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Jean-Luc Picard ([info]tea_earlgreyhot) wrote in [info]marinanova,
@ 2013-09-01 13:23:00

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Entry tags:data, geordi la forge, helen magnus, jean-luc picard, seven of nine

[ day 234 ] action :: open
It’s late in the day and Jean-Luc is just leaving the hospital. Aside from the fact that it takes something of great magnitude to get him into any kind of sick bay, an abnormal experience had been made even more surreal by the cold sterility of the bots. Nevertheless, something had happened that made him feel that a medical exam was necessary. It had just been several ticks in his chest, right where his artificial heart implant was. It usually ran without fail, almost unnoticeable to the point that he forgot that he had an artificial heart at all. Given the unknowns of the medical advancements and knowledge of the prison, he had thought it best to reassure himself that all was well without drawing too much attention to the issue or himself. He knew how concerned both Data and Geordi, and possibly even Seven, might be were they to know that he felt... unwell.

It's his distrust of the bots as a whole which had him heading toward the clinic that Helen runs. He might run into anyone along the way, but he opens the voice function to Helen as he moved through the dome.


[ Voice locked to Helen ]

Doctor Magnus, [ He clears his throat, realizing his error. ] Helen, perhaps you might find the time to meet me at your clinic as soon as you’re able.



ooc: Picard is on a trek from sector 5 to sector 3. Anyone can run into him between point A and point B. Or afterward. Technology fail!


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[info]tea_earlgreyhot
2013-09-03 05:05 pm UTC (link)
[ It does say quite a bit that he's trusting her with this, both in the moment and in the hopes that word won't spread that he felt the need to come into the clinic for any reason other than to simply see Helen. An idea which has crossed his mind more often than he would care to admit. He holds her gaze as long as she's looking into his eyes and once again the air in the room has a certain weight to it that he's trying desperately to ignore.

He nods at her instruction. A part of him worries that she might think him deformed in some way, an old man with an artificial heart. And it dawns on him that it's been some time since he's cared so much about what anyone thought of him. But he endeavors to take slow, deep breaths as she runs through the normal procedures. Her methods remind him of a class he took in Starfleet, but he also feels somewhat comforted in them, in her touch. Yes, this is much better than the hospital where bots were cold and heartless.

With the stethoscope pressed to his chest, he knows what she will hear rather than the normal liquid hollow sound of heart palpitations. She would hear a mechanical tick sound, almost like a clock, much quieter than a heart beat. A rhythmic click, only now it is accompanied by an occasional hum. That hum shouldn't be there. It isn't constant, only occasionally there, as if a machine were trying to start up and failing to fully do so. ]

The heart should sound more like a click or a tick. You do hear it, yes? [ An edge of nerves crept into his voice at that last question. ]

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[info]lifelines
2013-09-03 05:37 pm UTC (link)
[ she understands that worry. her words earlier were binding. everything they speak of in here is strictly confidential. the most she might do is contact rebekah about the personal nature of this visit, citing that she asked him to come visit her and they talked late about a lot of things. she would never break his confidence about why he's actually here.

regardless of that internal debate, she hears it all right, the ticking and the humming. it's different than what she would be used to from any other patient, different even from what he is telling her. a slight frown creeps across her face, an expression that says she's either concentrating or worried... or perhaps a combination of the two. she subconsciously leans a little closer, as though her ear's proximity to his chest will cause this to make a little more sense to her. she waits longer than she likely would for any other patient, moving the stethoscope a few times while she listens, to get a more rounded sense of what's going on. ]

Yes. I hear it. But there's also a slight hum... I can't quite be certain what's causing it and it's hardly constant.

