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Kitty Pryde (Shadowcat) (kitty_has_claws) wrote in marinanova,
@ 2017-03-18 23:13:00

Entry tags:

:mingle, aidan reilly, ianto jones, jack harkness, kitty pryde (aoa), nico di angelo, pavel chekov (au), suzaku kururugi, ton phanan

[Day 419] [Mingle / Closed to Defense Force]
[Kitty waits until the team gathers into the Defense Force headquarters. Once upon a time this team was big enough that having a meeting inside would have been uncomfortable. That hasn't been true for awhile. She loudly taps a pen against a desk a few times to get everyone's attention before she starts.]

You were probably hoping I scheduled this surprise meeting so I could deliver a long speech at you, and your hopes are being fulfilled. [A pause as she once again considers not moving forward with this.] I have been thinking about the Defense Force and where it started and how it's changed and the direction it could or maybe even should move in for awhile now. We're a smaller team than we once were and I've been wanting to refocus our efforts more on the investigation side of things, but our numbers don't reflect that. I think a lot of us are here because we do something similar back home. We protect. We fight. We have a team to support us. We wanted that here too, but I'm not sure the needs of this prison support that now. I'm not sure they ever did. I'm not saying we haven't had successes. We have. I'm proud of what we built and what we've accomplished even if it's surprising how completely unpopular a team for saving lives and getting people home is. [She's taken the brunt of that message too. Complaints and criticisms from what they did to stop Spike from attacking people to just not getting everyone home within a few months time against impossible odds.]

I think it's time for a fresh take on this idea. And the thing is... It's not going to be with me. [Just looking out at everyone.] I don't think leading a team is what I should be doing right now. It's meant a lot to me. It's been the only thing that got me through some hard times. But it's not here for that.

I've talked to Jack and he's not going to be moving into the role either, so where this leaves us is kind of up to all of you. And before anyone volunteers I just want to say take some time to think about it. Think about whether you have a direction and a passion for it. Also, it won't be my call to make what happens next, so you'll just have to see if others will follow if you want to lead. Which means, for the moment, there is no Defense Force.

[And with that her speech is over. Time to see what comes next.]

(OOC: Discussion post.)

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wraith_7
2017-04-01 03:10 pm UTC (link)

[Ha! He knew she liked him best.]

He also talked me down off a roof once upon a time so I think I'm allowed to remain neutral here. That's how these things work. And for the record he just asked people how they felt the DF was doing. I wouldn't call that a hard position, at least not from my point of view. [Although to be totally honest Reid hadn't been too thrilled with his support of the organization but now is not the time to mention that.]

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	kitty_has_claws 2017-04-01 03:29 pm UTC (link)
	He asked people to keep it a secret from me and the others he locked it from. I'd like to think it was at least a little difficult to betray my trust. [Getting a cigarette out of her pocket.] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	wraith_7 2017-04-01 04:49 pm UTC (link)
	An issue I would like to make it clear I called him out on. [And that's about as much detail as he's willing to share regarding their conversation. It's tricky, being friends with two people who are at odds like this.] You know me, Kitty. Do you really think I'd have told him anything you considered a secret? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	kitty_has_claws 2017-04-01 04:54 pm UTC (link)
	No. What do I even consider a secret? [She's so open about everything it makes having people keep things from her hurt all the more.] It's okay. You don't have to defend yourself. I get it. I don't blame you. I blame him. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	wraith_7 2017-04-02 12:47 pm UTC (link)
	[Oh this is a fun position to be in.] Does it change your decision to step down in any way at all? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

kitty_has_claws
2017-04-02 05:38 pm UTC (link)

You mean do I want to get everyone together and say, let's keep going out of spite? [Okay, there is a tiny part of her that is tempted.] Nah.

I just want him out of my life. [Which is definitely the first time she's ever wanted that. She's never been mad at him for what happened or spiteful toward him while she was miserable. She loved him more than she loved herself, so when they fought or when he questioned her choices or acted distant or hurtful she internalized it as her fault. She kept trying to give to him even after their multiple breakups. She reassured him over and over whether he wanted or needed that or not that he was still loved and respected and wanted in her life even when he made her feel small and wrong. She kept chasing after a connection only to find out he was trying to cast doubt on her and the organization she'd poured herself into behind her back? It was the cold slap of betrayal she needed to break her out of that mindset.]

