InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "Wiffout you cwazy wesbians?"

Spike (chipswiththat) wrote in marinanova,
@ 2014-08-16 16:11:00

Entry tags:

anya jenkins, brian moser, deanna troi, doctor facilier, euphemia li britannia, ianto jones, jack harkness, kitty pryde (aoa), rebecca crane, spike, zatanna zatara

284 // voice
[ The feed starts long before anyone speaks, lingers in eerie silence broken by the clicks of a stubborn lighter, the dry crackle of tobacco being set alight, the hollow intake of smoke in dead lungs. The trembling exhale, functioning as an initial indicator to just how rough and ragged his voice is when he does speak. Strained, like he's been screaming himself raw or perhaps the measured and stilted words are a product of him trying to keep himself from doing just that. ]

Are you happy now? Is the world all bright, full of puppydogs and rainbows again? Messing with things you don't understand... makes you feel powerful, doesn't it? Like you're in control. Like you know something. Let me tell you a lit'le secret: you don't know shit. You've never been in control and you never will be. Always somethin' else, calling the shots... whether you realize it or not.

The real monsters aren't out there... but in here. [ Punctuated by the hollow knock of knuckles against breastbone and then he cuts the feed. ]

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	chipswiththat 2014-08-19 11:33 am UTC (link)
	So what do you want, Sheriff? Haven't you helped enough by now? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	kitty_has_claws 2014-08-21 03:24 pm UTC (link)
	How long are you going to feel sorry for yourself? I know you're immortal, but that doesn't mean you have to drag it out. [Some people deal with threads of guilt by being nice...] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

chipswiththat
2014-08-21 07:40 pm UTC (link)

Feel sorry for myself? You really don't get it, do you? Do you know how long it took Angelus to get over it? [ A pause for emphasis. ] Decades. And that was just until he found new purpose in life. It's not a bruised knee, Kitty. It's a century of ill deeds, coming back in one sharp punch to the gut.

There's no reprieve in that. Ever. That you lot seem to think there is only proves that you haven't the faintest idea of what you've been dabbling with.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	kitty_has_claws 2014-08-21 07:48 pm UTC (link)
	Yeah. You do shitty things and they haunt you. I get that. Would you have done them if you felt the way you feel now? [Please say no.] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	chipswiththat 2014-08-21 07:52 pm UTC (link)
	[ Haha yeah this is like talking to a fucking wall. ] 'Course I wouldn't. That's the whole point of a soul — but that doesn't kill the need. The demon still wants what it wants. [ Guess who hasn't been able to eat since the souling. ] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	kitty_has_claws 2014-08-21 08:08 pm UTC (link)
	Then it wasn't you. Those things you're regretting. You couldn't have stopped them. You can now. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	chipswiththat 2014-08-21 08:11 pm UTC (link)
	You really don't get it, do you? Like talking to a bloody brick wall. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	kitty_has_claws 2014-08-21 08:16 pm UTC (link)
	Okay, what am I not getting? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	chipswiththat 2014-08-21 08:20 pm UTC (link)
	I've explained enough already. If you can't get it into your thick skull by now, there's no point. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	kitty_has_claws 2014-08-21 08:35 pm UTC (link)
	Maybe I'm just missing what you want me to do with it? Would you want the soul gone again? [Not that she's really offering that, but she does wonder now that he has it if he'd really turn it away.] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

chipswiththat
2014-08-21 08:41 pm UTC (link)

I want you to understand, not fix me like a bloody puzzle. [ Agitated, losing patience. ] You need to understand what you've done, not even for my sake but for your own. Jack's too bloody stubborn to get it.

Back home, it only happened once and it wasn't meant as a bloody gift, or... or putting things back the way they were meant to. It was torture. Angel wasn't fixed, he was cursed. You've put a human soul with all that entails together with a demon that will always crave blood and death and destruction. Do you understand what that means?

It's not a matter of feeling bad because you've done a boo-boo. It's constant, unrelenting torture of two wildly different natures clashing together when they were never supposed to. There's a reason the soul leaves when the demon enters.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

kitty_has_claws
2014-08-21 08:50 pm UTC (link)

[She is more in a fixing place. Putting the soul back wasn't to fix him exactly. It was to fix the situation without killing him. Protect everyone, him included. And she does feel bad for him for what it's worth and she does wish she understood the complexity of the situation better before make the choices and even now really, but she'd seen the man with a soul. He seemed...fine. If there was a constant struggle she didn't witness it. He adapted or he hid it or maybe it was just different. Maybe they put it back wrong.]

I don't know if this means anything to you at this point, but it wasn't meant as torture this time. We did it so we could protect people without killing you. [Which, yes, she was prepared to do if it came to that.]

I see that it's hard and if I can help with that I will. [Not that she has any idea how, but she doesn't like inflicting pain on people.] I understand I'm responsible for what you're going through.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

chipswiththat
2014-08-21 08:57 pm UTC (link)

[ Angel had it for a good century before coming to Marina and in all that time, you learn to cope. There was still a constant cloud of brooding around him that Angelus never displayed — courtesy of the soul and the demon being constantly at odds. It doesn't go away, it just becomes less noticeable. ]

There's nothing you can do, Sheriff. You've done your part. [ He shifts, sounding awfully tired. Worn down. ] And for the record... you should've killed me. Put me out of my misery like a dog. That would've been the humane thing to do and that's what I told Jack, but he wouldn't have it.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

kitty_has_claws
2014-08-21 09:08 pm UTC (link)

You're not a dog. Even if you were I wouldn't be excited about putting you down. You're a person, Spike. You can even be a pretty likeable person. [And she hopes that this does get better. Not just because of the choice she made but because despite all of this she likes the guy. Why has her time in Marina become about wanting to save the bad guys? Spike. Tyki. Nathan.]

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	chipswiththat 2014-08-21 09:14 pm UTC (link)
	If you had a single bone of mercy in your body, you wouldn't have gone this route. [ A stance he'll be difficult to talk out of, at least for a while longer. ] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	kitty_has_claws 2014-08-21 09:16 pm UTC (link)
	I've seen you with a soul before. You don't remember it, but I'm pretty sure that's how things were. [Not that she ever discussed it with him. Did she ever even talk to him back then? She saw him around the network though. Heard about him from Buffy.] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	chipswiththat 2014-08-21 09:21 pm UTC (link)
	Buffy told me. [ Of back home, not here. No point in clarifying, just like there's no point in hiding. ] Went out and reclaimed it myself, she said... figures that makes all the difference. Don't have that choice now. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	kitty_has_claws 2014-08-21 09:25 pm UTC (link)
	Would you have made it? Here? Now? Before someone who can't get up again died? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	chipswiththat 2014-08-21 09:27 pm UTC (link)
	...I thought about it. [ As much of a confession he can ever give. ] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	kitty_has_claws 2014-08-24 04:18 pm UTC (link)
	Why didn't you? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	chipswiththat 2014-08-24 08:05 pm UTC (link)
	I lost the reason to. [ Shut up. What are you doing to him, magical woman? ] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	kitty_has_claws 2014-08-25 08:45 pm UTC (link)
	Someone who left? [A guess really. But what else would he have lost here?] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	chipswiththat 2014-08-26 01:20 pm UTC (link)
	What else would it be? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	kitty_has_claws 2014-08-26 05:05 pm UTC (link)
	[What indeed.] Buffy? [Also seems like the most reasonable guess to her.] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	chipswiththat 2014-08-27 08:12 pm UTC (link)
	Got it in one. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)