InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "How do you do, fellow kids?"

Dr. Spencer Reid (thisiscalm) wrote in marinanova,
@ 2017-02-03 11:49:00

Entry tags:

kitty pryde (aoa), spencer reid

413 - closed to Kitty
[ He's not looking forward to this one bit. This is a guy who's faced down countless serial killers, stared down the barrel of a gun more times than he cares to remember, isn't afraid to speak his mind in disciplinary hearings that could literally ruin his career and yet he's absolutely to the bone terrified of the conversation to come. It's a small prison with a dwindling population and a semi-militaristic loosely organised neighborhood watch led by his ex girlfriend. This should be nothing and yet it's everything.

He enters the Defence Force HQ and takes a deep breath before going to look for her. This is a professional call. He really hopes he can keep it that way. ]

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	kitty_has_claws 2017-03-19 04:03 pm UTC (link)
	No? Could have clued me in. I'm still figuring it out. But it's been good I think. I hope. And I've trained Chicago to give high fives. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	thisiscalm 2017-03-19 04:17 pm UTC (link)
	[ There's a moment of hurt crossing his face before he collects himself again, holding on tight to the professionalism he's been wearing like an armour. Has she forgotten how recent their breakup was? Does she not realise how quickly she hooked up with a new guy? Because he knows. ] Good. That's uhm. Good. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

kitty_has_claws
2017-03-19 04:37 pm UTC (link)

[She sees that look of pain and honestly it surprises her. She didn't mean to do that. She didn't expect to do that. To her way of thinking they've been over since he disappeared from the dome. She didn't want to believe that for a long time. She wanted to get back to where they'd been and beyond it, but even though there were still good times afterward they were fewer and harder fought. And she was on a happy pearl for most of them? So she's not sure what they would have felt like without that. But then it was just so much heartbreak and fear of losing him again and walking on egg shells and trying to take things slow and give space when she needed connection and reassurance and affection. She hadn't felt loved in a very long time. It's not something she blames him for. It was different people with different issues and different needs.

In their last attempt she'd been the one to end it, but she honestly expected he'd be relieved. That he wouldn't have her trying to get back together with him when it just didn't seem like something he wanted in his life anymore. So when she sees the hurt, she's not sure what it does mean, but she thinks she might have made some of the wrong assumptions about his feelings along the way. He was never very forthcoming with them and the more in her own head she got about everything the worse she was at reading him.]

Mm...yeah. I'm glad you're good too.

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thisiscalm
2017-03-20 04:49 am UTC (link)

[ If he knew that's how she was thinking about this, he'd seriously question a lot of things about their relationship. You can't just clean up the narrative after the fact because it was a messy, confusing time and it'd make you feel better if you'd been broken up for months before hooking up with a new guy, rather than the two weeks it actually took to get banded. It's been barely a month and a half since the final breakup and maybe she can recover in no time at all and happily chat about her new great life with her new boyfriend that shares a face with their adopted serial killer son that's no longer here, but he can't do that. He suspects most people can't.

Then again, looking back, this was always present. She often ignored his comfort levels in the past, sometimes for the power of good but the more he thinks about it, the more he realises how little he feels that she respected or understood him. Outing him as a drug addict, for one. That was bad. Making him feel like he was constantly not enough for her, unintentionally at dances (and yes, that was mostly on him) but also by continuing to spend time with Tyki even when he was physically threatening Reid, by saying she wanted to support him after coming back from Maeve's death and then acting like he was trying to hurt her by struggling with his emotions... there's a lot. He understands that it's on both of them, neither handled it great but some things stick out so much that he can't help but remember how she was nineteen when they met, not much older now, and some days that age really shows. Of course, he couldn't bring that up without making it worse. There was no way to win in that situation. Some days he wonders if it would've been better if they never got together at all — at least then they might have a shot at being friends but as it is, he doesn't see it as an option.

Of course, all this is speculative and so he's left in a state of awkwardness rather than outright anger. He gives a stiff nod, shifting his weight. ]

Yeah. I uh... I should get going. Leave you to it.

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	kitty_has_claws 2017-03-20 10:56 pm UTC (link)
	Right. Best of luck with all the busy, Reid. [She gives him a gentle smile.] Take care of yourself. [Just a thing people say, but in this moment she just really means it. Especially since she's not really in his life to help with that.] (Reply to this) (Parent)

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