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wraith_7
2017-04-03 09:27 am UTC (link)

No, just meant you shouldn't obsess over it. It doesn't change what you were going to do. Don't let it bug you. [He does not believe for one second that she will actually do that.]

I get wanting to run away but this place makes that impossible. You've got to find some way to live with him that isn't going to make you lose your mind. [Not very good advice, and probably not something he would be able to listen to, either. He knows how hard she worked, both at the relationship and the DF and they're always going to feel wrapped up together.]

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kitty_has_claws
2017-04-03 09:34 am UTC (link)

Oh, sure, why didn't I think of that? Just don't let it bug me that he tried to explain to Chekov why he and I shouldn't be together now or that he was talking about the Defense Force behind my back with misinformation and asking people to keep it a secret.

[She holds the cigarette without lighting it yet.] I don't want to run away. I was here first. If he comes for me again he's the one getting shoved back. If he stops trying to secretly manipulate and undermine my life then we'll get along fine.

[Lighting.]

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	wraith_7 2017-04-03 10:57 am UTC (link)
	Alright, lol agree that first part was out of line and is new information to me. [Why are you two like this uuuggh?] I'll try to find a way to both mention that and stay out of your business. It sounds like a challenge worthy of my superior intellect. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

kitty_has_claws
2017-04-03 11:02 am UTC (link)

Ton, you don't have to do anything. [Taking a deep drag off the cigarette.] I don't need to hear his lies or whatever way he'll try to turn it back on me this time. I'm just done. I can't believe I wasted all that time being miserable over him and worrying over him. Afraid that my misery or my happiness might accidentally make him feel bad. [Shaking her head at herself.]

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	wraith_7 2017-04-03 11:12 am UTC (link)
	Fine, I won't do anything. [You take away all his fun.] All I'm saying is it doesn't hurt to let things go every once in awhile. Trust me, I was an expert on doing the opposite of that for a really long time. It's so weird how all that advice about getting over stuff actually ended up being right. Who knew? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

kitty_has_claws
2017-04-03 11:16 am UTC (link)

[Just tilting her head at him. It's not bad advice, but she's still processing this and in no way ready to hear it.] I learned about this like twenty minutes ago. I think for a betrayal this size I should get at least an hour before anyone is telling me to let it go.

I've been focused on his feelings for months. I get to have my feelings for awhile now. [Not that she wasn't in tune with her misery and loss, but she never allowed for anger toward him. Only toward herself.]

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	wraith_7 2017-04-04 11:12 am UTC (link)
	Okay, that is well within the standard betrayal time limit. See, you should have started off with that part so I could be overly sympathetic. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	kitty_has_claws 2017-04-04 11:15 am UTC (link)
	Chekov just told me at the meeting. He was going to come here, but I told him I needed some time away from him. [The anger fades out there, and she just seems sad.] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	wraith_7 2017-04-04 12:31 pm UTC (link)
	Is that the sound of you blaming him for not telling you when he was probably doing it for good reasons like to not make you miserable and unhappy? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	kitty_has_claws 2017-04-04 10:50 pm UTC (link)
	I would have thought the people who care about me would have said something sooner. [You know, like the reaction you got a few minutes ago. She has a lot of reasons for trust issues and it can be a fragile thing for her.] I'm angry at Reid, not Chekov. I just need some time to clear my head. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	wraith_7 2017-04-05 10:45 am UTC (link)
	I'm in a very awkward position here I won't lie. But if I had genuinely thought he was going to stage some sort of DF takeover or actively sabotage you I would have told you. [He doesn't like this one little bit.] But I give you full permission to be angry at me because I'm such a good friend. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	kitty_has_claws 2017-04-05 09:03 pm UTC (link)
	[She nods.] I get. I don't love it, but I get it. [She reaches across the table to put her hand on his and give it a squeeze.] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	wraith_7 2017-04-06 08:07 am UTC (link)
	[He squeezes back.] Come on. Let's sing terrible songs and pretend everything is fine. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	kitty_has_claws 2017-04-09 10:53 pm UTC (link)
	Thanks. Really. But I don't think I'm ready for terrible songs. I'm just...going to go home and be upset about it alone for awhile. (Reply to this) (Parent)

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