InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "Yes. Yes what?"

Rose (justexisting) wrote in marinanova,
@ 2014-07-26 16:21:00

Entry tags:

damon salvatore, euphemia li britannia, kitty pryde (aoa), martha jones, rose, spike, tyki mikk

[day 281 - voice]
Well, you all got what you wanted. I suppose 'force' is a rather fitting word now that I think about it.

[Her tone is icy and directed at a few people in particular. They'd know who they were.]

Is this how it's going to be? Step out of line and you get punished? I thought the wardens doling out punishments out was bad enough, but I guess not.

[The feed ends abruptly after that.]

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justexisting
2014-07-27 09:51 pm UTC (link)

They have their own agenda and part of that was to make you suffer. Planning it for a long time, using whatever resources they had.

[ She walks over to Spike, stopping a few feet away to give him the space he needs. Rose wants to punch something and let out her frustration but she has been reigning herself in ever since he came back- he didn't need that. ]

When I tried to explain what this would do to you, it didn't matter. Like you said, they don't care.

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chipswiththat
2014-07-28 09:49 am UTC (link)

Buffy would never stand for it... never.

[ She knew the man he became with the soul willingly retrieved. She knew and she told him and never ever encouraged him to go after it or threatened to shove it in his chest because she understood. She knew what that would do to a person. She'd seen it up close, knew about the decades of agony it took for Angelus to settle in to Angel and even there it was a daily struggle, a daily torture. For all the shit he's said about Angel, there was always a deep-seated sense of sorrow at the very base. His grandsire. His mentor. His Yoda and they had the fucking gall to do that to him.

And now Spike is in the same position, soul thrashing against the inside of his ribcage, burning so brightly it feels like his innards may just drip out of him like molten lead. His hand slips from his brow to his chest, fingers curling in the fabric of his shirt, digging into the muscle hard enough to whiten his knuckles. ]

Get it out.

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justexisting
2014-07-30 09:47 pm UTC (link)

[ That name hasn't come up in a while in any of their conversations but Rose can remember what Spike had told her about his soul and what had happened in the future. It seemed to her that Spike had made a conscious choice to get himself a soul without it being forced upon him. The force had no right to do that to him, no matter how righteous they believed their actions to be.

She takes a step towards him, concerned about what he was doing, but still giving Spike enough space if he needed it. ]

Spike. [ Another small step. ] You're going to be okay. I'm here, all right? I promise to look after you.

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chipswiththat
2014-07-31 09:43 am UTC (link)

What can you do. [ It's not really a question. He knows nothing can be done, just like he knows that it'll all even out eventually. For all the initial torment, Angel made it work and Spike'll be damned if he can't do the same.

Right now though it's too overwhelming, too painful to even imagine that there's an end to it. Most of all he wants to curl up in a mausoleum somewhere and whimper until it passes. ]

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	justexisting 2014-07-31 07:42 pm UTC (link)
	Whatever I can to make things easier. [ Rose can't reverse the process but she can support Spike throughout this, even though it would be difficult. She was determined to help him as much as she could and it didn't matter to her how long it took. ] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	chipswiththat 2014-07-31 09:11 pm UTC (link)
	[ He laughs at that, breathless and borderline delirious. Never understood what went on in Dru's head as well as he does right now. ] This isn't going to get easier. There's nothing easy about it! (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	justexisting 2014-08-03 07:26 pm UTC (link)
	I wasn't trying to- [ She places her hands on his shoulders and gets down to his level, dropping her voice. ] But you aren't alone in this, okay? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	chipswiththat 2014-08-09 02:30 pm UTC (link)
	[ With her hands on his shoulders, she's bound to feel the way he trembles. His eyes meet hers, full of desperation and struggle and enough guilt to drown a lesser man. ] I'm not? [ He scoffs. ] You have no idea... (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	justexisting 2014-08-11 08:57 pm UTC (link)
	[ She's never seen him like this before. Rose keeps her eyes on Spike when he looks at her, giving his shoulders a gentle squeeze of reassurance. ] I have some idea, Spike. The guilt I felt after hurting people was hard to deal with but I got through it. I won't let you go through it without support. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	chipswiththat 2014-08-12 05:45 am UTC (link)
	It's not the same! [ His voice cracks at the outburst, head bowed into his hands, palms pressed firmly against his forehead almost as if he wishes he could push the memories clean out of his own skull. ] What do you know... do you even know what I've done?! (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	justexisting 2014-08-14 11:14 pm UTC (link)
	I don't know everything. [ He had told her about some things before, but she never knew the full extent. ] Whatever you did in your past is not for me to know if you don't want me to. But I will listen. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	chipswiththat 2014-08-15 04:09 pm UTC (link)
	[ He pulls away at that, trembling, shaking his head. ] No. No, it's too much. I can't. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	justexisting 2014-08-15 08:26 pm UTC (link)
	Do you want me to leave you alone? [ It's clear that she doesn't but if he wasn't responding to her, then maybe he needed space.] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