[ whatever it is, she's a little worried. it's only when she finally straightens to hang the stethoscope around her neck and move her gaze to meet his again that she realizes just how close she suddenly is to him. her breath catches and for the first time, her gaze flicks downward to his mouth, but as she exhales again, she forces her gaze to return to his and pushes that fleeting thought to a corner of her mind to be locked away. her expression turns into a combination of startled and apologetic as she inhales again to speak. ]

I've no idea what it might mean, but if it'll make you feel better, you're absolutely welcome to come in as often as you feel necessary so I can check on it. [ she gives a slight shrug and tries to adopt a smile that doesn't suggest there's anything going on in here other than a precise medical exam, as if she can't feel the thickness in the air between them, as though that thought she locked away had never come into being and isn't currently trying to break free. ] We could even say you're simply coming in for a talk or to help out.

[ anything that would make him feel more comfortable; despite whatever else is happening between them, she certainly wouldn't turn down a chance to speak with him under any capacity. ]

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[info]tea_earlgreyhot
2013-09-04 12:22 pm UTC (link)
A hum...

[ His look turns thoughtful, his mind full of many things aside from the reason he was here. As she'd been so close to him, he'd seemed to forget she was touching him in a medical capacity and instead focused on the fact that she was touching him, that she was so close that he could smell her shampoo, or perfume, or lip gloss, or whatever sweet scent that was. It was just a hint of something other than the sterile clinic.

It took him a moment to regain his intellectual footing, so to speak. A hum. There was any number of things that might cause that, a malfunction in the heart itself, or something more sinister. After his liberation from the Borg, much of their technology had been so deeply integrated with his physiology that they had been unable to be removed. The very thought made him nervous. And what Helen might think of him, or his crew, if they knew how much of that tech was still inside of him made him nervous.

He cleared his throat and nodded, trying to mask those nerves with a self-assured bravado that he was infamous for. ] Yes, it would be wise to keep up with this mysterious hum. On the Enterprise I had monthly check-ups with Doctor Crusher, time permitting. [ Meaning sometimes he showed of his own accord and sometimes she had to hound him into showing. ]

[ And on a lighter note, he offers Helen a small relieved smile that that's over with. ] You've an ideal bedside manner, Doctor. Helen, I mean.

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[info]lifelines
2013-09-04 02:04 pm UTC (link)
[ she was an avid fan of lip gloss and though it never carried much of a scent, it did still have a slightly fruity smell. perfume had been outdated for her decades ago, when the war had deemed such things niceties and unnecessary and again when her work meant she spent more time running or holed up in her office where it would do her no good anyway, but she tended to use a very faint trace, more for her own good, also a fruit variety in smell. for once they were close enough for touch, close enough for smell, and she found she couldn't quite bring herself to step aside. not yet.

somehow she manages to regain her own presence of mind enough to nod in response. her mind kicks into gear again and she takes another deep, steadying breath. she can't let her thoughts wander back down that path. as much as she might want to explore something else, he is here on business, nothing else. it isn't yet time to act upon what she spoke of with rebekah.

is it? she can't be certain. rebekah had as much as told her she might never find out if she didn't ask, that loving and losing was worth more than never allowing herself to care at all, and she's coming to realize that she cares far more than she thought she could, far more than she should.

perhaps later...

for now, it would seem they're of the same mind and she'll stick with their topic and a question or two she's reminded of. ] I should think something like this should be monitored a little more closely. Perhaps once a day or once every few days. Then I could get a better idea of what it is and what it sounds like.

[ she pauses for another moment, her nerves hammering wildly at her. if will could see her now, he would have called her out on being nervous long ago and likely congratulated jean-luc on making her nervous. he'd be able to see right through her and wouldn't hesitate to tell jean-luc what was actually going on. perhaps she should be glad he can't do that. ]

I've certainly had centuries to adapt one. [ a small admission and the first she's given as to her true age. it doesn't add up to what she's told him so far and she knows that, but perhaps it's time to begin airing out that closet. her voice is quite breathy and light by now, and the longer she stands here with him, the harder it's becoming to keep her walls up. it would be so easy to --

but she can't. can she?

another slight pause as she fights an internal war before continuing. ] I did... have a question or two for you, if you have the time for a hopefully short discussion. [ she'll leave it up to him, though, as to how long he'll stay. ]

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[info]tea_earlgreyhot
2013-09-06 11:36 am UTC (link)
[ He would make no promises to continue to come in for check-ups. Her might. He might not. There were always a lot of factors that came into play when it came to all things medical. From his mentality to how severe his own discomfort might not might not be to how busy he made himself, purposefully or not. Yes, he was indeed a terrible, horrible patient.

