My ex called me at work this afternoon to announce he wanted his stuff back.

I'm sorry. When you decide to move out unannounced and leave your crap behind, I claim it after 90 days. Everything but the epic stereo system he decided to leave has been decidedly sold and/or given away.

So, after he's been gone for nearly a year, he threatened to sue me. I laughed at him and hung up. I just can't wait for that summons to show up.

I really hate him.

Oh, wow! So I don't know what's going on here but I started getting this email over and over again which usually means the email goes into the spam account but it didn't this time so I opened it. Every single email is the same and they weren't things like "money for widows" or "penis enlargement" or "Who's Who Book" or Match.com. (Which I swear I never signed up for but they send me things, anyway.)

But I figured I should check this place out. If it's somewhere I shouldn't be, well, that's when a hard-drive crash comes in handy!

Hello out there in the interweb void! I'm Javi.

Erato? Are you... How are you holding up?

...um. I... I think Achilles has been taken.

I got up because Alex was fussing, and he wasn't here. All his stuff is here, but he isn't. And... I asked his men and his CO if they'd seen him, but, no, no one has.

So, because we weren't married... I can't stay here. They're being nice enough that I have until the end of the month, but still... I just... I don't know what I'm going to do...

Well it's official. I've done my best to stay the hell away from all this. When my internet turned on me, I jury-rigged my type-writer to get my files typed up so I wouldn't have to deal with this crap. Alas my coworkers didn't accept my makeshift papers, so I had to cave and finally access this thing.

My name's Henry Phillips, formerly Hephaestus.

Let's get this over with.

Um... Cal? I don't mean to bother you on a school night, but... I'm coming to New York next week along with my sister Mel and Apollo and their twins... And, well... I was wondering...

Do you have any Valentine's plans?

Oh, now this isn't even fair. Just found out today that the army is doing a two-week mandatory officer training camp thing. In California. Over Valentine's Day. And, of course, significant others aren't allowed to come...

Most persistent spam ever I'm assuming that this isn't for a Viagra support group How the hell do you do this?

Hello. I got tired of deleting the email from my inbox and this seemed to be the only way to get it to stop. I'm not entirely sure what comes next but I hope it doesn't result in more random emails from mysterious sources. Is there a next step to this or am I free to reclaim my internet connection again?

So.... Sisters...

Mel, how did Triton like his fish? And how did your... other meeting go?

And Athena! Did our Sea Prince make a good impression on your father?

Spam blocker, my ass Not entirely sure I should be posting on a message board that an email with the aura of a Hitchcock film surrounding it sent me to, but I'm kind of afraid of what will happen if I don't. wouldn't be the first What is this all about?

[Filter: Mousai]

Girls, are you all right? Both of you? And the little ones? When they took your sister, I feared the worst...

Oh, I feel like I'm missing so much school. :| I can't even e-mail my professors or anything. Blah. I hope I can get around to making it all up.

And, and it's almost Halloween. :x My sweet tooth has been really bad lately. I mean, if it's sweet, it's in my mouth, no joke. Lately I've been making myself hot apple cider, and it's actually really, really good. If anyone wants to try some, I'd be happy to share!

So, Athena...

You never did say. How did things go with Triton?

[As heard on various news sources]

"...with it being Patriot Day, it is a shock to hear of a breaking story on one of our military bases. Lieutenant Andreas Karalis and University of Washington sophomore Amanda Keefe were victimized in a brutal attack at the Fort Lewis complex in Washington. Reports state that five masked men broke into military quarters around three a.m. this morning, and surprised the victims, tying them both up. Lieutenant Karalis was severely beaten with various weapons, and Miss Keefe was beaten, stripped nude and had numerous Bible verses carved into her skin with a knife. She also suffered some stab wounds. Medical experts say that the injuries of both victims, while severe, are not life-threatening. The female victim is pregnant, but mother and baby are both listed as being in stable condition. The military has chosen to release the report due to allegations that both victims are known reincarnations of figures in Greek mythology: the hero Achilles, and the Muse Erato, on the suspicion that other so-called 'godlings' may be targeted next..."

In light of recent events, I think it best I see my family. It has been many years, there are things we need discuss. Erato, respectfully I think you need join me.

Greetings from Rome! Hope you're having wonderful birthday, Melpomene. You'll have to tell me what Apollo did to spoil you this year.

All right, my fellow Greeks--or anyone else feeling up to the job. We know we need to head to Rome to find... whatever it is we're supposed to be looking for. So, who is going to go?

I do have to travel to Italy fairly regularly on business, but right now... I'm not certain I would be the best candidate. Not after they took my son as well as the others. If no one else will volunteer, I'm certain I could perform the task required. Otherwise, I would be happy to sponsor someone else going in my place.

Any takers?

[Filter: Mousai]

SISTERS! Ok. Um. Apollo's birthday? It's on Tuesday. We should do something special for him. I'd suggest wearing the matching dresses we all got at Christmas, but there's no way I can fit into it right now. Last year, he kind of took it upon himself to bring us all together to celebrate, but I'm not sure how he'd feel about that with two of us five months pregnant.

So... Ideas? Surely we can come up with SOMETHING creative for our Mousagetes. I mean, come on. We're supposed to embody inspiration here.

I don't know how much longer the battery on this thing is going to hold out, and I don't know if the cops are still prowling around here, so I'll try to keep it short. I should have kept going west, not cut south-- did you know there's places around here where you can't get anything stronger than pop? I call that criminal.
I found this out the hard way when I walked into this restaurant and tried to order a beer. The staff pulled all kinds of attitude on me and told me that this was a family establishment and they didn't hold with spirituous liquors and all that-- and that's when things started to go really wrong, because one guy off in the corner started shouting "It's him! I saw him on the news-- the fornication and the drunkenness-- he's one of Them!"
I never heard anyone that was able to capitalize spoken words, especially when yelling them. Cross that one off my bucket list, I guess.
I shit you not, every single person in that restaurant was lined up facing me, shoulder to shoulder like some kind of football line-- or battle line. I tried to calm them down with a joke or something, but I couldn't get a word out before they pushed, literally pushed me back out the front doors and shoved me down in the parking lot. The owner told me I was going to get what was coming to me, "you and all your ungodly friends!" And that's when the police cars showed up, and I ran like hell.
I'm in a ditch and I have no idea where in the name of Uranus' ballsack I am, but I noticed something strange-- every single car in that parking lot had this little sticker on the back bumper or the back window. It looked kind of like a cross with hands and it said "Foundation for

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Hey, what are you up to?