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Spike (chipswiththat) wrote in marinanova,
@ 2016-05-03 08:38:00

Entry tags:

jezebel mephistopheles, martha jones, sebastian michaelis, spike, yuuki kuran

374 - open dreams
[ Dirty your nails. ]

[ You wake up in a coffin. You probably won't remember how you got here but now you're six feet under and awake. There's only one way up, through silk and walnut and several feet of loosely packed dirt. Maybe you panic before realizing you don't even breathe, and then panic some more. Maybe you'll just dig yourself out without further ado, because what else is there? Either way, you'll emerge in a graveyard.

It's the dead of night, but you can see clear as day. Everything sharper, more vibrant, crystal clear, an assault on supernatural senses. Cigarette smoke wafts through the air — Spike, sitting on a tombstone, waiting for you. ]

Took you long enough.

[ A night out ]

[ The Bronze is packed tonight. A local band is playing, high schoolers dancing or playing pool or drinking non-alcoholic drinks. A girl with red hair is fooling herself that she's doing homework in a corner when in reality she knows she'll get dragged out onto the dance floor before long, probably by the intense blonde who's already working her moves to the rhythm. It's a good night, good energy.

A guy in a black leather coat and bleach blond hair is surveying the crowd, slowly making his way along the outskirts with menacing intensity. Recognize him? Think this is a good time to say hi? ]

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trappedinresin
2016-05-04 10:14 pm UTC (link)

[For these two, it's probably not a good idea they cross paths on the best of days. They simply just don't get along. Dressed up in a dark red dress and black boots, Yuuki finds herself among the crowd of teens enjoying themselves, a drink pressed into her fingers.

Unable to recognize anyone within the crowd, she searches for someone who might be a friend, even asking someone if they had seen someone named Sayori. With a small sigh she makes her way through the crowd, before someone bumps into her. She stumbles, and while she manages to successfully save her drink from falling out of her hand, she feels her back collide with someone else.]

Oh-! I'm sorry. [Turning around, she's apologetic as she moves to face Spike.] It's kind of crowded. I didn't mean-- [But she pauses after a moment, blinking up at him.] Oh. [Spike. She can't really remember why they don't get along at the moment, only that they aren't on the best of terms. Even so, the surprise fades after a moment, and she manages to look chagrined.]

Sorry about that, Spike. Are you okay?

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chipswiththat
2016-05-05 04:35 pm UTC (link)

[ He looks at her with a quirked brow, mildly amused, mildly annoyed — whether or not he knows that this is a dream is still uncertain, but he's not exactly surprised to see her. It makes sense that she's here, even if he isn't too happy about it. ]

What the hell are you doing in Sunnydale? [ You think he's going to be civil and answer your question? Of course not. ]

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	trappedinresin 2016-05-05 07:10 pm UTC (link)
	[The name is hardly familiar. At a loss, she lifts a finger up to her cheek in thought. What was she doing here?] I was looking for a friend. [Frowning, she glances back out over the unfamiliar club.] I guess she isn't here, though. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	chipswiththat 2016-05-06 05:29 am UTC (link)
	Wouldn't be, would she. [ He cocks his head, looking her over. ] And neither should you. There are real vampires here, you know. You could get hurt. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	trappedinresin 2016-05-07 09:44 pm UTC (link)
	[ . . . . ] You know, I wouldn't mind that so much if the hunter's association actually agreed with you. [She lowers her voice. There's a lot of people and she doesn't want to be overheard.] This doesn't seem like a vampire establishment... [If it is, maybe she shouldn't expect to see one of her friends here after all.] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	chipswiththat 2016-05-09 04:43 am UTC (link)
	[ He snorts. ] Hunter's association. You're not in Kansas anymore, Dorothy. This is California. This is my turf. You play by my rules here. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	trappedinresin 2016-05-09 04:46 am UTC (link)
	[She gives him a dubious look] What rules are those supposed to be? [Also she has no idea where Kansas or California are. They don't even exist back home.] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	chipswiththat 2016-05-09 11:52 am UTC (link)
	First off, if you keep acting like a prissy lit'le princess? You're not going to last long. We take pride in our vampires here. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	trappedinresin 2016-05-09 07:27 pm UTC (link)
	I'm not eating babies. [Also she'll murder dead any vampire that tries to. . . but she at least leaves that off for now.] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	chipswiththat 2016-05-11 07:40 am UTC (link)
	C'mon Yuuki, only crazy people eat babies. [ As if that was somehow her idea. Was he joking back then? Sort of. Not entirely. ] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	1/2 trappedinresin 2016-05-11 11:13 am UTC (link)
	[ BUT YOU SAID-- ] L-Lots of bad vampires target babies and children at home! [Because their blood is pure, it's the most tempting. There's entire underground networks and black markets where children are bought, and sold, and devoured. It's sickening.] (Reply to this) (Parent)

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trappedinresin
2016-05-11 11:18 am UTC (link)

Even I was attacked when I was little. [And she's a vampire.] What should have been my older brother, too, was. . .