But this is why he's suddenly glad for the change in topic. That way he doesn't have to make any medical commitments. He can focus on whatever her questions might be. It's late enough that he knows he isn't keeping her here later than she wants to be here. She was at the clinic of her own accord. So he felt free to linger for as long as either of them wanted. Unless... ] If I'm not keeping you from anything. Of course, you may ask me anything.

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[info]lifelines
2013-09-06 01:07 pm UTC (link)
[ there's a part of her that's relieved when he consents to stay, having hoped he might despite the hour. another part of her feels this makes her issue of what to do a little worse. having him remain with her is only making her desire to do what rebekah encouraged her to do all the more strong and important. her walls are tumbling down as if they had never been there in the first place.

so which should she ask for first? ]

Ah, well... [ a slight pause so she can collect herself. ] I spoke with Seven on the day I asked about linguistics. [ the day they had tea at the sizzle and sear, a very wonderful way to spend her morning, if she could admit it to herself. ] She mentioned that she's fluent in a great many of Earth's languages, but that she hadn't learned them and referenced 'assimilation.' When I asked her for the context of that word in her world, she... requested that I ask you. If you're willing and able to answer, I would be most interested to hear. If not... [ she gives a slight shrug and a adopts a nervous sort of smile, one she doesn't often wear. she doesn't want to upset him somehow, but she's accepted that there's a possibility that she might, either by whatever this topic is or something else down the line. ] ...we can skip to my second question.

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[info]tea_earlgreyhot
2013-09-06 02:23 pm UTC (link)
[ Well of all the questions she could have asked, that was one he hadn't expected. Although he was grateful that Seven would divert such a conversation to him where Helen was concerned. He worried that her analysis of any assimilation, including his own, would be too clinical rather than the true horror that it had been. ]

Assimilation. I see. No, I suppose I'm more surprised that it's taken this long for it to come up here within the prison. [ But he can discuss it with Helen. He really would much prefer it be him. ] In my world there is a species called the Borg. They are a singlar minded species who integrate every living being they come into contact with into one of their own. They have destroyed entire worlds to create more Borg. They're hive-like, with a queen who gives instruction while the rest think with a singular mind to carry out said instruction.

[ He picks up his uniform top and shrugs it on. ] Seven is one of the very few liberated Borg I have ever come into contact with. [ There had of course been Hugh as well, but he hadn't handled that instance nearly as well as he has handled Seven. ]

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[info]lifelines
2013-09-06 03:29 pm UTC (link)
[ she notes the changes in the atmosphere around them, regret curling around her for a moment before he answers her question. curiosity changes to intrigue and then to surprise and then to horror. each expression is but a whisper upon her face, though the latter is tainted with a faraway tint to her eyes. it's gone in an instant as she returns her gaze to him and reacts instinctively, as though he were will or henry... or perhaps even ashley, one of her own rather than someone she had only known for a matter of days.

she reaches one hand for his shoulder, as much to stop him from leaving as it is to offer him comfort. she may not know all of the details surrounding this "borg," but she can make a few educated guesses. and as far as the hive-mind mentality, it sounds frighteningly familiar. ]

I've known something far too similar. [ and for another instance, the pain she usually can control and keep hidden flashes across her face. where ashley is concerned, even in passing, she can't control her emotions, and this explanation nearly mirrors ashley's situation. ] I won't pretend to understand what you've been through, what the Borg really is and does. [ and one of those educated guesses is that jean-luc has been part of the borg, as has seven. it would be one of the only reasons she could see that seven would feel the need to send helen to jean-luc for an explanation rather than giving it herself. ] But if it's anything like...

