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Merry Christmas, bruni!

To: bruni From: theothermoony

Title: Everything Is Different Now, Forever
Rating: R
Pairing: Remus/Sirius
Disclaimer: Not mine. Also, Dumbledore is still gay.
Summary: Remus and Sirius settle their differences.
Author's notes: Thanks to my betas. You know who you are.

It was late, long after the time when students were supposed to be in their dormitories for the night, yet two figures stole quietly through the halls: Remus Lupin on prefects' rounds, and Sirius Black, attempting to keep up with him.

"Forget it, Sirius." Remus walked too fast down the corridor, stumbling when his cloak became tangled around his legs. "I'm not interested in hearing anything you have to say."

"Moony, c'mon!" said Sirius, jogging alongside him. "It was supposed to be a joke! How the hell could I know he'd actually listen to me?"

Remus glared at him. "You shouldn't have joked about it in the first place!" he hissed. He cast a quick glance around to make sure they were alone, then raised his voice slightly. "Now the whole school could find out! I could be chucked!"

"Dumbledore wouldn't chuck you." Sirius swiped his nose with his sleeve. "Besides, he made Snape promise not to tell. You're fine."

That seemed to make Remus even more furious. "I'm not fine!" he shouted, stopping in his tracks and poking Sirius in the chest. "Nothing's fine! Everything is different now, forever!"

Sirius frowned, rubbed his chest. "Why?" he asked. "Remus, I said I'm sorry. What else do you want?"

Remus rolled his eyes. "For you to show a little remorse, for once? To actually mean it when you claim you're sorry for whatever incredibly stupid thing you've done?"

"Of course I meant it!" Sirius said. "Why would I say it if I didn't mean it?"

"Because you're a liar, Sirius Black," spat Remus. "You're a liar and you're a cheat and you're not much of a friend. That's what you are."

Sirius blinked, mouth falling open in shock. "You... How can you say that?" he said. "After what I did for you?" At Remus's mirthless laugh, he bristled. "What? What's so funny?"

"What you did for me?" Remus shook his head. "You might've pretended that becoming an Animagus was for my sake, but it was more about breaking rules, wasn't it?" He scowled at Sirius. "Because it's never about, 'let's keep Moony company,' is it? It's always, 'let's explore the castle and see what kind of trouble we can cause'!"

"That's... not true!" With a frustrated noise, Sirius pushed at Remus's shoulder with one hand. "It was always about you!"

Remus shoved him back, with both hands. "It's never about me!" he shouted. "It's about you, and James, and whatever prank you're going to pull next! I'm just convenient."

Sirius snarled, grabbed Remus by the sleeves of his cloak and flung him toward the wall. "Stop saying that!"

"Stop pushing me!"

"Make me!"

Remus hesitated, for a split second, then pulled back and punched Sirius square in the jaw. Sirius went sprawling to the floor and was still for a moment, too stunned to move. He sat up slowly, raised a hand to his bottom lip. It was warm and wet. He looked up at Remus, who stood over him, fists clenched, breathing hard.

With a growl of rage Sirius hurled himself at Remus, tackling him around the middle. They hit the opposite wall, Remus with the wind knocked out of him, Sirius's shoulder digging into his sternum. After a moment Remus managed to push him off, ducked out from under him. They circled each other like feral dogs.

"I don't want to hurt you, Remus," said Sirius. His lip was beginning to swell and throb. "Back off."

Remus sneered. "Funny," he said, breathlessly. "I really, really want to hurt you, Sirius." He flexed his hands, balling them into fists. "So maybe you know what it feels like, for a change. To be on the other side of it."

He moved suddenly, more quickly than a teenage boy has a right to, and sucker-punched Sirius in the stomach. Sirius staggered back, doubled over and wheezing. He looked up at Remus, furious.

"Fine," he said. "Have it your way, then."

He launched himself at Remus, dragging him to the floor and pinning him there. Remus struggled for a moment, then vaulted Sirius off of him as if he weighed nothing at all, slamming him into the wall. Sirius pushed off and kicked out at Remus's legs, tripping him as he tried to get up. Remus grabbed one of Sirius's legs and pulled hard before sinking his teeth into the ankle.

"Fuck!" Sirius cried. He shook his leg, his heel catching Remus in the chin, knocking him free. He quickly made to step on one of Remus's hands, but Remus had already rolled over and sprung up off the floor. Before Sirius could react, Remus had him shoved up against the wall, so hard he felt his head crack against the stone and saw stars.

"What's this about, really?" demanded Remus. He was close enough that Sirius could feel hot breath against his cheek. Remus held him fast, pinning him to the wall with his body, both wrists caught up in his grip. "Why'd you do it, really? Was it really just a prank?" Remus looked him in the eye, brown to grey. "Did you really risk my life just to get back at Snape?"

Sirius didn't answer straight away. He was dizzy, his head hurt and he felt like he was going to be sick. It'd serve Remus right if he was, all down his front, ruining his only set of school robes.

"Answer me!"

"He said stuff!" Sirius said finally. "About you. About... About all of us."

