InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "The bunnies are attacking!!!"

Spike (chipswiththat) wrote in marinanova,
@ 2014-08-16 16:11:00

Entry tags:

anya jenkins, brian moser, deanna troi, doctor facilier, euphemia li britannia, ianto jones, jack harkness, kitty pryde (aoa), rebecca crane, spike, zatanna zatara

284 // voice
[ The feed starts long before anyone speaks, lingers in eerie silence broken by the clicks of a stubborn lighter, the dry crackle of tobacco being set alight, the hollow intake of smoke in dead lungs. The trembling exhale, functioning as an initial indicator to just how rough and ragged his voice is when he does speak. Strained, like he's been screaming himself raw or perhaps the measured and stilted words are a product of him trying to keep himself from doing just that. ]

Are you happy now? Is the world all bright, full of puppydogs and rainbows again? Messing with things you don't understand... makes you feel powerful, doesn't it? Like you're in control. Like you know something. Let me tell you a lit'le secret: you don't know shit. You've never been in control and you never will be. Always somethin' else, calling the shots... whether you realize it or not.

The real monsters aren't out there... but in here. [ Punctuated by the hollow knock of knuckles against breastbone and then he cuts the feed. ]

(Read comments) - (Post a new comment)

	chipswiththat 2014-08-21 08:31 pm UTC (link)
	Anything. [ He swallows. ] Anything would be better than this — I told Jack. Told him a stake would be better, that this was too... Too cruel. The kind of cruel only a bloody hero can justify. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

counselled
2014-08-22 04:28 pm UTC (link)

[ heroes and villains, humans and demons. it's like some demented storyline in a book. neither side is a good side. but one side "won." ]

Were you intentionally trying to get him to do that to you?

[ looking for motivation here. at this rate she might have to go talk to the criminal profiler because this is getting a bit above her area of expertise. especially when it's not in person. ]

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	chipswiththat 2014-08-23 09:18 am UTC (link)
	I'm not trying to off myself, if that's what you mean. At least there's some honor in a good old-fashioned staking. [ Needless to say, he found no honor in a re-souling. If anything it was the cowards solution. ] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	counselled 2014-08-25 02:00 am UTC (link)
	But an honorable result wasn't what you believe you found. [ this whole situation is just no good on either end, both feeling they've been wronged beyond acceptance. ] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

chipswiththat
2014-08-25 08:55 am UTC (link)

[ Shit, she's actually listening. That's a first. No, really. This is a first. Has he actually found a person in this place with more than two brain cells to rub together? ]

Forcing a soul back into a vampire only happened once back home... to my grandsire. It wasn't meant as a way to keep people safe the way the hypocrites around here like to believe... it was designed as torture. As a curse.

He was never the same after that. Barely recognized him... and it took him decades to just find a purpose again. [ A purpose Spike never agreed with, but it was out of nostalgia rather than plain hatred. ]

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

counselled
2014-08-25 05:04 pm UTC (link)

[ that's what you get when you run into a counselor. she listens to what is said and puts it together with what she senses emotionally and what she thinks she's hearing that isn't said. ]

A curse... or perhaps revenge? [ so she won't pretend to understand the circumstances, but she can make that leap. it would make sense if someone would come up with torture, call it a curse, and mean it as revenge. it's something that could have happened during the dominion war. ] There's no way to alter it?

[ maybe not undo it completely, but make it a little less... like torture. something to keep him in line rather than make his life a living hell. ]

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

chipswiththat
2014-08-26 01:23 pm UTC (link)

[ She's right about leap of conclusions — a curse and revenge. Angelus ate the wrong person. Not much more to say about it so he doesn't, just gives a little noise of confirmation because she deserves at least that much. ]

It's encouraging to hear you lot make so lightly of this. It's not a bloody pie that you can season to your liking, it's a human soul. Is there really not one other person in this bloody fish bowl that understand the importance of that?