[ she stops for breath, the pain written clearly on her face. she never talks about ashley. so far in the prison, she's been able to get away with pretending she didn't have a daughter, but now... well, she feels perhaps it's time. and since jean-luc has given her another insight into his past, she can give him the same in return. ]

If it's anything like what Ashley went through... [ there aren't words for it and so she purses her lips, shaking her head, and finally moves to offer him something she doesn't give to many people, something she hasn't offered since james, since ashley, since the other people she has loved died. but in this instance, she feels perhaps there's more to be said in action than in words.

so without saying anything else, she moves to wrap her arms around him, crossing a million barriers they've set up between them, ones she swore she would never break, ones that rebekah had told her it was okay to break. if he pulls away at any point, she'll let him move away from her. it is entirely up to him if he will allow this embrace... but she finds herself hoping he will. ]

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[info]tea_earlgreyhot
2013-09-07 06:36 pm UTC (link)
[ It was very traumatic, yes. So traumatic that Jean-Luc had found it necessary to seek out counsel from Deanna Troi for some time in the aftermath. His own assimilation had taken away his identity. Oh, he had been very much conscious while the Borg had used Locutus toward their own means, the Assimilation of Starfleet and ultimately Earth. And all that life that had been lost, at times he could still feel the blood on his hands. At times he could still feel the tech inside of him. At times he could remember how he had had to scratch and claw his way back into control of himself. Some would call that strength of character. Jean-Luc called it too little too late.

He'd been through numerous abductions, lived what felt like an entire lifetime as Kamin. He'd been stabbed, tasered, beaten and belittled. He'd withstood torture at the hands of the Cardassians. And he'd watched the death of numerous crew members, including Data himself. And still, his Assimilation would forever remain one of the most horrific things he had ever experienced.

Even now, his entire body felt electric with the memory of the horror. He couldn't help it. There were just some things a person could never fully distance themselves from.

Her reaction, however, does not go unnoticed in spite of the memories now flooding his conscious mind. Her emotions are written on her features as if she can, in some way, understand that this was a difficult topic for reasons that are all too personal.

Initially, he is very stiff in response to her embrace. It's been so long since anyone has done that. And even then it was always such a rare occurrence that the act itself was something of an anomaly. But then, gradually, he relaxes. One hand rests lightly at her waist at her side and his other arm wraps around her. For several moments he just sits there in silence, holding her in return as she holds onto him. Something tells him that perhaps she needed it as well.

That electric feel shifts as he holds her. He's no longer alive with the emotions and memories alone. There's the added emotion of their shared embrace. He finds himself drawing it out in the moment, perhaps worried over what happens in the aftermath. Perhaps because it feels good and he doesn't want to let go. Perhaps because the wordsmith suddenly has no words and chooses to act rather than speak.

One hand slips up her back, the fingers idly toying with the tips of her hair. And finally... ] Helen... I'm quite alright now, I assure you. My own Assimilation was some years ago. [ And yet Locutus is still infamous among the Borg. There are still nightmares. Yes, there are some things one never truly gets over. ]

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[info]lifelines
2013-09-07 07:40 pm UTC (link)
[ for a moment, his stiff response is enough to make her want to retreat, to pull back and give him space, but she holds out for a moment longer. when he finally relaxes into the embrace, she does as well, her arms shifting to hold him closer. her eyes are squeezed shut against the flood of tears threatening to break free and as they remain locked in their embrace, she takes a deep, shaky breath in and releases it slowly. she can't stop the way her body shudders once as she breathes, nor the very soft strangled sound that accompanies her breathing. yes, she needs this hug as much as he does.

it's been 116 years for her since her daughter's death, 116 years that she spent avoiding mourning for her lost child, 110 of which were spent with the knowledge that she couldn't change that fact. 116 years of guilt added to the 157 she already had. it was amazing she'd lasted this long, but it was little wonder why she never spoke of ashley.

for a moment, it's almost as though she didn't hear what he said. she moves her head to press her cheek to his, ignoring the few tears that have managed to slide their way down. she knows if she isn't careful during this, he won't be able to understand what she's saying and it's suddenly desperately important that he does hear her. she doesn't want to repeat it. ]

I know... but something like that never quite goes away. [ it makes her wonder what might have happened had ashley lived. would they be having this conversation? would ashley be hers to speak with again? or would she have succeeded in her mission? would helen's life have been the price instead? ]

Ashley... [ another deep breath shudders through her body and she fights the sorrow coursing through her. ] Her situation wasn't exactly the same. We don't have the Borg in my time. However... there are days I can still see her, days I wonder what might have changed.

