.... beer..."

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keoughr
2008-08-24 12:22 am UTC (link)

Giselle was in a glorious mood. The sun was shining, and there was not even a hint of the monstrous hurricane that had plagued the resort for the last three days. The flowers were in bloom, the grass was green, the gulls were crying and the sound and smell of the ocean wafted into her bedroom via the balcony. She couldn't stop taking deep breaths, it was like ambrosia.

Her cheeks shone with her delight as she readied for the day. She sang her morning serenade from the balcony and then dressed with the help of her animal friends. Said friends were also delighted with the change in weather, it should be noted. With her hair knotted intricately, she dressed in a sky blue dress with matching slippers. The dress matched her eyes and contrasted with her beautiful red hair.

She couldn't stand the thought of staying indoors today, so her plan was to get out and explore. She hurried down to the cafe for some breakfast and then, munching on an apple she was sure was free from poison, she skipped into the lobby. She stopped dead in her tracks when she saw a man, a very sandy man, lying on the floor begging for beer.

She looked around, wondering if she hadn't seen someone that he was talking to, but there was no one else around. A golem did wander in shortly afterward, however, with a bottle of amber liquid. It was set down on the floor next to the man, and then the wooden man wandered off again. Giselle was not quite sure what to do with herself, or with this man.

She crouched down and tried to get a look at his face. "Uh, hello!" She greeted him, cheerily. She tilted her head so that she could look at him properly, then took another small bite of her apple. She munched it quietly as she waited for the man to answer her. "Are you alright?"

She looked around the room again and saw a blinking light above a key in the keybox. The man must be new here. She always hated breaking the bad news, but sometimes it just had to be done. She sighed softly and took another bite out of the apple.

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i_am_king
2008-08-24 02:59 am UTC (link)

Ash wanted to die. This world was an unforgiveable cesspool of misery and despair, and was most certainly lacking in the two things that it really needed: a beer volcano and a stripper factory. That, and he'd been walking for the past twenty miles in the desert without food, water, or a decent made for tv movie to watch. There was only so much that a man could take... especially when that'd been exactly how he'd wound up in the LAST damned world that he'd been forced into. Oh... when he managed to be able to stand again... watch out... no more Mr. Nice Ash.

Which was when Giselle showed up. "God... help me..." Ash cried out, his pride having been forgotten for the absolute desire for a drink of any kind. He was actually willing to take water, or... a lite beer... okay, maybe not a lite beer because that would have been a little fairie... but... a non alcoholic beer. Yeah. He'd drink non alcoholic at this point... to survive.

But the woman just stared at him. Was she stupid? Ash stared in horror as she continued to much on her apple while he pleaded with her, one of his dirty hands trying to claw at the hem of her dress. Oh, if he could just reach a little higher he'd MAKE Betty Brainless get him a beer... yeah... and... a sandwich. Yeah.

It was at that point Ash saw the golem walk in and froze in horror, as it slowly walked up to him. The only thing Ash could think of as he saw the thing which looked human and yet wasn't was... Deadite. He made a face as he fumbled behind him and pulled the shotgunt out of it's holster, aiming it at the creature as it lumbered towards him. "Oh hell no..." Ash said, trying to aim with a hand that was wobbling. Now and again it looked as if he might shoot out one of Giselle's kneecaps instead of hitting the golem, but at the last moment he blinked, noting the beer being set down in front of him.

With surprising speed Ash reached out, ripped the top off with his prostetic hand and guzzled down the contents of the bottle, finishing it off in a single long swig, and then pausing for a moment before letting out a tremendous belch which echoed in the room like rolling thunder from a cloud. "Oh... yeah... that's... good beer." Ash said, then noted that the Deadite was walking away.

"HEY! YOU! This ain't over, Rocky..." He said to the stone golem as it ignored him and walked away. "One beer does not make up for this... you hear me!" He called out, but the golemn was already gone. Ash then proceeded to stare for a minute at the ground, and then collapse in his own arms, his face slamming rather roughly against the floor. It was Ash's nappy time now... he was going to survive... and life was going to be... tollerable.

Which was when Betty decided to lean down and ask him perhaps the most assinine question that he'd ever been asked in his entire life. Slowly Ash looked up, and faked a rather big smile, even giving her a little chuckle, and tilting his head to the side as if he too were brainless, before suddenly reaching up and grabbing her by the neckline of her pretty little dress and tugging her hard down towards him so she was an inch or two from his face.