[ . . . He was devoured. By her very own uncle. The memory of seeing such through Kaname's eyes still lingers fresh. She trails off for a moment, that line of conversation difficult to get into.]

. . . You can't joke about that kind of thing. [Her brows knit.] Children are targeted all the time by bad vampires. It makes my heart freeze up and my chest hurt.

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chipswiththat
2016-05-12 05:03 pm UTC (link)

There you go again, assuming all vampires are exactly like you. Maybe you should give that a good, hard look, huh? Stop being so bloody self righteous when the really cruel bastards are in your world?

[ Okay, maybe he's exaggerating this whole thing but that is something that grates on him. She doesn't know him and she doesn't know his life, his home. Maybe cut down on being an asshole. ]

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trappedinresin
2016-05-13 06:16 pm UTC (link)

[Who is the asshole, Spike. ]

Honestly, I don't understand you at all. You're the one who told me you like eating babies. And when I asked you if you were serious you said you were. This was all after I offered to get you a parfait and you got really angry about it.

[See the problem here]

I wasn't asking to try and offend you. [She remembers talking with Nico, and his surprise that she could eat regular food... ] If you couldn't eat those kinds of things, you could have said so simply. [GEEZ. Be an adult, Spike! Use words. Ones that aren't rude or suggesting that you like eating children and teenagers. Especially when there have been attacks in the dome in the past.]

I can't read your mind. I understand well that everyone here is different from one another, even when the term vampire is applied. But there was no reason for me to think trying to offer getting you a snack or a drink was a bad idea.

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chipswiththat
2016-05-14 06:57 pm UTC (link)

[ Hey, he knows what he is. Even more so, he's okay with what he is and he's pretty sure she can't say the same for herself. None of that is particularly important right now though. He motions for her to follow before moving through the crowd, finding his way outside into the balmy californian night air. ]

Well, if I'd know you were that daft I would've spelled it out for you from the beginning. [ He rolls his eyes intensely enough to be heard across the world. ] I turned down your offer and you kept questioning me - but that's beside the point.

You piss me off because you act like you know me. Like you have the faintest clue what I've been doing in the months you've been gone. You don't know shit Yuuki, and you don't seem particularly interested in finding out.

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trappedinresin
2016-05-15 07:25 pm UTC (link)

That goes two ways, Spike. Have you once thought to look at things from my own point of view?

[She doesn't think it's right to call her out on something if he's being hypocritical. Had he been nice from the beginning, none of this would have been an issue. At least that's her opinion.

It's only at the end she softens a little.]

And that's not true, either. [About not caring. About trying to figure things out.]

. . .I did talk to Kitty. Like you mentioned. [She frowns.] She told me. What happened.

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chipswiththat
2016-05-17 03:22 pm UTC (link)

You confuse me with someone who gives two shits about you.

[ No, that's a lie. He tried in his own terrible way to make a connection with the only other vampire around, no matter how sad of an excuse he thinks she is. That backfired pretty heavily. He's not really interested in trying again, but caring? Yeah, of course he does. He wouldn't have this discussion if he didn't. ]

Let me guess... she said it was for the best? The most humane solution out there? She didn't have a bloody choice, yadda yadda...

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	trappedinresin 2016-05-27 02:49 am UTC (link)
	[T-Trying not to bristle.] Then don't make unreasonable demands expecting the same. [THE HYPOCRISY. She's trying super hard to be patient and not explode.] No. She said what they did. She didn't have to say the why. [That much was obvious, whether someone agreed with the decision or not..] She said you would have preferred to have died. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	chipswiththat 2016-05-27 08:13 pm UTC (link)
	I did. I do. [ Most of the time, although this is perhaps more honesty than she'll get out of him when he's awake. ] There's only been one other vampire in my world who got his soul back — my grandsire. It's not meant to fix us, it's meant to put us in eternal torture. Not that I expect you to understand. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

trappedinresin
2016-05-28 07:27 pm UTC (link)

Vampires are both borne and created where I live. But at no point has someone lost their soul due to it. [So there's no way she could relate to such a thing.] The closest thing would be a Level End vampire, and it isn't that they've lost their soul. It's their sanity.

[And it's impossible for them to regain it once lost.]

Can I ask you something? [She glances up to him] What would your solution be? [It's asked in all honesty] Whether you killed someone, or simply assaulted them, it isn't something that the defense force would be able to watch happen or allow. [It isn't right. There are always consequences to someone's actions. Yuuki believes that.]

I don't know everything that you did or didn't do. But if someone was hurt, the defense force wouldn't sit still for it, either. [It's foolish to think otherwise.] Death isn't permanent here. So even if you would have preferred death, you'll only come back, right?