[ she shifts again, glad that they aren't speaking face-to-face or she might not be able to get all of this out, finally resting her head against his shoulder. it's easier to speak like this and she finds it hurts slightly less. the sting isn't as great and she's again reminded of how james had helped her deal with the loss of john. perhaps jean-luc can help her deal with the loss of ashley. ]

She was kidnapped, mindcontrolled, and genetically altered. Her goal was the destruction of all that I had brought her up to save and protect and at the very last second, she died to save my life. I can only imagine that you two could have a lot to talk about were she alive to take that opportunity.

[ she purses her lips and subconsciously tightens her grip on him. it's the most she's spoken of her daughter in over a century and if jean-luc is paying attention, she dropped a very small clue as to who ashley was. she'll be surprised if he doesn't figure it out or ask her for clarification and she prepares herself to answer that question. ]

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[info]tea_earlgreyhot
2013-09-11 10:53 am UTC (link)
[ He can feel her tears, warm and wet between their cheeks when they touch. She's quite right that experiences such as that never truly go away. They can stay with you for forever, and rise up in both moments both opportune and not, both expected and not.

When last they spoke, they had discussed family. Jean-Luc remembered the names she had given, or so he thought, and Ashley did not sound familiar. But as she speaks of what happened to Ashley, he instinctively holds her closer, suddenly less awkward and more intuitive in his reaction. Something tells him that this is very important, that it isn't something she talks about lightly or with just anyone. And he didn't miss the 'brought her up' comment nor the implications that accompanied it.

When she pauses long enough that it's clear there is an opening for him to speak again, he doesn't let go. He nods, his cheek still pressed to hers so that the movement and closeness is felt between them. ] I imagine we would have quite the conversation were she able to do so.

[ His own curiosity can't allow for him to let this go without asking the question. He holds her close, one hand smoothing across her shoulders from blade to blade. ] Were you the one who brought her up, Helen?

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[info]lifelines
2013-09-11 01:42 pm UTC (link)
[ she's fairly certain her heartbeat changes at his touches, the nod against her cheek and the hand gently rubbing across her back and most certainly the tightness of their embrace. suddenly it's changed from comforting him to comforting her and she finds that she appreciates the gesture more than she thought she would. it's been a very long time since she's experienced closeness of this degree. perhaps it's been long enough that a part of her is latching onto the one person in this dome she's comfortable enough with to ask this of.

her response is to let her hands move upwards as her arms tighten around him, holding him tightly to her, as though just by their closeness and sheer willpower she can make this discussion far less painful for both of them than she knows it will be. ]

Yes. I knew her for her entire life. I was there when she was born... and when she died. [ and yet, in spite of her best efforts, the last part of her answer is short and soft, a perfect example of the weight and guilt she carries with her and never lets anyone see. ] Ashley was my daughter. [ and she blames herself for ashley's capture and subsequent death. if she hadn't agreed to let ashley and henry carry out their insane plan, perhaps ashley would be here with her. perhaps helen wouldn't be as lonely and bitter as she had come to feel. ]

It's been over a century for me since that day and yet... it feels as though it just happened. [ she can imagine that jean-luc feels the same about his assimilation and everything that happened with that situation and it all brings her nicely back to the fear she holds towards her feelings for him. she wonders vaguely if he will catch that and understand.

part of her wants to explain that to him, lay it all out so perhaps they can deal with it together, but her voice catches in her throat and she squeezes her eyes shut. the last thing she needs is to risk losing him. ]