"Am I alright? Am I alright? Look lady... in the past week, I've had to decapitate my girlfriend and her friends with a chainsaw, cut off my own hand, then travel back in time so that I could play errand boy to some sissy wizard who couldn't even cast a fireball when the hordes of the undead were beating down the castle walls. I don't know what you call 'alright', but I'm thinking that it probably doesn't include any of those. So why don't you do me a little favor, and tell me where the hell I am now... before I introduce you and Lurch over there to my boomstick." he said, still not letting go of her.

Though, now that he thought about it, she did look kinda hot.

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keoughr
2008-08-24 02:16 pm UTC (link)

Not only was Giselle clearly appalled by the blech, and showed it by flinching back, but he was screaming at the golem like a mad man. Her brow furrowed in concern, especially when his head met the ground rather abruptly. She flinched again and promptly forgot about her half eaten apple. She was about to stand up when he turned to her with perhaps the most maddening smile she'd ever seen and grabbed her by the perilous neckline of one of her favorite gowns. As she was jerked downward, the apple in her hand flew up and landed with a dull thud behind her. It rolled a few feet before coming to a stop against a wall.

She was too stunned to scream, and only a small squeak escaped her. Her blue eyes widened to the size of saucers as she found herself mere inches from the filthy man's face. And then when he began to speak, she had a strong desire to recoil from the foulness of his hot breath. Not only was it laced with the fermented odor of beer, but all around nastiness as well. But as he still had a firm grip on her neckline, she could do no such thing.

She closed her eyes, hoping that this was some nightmare she would wake up from any second. But, after a few moments, she realized that his grip on her was a little too real. How unfair was this? She was planning to spend this glorious day outside in the sunshine and this foul man had his paws on her and was clearly angry with her for no good reason. She was only trying to be nice!

It wasn't her fault he'd gone through all those things, all those horrible horrible things. Decapitating his girlfriend? What did he do to people he wasn't intimate with? She really didn't want to find out. "I... uh... Mirage." That's all she could manage at the moment. She didn't know what a boomstick was, but it didn't sound like something she wanted to be introduced to. "This is Mirage." She tried to pull herself out of his grip. She wanted nothing more to do with him and wanted to run as far away from him as she could get. And that's just what she planned to do once he released her.

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i_am_king
2008-08-24 07:44 pm UTC (link)

He watched the girl in his hands freeze, tossing her apple away as if it didn't look tasty and juicy and delicious. He tried not to think about how long it'd been since he last ate, or at least how long it felt, given that he'd demanded two sides of lamb this morning before leaving the castle. Oh yeah, and some grapes, hand served to him by serving girls. Shelly, or... whatever her name was wasn't exactly too happy about that one. But it was hard to tell if she was mad about that or him leaving, or something else entirely. Maybe she was just... having that time of the month... yeah, girls did that a lot... That was probably it.

The girl in his grip was babbling something about a Mirage, and it only made him made. "That's funny..." he said, giving her a crazed look, and then started to laugh, throwing his head back to laugh loudly at her. "Oh yeah, I'm in another mirage... that's cute..." With a sudden sweeping motion his free hand caught his gun and leveled the barrel at the side of her face. "Look, toots, I don't know what passes for a joke around here, but I ain't amused. You're going to tell me what I want to know or we're going to see what you look like with half your face-"

But then he saw it, those eyes. Sure, Ash could be a cold hearted bastard at times. He did what it took to get the job done, and yeah he'd seen the fires of hell and whatnot... but she had the big eyes that girls got before they started to cry, and talk about their feelings and crap like that. Ash looked one way and then the other, somewhat embarassed to be in this situation, knowing that any minute now the girl was going to start sobbing at him the way that girls did, and all that estrogen in the air was going to mentally neuter him until he wanted to go watch 'Beaches' or something like that.

"Oh... come on now...don't do that..." Ash said, still holding onto her. She was already trying to tug herself out of his grip to scurry away like some frightened animal. Dammit, now he just felt bad. "Look, I just... had a bad day, okay sweetheart... don't get all... cry-ing and stuff..." he made a face, thinking that even her who looked kinda hot would probably get all red and blotchy and puffy when she started to cry, and then she'd want a hug or something like that... and dammit, all he wanted to know was where the hell he was.

"I'm going to let you go now, so stop tugging or you're going to wind up on your ass...." he said, before letting go. With the way the girl was tugging though Ash half expected that she was going to go flying when he let go of the neckline of her dress. Grumbling he sat up, having let go completely, and scratched his head, causing some sand to come tumbling out of his dark locks of hair. Sometimes it was like he couldn't get a goddamned break.

