InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "Kitties steal your air supply"

Spike (chipswiththat) wrote in marinanova,
@ 2016-05-03 08:38:00

Entry tags:

jezebel mephistopheles, martha jones, sebastian michaelis, spike, yuuki kuran

374 - open dreams
[ Dirty your nails. ]

[ You wake up in a coffin. You probably won't remember how you got here but now you're six feet under and awake. There's only one way up, through silk and walnut and several feet of loosely packed dirt. Maybe you panic before realizing you don't even breathe, and then panic some more. Maybe you'll just dig yourself out without further ado, because what else is there? Either way, you'll emerge in a graveyard.

It's the dead of night, but you can see clear as day. Everything sharper, more vibrant, crystal clear, an assault on supernatural senses. Cigarette smoke wafts through the air — Spike, sitting on a tombstone, waiting for you. ]

Took you long enough.

[ A night out ]

[ The Bronze is packed tonight. A local band is playing, high schoolers dancing or playing pool or drinking non-alcoholic drinks. A girl with red hair is fooling herself that she's doing homework in a corner when in reality she knows she'll get dragged out onto the dance floor before long, probably by the intense blonde who's already working her moves to the rhythm. It's a good night, good energy.

A guy in a black leather coat and bleach blond hair is surveying the crowd, slowly making his way along the outskirts with menacing intensity. Recognize him? Think this is a good time to say hi? ]

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trappedinresin
2016-05-13 06:16 pm UTC (link)

[Who is the asshole, Spike. ]

Honestly, I don't understand you at all. You're the one who told me you like eating babies. And when I asked you if you were serious you said you were. This was all after I offered to get you a parfait and you got really angry about it.

[See the problem here]

I wasn't asking to try and offend you. [She remembers talking with Nico, and his surprise that she could eat regular food... ] If you couldn't eat those kinds of things, you could have said so simply. [GEEZ. Be an adult, Spike! Use words. Ones that aren't rude or suggesting that you like eating children and teenagers. Especially when there have been attacks in the dome in the past.]

I can't read your mind. I understand well that everyone here is different from one another, even when the term vampire is applied. But there was no reason for me to think trying to offer getting you a snack or a drink was a bad idea.

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chipswiththat
2016-05-14 06:57 pm UTC (link)

[ Hey, he knows what he is. Even more so, he's okay with what he is and he's pretty sure she can't say the same for herself. None of that is particularly important right now though. He motions for her to follow before moving through the crowd, finding his way outside into the balmy californian night air. ]

Well, if I'd know you were that daft I would've spelled it out for you from the beginning. [ He rolls his eyes intensely enough to be heard across the world. ] I turned down your offer and you kept questioning me - but that's beside the point.

You piss me off because you act like you know me. Like you have the faintest clue what I've been doing in the months you've been gone. You don't know shit Yuuki, and you don't seem particularly interested in finding out.

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trappedinresin
2016-05-15 07:25 pm UTC (link)

That goes two ways, Spike. Have you once thought to look at things from my own point of view?

[She doesn't think it's right to call her out on something if he's being hypocritical. Had he been nice from the beginning, none of this would have been an issue. At least that's her opinion.

It's only at the end she softens a little.]

And that's not true, either. [About not caring. About trying to figure things out.]

. . .I did talk to Kitty. Like you mentioned. [She frowns.] She told me. What happened.

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chipswiththat
2016-05-17 03:22 pm UTC (link)

You confuse me with someone who gives two shits about you.

[ No, that's a lie. He tried in his own terrible way to make a connection with the only other vampire around, no matter how sad of an excuse he thinks she is. That backfired pretty heavily. He's not really interested in trying again, but caring? Yeah, of course he does. He wouldn't have this discussion if he didn't. ]

Let me guess... she said it was for the best? The most humane solution out there? She didn't have a bloody choice, yadda yadda...

