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Tweak says, "You're a hotdog, but..."

Euphemia li Britannia (friendly_fire) wrote in marinanova,
@ 2016-05-23 11:29:00

Entry tags:

aidan reilly, euphemia li britannia, lelouch vi britannia, suzaku kururugi

Day 377 Closed Roommate Mingle
[This three-bedroom apartment in Sector 4 has passed through many hands already and it might be getting more crowded now. Too crowded?]

(OOC: Open to Euphemia, Lelouch, Suzaku, Aidan, and anyone they invite over.)

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imperious
2016-06-01 02:46 am UTC (link)

[ Dismissive hand flap! ] Once you've accepted that it's somehow possible, then the outer limits of what else could be 'possible' naturally expand.

[ ...It's not so unfamiliar, for his half. The last three months... haven't erased any of the damage they've done to one another, but. Through necessity, they'd learned to work together again. And through learning to work together again, they'd...

The fingers of his lifted hand clench slowly; unclench, even more slowly. Lelouch watches them move, then says: ]

You didn't. --If it matters.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	whiteknightmare 2016-06-01 04:08 am UTC (link)
	[ Suzaku hums and shrugs. Yes, that is the case. That doesn't mean that he wants to accept it. then the last bit comes and he blinks over his glass, saying, eloquently, ] Huh? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

imperious
2016-06-01 10:04 pm UTC (link)

[ Still... studying his hands. The veins beneath his too-pale skin; the lines in his palms; the fingernails he took such especial care of, the night before what should have been his last -- evening them out and buffing the nail beds and thinking morbidly that if nothing else his would be a clean, well-groomed corpse. It had seemed terribly important at the time, somehow. ]

Nunnally. [ Little huffing breath, almost like impatience. ] She's still alive.

[ And with that, he pushes himself away from the counter. Fully intends to retreat to Euphie's room. ]

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	1/3 my turn whiteknightmare 2016-06-02 04:35 am UTC (link)
	[ Maybe Lelouch gets to stop because of the sound of the glass Suzaku had been drinking water from shattering on the floor. Because that is a thing that happens. ] (Reply to this) (Parent)

	2/3 whiteknightmare 2016-06-02 04:36 am UTC (link)
	What... (Reply to this) (Parent)

	whiteknightmare 2016-06-02 04:36 am UTC (link)
	[ No, Suzaku still hasn't realized that he's even dropped the damn thing. ] What do you mean-- how-- Lelouch? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

imperious
2016-06-03 03:02 pm UTC (link)

[ He does stop, but he almost just runs, which is a terrible plan. What would he do after that, try to lock the door?

Still, he almost -- runs.

A shiver of suppressed movement, followed by lifting his head and saying airily, ]

Did you not hear me? Was there a problem with the translation program? [ He rips off the incomm, tries it again in smooth Japanese just because he fucking can: ] Nunnally is still alive.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	1/3 whiteknightmare 2016-06-03 03:08 pm UTC (link)
	[ Oh, he heard. But that is not the same as processing. Not at all. ] (Reply to this) (Parent)

	2/3 whiteknightmare 2016-06-03 03:11 pm UTC (link)
	[ Then he sort of does, and his shoulders hunch, hands covering his face in a very untypical display of actual weakness. And he sobs, just once. ] (Reply to this) (Parent)

	whiteknightmare 2016-06-03 03:16 pm UTC (link)
	[ Then he pulls himself back up, swallowing the rest of the sobs, as well as his first... Comment? Question? Along the lines of 'you say that as if you wouldn't be surprised' because that has brought fire back into those eyes which have been dead for weeks. ] Did you always know that, Lelouch? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	1/2? imperious 2016-06-03 03:29 pm UTC (link)
	[ That broken sound stilled him, and for a heartbeat Lelouch regretted everything -- everything -- but then Suzaku recovers from it, and oh... The words land like a slap, startling at first; and the implication in them, what exactly Suzaku is accusing him of, follows like knife. Like a sword. For a few seconds, Lelouch can't even breathe. ] (Reply to this) (Parent)