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keoughr
2008-08-25 11:11 am UTC (link)

His laughing in response to her answer was not only unexpected but frightening. It wasn't a normal laugh. It was a half-crazy laugh. And when the gun was leveled at the side of her face, she was half a tick from passing out. She'd never seen a gun this up close before. And she'd never seen one used. Oh, she knew what they were for. But she'd never seen one used. She didn't come from a place where they used them. And she hadn't been in New York long enough to experience the violent side of it.

But Giselle wasn't going to cry. Her inability to cry at the moment was also due in part to the fact that she was too stunned to even think of it. Not that she cried often. She was altogether too cheerful to cry. But, when she was lonely or lost, or frustrated, she cried. This was not one of those times. She was starting to get angry, an emotion she'd learned to adopt in New York under Robert's constant stubborn nature.

"I'm not going to cry, you big oaf!" She pursed her lips angrily and continued to tug back against his grip on her dress. His warning came too late, though, as he let go and she flew back a foot or two and landed on her pretty rump. She fumed and pressed her fists into her hips, affronted. She climbed to her feet, and resettled her fists on her hips. "Now you listen to me, you dirty man, you are in Mirage! And if you even think about hurting someone with that gun, you are going to be in big trouble!"

She didn't care who he was or what he'd been through. He was in Mirage, and he was going to follow the rules or suffer the consequences. She was as close to furious as she'd ever been. She even stamped her foot to emphasize her point. "There are rules here. And if you break them... I don't know what will happen, but I think you would rather repeat the day you've just had rather than experience it." She moved over to the apple and picked it up. Spotting a trash can, she threw it away, dusting her hands off.

Sighing she crossed her arms over her chest again. He really did look pitiful. Dirty, tired and parched. She started to feel a little sorry for him. She wasn't sure why, he'd just basically threatened to kill her. "I suppose you're hungry?" She smiled reluctantly. "Let me show you to the cafe." She wasn't about to get within range for him to grab her again, so she motioned with her hand for him to follow her.

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i_am_king
2008-08-25 10:28 pm UTC (link)

Ash could only sigh as Giselle went landing on her ass. Cute, but snotty at the same time. She was probably one of those girls who fancied herself to be a pretty pretty princess, or some other bullshit like that. The more he watched her place her hands at her hips and puff out her cheeks like a blowfish, the more he realized he'd been crazy to think that she was cute at all. She seemed, without peer, to be one of the more whiny nasty hags he'd met on his little adventures, and he'd had to deal with deadites for the past few days.

Then again, maybe it was the beer. Ash paused, and then leaned down to sniff the bottle slowly. It didn't smell particularly potent, but he supposed that he couldn't really tell. Maybe she'd drugged him... maybe underneath it all she was some soul sucking leech out to rob him of his masculinity. Wait, wasn't that all women? Well, either way it didn't really matter, Ash had pretty much had it at this point. Here he was in another strange world, with strange beer serving deadites and a woman who seemed to be on the rag, and no idea how the hell to get back home. At this point he'd have settled to get back in the 1300s so he could put his steel toed boot up the ass of Merlin for getting him in this mess. Why did he have to pick the same stupid magic words twice in a row anyway? Couldn't he have made it something easier like... 'get me the fuck out of here' or something like that?

But his thoughts were disturbed by Giselle flapping her mouth at him, and as she did so Ash picked himself up slowly off the ground, giving her a crazed look that told volumes about exactly how sane he was. Which was to say not at all. He was in fact, violently angry, and there she was mouthing off to him... telling him WHAT he would be doing? Oh... hell... no.

"I'm sorry, I think you have me mistaken for someone else..."

As she started to walk away Ash leveled the Boomstick™ in Giselle's direction and fired, making sure it was not pointed at her enough that she would get shrapnel. However what DID happen was a picture by her exploding into a thousand pieces, leaving a hole in the wall big enough that she could fit her head through it. No more Mr. Nice Ash. "I imagine a Prissy Prissy Princess like you was expecting another whiny eunuch servant boy, but I got news for you, sweetheart, I've taken dumps bigger than Lurch over there, so if you think I give a care about you or your rules, you got another thing comin..."

Ash paused then, and leaned forward, holding his ear as if listening to her really hard. "What's that? You got something else to say princess? Maybe some rules about when curfew is? Tips on how to knit a sweater? HUH??"

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keoughr
2008-08-25 10:58 pm UTC (link)

Giselle paused mid-step as she heard him pick himself up off the ground. His voice was angry. She cringed inwardly and heard the rachet of the shot gun shortly before a picture near her exploded into a thousand pieces. She screamed and ducked, putting her arms over her head in the innate position of one protecting themselves.

