InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "Look what you've done!"

Dr. Spencer Reid (thisiscalm) wrote in marinanova,
@ 2017-02-03 11:49:00

Entry tags:

kitty pryde (aoa), spencer reid

413 - closed to Kitty
[ He's not looking forward to this one bit. This is a guy who's faced down countless serial killers, stared down the barrel of a gun more times than he cares to remember, isn't afraid to speak his mind in disciplinary hearings that could literally ruin his career and yet he's absolutely to the bone terrified of the conversation to come. It's a small prison with a dwindling population and a semi-militaristic loosely organised neighborhood watch led by his ex girlfriend. This should be nothing and yet it's everything.

He enters the Defence Force HQ and takes a deep breath before going to look for her. This is a professional call. He really hopes he can keep it that way. ]

(Read comments) - (Post a new comment)

	thisiscalm 2017-02-24 10:17 am UTC (link)
	Of course there'd be an action component. Discussions are pretty useless if they're not followed up on. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	kitty_has_claws 2017-02-24 02:51 pm UTC (link)
	But without leaders? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	thisiscalm 2017-02-24 02:54 pm UTC (link)
	Yes. Leaders the ones who are supposed to do the dirty work anyway. [ Trying not to be sour about that one — she knows how he feels about her tendency to put herself on the front lines. ] And, like I said... there's about fifty of us here. It's not really a huge group. We could organise like a community. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	kitty_has_claws 2017-02-24 03:18 pm UTC (link)
	[She feels the jab there, but doesn't address it. She resists the cigarette she wants to grab.] What does that mean? How would a community organize? [It's not something she was familiar with as a child and after that the world was a very different sort of place.] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

thisiscalm
2017-02-26 01:49 pm UTC (link)

[ It's a little frightening hearing these things from the person who, regardless if she knows it or not, is the closest thing to a leader they have. He's realising now that although Kitty may be perfect to lead a combat team, that's not what they have here. That's never really been what they have. ]

The way any small community would organize - through discussion, compromise and civil conversation or at least as close to that as we can come. Everyone would at least have the opportunity to have their voice heard and opinion considered. Any problem would be solved by consensus or perhaps a vote, depending on what we're dealing with.

It would also allow us to make use of unique view points that may not be that interested in being part of the Force. [ Like tiny demon girls who had a lot of feelings about the treatment of the demonic population. ]

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

kitty_has_claws
2017-02-26 10:57 pm UTC (link)

[It reminds her of her vague memories of the council. Granted, that wasn't everyone, but everyone was represented. For the most part it was just the interested parties who wanted to spend their time that way. Of course much like the council she's not sure what sorts of things you'd handle that way. It doesn't sound fast enough for an emergency and she's not sure what that leaves for them to discuss in a group. The last part gets a slight eyebrow raise.]

You're seeing it as related to the Defense Force? Replacing it? Controlling it? Not just it's own entity?

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

thisiscalm
2017-03-07 06:16 am UTC (link)

[ Ah, there it is. The thing he's been worried about — sure, this stems from a frustration with the state of the Force but it wasn't ever seriously meant as a coup. He shifts his weight, uneasy. ]

I think it's difficult to make it unrelated to the Defence Force seeing as there'll be a lot of overlap- [ Unless every member of the Force boycotts it. ] -but no, I don't see it as controlling or replacing anything. It's not a form of government, at least not a structured one. It's- town hall meetings, not the Senate.

A collaboration would probably be beneficial, but I haven't really thought that far ahead just yet. For all I know, this might never get off the paper.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

kitty_has_claws
2017-03-07 08:54 pm UTC (link)

[She just nods, still having trouble picturing how it's all supposed to work, but maybe if she saw something in action it would be different. She's also having some trouble engaging with the concept. She hasn't felt as connected to the force as she used to which isn't ideal for the leader. And the energy for maintaining is very different from the energy you need for overhauling or upgrading. It wasn't long ago these would have been words and not thoughts around Reid, but for now she keeps them do herself.]

Are you planning to start it up? [She wonders at the never getting off paper line. Is it because he thinks it won't get support or interest or because he's asking someone else to put it together instead—maybe her? She finds it sad she can't tell. They used to click so easily. Almost like reading each other's thoughts. Or it seemed that way once upon a time. She's probably too in her head for anything like that now.]

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

thisiscalm
2017-03-08 09:13 am UTC (link)

[ He hesitates, just for a bit, knowing that it may look like he's gone behind her back when that wasn't the intention with this. Things happen, you talk, you come up with ideas, a plan and then before you know it you're way into a project and never even informed people affected but not involved. ]

It's... already starting. Mostly talking, at the moment, but we're looking for a place to meet.

[ So it's happening. He's not just sketching out structures for the hell of it. ]

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

kitty_has_claws
2017-03-08 08:40 pm UTC (link)

[Based on this alone she feels uneasy, but there's nothing specific. Nothing that feels like too much or too far. If she knew about the announcement he'd screened away from her this would all have been a very different conversation. The kind better filed under yelling. But no one has mentioned it.]

I see. Sounds like you've been talking a lot. [And part of her is genuinely happy about that. She doesn't want to see him lock himself away. It's just the subject matter and how it relates to the force—how it relates to all of them, herself included—that makes her uneasy about it. Feels very secretive for someone who wants more inclusion.]