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	counselled 2014-08-26 04:50 pm UTC (link)
	[ it would make sense for what's happened here, too. ] Perhaps you're the only one who understands what it's like without it. I don't know of anyone else with the experience of both having and losing it. We might understand it in theory, but not in practice. [ which means that no one else will be able to really get what he's going through. ] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	chipswiththat 2014-08-27 08:15 pm UTC (link)
	Isn't it interesting that no one listened to me, then? The ones that know, the ones that understand... they never would've stood for it. [ Buffy. ] It's disproportionate. I didn't even kill anyone who didn't get back up again. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	counselled 2014-08-30 06:52 pm UTC (link)
	That might have been due to the fact that you were hurting people. [ disproportionate or not, he was hurting people. and a lot of people would want to stop that at all costs. ] Why not? What would they have done? [ she never actually spoke to any of those people. they were probably all gone by the time she got here. ] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

chipswiththat
2014-08-31 06:17 pm UTC (link)

They would've staked me, clean and simple. Or tried to, at least.

See, that's the way it's supposed to go. It's fair on everyone — if you succeed you don't have a vampire problem anymore and if you don't... well. You get to try again. We're here to be killed, not rehabilitated by transplanting a soul back into a body that doesn't have the room for it anymore.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	counselled 2014-09-01 01:14 am UTC (link)
	I suppose some have a harder time killing others if they can see another way. Fair or not. [ aaand they're right back to her idea that there really was no good way for this to end. ] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

chipswiththat
2014-09-01 08:56 pm UTC (link)

And that's the funny thing... see, I don't do torture. Never did. Gruesome deaths, sure... if I felt like the situation called for it, which it rarely did. Quick deaths, that was me. Downright humane.

You see anything humane about this? It's not just paying for ill deeds, it's paying for every bloody sin I've done since I was turned over a century ago and even when I'm done with that, the demon is still there. The demon isn't going anywhere and neither is the soul. Quite a pickle, that.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

counselled
2014-09-03 09:05 pm UTC (link)

Some would argue that. [ not that she's setting herself on one side of the other, she just has to play devil's advocate for a second. ]

So it would seem. Not one that can be easily altered or dealt with.

[ some people would have thought he deserved death, some might have considered this the "best" way to punish him and keep him alive. no one would agree on any one way across both sides of the issue. but it's all pointless to consider now that it's all been and done. and she has a feeling he's the kind who won't want or accept help in any form for something he doesn't believe is fair in the first place. otherwise she would offer her services. ]

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

chipswiththat
2014-09-04 08:57 am UTC (link)

[ The problem is that although he doesn't believe the sentence to be proportionate for what he did here, there isn't a single part left of him that doesn't think he deserves it. That's the tricky thing with souls, the way it brings back all the guilt and remorse for every ill deed he's ever done all in one fell swoop and that is why he won't reach out for help. He doesn't deserve help. He deserves to writhe in neverending agony for the crimes he's done.

He hasn't even been able to bring himself to drink the synthetic blood since the ensouling. It's not a matter of feeling bad, it's feeling so bad that you're no longer functional. ]

'Course not. There would be no point in doing it if it was easily remedied. [ A beat. ] Why are you talking to me?

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	counselled 2014-09-04 06:56 pm UTC (link)
	[ "because i'm a counselor" or "because i wanted to help" will probably not work out so well, so she settles on the other half of the truth. ] Because I wanted to hear the other side of it. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	chipswiththat 2014-09-05 08:28 pm UTC (link)
	[ Clever girl. ] And now you have. Did you get what you wanted? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	counselled 2014-09-09 01:59 am UTC (link)
	I suppose so. I've heard more than I expected. [ but there's not really anything to be done about it right now. ] I appreciate the opportunity. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	chipswiththat 2014-09-09 09:06 am UTC (link)
	Are we done, then? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	counselled 2014-09-16 01:17 am UTC (link)
	I suppose so. [ "thank you for the insight" and "good luck" are both thought, but not put into words. instead, she just lowers her gaze and does him the courtesy of terminating the communication. ] (Reply to this) (Parent)

(Read comments) -