When the dust settled and there was nothing but the sound of his angry voice, she stood up and turned around. Her face was ashen, drained of color. She couldn't speak for her shock. She could only listen to what he was saying. But listening and comprehending were not the same thing. She only manage to gasp out, "I'm not a princess." At least, not yet. She would have been if she'd stayed in Andalasia, though.

Apparently he didn't hear her when she spoke, because he put his hand to his ear and began to taunt her. "I said I'm not a princess." She was shaking slightly, having come as near to death as she ever had before in her life. She crossed her arms over her chest.

Getting out of bed was not turning out to have been a good idea. Now she was frustrated. Why was this happening to her? She had done nothing but enter the lobby at the wrong time. She was speechless. She didn't know what to do. She wanted to run, but she feared that if she did he really would shoot her. She knew the Planet wouldn't let that happen, but so far it wasn't intervening.

And then she heard the dull thud of footsteps as the golem that had previously brought the man a beer approached. She watched him enter the lobby and stand between her and the man. She knew the golems were pretty much indestructible. If Ash tried to shoot it, it might just ricochet back at him. But the golem reached out and pinched the end of the shotgun closed. Giselle smiled, grateful that the Planet was finally coming to her aid.

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i_am_king
2008-08-26 01:09 am UTC (link)

Ash snickered a little at the scream. Maybe now that he learned Princess some respect she'd actually start talking instead of just babbling at him like a moron. He popped open the barrel of his shotgun and reloaded it quickly while she babbled at him, to let her know that he was serious, and sick of these games. She'd damn well be thinking of the best way to take him to the person in charge here. But instead she told him quite openly that she wasn't a Princess. She didn't seem very... how shall we say... bright?

And when she repeated it Ash straightened, and looked at her. This was a joke right? Nobody was that dense... hell, even that cheerleader in college that he'd dated who was in remedial algeabra hadn't been so dense as to not know sarcasm when it was being thrust in her face, and Ash wasn't exactly the type for subtleties. "That's... a joke right?" Ash said, though his eyes widened in such a way that he was starting to believe that it wasn't. She just stared back as innocently, and cluelessly as a little deer might have. Ash started to feel slightly guilty again for being angry with her. But dammit, it wasn't like she hadn't made him, with all this whiny bullshit about a Mirage.

Ash heard the footsteps before he saw the golem. Boy, that guy looked alot more normal sized when Ash had been on the ground. Without fear, however, the evil slayer shoved his gun right in the face of the golem, and shook his head. "Boy, you guys just keep getting dumber. I told you before, Lurch, that beer wasn't going to cut it, now how's about you leave me and the prissy princess to talk before I blow your Fu-" But with surprising speed the golem reached up and grabbed the end of his gun, bending it to the side as if it were a twisty straw at his local diner.

Ash held up the end of the gun to stare at it for a moment. "Oh... heh... uhm... yeah..." He dropped it as the golem took a step towards him, clearly not satisfied with his initial protecting of Giselle. Ash held his hands up in between the golem and him. "Woaah there big fella... let's talk about this huh? You know I wasn't going to hurt the princess, I mean... we're all adults here, we can take a joke, right? Ha... ha..." The golem seemed quite a bit less than amused. Ash sweated, and then looked over the golem's shoulder.

"Oh my god! Look! Elvis is here!" He said, pointing, waiting for the stone golem's head to turn before he pulled one leg back. "I swear, sometimes it's just too easy..." And with all his force, he kicked the golem straight between the legs.

Funny how the next thing he knew he was on the ground, gripping his foot. "OH! Oh! SON OF A-" And then proceeded to lay into a string of profanity that Giselle would likely have never heard even on the meanest Brooklyn streets. Ash had a mouth on him that would make a sailor blush, and then some. "And then pull the handle bars out of the candy man's asshole!" he finished. He'd had steel toed boots on, but he was pretty sure if he'd not broken his foot outright, he'd come close. Talk about a set of brass ones.

Well, Giselle would have her chance to run away, Ash certainly wouldn't be chasing her now.

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keoughr
2008-08-26 09:57 am UTC (link)

Giselle heard the gun clatter to the ground as the golem advanced on the man. She resisted the urge to smile when she heard the stuttering negotiations coming from the man. She still didn't even know his name. And he didn't know hers. He'd been too rude for formalities. She peeked around the golem's shoulder to see what was happening.