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

thisiscalm
2017-03-09 05:36 am UTC (link)

[ This is part of the FBI agent in him — keep it close to your chest while you prepare, so you can give out the necessary information efficiently and without risking being taken off guard. ]

It's a topic that keeps coming up. [ That much is true. He's also not as busy as he'd like to be, which usually results in him grabbing on to whatever project comes in his path. ]

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	kitty_has_claws 2017-03-12 12:37 am UTC (link)
	Are other people bringing it up? [Or is it coming up because he brings it up?] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	thisiscalm 2017-03-13 06:39 am UTC (link)
	It's... a concern, for some people. [ And yeah, he brings it up because he wants to know what people think, if anyone agrees, but he'd like to think he hasn't exactly been putting words in people's mouths. ] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	kitty_has_claws 2017-03-14 11:40 pm UTC (link)
	[Nodding.] Well, I guess I have a lot to read over and think about then. How are you doing? Other than productive. [Tapping the papers.] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	thisiscalm 2017-03-15 06:21 am UTC (link)
	[ There's some relief at moving on from the subject. He was nervous about this, no doubt. ] Things are good, I guess. Keeping busy. [ Productively. Not so much socially. ] You? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	kitty_has_claws 2017-03-19 01:32 am UTC (link)
	Good, I think. Or pointed in that direction at least. Still adjusting after the twenty years. ...I guess I should mention I'm seeing Pavel. Or maybe I shouldn't, but I don't know how this works best. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	thisiscalm 2017-03-19 08:53 am UTC (link)
	Yeah, I uh... [ He clears his throat. ] I figured that out, actually. Some time ago. [ Did she think he wouldn't? ] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	kitty_has_claws 2017-03-19 02:38 pm UTC (link)
	Yeah, I guess it doesn't take a profiler to spot the bands. [She didn't mean for it to be a secret, but she also didn't want to flaunt anything and then she just wanted to be prepared in case they were ready someday and didn't feel like a trip to the kiosk right then.] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	thisiscalm 2017-03-19 03:45 pm UTC (link)
	Didn't really need to spot the bands to know what was up. [ And he is a profiler so, y'know. ] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	kitty_has_claws 2017-03-19 04:03 pm UTC (link)
	No? Could have clued me in. I'm still figuring it out. But it's been good I think. I hope. And I've trained Chicago to give high fives. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	thisiscalm 2017-03-19 04:17 pm UTC (link)
	[ There's a moment of hurt crossing his face before he collects himself again, holding on tight to the professionalism he's been wearing like an armour. Has she forgotten how recent their breakup was? Does she not realise how quickly she hooked up with a new guy? Because he knows. ] Good. That's uhm. Good. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

kitty_has_claws
2017-03-19 04:37 pm UTC (link)

[She sees that look of pain and honestly it surprises her. She didn't mean to do that. She didn't expect to do that. To her way of thinking they've been over since he disappeared from the dome. She didn't want to believe that for a long time. She wanted to get back to where they'd been and beyond it, but even though there were still good times afterward they were fewer and harder fought. And she was on a happy pearl for most of them? So she's not sure what they would have felt like without that. But then it was just so much heartbreak and fear of losing him again and walking on egg shells and trying to take things slow and give space when she needed connection and reassurance and affection. She hadn't felt loved in a very long time. It's not something she blames him for. It was different people with different issues and different needs.

In their last attempt she'd been the one to end it, but she honestly expected he'd be relieved. That he wouldn't have her trying to get back together with him when it just didn't seem like something he wanted in his life anymore. So when she sees the hurt, she's not sure what it does mean, but she thinks she might have made some of the wrong assumptions about his feelings along the way. He was never very forthcoming with them and the more in her own head she got about everything the worse she was at reading him.]

Mm...yeah. I'm glad you're good too.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

thisiscalm
2017-03-20 04:49 am UTC (link)

[ If he knew that's how she was thinking about this, he'd seriously question a lot of things about their relationship. You can't just clean up the narrative after the fact because it was a messy, confusing time and it'd make you feel better if you'd been broken up for months before hooking up with a new guy, rather than the two weeks it actually took to get banded. It's been barely a month and a half since the final breakup and maybe she can recover in no time at all and happily chat about her new great life with her new boyfriend that shares a face with their adopted serial killer son that's no longer here, but he can't do that. He suspects most people can't.

Then again, looking back, this was always present. She often ignored his comfort levels in the past, sometimes for the power of good but the more he thinks about it, the more he realises how little he feels that she respected or understood him. Outing him as a drug addict, for one. That was bad. Making him feel like he was constantly not enough for her, unintentionally at dances (and yes, that was mostly on him) but also by continuing to spend time with Tyki even when he was physically threatening Reid, by saying she wanted to support him after coming back from Maeve's death and then acting like he was trying to hurt her by struggling with his emotions... there's a lot. He understands that it's on both of them, neither handled it great but some things stick out so much that he can't help but remember how she was nineteen when they met, not much older now, and some days that age really shows. Of course, he couldn't bring that up without making it worse. There was no way to win in that situation. Some days he wonders if it would've been better if they never got together at all — at least then they might have a shot at being friends but as it is, he doesn't see it as an option.

Of course, all this is speculative and so he's left in a state of awkwardness rather than outright anger. He gives a stiff nod, shifting his weight. ]

Yeah. I uh... I should get going. Leave you to it.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	kitty_has_claws 2017-03-20 10:56 pm UTC (link)
	Right. Best of luck with all the busy, Reid. [She gives him a gentle smile.] Take care of yourself. [Just a thing people say, but in this moment she just really means it. Especially since she's not really in his life to help with that.] (Reply to this) (Parent)

(Read comments) -