	2/3 imperious 2016-06-03 03:43 pm UTC (link)
	[ Why did he ever imagine there were depths Suzaku didn't think him capable of sinking to? (And the inner critic hisses: as if you haven't done your damnedest to convince him otherwise.) Why did he even try? (But you didn't, you were too afraid to really* try.) ] [ He aimed* for an explosion, he shouldn't be able to still be so hurt by the shrapnel. ] (Reply to this) (Parent)

	imperious 2016-06-03 03:43 pm UTC (link)
	[ He's so glad he didn't turn, isn't facing Suzaku. So glad. Because it means he can just be angry, without that stricken moment giving away the game completely. ] I think using my little sister as a weapon is more -- your speed, really. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

whiteknightmare
2016-06-03 03:49 pm UTC (link)

[ Well. There goes the fire. Suzaku flinches, then sinks to his knees, starting to gather the pieces of his glass in bare hands. Stupid, so stupid. Not having done one horrible thing, somehow, through no merit of his, doesn't take away all the other horrible things he did do.

He doesn't seek out getting those cuts. He just doesn't care. Doesn't deserve that care.

His voice is quiet and dead once more. ]

Yes. I guess it is.

[ 'Sorry' doesn't mean anything. Nothing means anything. ]

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

imperious
2016-06-03 04:07 pm UTC (link)

[ --and damn him, damn you, that's not what he wanted, either. Lelouch stiffens again, hesitates again. Second- and third- and fourth-guesses himself, again.

...He didn't even really notice the fire until he'd already snuffed it out.

There's another beat where he doesn't say anything, just stands there rigidly listening to the sound of glass shuffling across the floor, and then Lelouch turns on his heel.

He had half a dozen things planned to say, depending on what Suzaku's expression was when he finally saw it -- some of them further cruelty, just in case this was a horrible mistake and he needs to shore up his armor again -- but words desert him completely at the sight of Suzaku picking up glass with his bare hands. ]

You.

(Reply to this) (Parent)

	surprise 2/3 sorry! imperious 2016-06-03 04:11 pm UTC (link)
	[ What are you doing, you complete fool? ...What happened to you, between that battle and Kamine Island? (What did he clumsily make worse?) ] (Reply to this) (Parent)

	imperious 2016-06-03 04:25 pm UTC (link)
	[ And then he's closing the distance between them, getting a dish towel and snapping, ] Stop that. You're going to cut yourself. [ and trying not to be perfectly aware that Suzaku might know, might not care. ] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

whiteknightmare
2016-06-03 05:15 pm UTC (link)

[ See, part of the problem is that for somebody as actions-and-consequences focused as Suzaku is, the six weeks or so he's been here have only made things fester. Too little to do - not nothing, because there is Euphie, and there are people to protect and all the things that the Wardens make happen to them, but none of it goes anywhere. None of it.

Back home, in this time he made mistakes and learned from them, maybe.

Here... well.

Suzkau does stop, when Lelouch's words come. He hesitates, then he turns his hands up. One of his palms has a small cut, a bigger one across two of the fingers of his opposite hand.

Then he curls his palms closed. Looks up. His voice is soft, not just quiet and hard, but actually soft. His mouth is almost smiling, even if his eyes are bright with tears he won't let spill. ]

You don't have to, Lelouch. I - thank you for reminding me who I am. You don't have to help me, especially after what I said. I am... I'm very glad that Nunnally is alive. She didn't deserve to be caught in that.

None of them did.

[ So mild. So empty. ]

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	imperious 2016-06-03 05:27 pm UTC (link)
	[ Already kneeling down to collect the glass with the dishtowel. Brooking none of your nonsense. But -- but oh gods, what Suzaku's saying... he stiffens, gaze jerking up to Suzaku's face involuntarily. You don't-- You can't mean that. ] Suzaku. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

whiteknightmare
2016-06-03 08:16 pm UTC (link)

[ More or less this face, sans makeup.