When Ash pointed at something, Giselle looked too. She didn't know who Elivs was, but she hadn't met him, so she was interested. But, Ash had been lying. She frowned and turned her gaze back in time to see him kick the golem between the legs. She opened her mouth to warn him, but it was too late. He was writhing on the ground, gripping his foot and screaming out profanity, half of which she didn't know the meaning of.

She stepped up next to the golem and patted it's arm. "Thank you!" She quipped and looked down at the writhing Ash. Running away didn't even enter her mind. She was much too curious about the man, and now that she knew the golem would protect her from him, she wasn't frightened, either. That thing he'd shot at her with was now incapacitated, as was the shooter. Crossing her arms over her chest as she looked down on him, she began to speak.

"Alright, Mister. I am going to do my best to get you some food, tell you about Mirage and show you to your room. But you have to promise not to try to hurt me again, or my friend here might start fighting back. If you don't think you can do that, I'll leave you here so you can figure it all out on your own. What'll it be?" She lifted a strawberry colored brow as she awaited his answer. "I'm Giselle, by the way." She offered by way of introduction, though her arms remained firmly crossed.

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i_am_king
2008-08-27 01:21 am UTC (link)

Oh sweet mother his foot hurt like a bandersnatch. Idly, he considered his options. The gun was gone, he'd more or less fucked his one good leg to stand on, and there was a hulking Deadite over him who was standing there staring at him as if he were stupid. Oh, he'd show Lurch who the hell was stupid... he just needed to come up with a plan, yeah, that was it. Maybe dynamite would do the trick, trick lurch into eating some of it and then... no, that'd never work, that was almost as stupid as trying to kick the bastard in the bojangles. Almost... god damn his foot hurt.

Giselle, the little toady, was just sitting there all smirking like the cat that ate the canary. Or more aptly the dumb cat who was spoon fed the canary by her hulking thousand pound body guard made out of sheet rock. Oh, but she'd get hers, yeah, he'd make sure that he got her just deserts. Yes, Ash envisioned taking his boot and kicking her little prissy backside all across this place, but it was clear that Lurch wasn't going to be letting that happen any day soon. Rassim Frassim overgrown butler from hell...

But then Ash realized that the big stoney wasn't exactly trying to kick him into oblivion the way a Deadite would. No, Ash remembered very well the pit match and how Deadites loved to go for the face usually several times in succession. Not that he couldn't take it, of course. But they were nasty ones. Lurch just seemed to be well... confused, or possibly brain dead. Then again he took orders from someone stupid enough to turn around at a 'look it's Elvis' trick. Maybe... maybe she was as bright as people got in this place... which meant that Ash was going to be in hell.

Or be fucking rich. Wait a tick. If all the people here were completely stupid, Ash could bilk them out of all of their money and women. Slowly he opened his eyes, and grinned in that creepy way that he always did. Yeah, this was a good idea. He'd let little Princess Priss lead him around by the nose like one of her eunuchs for a while, get in with their trust, and then he'd cash in at the last minute...

"Sure thing, Princess... I won't hurt you one little bit..." Ash said with a bright smile, seeming almost somewhat cheery and normal. He was fairly sure Captain Bimbo of the Airhead brigade wouldn't catch on. "mmm! Food!" Ash tried to play along with the idea of eating, trying not to concentrate on how much he wanted to keel haul Lurch.

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keoughr
2008-08-27 11:44 am UTC (link)

She was getting a little irritated that he continued to call her Princess. No one could ever call her bright, but she wasn't stupid. She could sense the insincerity in his voice. He was acting, and he wasn't doing a great job at it. But, at least he wasn't trying to hurt her for the moment. She sighed, feeling like she just continued to lose. Turning, she plucked the key from the hook it dangled from and held it out to him. "This is yours. It has your room number on it. I'll show you where that is after we get you some food and show you the plaque."

She planned to take the golem along with her, just in case the man tried to get violent with her again. "Can you stand?" She knew that his foot hurt, his face was lined with the pain. It was his own fault. He'd been stupid enough to kick a man made from stone. "If you can't walk, I'm sure the golem would carry you." She spoke plainly, without her usual good humor. Ash had rubbed her the wrong way completely.

Once they were on the move, she led them down a hall and around a corner to the door of the cafe. She walked to a table and sat down, the golem moving to stand behind her. She wondered if this would be what it felt like to be a princess escorted by guards all the time. But the thought was fleeting. She motioned to the menus at the end of the table.

"They have anything you can think of. We don't have any form of currency here, so it's always on the house. Go ahead and order what you like. While you eat I can answer some of your questions." She knew he probably didn't want her company, but he had eyed her apple like a starving man and had gulped down his beer like he'd just walked twenty miles in the desert. Otherwise, she might have shown him the plaque and taken him directly to his room.

