InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "[Bilamos.]"

Kitty Pryde (Shadowcat) (kitty_has_claws) wrote in marinanova,
@ 2015-01-05 07:35:00

Entry tags:

carol peletier, damon salvatore, kitty pryde (aoa), korra, nathan harris, spencer reid, spike, tyki mikk

Day 305 : Action : Mistletoe OPEN!
[Kitty is up and out early. Working out in the training center and after a shower making some rounds through the prison. It may not be strictly part of her Defense Force schedule, but it helps clear the head and keep her active which is nice after the whole spilling every little thought thing that happened just a couple of days ago.

Of course there are some new obstacles out in the prison today to keep things interesting.]

(Read comments) - (Post a new comment)

kitty_has_claws
2015-01-27 03:43 am UTC (link)

[She's been waiting so long to do this again and afraid it would never happen, but it feels almost jarringly fast when it does happen because the sooner it starts the sooner it's over and how is she going to let go again? But all the anxiety falls away as she sinks in against him, kissing back with all that longing and loving that's built up. Also her lips. They are pretty important in the kissing process.]

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	thisiscalm 2015-01-27 07:08 pm UTC (link)
	[ It would be very strange if she kissed him with some other part of her body. Also inappropriate, depending on the body part. Better keep it to lips and, as is so difficult to avoid, heart. His is beating pretty frantically right now, making his stomach tighten and squirm with the torrent of emotions. ] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	kitty_has_claws 2015-01-27 07:17 pm UTC (link)
	[She shouldn't be pushing into the kiss, but this isn't about what should or shouldn't be. It's just about what must be as she lives this beautiful, horrible, unfair moment. She's definitely kissing with her heart more than anything else.] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	thisiscalm 2015-01-28 09:05 am UTC (link)
	[ Should and shouldn't are definitely words that are currently awol from his vocabulary. It's so easy to relax into the kiss, push and burrow and drown in the moment because everything that came before it and everything that'll come after will never be as good as this. Better to just not stop. ] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	kitty_has_claws 2015-01-28 08:09 pm UTC (link)
	[She is really good at holding her breath and has no intention of stopping. He smells so good which is really just that he smells like him. And even with the occasional encounter or talk she misses him—mind and body.] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	thisiscalm 2015-01-31 10:12 am UTC (link)
	[ You never really realize just how lonely you are until you get a taste of what it's like to not be lonely. A little bit of desperation blends into his movements and he brings his hands up to cup her head, fingers curling into her hair. ] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

kitty_has_claws
2015-01-31 09:19 pm UTC (link)

[She knew it was bad but this is even surprising her and she can't pull away. Caught up in the riptide now and just holding on as tightly and long as she can. It's not about sex. He's not in danger of her ripping or phasing off his clothes here in public with their mistletoe bot already long gone now that they've fulfilled their obligatory kiss. But she needed deeply missed the intimacy that comes with this.]

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

thisiscalm
2015-02-01 10:23 am UTC (link)

[ No, this isn't about sex. It's possibly as little about sex as something can ever be and that makes it harder, in some ways. If it was about sex, he could blame being lonely or needy or biology or a thousand other things that would allow him to brush all this away.

But the swell isn't in his pants but in his heart and that makes it impossible to step away. When he steps away, this ends. Possibly for good. ]

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

kitty_has_claws
2015-02-01 04:12 pm UTC (link)

[The phrase "for good" needs work. That would definitely be "for bad." And as her lungs burn in her chest and her heart beats out of control she feels that time getting closer. Finally, the kiss breaks, but she doesn't step away—not yet. Her arms are wrapped around him and her lips are still close as they pull in much needed oxygen. If only the lack of oxygen was the only thing making her feel light headed. And in her mind a voice repeating, don't go. Please don't go.]

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

thisiscalm
2015-02-02 10:10 am UTC (link)

[ He's not going. If he goes, then what? Where do they stand? It was hard enough floating around in limbo but at least then he wasn't forced to make a decision. This crossed a line. Not the kiss, but the duration, the intensity, all those unspoken words traded between them. So little has changed within him that he's scared of going back to her again — what if it's too soon? What if he can't do it? There's no way she'd give him another chance if he retreated again and even if she did, he'd be even less able to trust it.

So for now he stays here, arms still wrapped around her, fingers curled desperately. ]

I miss you.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	kitty_has_claws 2015-02-02 01:37 pm UTC (link)
	[Once the words are out she just rests her temple against his cheek, staying close. There's a security here that's going to get ripped away the moment they part and she knows it.] I miss you too. [And love you and want you back. But she doesn't say those things because he knows them and it feels too far. Too much like they will push him away.] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

thisiscalm
2015-02-04 09:39 am UTC (link)

[ He knows them and he hopes that she knows that he feels that way too. It's just so messed up. Too messy still to dive back into it, as much as he wants to right now. ]

I'm sorry. [ A soft whimper, possibly carrying more emotion and honesty than those words have in a while. It's hard to retain the meaning when he says them so often, but it feels necessary in the moment. ]

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

kitty_has_claws
2015-02-04 03:44 pm UTC (link)

[She does. There are lonely, damaged, low moments when she questions and doubts and fears, but she can't do that when they are close like this. She knows better even when she doesn't feel better.]