chipswiththat
2014-08-15 08:44 pm UTC (link)

[ If he was in control of himself he would've seen that question for what it is — an offer for space and privacy, growing out of concern and care. Unfortunately, he really isn't and instead all he gets is a horrible flashback and Dru's devilish smirk flashing in front of his eyes. ]

So... it finally happened. [ He laughs, quietly at first but with a growing madness. ] I knew it! I knew you wouldn't stay!

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justexisting
2014-08-17 08:27 pm UTC (link)

No, no. Spike, I didn't mean it like that. Never.

[ Rose tries to reassure him, holding onto his arms gently. She can't let Spike slip like this. ]

I'm not going to leave you, I wouldn't do that to someone I love.

[ Whatever happened in his past didn't matter to her. If he was abandoned by someone else then it was their loss. Rose couldn't let him deal with it by himself and if he needed some quiet time then she would grant him that.]

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chipswiththat
2014-08-18 09:08 am UTC (link)

[ He doesn't quite pull away, but he isn't making it easy for her to hold on either with the way he moves, restlessly shifting his weight from side by side like a cornered animal. ]

Of course you would... you never liked what I did, never liked what I was. Only thing that made me into a man and now-! [ Something clicks there. Something dangerous and frightening — Dru left him because he wasn't as cruel as he could be. Perhaps he's got this backwards. ]

You. You told them, didn't you? You made this happen!

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	justexisting 2014-08-20 06:03 pm UTC (link)
	[ Even with Spike moving against her, she keeps a firm yet gentle hold on him. If he does pull away and resist her, Rose will let him go. But she had to try and reason with Spike first. ] No, Spike. I wouldn't do something like that to you; I never told them anything. Please, I'm not like that. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	chipswiththat 2014-08-21 08:29 pm UTC (link)
	Then how do they know?! [ His voice cracks in desperation, but he doesn't pull fully away. Doesn't realize they know because like always, he wasn't nearly as careful as he should've been. ] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	justexisting 2014-08-26 08:17 pm UTC (link)
	[She knows how they do. Based from his actions and maybe he boasted about what he did in the past to people. But Rose doesn't want to say that in case it made things worse.] They're sneaky bastards. Poking around where they don't belong. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	chipswiththat 2014-08-27 08:16 pm UTC (link)
	[ Something about that makes him deflate, anger giving way to hopelessness. He steps in closer yet again, draping his arms loosely around her. ] Why are you still here? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	justexisting 2014-08-29 11:06 pm UTC (link)
	[ At least he wasn't pulling away from her. Rose sets her hands lightly at his waist, still giving Spike room if he needed it. ] I'm here because I love you and I want to help in anyway I can. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	chipswiththat 2014-08-30 01:04 pm UTC (link)
	[ There's a shudder and then he tightens the embrace, clinging to her almost desperately. Like he'll drown if he lets go, and maybe he really really will. When he speaks again, his voice is thin and frail. Trembling in a way she couldn't possibly have known he was even capable of. ] I'm sorry. [ I love you. ] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

justexisting
2014-09-03 11:42 pm UTC (link)

I know.

[ Her tone is quiet and full of understanding, of love and compassion. Rose secures her hold on him, fighting to keep her emotions in check. It pained her to see Spike like this, both in his words and actions, how he was visibly shaking. ]

It's okay, I'm here. In whatever way you need me to be.

[ She wasn't going to allow him to fight this on his own. ]

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	chipswiththat 2014-09-04 09:03 am UTC (link)
	[ He nods against her, grip remaining tight and desperate, a small noise slipping past his lips that could've been a thank you but didn't quite make it into those very words. This is harder than he ever could've imagined and a small part of him wishes that he could ask her to just put him out of his misery already. ] (Reply to this) (Parent)

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