[So...] What solution would you have found best? [She lifts a hand up] I'm not trying to defend the decision or say that it was right or wrong. But put on the opposite side of the fence, what would you have done?

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chipswiththat
2016-05-29 09:00 pm UTC (link)

That wasn't the case back then... or if it was, no one knew about it. They could've killed me. They should've killed me and if I came back, they should've done it again and again and again until it sticks.

[ There is no other option. No other solution. ]

Don't you see? A lifetime of ill deeds, just waiting... and then hitting all at once, like a fire in your belly, searing, tearing you apart every moment you're alive. I saw what it did to Angel. It took him decades to find his way back to something resembling a person. He'll never be the same as he was before the curse.

And neither will I. This isn't something that goes away or gets better. You just learn to live with the agony.

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trappedinresin
2016-05-30 02:43 am UTC (link)

[But. . . No one really wants to kill a person either. Not if there isn't another resort. Even Yuuki, the self proclaimed executioner had no desire to kill anyone. People laughed that she brought in wanted me alive, but. . . a fair trial was important.

Still. It is pitiful, isn't it? For all of how rough and hostile Spike was, if he lived every day with the guilt of everything the demon inside of him had done, was it a surprise he struggled with himself? If it was her, she probably wouldn't do so well.]

. . . Would forgetting help? [She never recommended such a thing. Memories were precious, even painful ones, but in such a circumstance as this. . . ] If you had the ability to forget what happened during the time you weren't yourself... would it make a difference?

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chipswiththat
2016-05-30 07:11 am UTC (link)

[ He gives her a long, searching look. Like he's trying to figure out how in the world she came to that conclusion, what she could possibly hope that would do to the situation. Forgetting? Shirking responsibility and punishment, while still having a ravenous demon tearing in his chest, with no context for what it is? That spells disaster. That's even more cruel than he could imagine. ]

And just what do you think that would accomplish? [ Cold, measured, tired of getting suggestions without being listened to. Don't tell him what's best for him without understanding what the problem is. Don't pretend to care and then dismiss him. ]

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trappedinresin
2016-05-30 12:48 pm UTC (link)

[She's trying, okay, Spike. She's listened plenty, which is why she inquired at all.] I didn't know if it would... suppress other things. [If the demon preyed upon his pain. If only happy memories remained, would it still have fuel to try and control him with?.]

I don't know, Spike. [She exhales. It's a terrible situation in the end.] You. . . always lash out. Immediately you think that I'm trying to insult you. Your guard is constantly up, and you focus so heavily on the negative things. You insult others and react bitterly toward the world. To the point that sometimes I think you miss when someone might actually mean you well.

[And because she knows it's coming-] You're right. I don't know you. How could I? The opportunity has never really been there. [Not when he's so sensitive to everything. Her words are honest. He might not like them, but she's being up front.] I don't know what will help. You said nothing, and maybe that's right. Maybe will power really is the only thing. I believe that.

[As sad as it is.]

But if you let people in- if you can stop assuming that no one cares, or that everyone has it in for you... if you could try to open up a little, would it help? [If he's always bitter and full of hatred, then of course nothing good is going to happen. Of course the battle raging inside his mind will be difficult, and lonely, and so much harder.]

If you can earnestly reach out to others... if you can form any kind of positive connection, then at least... during the times when the demon inside rages, you'll have a positive experience to cling to. Do such memories help? [What is it that gets him through right now?] I hope... that you have happy memories that can help sustain you even during those times.

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chipswiththat
2016-05-31 07:37 am UTC (link)

[ For someone who allegedly does so much listening, she's sure good at talking. Even better at talking about things she doesn't understand at all and he can do little but stare at her during this monologue, arms crossed and brow quirked in disbelief. And then, when she's finally done he fakes a long suffering sigh. ]

See... this is the problem with you heroes. You say you want to help, that you're listening when in reality the only thing you're listening to is the sound of your own voice. Feels good, doesn't it? Pretending that you're doing a good thing when in reality, you're only soothing your own bad conscience.

[ He rolls his eyes. So done with this. ]

You don't know me but you think you know me well enough to give advice? To come up with yet another master plan that's nothing short of torture? Because what you just suggested, taking away the memories, that'd mean wiping out over a century of my life, leaving me with a blood thirsty demon in my chest and no clue what to do about it. You'd be orchestrating a massacre on my expense.

[ He huffs, getting worked up now. ] And to have the gall to assume that I'm all alone in the world when, like you said, you don't know me is just— could you be more insulting? More patronizing? I'm a big boy, I can make playmates just fine.

[ In fact, he might've kind of called her out on this very thing to some of his friends. Don't be surprised if you get a talking to, Yuuki. ]

I don't need your help. I don't need your advice. I don't need you. Can you get that into your pretty lit'le skull?

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trappedinresin, 2016-05-31 10:59 am UTC

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chipswiththat, 2016-06-03 08:21 am UTC

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