I know. [She does know this isn't how he wanted their relationship to go. And that he'd never want to hurt her even if lashing out is one of his coping mechanisms. She has a few bad ones of her own.]

I am too. [She isn't mimicking him just to be safe here. She means it. She wishes she was more solid for him while he's needed her. She regrets some of the things she's said and done even if they came from an honest place at the time. She's also sorry for the things she can't take the blame on. That he was sent back and fell in love with someone only to watch her die, unable to save her. She knows what that's like. Maybe not romantically though Piotr came close to dying once and it changed him and their relationship forever. No two tragedies are ever identical, but she has the bits and pieces to know how she'd feel even if she can't know exactly how he feels.

Her hand rubs over his back.]

Today's been hard.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

thisiscalm
2015-02-06 12:09 pm UTC (link)

[ This is very much what he always needed and never really felt like he could reach for. It wasn't her fault and that in turn made him not want to unload too heavily on her. How could he? It was all about another girl. You don't unload that on your girlfriend even if she happens to also be your best friend. ]

Yeah... really hard. [ He tightens the embrace in a careful squeeze. Doesn't want to go. Not sure how he can stay. ]

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	kitty_has_claws 2015-02-06 03:53 pm UTC (link)
	[That's definitely not recommended, but at the same time their lives are pretty far from normal and sometimes you have to do the unrecommended thing because no one ever predicted anything like this.] Hard month. [Softly.] I love you, Reid. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	thisiscalm 2015-02-07 02:41 pm UTC (link)
	[ Again, words he needs to hear yet can't stand. Is he ever going to be able to stitch himself together into one person? ] I love you too, Kitty. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

kitty_has_claws
2015-02-07 05:16 pm UTC (link)

[She hugs him tighter or tries to. Their embrace is already very secure. It's good hearing those words and for a time she says nothing, just listening to their echo in her mind.]

This... [She doesn't want to say these words, but she's worried about not saying them too.] This doesn't change anything, does it? [She tries to just say it gently like she understands, but there is a ring of a question in her voice and of hope.]

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

thisiscalm
2015-02-07 10:42 pm UTC (link)

[ He should say no. No, of course it doesn't change anything. Why would it? This isn't a fairytale, a kiss can't make everything right again. But... can he? Can he really say no without lying? It doesn't have to be back to normal for it to have changed something. ]

...I don't know. [ Quietly and carefully, like he's worried it'll break apart of he's too sure of himself. ]

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	kitty_has_claws 2015-02-07 10:50 pm UTC (link)
	[She dare to pull back a little, but she doesn't want too much space. She needs his arms around her and vice versa. She just wants to look into his eyes too.] ...Yeah? [How can "I don't know" feel like such a spring of hope? She shouldn't get ahead of herself or ahead of him anyway. Going too fast was the problem before, wasn't it?] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	thisiscalm 2015-02-09 09:41 am UTC (link)
	[ It could be a spring of hope. It could also be the start of disaster. He swallows sharply, unable to see where this narrow path is headed. ] Yeah. [ He swallows again. ] I miss you. I... I want all that back. Everything we had. I just... I don't want to rush in and ruin it for good. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	kitty_has_claws 2015-02-09 01:27 pm UTC (link)
	I don't think being together is going to ruin us. [But she can feel the nerves in her stomach building as they talk about this.] But... I want you to feel good about it. [So that he doesn't leave again. Because it isn't the together that scares her. It's the apart.] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	thisiscalm 2015-02-11 05:28 pm UTC (link)
	[ He draws a shuddering breath. Nods. It's... hard, but they can't keep doing this. They can't stay here in limbo. ] Could we... maybe just — I don't know. Date? For a while? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

kitty_has_claws
2015-02-11 08:01 pm UTC (link)

[Reid, sometimes you are the cutest guy ever. And while there are some flaws she can see in this plan there's really no answer she can give but yes. Of course she wants that. She wants anything that is trying and doing and not waiting and wondering. She smiles softly at him.]

As long as you don't fault me for being the clingy chick who is already in love with you on the first date.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	thisiscalm 2015-02-13 05:57 pm UTC (link)
	[ It's something, which is all that matters right now. It's taking a step forward in a way that's easy to control — he can retreat without retreating, take time to breathe and space to put himself together when he needs it. They can't do that if they live together. ] I think I can let it pass. [ A careful little smile. ] It's not like I'm any better. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	kitty_has_claws 2015-02-14 03:15 am UTC (link)
	[Is it weird that everything is going right this moment and she still kind of wants to cry? That can happen with the good feelings too? Such new life experiences. Still, she bites it back.] You're paying, right? Do I get a corsage? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)