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	trappedinresin 2016-05-27 02:49 am UTC (link)
	[T-Trying not to bristle.] Then don't make unreasonable demands expecting the same. [THE HYPOCRISY. She's trying super hard to be patient and not explode.] No. She said what they did. She didn't have to say the why. [That much was obvious, whether someone agreed with the decision or not..] She said you would have preferred to have died. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	chipswiththat 2016-05-27 08:13 pm UTC (link)
	I did. I do. [ Most of the time, although this is perhaps more honesty than she'll get out of him when he's awake. ] There's only been one other vampire in my world who got his soul back — my grandsire. It's not meant to fix us, it's meant to put us in eternal torture. Not that I expect you to understand. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

trappedinresin
2016-05-28 07:27 pm UTC (link)

Vampires are both borne and created where I live. But at no point has someone lost their soul due to it. [So there's no way she could relate to such a thing.] The closest thing would be a Level End vampire, and it isn't that they've lost their soul. It's their sanity.

[And it's impossible for them to regain it once lost.]

Can I ask you something? [She glances up to him] What would your solution be? [It's asked in all honesty] Whether you killed someone, or simply assaulted them, it isn't something that the defense force would be able to watch happen or allow. [It isn't right. There are always consequences to someone's actions. Yuuki believes that.]

I don't know everything that you did or didn't do. But if someone was hurt, the defense force wouldn't sit still for it, either. [It's foolish to think otherwise.] Death isn't permanent here. So even if you would have preferred death, you'll only come back, right?

[So...] What solution would you have found best? [She lifts a hand up] I'm not trying to defend the decision or say that it was right or wrong. But put on the opposite side of the fence, what would you have done?

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chipswiththat
2016-05-29 09:00 pm UTC (link)

That wasn't the case back then... or if it was, no one knew about it. They could've killed me. They should've killed me and if I came back, they should've done it again and again and again until it sticks.

[ There is no other option. No other solution. ]

Don't you see? A lifetime of ill deeds, just waiting... and then hitting all at once, like a fire in your belly, searing, tearing you apart every moment you're alive. I saw what it did to Angel. It took him decades to find his way back to something resembling a person. He'll never be the same as he was before the curse.

And neither will I. This isn't something that goes away or gets better. You just learn to live with the agony.

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trappedinresin
2016-05-30 02:43 am UTC (link)

[But. . . No one really wants to kill a person either. Not if there isn't another resort. Even Yuuki, the self proclaimed executioner had no desire to kill anyone. People laughed that she brought in wanted me alive, but. . . a fair trial was important.

Still. It is pitiful, isn't it? For all of how rough and hostile Spike was, if he lived every day with the guilt of everything the demon inside of him had done, was it a surprise he struggled with himself? If it was her, she probably wouldn't do so well.]

. . . Would forgetting help? [She never recommended such a thing. Memories were precious, even painful ones, but in such a circumstance as this. . . ] If you had the ability to forget what happened during the time you weren't yourself... would it make a difference?

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chipswiththat
2016-05-30 07:11 am UTC (link)

[ He gives her a long, searching look. Like he's trying to figure out how in the world she came to that conclusion, what she could possibly hope that would do to the situation. Forgetting? Shirking responsibility and punishment, while still having a ravenous demon tearing in his chest, with no context for what it is? That spells disaster. That's even more cruel than he could imagine. ]

And just what do you think that would accomplish? [ Cold, measured, tired of getting suggestions without being listened to. Don't tell him what's best for him without understanding what the problem is. Don't pretend to care and then dismiss him. ]

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trappedinresin
2016-05-30 12:48 pm UTC (link)

[She's trying, okay, Spike. She's listened plenty, which is why she inquired at all.] I didn't know if it would... suppress other things. [If the demon preyed upon his pain. If only happy memories remained, would it still have fuel to try and control him with?.]

I don't know, Spike. [She exhales. It's a terrible situation in the end.] You. . . always lash out. Immediately you think that I'm trying to insult you. Your guard is constantly up, and you focus so heavily on the negative things. You insult others and react bitterly toward the world. To the point that sometimes I think you miss when someone might actually mean you well.

[And because she knows it's coming-] You're right. I don't know you. How could I? The opportunity has never really been there. [Not when he's so sensitive to everything. Her words are honest. He might not like them, but she's being up front.] I don't know what will help. You said nothing, and maybe that's right. Maybe will power really is the only thing. I believe that.

[As sad as it is.]

