InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "You tend to mumble a lot."

Dr. Spencer Reid (thisiscalm) wrote in marinanova,
@ 2014-03-17 15:16:00

Entry tags:

artemis crock, bonnie bennett, data, elena gilbert, ianto jones, kitty pryde (aoa), piter de vries, rebecca crane, sam winchester, spencer reid, tieria erde, zatanna zatara

263 // audio
[ It's now or never and although he was hoping that some time would push that towards now rather than never, Reid really doesn't feel like he's ready. He feels raw and exhausted and although he's pushed himself to go out and get some clothes that aren't borrowed from Karev's closet, he's so not in a place where public announcements are possible.

But he has to. Now or never. Movements dull, he reaches for the communicator. ]

...░m back. [ A stretch of static-y silence. ] I'm so░▒y.

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	kitty_has_claws 2014-03-17 10:13 pm UTC (link)
	Something simple maybe? Breakfast sandwiches? [She's hungry but a little nauseated too. She pulls back so they can get up and do the walking thing.] I don't know if Nathan will be there. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	thisiscalm 2014-03-17 10:18 pm UTC (link)
	[ Another nod. A lot of nodding right now. ] I haven't heard from him yet... I want to make sure he's okay. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	kitty_has_claws 2014-03-17 10:20 pm UTC (link)
	We'll bring him something too. Maybe he's just not up or checking the network yet. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	thisiscalm 2014-03-18 07:27 pm UTC (link)
	Yeah... I'm sure that's it. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	kitty_has_claws 2014-03-18 08:10 pm UTC (link)
	[She gives his hand a little squeeze, leading him toward home.] It'll be okay. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	thisiscalm 2014-03-18 08:27 pm UTC (link)
	[ He musters up a humorless smile. ] I'm having a hard time believing anything will be okay right now. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	kitty_has_claws 2014-03-21 12:36 am UTC (link)
	I know that feeling. That feeling was yesterday for me. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	thisiscalm 2014-03-21 08:13 pm UTC (link)
	[ Yes, let's talk more about how terrible she felt when he was gone. ] ...I'm really, really sorry. You know it wasn't my choice. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	kitty_has_claws 2014-03-21 08:20 pm UTC (link)
	[She's quiet a moment because yesterday was his choice and she feels bad for him, but that still hurts.] I just meant that...it's already better. I know it won't be that easy for you, but it will get better. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

thisiscalm
2014-03-21 08:24 pm UTC (link)

[ No, yesterday wasn't his choice. Yesterday was Diane Turner's choice and the repeated mental image of Maeve's face and the echo of a gunshot and his arm bleeding through a jumpsuit he wasn't wearing a minute ago and being unable to handle anything that wasn't just dealing with his own immediate survival.

If she wants to blame him for that, then maybe he shouldn't be here in the first place. ]

I know... I know. This job doesn't work well with relationships. I'm the third person in the team who had a girlfriend killed. It's not exactly a surprise. [ Sharply. Of course he didn't see it coming. ]

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kitty_has_claws
2014-03-21 08:31 pm UTC (link)

[She doesn't blame him. She just feels.......not as important to him as he is to her. She doesn't want to think about that too much. She knows—hopes—a lot of it is just timing. It's just hard to imagine being in his place and him not being the first or nearly first call. But then it's also just very hard to imagine being in his place. There's no world or life for her to return to now. She can't disappear only to come back with more years and memories under her belt. She'll never come back to him after losing a boyfriend or getting married. Having kids. Moving on without him. All things she really doesn't want to think about too much.]

Reid. [Softly to counteract his sharpness.]

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	thisiscalm 2014-03-21 08:43 pm UTC (link)
	[ Right... right. Keep it together. He can't talk to her about this, can he? It's not fair to either of them. ] Sorry. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	kitty_has_claws 2014-03-21 08:50 pm UTC (link)
	You don't have to be sorry. I'm... I'm glad you... [Okay, this is really hard. She doesn't want to risk those tear things again.] I mean, if it couldn't be me I'm glad you weren't alone. I'm sorry about what happened, but you have to be able to live your life. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

thisiscalm
2014-03-21 08:55 pm UTC (link)

My life..? [ No, let's not go down that road. Let's just not. Too tender right now. For once he actually had something that could've been a future and despite better judgment he fantasized about marriage and kids, but of course he couldn't have it.

Just like he can't have it here.

He pulls her into a stop and then an embrace, arms wrapped tightly around her. ]

...I didn't remember you. [ And that scares him more than the thought of losing her too. If he can't even remember that she existed in the first place..? ]

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	kitty_has_claws 2014-03-21 09:00 pm UTC (link)
	[Remember those tears she didn't want again? They're stinging her eyes as she wraps her arms around him.] I know. [Voice small. It scares her too. Either of them can be erased at any moment.] I know... I wasn't sure you'd remember if you did come back again. [He didn't the first time.] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	thisiscalm 2014-03-21 09:12 pm UTC (link)
	I'm here... I remember. And I still- [ He swallows, sharply. This is going to be so hard to say but it needs to be said. ] I still love you... ...but I love her too and I never even got the chance to say it. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	kitty_has_claws 2014-03-21 09:16 pm UTC (link)
	[She holds him tighter. Don't break. Don't break.] I love you. [It needed to be said again. Tear falling down her cheek.] She probably knew. [More confidently. Maybe because she believes Reid is a little obvious or any girl he'd hurt this much over would be that perceptive, but mostly because she wants him to believe it.] She knew. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

thisiscalm
2014-03-21 09:19 pm UTC (link)

[ She probably did know but he still wanted to say it, not be forced to say he didn't in some desperate attempt to keep her alive. That makes it even harder, that he couldn't even... that the person who touched him, who kissed him — it wasn't Maeve. It was her killer.

A killer who shares a face with a girl he's kissed before, only that realization has yet to fully set in. ]

She was the first girl who ever said that she loved me. [ A beat. ] But that's not true here. You're my first... my first everything and nothing can change that.

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	kitty_has_claws 2014-03-21 09:27 pm UTC (link)
	[Stroking her hand through his hair gently.] It's okay. I guess we both were the first in a way. [Being first isn't as important to her as being the last.] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	thisiscalm 2014-03-21 09:44 pm UTC (link)
	[ He makes an affirmative noise. ] I suppose this makes us... even, in a way. [ What with her being married. ] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	kitty_has_claws 2014-03-23 03:38 pm UTC (link)
	Um...sure. [Even. Except things were ending with Piotr. They were just starting with her. But then dead is dead...except here where it's not. Where she could be here in a matter of days. No, she can't think about that now. She holds him tighter.] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	thisiscalm 2014-03-23 04:30 pm UTC (link)
	[ Maeve showing up here is not a possibility he's entertained, nor will he ever really do so. Dead is dead and this brings the tally up to two dead girlfriends. Kitty should just count herself lucky he isn't thinking too hard about that either, or he'd make some very regrettable decisions. He tightens the hold in return, hand rubbing idly over her shoulder. ] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	kitty_has_claws 2014-03-23 04:38 pm UTC (link)
	[Her heart can't handle regrettable decisions right now. She won't be mentioning it. Not to him at least.] I love you. [When in doubt, just repeat it.] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	thisiscalm 2014-03-23 08:49 pm UTC (link)
	[ He makes a noise, halfway between agreeing and whimpering. Can't do this right now. Just can't, so instead he pulls back a little, head bowed. ] ...We should get going. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	kitty_has_claws 2014-03-23 10:37 pm UTC (link)
	You're right. He'll be okay. [Focusing on Nathan's well being is easier, right?] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

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thisiscalm, 2014-03-24 01:03 pm UTC

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