She'd just eaten, so she sat with her hands folded in her lap and waited for his questions, or for some other arrogant thing to come from his mouth. She really didn't like this guy, and she still didn't know his name. "What is your name, anyway?"

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i_am_king
2008-08-27 08:49 pm UTC (link)

Ash warily took the key from Giselle, staring at it for a moment and turning it over a few times in his hands. It seemed normal enough, but then again Ash's life was filled with things that seemed relatively normal and really weren't very. He could still remember how that damned fake Nercronomicon had bit his hand. OOOH! If he'd had a little more time and a few more shotgun shells... he'd have.... well, done something, something really nasty, and explosive. Yeah. He'd definately have gone all Farenheit 451 on that book, that was for sure.

"Thanks... but Lurch ain't exactly my type..." Ash said wryly as he forced himself to his feet. He'd had worse, quite a bit worse, really. His foot was fairly badly bruised, but he could wiggle his toes, which meant that Lurch couldn't have been all THAT unbreakable, or else Ash's foot would be broken. That made sense, didn't it? Yeah. There would definately be a day for ass kicking Lurch. Or maybe he'd just ask the guy to hop into a bottomless pit or something. That'd show the overgrown mute who was boss.

He hobbled along after her, watching the smug little smile on her face as she stared at her eunuch body guard with the steel crotch. When she wasn't looking he let his pace slow down till the golem was blocking her view of him and then he made a face at her, sticking his tongue out and sticking his hands in his ears to waggle them back and forth. By the time he came back into view he was whistling innocently as he looked around the place.

Ash almost swore when Giselle mentioned that they didn't have any currency. No riches? What the hell sort of bass ackwards place didn't have any riches? Or any money whatsoever? Wait, he needed to calm down for a minute. Maybe they were one of those societies that didn't realize what riches they had. Yeah, maybe they were wiping their asses with gold toliet paper or something, and he could take loads of home and sell and become as rich as Donald Trump... but with a better hairstyle. Yeah. That could happen.

Ash raised a brow as she mentioned they'd bring him anything he wanted to eat, and he especially eyed the other golem that came up to take his order. Odd...

"Well, let's see..." Ash said, sounding almost civilized as he considered what to eat. "I'll have, two slices of brooklyn style pizza with hand made marinara sauce, a fillet minon cut of your finest steak, two drumsticks from a turkey, and a heart attack burger. Oh, and get me a 6 pack of bud..." Ash said, staring skeptically at the golem who troddled off, only to stare in awe a moment later as he came out with a tray of what was ordered.... screw money, he could live here forever!

As they set it in front of him Ash began to devour it like a starving man. Which wasn't necessarily because of him being starving. Really, that was how he always ate. As Giselle watched him skeptically and asked her question, Ash took a mouthful of Turkey and ripped it off of the bone, not bothering to swallow before answering with his mouth full. "Ash, baby... So what's the deal with this place, anyway? First Lurch tries to kill me, now it's 'All you can eat'?"

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keoughr
2008-08-28 10:30 am UTC (link)

Giselle was suitably impressed with the amount of food that was ordered and the voracious way with which it was devoured. She watched in amazement, blue eyes wide as the food disappeared at an alarming rate. She hoped that he wasn't going to choke to death because he didn't seem to be chewing much of his food. It took a moment to realize that he'd given her his name and asked a question.

"Ash." She nodded, repeating his name. She would have told him it was nice to meet him, but it really hadn't been all that nice. Nor was it now. Instead, she launched into an explanation about Mirage. "Well, the golem didn't actually try to kill you. He just kept you from killing me." She paused for a moment but doubted that any way she argued, he would still think that the golem had tried to kill him.

"As I said before, this place is called Mirage, and it's on a completely separate planet than the one you came from." As far as she knew, no one was actually an original inhabitant of the planet. Everyone had been taken from their own time and place. "There's a plaque, with a message from the Planet." She paused again because often when she said that new arrivals tended to think she was a little crazy, because obviously planets weren't sentient beings that could think for themselves. "I'll show it to you when you're finished eating."

"But it basically lays out the rules and tells us that this is our home now and there's no way for us to leave. Everything we need is provided for, and our residences look the way we want them to look. I think a majority of the people find that their rooms look the same as their room or home back where they came from." She had a feeling that if she divulged that her room was all pink with bows and lace and satin, that he might make fun of her, so she just kept that tidbit of information to herself.