But if you let people in- if you can stop assuming that no one cares, or that everyone has it in for you... if you could try to open up a little, would it help? [If he's always bitter and full of hatred, then of course nothing good is going to happen. Of course the battle raging inside his mind will be difficult, and lonely, and so much harder.]

If you can earnestly reach out to others... if you can form any kind of positive connection, then at least... during the times when the demon inside rages, you'll have a positive experience to cling to. Do such memories help? [What is it that gets him through right now?] I hope... that you have happy memories that can help sustain you even during those times.

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chipswiththat
2016-05-31 07:37 am UTC (link)

[ For someone who allegedly does so much listening, she's sure good at talking. Even better at talking about things she doesn't understand at all and he can do little but stare at her during this monologue, arms crossed and brow quirked in disbelief. And then, when she's finally done he fakes a long suffering sigh. ]

See... this is the problem with you heroes. You say you want to help, that you're listening when in reality the only thing you're listening to is the sound of your own voice. Feels good, doesn't it? Pretending that you're doing a good thing when in reality, you're only soothing your own bad conscience.

[ He rolls his eyes. So done with this. ]

You don't know me but you think you know me well enough to give advice? To come up with yet another master plan that's nothing short of torture? Because what you just suggested, taking away the memories, that'd mean wiping out over a century of my life, leaving me with a blood thirsty demon in my chest and no clue what to do about it. You'd be orchestrating a massacre on my expense.

[ He huffs, getting worked up now. ] And to have the gall to assume that I'm all alone in the world when, like you said, you don't know me is just— could you be more insulting? More patronizing? I'm a big boy, I can make playmates just fine.

[ In fact, he might've kind of called her out on this very thing to some of his friends. Don't be surprised if you get a talking to, Yuuki. ]

I don't need your help. I don't need your advice. I don't need you. Can you get that into your pretty lit'le skull?

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trappedinresin
2016-05-31 10:59 am UTC (link)

[Stop tattling on her, Spike!! But not for the first time, Yuuki can't help but to feel exasperated and frustrated. She'd throw her hands up into the air, but she's doing the best she can to restrain herself. For someone who wants nothing to do with her, he's definitely big on telling her all about his problems.

He's definitely good at picking on a teenager. The fact that he can assume that she's a hero of all things is so far removed from the truth, but it's hardly something she's going to debate over. She doesn't want to debate over anything.]

I didn't say you're all alone! [As difficult as he is, she'd hope that there's at least someone who can tolerate the poor jokes and the bad attitude. As difficult as it is to believe. But then she's hardly the authority on making friends. In fact, outside of Yori and Zero, anyone she tried to make friends with or get close to back home would mysteriously distance themselves or even transfer. ]

Spike... [Sighing, she buries her face in her hands. What is it that he wants from her? He doesn't like her. He's made it clear. That's fine. She's never been miss popularity. He's incredibly insulting, which is less fine, but there's nothing she can do about it. But for someone who very adamantly claims he doesn't need her, why does he bother to explain everything? And how can one person be so one-sided that they can't realize that if they want to be understood, then they need to try understanding the person they're talking with, first? She's at least made that attempt, even if unsuccessfully.]

I'm sorry. I wont offer any more advice. [Which was really just her asking if he thought it would help or not. She didn't instigate or pressure him to do anything.

. . . Except maybe the friends part. Because someone could stand to be a lot nicer.]

I'm sorry you're going through this. I'm sorry for the pain you're going through, and the lack of options presented. [That much is sincere once more, no matter how fed up she feels over their entire conversation.]

I'll just--- leave you to your night. [Rather than talk any more, she thinks it's probably best to just leave here, then for the possibility for things to grow even worse.]

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chipswiththat
2016-06-03 08:21 am UTC (link)

[ Sometimes he wonders if good guys are so used to people agreeing with them that they don't think about how what they say might come across. They're in Sunnydale for crying out loud, so far from her comfort zone as they possibly could be, and still she acts as if she has all the answers. It's pointless, really. ]

Yeah... I think I will enjoy my night, while I still have the chance to.

[ He gives her a look, as if to spell out that he's going to go grab a meal, before backing into the crowd. ]

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