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[info]tea_earlgreyhot
2013-09-11 07:55 pm UTC (link)
[ It is a very rare occurrence that Jean-Luc puts down the authoritative captains hat, that certain air about him that maintains an invisible wall around his person that's virtually impenetrable. And it's only ever been done with a select few individuals, people he can count on one hand and not use up all five fingers, in fact. So he surprises himself by doing so now as everything about him seems to change, his usually hard, rigid exterior completely morphing into something akin to soft and comforting. A rare thing indeed, as usually he considers remaining strong in midst of turmoil and heartache, a comfort. But with Helen, it's different. It's different in a way that he doesn't quite understand.

He holds her gently to him, his chest rising with slow, smooth breaths. She'd said she had no living relatives. And she seemed so mission oriented, like himself, that he hadn't thought to ask if she had ever had a family or children. But she had, as she had said, over a century ago (for her). In his time, of which he is certain there would be a Doctor Helen Magnus somewhere in the universe were she from his world, it would have happened much longer ago. He knew that even if Ashley had been even in part similar to Helen, that she had been an amazing person. ]

Oh there are some losses so deeply profound that we never truly get over or move past them. The ache only scabs over rather than truly heals... and scabs can so easily be reopened even at the slightest provocation. [His voice is a soft, deep timber rather than it's usual assertiveness. He feared he had been the one to peel this scab away for her. And while he enjoyed learning more about her, he didn't like being the one to cause her pain.

Which is why he pulls back only enough to cup either side of her face and look into her eyes. ] I do hope that you will tell me all about her as I would like to learn more of you.

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[info]lifelines
2013-09-11 08:28 pm UTC (link)
[ the change is needed for her. the feeling of his chest rising and falling against her own only seems to stimulate her heart. there's something so utterly calming about being in his arms right now that she can't quite put words to it and so she doesn't try. she simply leans against him and allows him, his presence and the gentle tone of his voice, to calm her. her breathing slows, the tears drying in her eyes, and by the time he speaks of scabs and scars, she's able to speak normally again. ]

I would assume you and I have an abundance of such things. [ it pains her to imagine that he would have scabs like she does and she resolves to help him deal with them. he may well be helping her deal with her own. after all, holding all of it in wasn't doing her any favors. perhaps finally speaking to someone about it all would.

she considers saying something else, but his movements confuse and surprise her. for a split second, she's worried she's somehow offended him and he wants to break their embrace. her hands slide back down to his sides as his move up to cup her cheeks and her eyes widen in surprise. another moment passes in which she's certain her heart stops -- truly adolescent even to consider -- and she has to force herself to focus on what he's saying before she can respond. ]

Another day. To explain Ashley, I would have to explain John and I can't. Not yet. [ there's also the time travel thing she would have to go into and she doesn't want to open that one up yet. right now all she can focus on is jean-luc and how close he is, the fact that he's touching her, and suddenly they're right back where they were what feels like hours ago. ] I'd much rather do something else... and I hope you can forgive me for being so bold.

[ she'll give him a say in this, a chance to pull away as she slowly leans in. if all goes as she's been hoping it would, she'll be able to very gently press her lips to his. all evening she's wanted nothing more than to kiss him and now is the perfect opportunity. she can only hope her boldness in pushing their boundaries tonight won't push him away. ]

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[info]tea_earlgreyhot
2013-09-13 01:01 pm UTC (link)
[ John and Ashley, both names he hasn't heard her mention until today. He's curious about so many things. There are so many questions to ask of her and the list continues to grow. She is somewhat of a mystery to him with many a twist a turn, some paths darker and more tragic than others. But perhaps that is part of what intrigues him so. Jean-Luc can scarcely ignore a mystery. And he always seems to find himself drawn to the complicated, to women who are more than what they seem. And Helen is most definitely that, and a beauty to top it all off.