"There is quite a lot to do around here, but a lot of people seem to spend their time trying to escape. No one has found a way to leave, yet, though." But now that she thought of it, she hadn't seen Jun working in the cafe for quite some time now and wondered where he'd gone off to. Maybe he was staying in his room. She would make a point to seek him out later and find out what he was up to.

"Unfortunately, if you have any friends or family, you probably won't see them again. Unless the Planet chooses to bring them here. It has been known to happen, though not to me." She wished there was someone she knew here. Edward, Robert... even Morgan. But she didn't want them to be trapped here as she was. She was sure they were happier in New York.

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i_am_king
2008-08-28 11:47 pm UTC (link)

Ash seemed far more interested in the food than he did the girl sitting across from him. He didn't seem to need to breath as he inhaled the food, and halfway through he grabbed one of the beers from the six pack, cracking one can open before tossing his head back and drinking it in a single gulp, then pausing and letting out another thunderous belch in Giselle's direction.

When she said his name he nodded. "That's me, baby..." and then without warning took the can and smashed it against his forehead, crushing it with rather frightening effectiveness. He stared at her as she mentioned the golem not trying to kill him, but rather the golem just stopping him from killing her. "I wasn't going to like... KILL kill you..." he said, honestly. "I was just going to rough you up a little bit."

As if that were a perfectly normal thing to say to a person Ash then continued to dig into the food, taking a beer and put it in front of Giselle. "Want one?" he said, his mouth, as usual, half full of food. He didn't wait for her reply before he started digging into the food again, taking a massive chunk of the steak and shoving it into his mouth, chewing on it loudly. "Man, I gotta tell you, the welcoming committee sucks, but you guys have the best food I've ever had..." He looked over and gave Lurch the thumbs up. "I gotta figure out how to get me a chef like one of these guys back home..."

Ash nearly choked on his bite of steak when she told him that they couldn't leave, his face going red for a moment before he slapped his chest and forced himself to swallow the oversized chunk of steak. "WHAT DO YOU MEAN WE CAN'T GO HOME?" He said, his eyes opening wide, getting that wild look again in them as he stood up and kicked the chair he'd been sitting on into another table. The rest of her small talk seemed to be ignored as he stuck a finger down at her, like a teacher lecturing a child who'd been caught doing something wrong in class. He was damn tired of all of this magical bullshit.

"Look, Princess, I said the food was good, not that I planned on living here. Don't get me wrong, that was grade A steak, but it sure as hell ain't worth staying in some creepy Hotel California with golem butlers till the end of time for..." he said, glaring at Lurch. He should have known things were going a little too well. Every time something seemed to be going right, it blew up in his face, and that was bullshit. Bullshit!

Looking at Giselle though, it started to click that she wasn't really in charge of the golems at all. They'd snapped to his orders for food simple enough. And that look in her eye that she got when she was talking about people getting their friends or family. Aww dammit, now he felt all bad, and she didn't have the big doe eyes either, just...

"Oh, you're trapped here too, huh?" Ash said, stating the obvious. "Look, I'm... sor..." It was hard to apologize, especially to someone who'd nearly got his foot broken. "I'm sure..." he said, deciding not to apologize after all, "that we'll be able to find a way out of this dump... and as long as there aren't any zombies trying to eat my brains here, then I've escaped from worse places..."

He still felt bad, though. "Look, let's just... get this whole plaque thing over with..."

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keoughr
2008-08-29 09:38 am UTC (link)

To say that Giselle was horrified by the display before her would be a radical understatment. Her mouth was slightly opened, even as her pale skin seemed to turn a little green. Her eyes were wide, staring at him as she would a train wreck, without the slightest ability to look away. It was too strange and awesome to look elsewhere. Seh'd never seen anything like it.

She flinched a little when the beer was smashed against his forehead. And it left a slight mark on his forehead, although it was difficult to see through the grime. She didn't understand the desire to hurt oneself, and wondered if it were some display of his manhood that he could do such a thing without crying out in pain. And his words about not actually killing her just roughing her up a bit did nothing to alleviate her repulsion. She hadn't done anything to deserve being roughed up. It wasn't her fault he was here.

When the beer was put in front of her, she looked at is as if it were a snake rearing up to bite her. "Uh, no thank you." She pushed it back toward him with the very tip of one of her fingers. She then wiped that finger on her gown as if it were now crawiling with a multitude of bacteria. He was talking while he was eating, saying something about getting a golem chef for his own back home and then he started to choke. She had known that was going to happen. She looked worried, mostly because she didn't know how she'd explain the dead body, but he seemed to get past it enough to yell at her again.