After a long moment of feeling the familiar gaze on him, Suzaku finally raises his eyes to meet it, though there is no clash. There's no steel left in Suzaku's eyes. Not even elasticity. It's not... it's not dead, the way it was after he'd watched Euphie die, but Suzaku turned all that anger and strength against himself and...

He's not that resilient. Not without a cause to keep him going.

After a moment, he just tilts his head to one side. Yes? What's the matter?

There's not even a shred of isn't this what you wanted? because that's not what Suzaku thinks. Just. Quiet curiosity. ]

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

imperious
2016-06-03 09:03 pm UTC (link)

[ Lelouch just keeps staring at him. A beat passes, he bites his lip, then -- picks up the rest of the glass and takes it to the trash. The delay doesn't help him think of anything to say, though, and when he comes back to Suzaku he feels every bit as... as useless.

It's that horrible moment after Mao all over again, and he's doing no better this time.

But the cuts catch his eyes, and Lelouch seizes on them. ]

--Your hands. [ Softly, ] Let me.

[ It still feels dangerously vulnerable, because it's also not the moment after Mao; they've hurt each other so much more since then. But he can't say nothing, he can't be useless. ]

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	whiteknightmare 2016-06-03 09:39 pm UTC (link)
	[ They have hurt each other so much, and only one of them can say he's done all of it on purpose. That one is not Lelouch. Suzaku follows the motions that Lelouch makes, then his eyes drop to his own hands. He watches a droplet slide down along the side of his finger. Beat. ] Okay. [ And. ] Please. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

let me know if this isn't okay

imperious
2016-06-03 09:59 pm UTC (link)

[ Somehow he didn't quite expect Suzaku's cooperation. But that little "please"... Lelouch shuts his eyes; opens them again, with more determination. He urges Suzaku to stand, and leads him towards the bathroom. There'll be a medicine cabinet in here -- bandages, surely.

Once he has the cabinet open, rummaging through it with his back to Suzaku and pulling out a small first-aid kit (gauze, scissors, antiseptic...), Lelouch murmurs: ]

We aren't only our ugliest moments. [ Beat. Quieter, ] And if we were -- I'd have no place to judge you.

[ It's not what he wants to say. It's so much weaker than what he wants to say. But. Still a coward. ]

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

all good

whiteknightmare
2016-06-04 05:34 am UTC (link)

[ Suzaku is. Complying. His mind is kind of floating in suffocating weightlessness and he has no reason to resist.

Then Lelouch speaks, and Suzaku tilts his head to one side. His eyes focus, at least, though his voice doesn't sound all that much stronger. The fight... it's all gone out of it. Calm and soft and reasonable. ]

Have I ever had other moments? No matter what I mean...

The FLEIJA missile was on my knightmare frame because I wanted to show Nina that we didn't need it. It would have been such a good thing to teach, right?

[ He considers the statement for another moment. ]

The difference is that you always knew you were on a path that was going to hurt people, didn't you? And I always chose the other road, and ended up hurting even more.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

imperious
2016-06-04 08:55 pm UTC (link)

[ Gods. Lelouch's hands still on the first-aid kit and he has to work to get them moving again. Have I ever had other moments? He has to shut his eyes to keep the sting at bay. ]

Yes, I did. [ "The path of blood", Kirihara had called it. ] I knew I couldn't crush a global superpower without killing -- a lot of people along the way.

[ More softly: ] But that's hardly the only difference between us, Suzaku. You didn't choose to push that button. And you tried to warn me. [ Smallest smile. ] Which is probably why the destruction of the Tokyo Settlement was on my list of crimes, too.

[ He lets that settle, but doesn't quite give Suzaku time to protest before adding, firmly, ] And you're the biggest fool I've ever known, but of course you've had other moments.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Sob. -

whiteknightmare, 2016-06-04 09:42 pm UTC

<3 -

imperious, 2016-06-04 09:50 pm UTC

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whiteknightmare, 2016-06-05 02:15 pm UTC

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imperious, 2016-06-06 12:02 am UTC

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whiteknightmare, 2016-06-06 06:53 pm UTC

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