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Tweak says, "A horse is a horse, of course!"

Nathan Harris (questionofwhen) wrote in marinanova,
@ 2014-09-28 21:03:00

Entry tags:

nathan harris, veronica mars

Day 290 // Closed Action
[Why would we need you?

Kitty's words have been echoing in Nathan's head all day, as persistent and inescapable as any of the usual intrusive thoughts. She probably hadn't meant much of anything when she said it--she didn't know him today, after all--but it's a valid question with a simple answer: Reid and Kitty don't need him. No one does.

It pisses him off.

Nathan isn't even sure who he's mad at. Kitty for forgetting him, Euphie for being profoundly messed up, the wardens for shoving them all into this stupid dome, Deanna for not fixing him, Doctor Reid for not letting him die like he should have? Himself?

He doesn't know how long he's been awake. His mind won't let him sleep and his feet won't let him rest, and he gets more restless and agitated as he stalks through the dome. Why can't he get away from his thoughts this time? If he walks enough, he can usually exhaust himself into a pleasantly blank state. At the very least, he typically manages to wear his anger (he hates anger--it's the most dangerous emotion, and he knows that he has to lock it away whenever it shows up) down into despair or self-pity. This anger, though--this anger has been building. Nathan cuts it down whenever it rears its head, but it only comes back stronger and more insistent. It has been feeding the monstrous part of him, clawing down the barricades that he has built to keep the thing that wants to stab and dissemble and destroy from escaping.

By the time the day draws to a close, Nathan's control is more tenuous than it has been in weeks. He's only half-present as he storms through one sector after the next, unseeing, unable to focus on anything other than the thoughts in his head and the anger burning through the last of his self-restraint.

Why would we need you?

The teenager reaches into his pocket for the red pearl that he knows is there (he forgets, sometimes, that it hasn't always been there). It's warm and smooth and comforting, and the craft knife that's keeping it company feels almost as familiar. Nathan doesn't know how the knife got there--he can't remember taking it--but it seems right. ]

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questionofwhen
2014-10-17 01:17 am UTC (link)

[It's a shame that she doesn't seem startled. Nathan (he wants to differentiate between the sadist and himself, but he's starting to doubt that there's a distinction) wants to see what she's like when she's been frightened out of her shell of sarcasm.]

What would it take to make you afraid of me?

[His hands are still in his pockets and his voice is toneless. Definitely a different flavor of creepy.]

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	amarsmellow 2014-10-25 09:53 pm UTC (link)
	More than you're capable of. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	questionofwhen 2014-10-26 04:59 pm UTC (link)
	[He moves closer, well into her personal space.] You sure about that? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	amarsmellow 2014-10-31 10:15 pm UTC (link)
	You wanna dance, little man? [Because Veronica will be more than happy to knee you in the balls if you keep up this invasion of personal space.] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	questionofwhen 2014-11-01 03:36 am UTC (link)
	[Is grabbing her wrist a clear enough answer? Because that's what he does. His fingers dig into her skin with enough force to bruise. The other hand pulls out the knife.] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	amarsmellow 2014-11-02 09:46 pm UTC (link)
	Hey! [She doesn't notice the knife in time to avoid it.] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	questionofwhen 2014-11-05 01:08 am UTC (link)
	[He tries to maneuver her in such a way as to trap her between himself and the railing, twisting her wrist and, by extension, her arm mercilessly in the process. The short (but very, very sharp) knife blade is pressed against her side. He hasn't drawn blood yet, but the threat is clear.] Now are you scared? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	amarsmellow 2014-11-10 02:22 am UTC (link)
	[There's no way for her to get out of this, not with her hand pinned like that and a knife to her side. `Way to go, Veronica. You let him get you like this.`] All right, fine, I'm scared. [Her voice quavers a little.] Now let me go. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	questionofwhen 2014-12-01 05:53 am UTC (link)
	Why should I? [Frightening her had been the intention, but now that he has successfully cornered her, the power is... nice. He could do anything to her...] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	amarsmellow 2014-12-04 01:45 am UTC (link)
	Because you'll be in trouble if you don't. You know they're monitoring us, right? One of the bots will be here any moment. [She doesn't actually know this; she's hoping to freak him out enough to back off.] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	questionofwhen 2014-12-07 10:27 am UTC (link)
	Like that matters. [He stays still, which, in its own way, is just as unnerving as any actions he could take.] They can't put me in prison, and we're all already criminals. The robots don't care what happens to us or what we do to each other. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	amarsmellow 2014-12-07 11:18 pm UTC (link)
	There's still the Defense Force. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	questionofwhen 2014-12-09 10:57 am UTC (link)
	What'll they do? Kill me? [There's definitely a smile in his voice.] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	amarsmellow 2014-12-09 11:53 pm UTC (link)
	They'll stop you. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	questionofwhen 2014-12-10 07:51 am UTC (link)
	No, they won't. [Unfortunately. The hand around Veronica's wrist loosens slightly and, for a second, Nathan's only impulse is to get her away from him before it's too late and something happens. But the desire to run has already lost to the need to kill. His grip tightens decisively in the next moment and the craft knife stabs into Veronica's abdomen.] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

amarsmellow
2014-12-11 02:53 am UTC (link)

[Getting stabbed is a lot like having sex: it's a little different for everybody, and sometimes it feels like getting punched. But sex is fun, and being stabbed is not.

Veronica doesn't have enough adrenalin in her system for it to feel like getting punched, so it just feels like...well, getting stabbed. It hurts. Veronica freezes, not that she could move anyway. Her legs tremble, threatening to give out on her any second.]

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questionofwhen
2014-12-13 05:47 am UTC (link)

[He pulls the knife back and prepares to strike again, but the blood--it's real and exciting. It's good and he feels powerful and how sick is this, what kind of a monster gets off on tearing people apart?

Nathan stumbles back, knife still gripped tightly in one hand, equal parts disgusted and panicked. He lost control. He lost it and now someone who isn't him is going to die and that's it, everything about him that was salvageable will be gone. Reid will have to kill him and he'll deserve it because it felt good and he wants to do it again. He wants to shove Veronica to the ground and watch her bleed--

And then he's running away. He doesn't want that and he's too lost in his thoughts to think rationally or call someone to help Veronica. There's nothing but the blood on the knife and on his hands. There's nothing to do but escape. No one needs him. Nothing can be done to fix this. All of the rage that the red pearl has been feeding is instantly redirected to the real problem.

The real problem is him.

Veronica is left alone.]

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