Remus squeezed Sirius's wrists painfully. "What did he say?" he asked. "What could he have possibly said that would make you tell him our secrets? My secret?"

Sirius shut his eyes. "He said..." His voice faltered. He cleared his throat and swallowed against the tightness of frustration and fear in his throat. "He said we were sneaking out to do things. Perverted things."

For a moment, the corridor was silent. Remus's grip on Sirius slackened, but only slightly. Even with his eyes closed Sirius could tell Remus was surprised. "He said that?"

"Yeah." Sirius opened his eyes. Remus didn't look angry, or disgusted. Just thoughtful. "What?"

Remus looked at him. "It made you angry," he said. "That he thought we were...shagging."

Sirius squirmed, suddenly uncomfortable, though he didn't know why. "Well, aren't you hacked off about it?" he asked. "You should be!"

"Why?" asked Remus. "Why should I be?" He suddenly tightened his grip again. "Why are you?"

"Because!" Sirius frowned. "It's wrong. It's not- it's not natural."

"Is that what your parents told you?" Remus snorted. "Werewolves aren't natural either. Is there something wrong with us?" He shook his head. "You're supposed to be such a rebel, Sirius."

"What the hell are you talking about?" Sirius wriggled, trying to work his hands free. "You being a werewolf has nothing to do with Snape thinking we're, you know." He made a face. "Queer."

"Actually, it has everything to do with it," said Remus. Suddenly, his voice became lower, almost dangerous. "Werewolves are bloodthirsty monsters who'd kill their own best friend if he got in their path. Queers are just unfortunate folk who don't fit into society because of who they love." He looked at Sirius. "You'd rather Snape find out I'm a werewolf than have anyone in this school think you a queer. Is that it, Sirius?"

Things were getting entirely too weird for Sirius. "Let me go," he demanded, jerking violently. "You're fucking- you're mad, Remus. You're out of your head."

Remus laughed, a strange laugh that echoed off the walls of the corridor and reminded Sirius of just how alone they were, how late it was.

"Probably," said Remus. He studied Sirius curiously. "What're you so afraid of, then?"

Sirius frowned. "I'm not afraid," he said quickly. "I'm not afraid of Snape, if that's what you're asking."

"You're afraid of what he said. What it might mean for you."

"No, I'm not!" Sirius tried to kick Remus in the shin. "Let me go!"

Remus held fast. "Are you afraid it might be true?" he asked. Sirius went still and stared at him.

"What?" he asked, gaping. "What're you-"

"Are you afraid that there might be a reason for Snape to think we're off being queer with each other?"

"No!" Sirius yelped. "You're mad, is what you are. You're talking rubbish. Let. Me. Go."

He bucked and twisted his body, managing to get one hand free of Remus's grasp. He planted it in the center of Remus's chest and shoved as hard as he could. Remus staggered but didn't lose his footing; instead he grabbed Sirius by the front of his cloak and dragged him in, mashing their mouths painfully together.

Sirius froze. It wasn't much of a kiss; Remus pushed too hard and was still squeezing his other wrist, so hard that Sirius was beginning to lose feeling in his hand. He couldn't breathe, partly because Remus was still pressed up against him but mostly because Remus was kissing him. He didn't know what to do.

Remus, however, seemed to know exactly what to do. He began to move his mouth, licking out at Sirius's, trying to work his lips apart. Sirius jerked away but Remus followed, kept kissing and lapping at him until Sirius opened his mouth to protest, and Remus was able to slip his tongue inside. Sirius didn't respond immediately but Remus wasn't discouraged. He slid his tongue against Sirius's, tasting late night snacks, butterbeer, and guilt.

After a moment Sirius's confusion was overcome by pleasure and he started to respond, albeit clumsily. His experience with kissing was limited to one game of Spin the Wand in fourth year. It'd landed on Harriet Logan-Price and she'd kissed him a bit like someone trying to eat a melting ice lolly, all tongue and urgency. It hadn't been pleasant and Sirius wasn't keen on repeating the experience - until now. Remus kissed deliberately, it wasn't sloppy or awkward. The lick of Remus's tongue was warm and wet, and something in his salty taste made Sirius want to lick back. So he did.

Remus surged against him, pressing him back against the wall again, their bodies flush together. Sirius pulled his mouth away with a gasp of surprise, then a growl of frustration at being trapped. He shoved at Remus, then pulled him, trying to pitch him over to one side, to turn things around, to get Remus up against the wall. Remus apparently didn't expect it; Sirius managed to put him off, grab him by one shoulder and twist him, hard, against the wall.

"Fuck," said Remus, when the stone connected with his back. "You bas-" Sirius didn't let him finish, covered his mouth with his own. Remus snarled against his lips, licked out, then suddenly bit down on Sirius's already damaged bottom lip. Sirius yelped and pulled away.

"What the hell?" he sputtered, lifting a hand to his face. Remus caught it, twisted it around behind Sirius's back and shoved him, face-first, against the wall. "Ah, fuck!"

Remus covered him from behind, his mouth hot against Sirius's ear. "You think you're stronger than me," he breathed. "You think I'll never fight back. That's why you think you can do whatever you want. Because people won't fight back with you."