She leaned as bar back as she could into her chair, away from the pointing finger. Food particles flew from his mouth in his rage and it was all she could do not to recoil and run for a hot shower. But as soon as the rage hit him, it was over and he calmed down. She took a deep breath and looked up at him. She nodded at the obvious statement and stood up. He seemed to be finished with his food.

"It's this way." She led him out of the cafe, and could hear the golem following them, and other golems cleaning up the mess at the table. She walked down a hall to a door leading to the courtyard where the plaque was set into a wall. She motioned to it as she exited the building and then leaned against the wall, secure in the fact that the golem was still behind her.

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i_am_king
2008-08-30 02:54 am UTC (link)

Ash, halfway downing his food paused, looking up at Giselle as if she might be plotting to steal some of his food, noting the way she was staring at him as if he were some sort of strange caged animal at the zoo ripping into a gazelle or something. Now that he thought about it, he wondered if you could eat gazelle, and if so, if they served it on the menu here. He'd never had a gazelle steak before, he wondered if it tasted like chicken or something like that. Everything sort of tasted like chicken in a way though... which made him wonder if chickens weren't really evil.

"What?" He finally said, staring at her until she stopped staring at him, his mouth in mid chew. Only when she stopped staring did he go back to chewing, albeit a little more reluctantly, muttering under his breath, though it would easily be loud enough for her to hear. "Princess... acting like she's never seen a guy friggin eat before... jesus..." he chewed slowly, and then took a large deep swallow.

He glared at her a little when she refused his beer too. Damn, try to be nice to Prissy Prissy Princess and look at where it got him. He snatched the beer back over to his side of the table. "Fine, more for me then..." he said, letting loose another belch.

As he choked, he did take a split second to note the way that Giselle looked at him almost endearingly, fearful for his life. Man, he wasn't here even a few minutes and the ladies were already squirming in their panties to get some hot Ash lovin. She wasn't exactly what he'd call a 10 out of 10, mind you, but she looked alright. Sure, she was a little prissy, and a little dumb, and probably a whole lot nagging, but depending on how one manipulated that second trait she could make a nice girlfriend, Ash supposed. Maybe.

Though, as per usual, when he tried to be nice to her she didn't seem to notice, and that was a pretty major character flaw in Ash's book. Was she crazy? How could she not notice what a wonderful guy he was, when he was standing right here, just inches from her? Man, last time he tried to spare her feelings. It was probably for the best though, too much considering feelings and the next thing he knew he'd be watching oprah, crying about how sad her latest book of the month was. It was almost enough to make him hurl up the great food he had.

Ash just sighed as he looked at the plaque, stepping forward and putting his hands on the plaque first, taking a breath and a sigh. He was going to be okay.. he was going to be... okay....

"OH COME ON! I SAID THE GODDAMN WORDS RIGHT... more or less..." he cried to the planet. "WHAT KIND OF BULLSHIT PLANET IS THIS ANYWAY?!?" He howled out, but noticed that the golem that was behind Giselle was starting to eye him funny.

"Err... I mean... GOOD JOB PLANET! KEEP UP THE UH.... GOOD WORK... YEAH...."

Ash hung his head afterwards, feeling somewhat broken from the whole afair. "Alright Princess, so, where's my cell, or room, or whatever the hell we get here?"

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keoughr
2008-08-31 09:33 pm UTC (link)

Giselle was getting pretty fed up with him and his high and mighty attitude. As far as she was concerned, as soon as she'd shown him his room, she never wanted to see him again and wondered if there was a way for the Planet to arrange it. She was used to his outbursts by now, and though she flinched a little, she almost expected him to explode. He didn't disappoint.

He kept calling her Princess and it was so infuriating. But, rather than let him know how much he was getting to her, she ignored it and led him back inside. She wasn't very chatty with him, and normally people couldn't get her to shut up. He disturbed her that much. She looked back now and then to make sure he was following her as she led him down another hall, outdoors and into the building where his room was located.

She was immensely glad that he wasn't being given a room in the same building as hers. The fact that it was on the same side of the main building made her unhappy enough. She led him up the stairs to the second floor and down the hall to 213. She swept her hand toward it. "Here you are." It was really hard to bring Giselle down, but being around this man made her feel as if someone had died.

"Remember, it changes to look the way you want it to." She paused a moment and then began to step back down the hall the way they'd come. "Bye." She was done with her duties as greeter, beyond showing him the plaque and his room, she had no responsibilities. She didn't even look back as she descended the stairs and disappeared from view. Perhaps now she would be able to enjoy some time out of doors down by the beach.

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