"Let go," said Sirius, straining to free his arm. It was starting to hurt. "I don't think you're weak."

"Liar." Remus pushed harder, then leaned in and nipped at Sirius's earlobe. "You think I'm weak, but you're still afraid of me."

"How am I afraid-"

"Because of how I make you feel," said Remus. "That's why what Snape said got to you. Because of what just happened, just now." Remus licked out at the whorl of Sirius's ear. "It could be true."

Sirius closed his eyes and tried to remember how to breathe. He felt Remus shifting behind him, and at once became aware of something hard pressing against the back of his thigh. He inhaled sharply and without thinking pressed back against it. "Are you-"

"Yeah," said Remus hoarsely. Suddenly there was a hand snaking around Sirius's body, across his stomach, down beneath his robes. He opened his eyes with a start as Remus's hand made its way lower, between his legs. "So're you."

"Not because of you," said Sirius sharply. "It just happens, I can't help it."

Remus chuckled. "Liar, liar, pants on fire," he sang softly, giving Sirius's cock a squeeze through his trousers.

Sirius waited a moment, then took advantage of Remus's distraction to free himself, twisting out of Remus's grasp. He thought about running for it, but his fury at having been overpowered got the better of him - he had to settle this, he had to make sure Remus knew he couldn't be pushed around. He grabbed Remus by the shoulder and threw him against the wall, caught his wrists in both hands and pinned them up over his head.

"Got you," he said, panting a little. He smirked in triumph and slipped a leg between Remus's thighs, to keep him still. "You're not weak, but you're not stronger than me."

"That's what you think." Remus looked at him intently, then suddenly rolled his hips, bringing their bodies together and sending a rush of pleasure up Sirius's spine. Sirius flinched and struggled to keep his hold on Remus's wrists. Remus watched him with a wicked little grin. "You like that?"

"Shut up," said Sirius, tightening his grip. Remus bucked against him again, this time with a little moan. "Stop it!"

Remus huffed and licked his lips. "Make me," he said.

Sirius scowled at him. He could feel Remus's cock, hard against his thigh through his trousers. He slowly smiled. "Fair enough," he said, and slid his leg in further, pressing hard against Remus. "See how you like it."

"Oh-" Remus groaned, let his head fall back against the wall with a thump. "You- Do that again-"

"No." Sirius shook his head. "I'm not-"

"Fuck you-" snapped Remus suddenly, yanking one hand free, reaching out and grasping Sirius by the shirt, hauling him close and kissing him hard. This time Sirius kissed back, licking into Remus's mouth, pressing him back against the wall. Remus's hand crept up into his hair, fingers tangling there, to hold him in place.

He didn't know who moved first but they began rocking together, kissing sloppily and scrabbling at each other for purchase. Sirius clutched at Remus's robes, felt them tearing in his hands. He worked his cock against Remus's thigh, rolling his hips and gasping at the delicious friction. He'd only ever done this on his own, rutting against a pillow. It'd never occurred to him that he could do it with another person, let alone another boy. Remus.

"More," gasped Remus, nipping at his bruised lips. "C'mon- c'mon-"

Sirius bucked against him. "Shut up," he hissed. "Just-"

"Sirius-"

He felt Remus come, a huff of breath against his lips and a sudden dampness against his thigh. Remus shook against him, eyes squeezed shut, face contorted in something between pain and pleasure. When he finished he dropped his head to Sirius's shoulder, panting, heart thudding in his chest hard enough that Sirius could feel it.

Frustrated, Sirius pulled away, undid his flies and shoved his hand into his trousers, curling his hand around himself. He stroked himself, once, twice, and came with a grunt into his pants, feeling only slightly ridiculous for it. Mostly, however, it felt good.

Spent, Sirius sagged against the wall on one shoulder. He drew his hand out of his pants and wiped them on his cloak. Remus had slid down to sit on the floor, his head back, eyes closed. For a moment, neither spoke; the only sound in the hall was of their breathing.

"I'm not queer," said Sirius finally. "And I'm not afraid of you."

Remus opened his eyes and looked at him. "You don't have to be queer to have liked that," he said. His voice was strange. "But it helps."

Sirius shook his head. "I'm not."

"Fair enough." Remus got to his feet, looked down at himself and made a face. He drew his wand and muttered a scouring charm at his trousers, wriggling as the magic did its work. He pocketed his wand and looked at Sirius. "I won't tell anyone."

"You won't?" Sirius blinked. "Why not?"

Remus lifted an eyebrow. "You want me to tell people you shagged me in the corridor?"

Sirius felt his face go hot. "No," he said. "But it'd be the perfect revenge, if you told people that."

"Yeah, it would be," said Remus, straightening his cloak. He didn't seem to notice where Sirius had ripped it. "But I'm still not going to tell anyone."

"Why not?" asked Sirius.

Remus sighed. "Because, Padfoot." He looked at him sadly. "I'm not like you."

Sirius said nothing as Remus turned and walked away toward Gryffindor Tower. He stood in the hall for a long time, leaned against the wall, thinking about something Remus had said.

Everything is different now, forever.

-end-