He nods his agreement, to add this to the list of things he wants to bring up at a later date. His eyes full of understanding. That is until she's coming in to kiss him. His brows lift and then his gaze lowers again as her lips touch his. Hadn't he been waiting for this for an eternity? Certainly he had been even if he hadn't realized it.

There is a brief moment where he's stunned, his mechanical heart feeling as if it's thrumming in his ears. He recovers quickly though, because yes, subconsciously he had perhaps been waiting for this, hoping for it even. His lips part as he succumbs to the kiss, one hand sliding up into her hair to hold her there as he returns this gift and then some. The other hand slipping down to gently caress the side of her neck. ]

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[info]lifelines
2013-09-13 01:55 pm UTC (link)
[ the reason she hasn't mentioned john and ashley before now isn't because she doesn't trust jean-luc. she's come to trust him implicitly, more than anyone else in the prison except perhaps rebekah. the real reason is simple: she's still not fully over the two of them. and besides that, how does she explain her ex-fiance turned serial killer and the daughter they conceived out of love who wasn't actually brought to term until a century later and then died at the hands of helen's own failing? it's been too much for so long that she isn't entirely sure how to deal with those memories. so, in true helen magnus fashion, she's kept the lid on those two names until just now.

perhaps someday, jean-luc will come to understand how fortunate he is that she's mentioned them at all.

as for what's happening between them right now... helen can't bring herself to regret breaking those barriers. that brief moment of surprise passes before she can pull away and make an excuse for her bold move, which she's grateful for. she doesn't like to think of what she would have done if he hadn't returned her kiss. but he is returning it and from the feel of his hands in her hair and against her neck, as well as the kiss itself, he's enjoying it. she has to wonder if perhaps he cares for her in the same way that she cares for him. her hands slide up his back again as she holds him closer to her, fingers gently wrapping around the fabric of his uniform. her lips part with his, deepening the kiss, and her heart beats wildly in her chest with a feeling she hasn't had in so long. far too long.

this is the first kiss she's had in over a century. she'd forgotten how nice it could be to share an intimate embrace with someone like this. the fear of losing him is still present and likely it always will be, but it's being drowned out by everything else, by her enjoyment of what's happening. perhaps rebekah had been right. helen wouldn't trade this feeling for anything in the world. she does make a mental note to kiss him someday without lipgloss on, to let him get a better feel for her.

she keeps the kiss going until she has to break for air, pulling back only enough to see him, her hands still firmly in place against his back. her eyes are glinting with something she refuses to name, she can feel her cheeks reddening slightly despite the smile now gracing her face, and her voice is barely above a whisper when she speaks again. ]

Add that to the list of things we need to discuss. [ alongside john and ashley, adam worth, her time travel, her whole life even. her breaths come short and shallow as she watches him, looking for hints of how he's taking this. ] I should've asked. That was meant to be my second question.

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[info]tea_earlgreyhot
2013-09-15 09:31 am UTC (link)
[ It's the first he's had in quite some time as well. Jean-Luc has never been one to be intimate with anyone in any way at the drop of a hat. In fact, since he got past his Academy years, in which yes, he was quite the ladies man, he could count the number of women he had grown to like as much as he did Helen on one hand and not use all five of his fingers.

And as surprised as he had initially been over the act, it was worth it for that feeling of wish fulfillment he was feeling now. Had he known he wanted to kiss Helen? Perhaps. Yes. It was the only way he could explain the feeling of perfect satisfaction in the moment the simple act came to its completion.

The look in his eyes mirrors her own and his lips turn up at the corners as he notices the flush of her skin. His hand slips down to her shoulder, remaining there as he is loathe to pull back so quickly after such a gesture between the two of them. ] I would venture to say that you received an answer without having to ask, Helen. And it was quite lovely. Thank you.

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[info]lifelines
2013-09-15 01:41 pm UTC (link)
[ over the span of her life, helen has taken a great deal of lovers for a variety of reasons, loneliness often being the most prevalent. however, the number she has truly come to care for in the way that she believes she might care for jean-luc can be counted on three fingers. and he is one of those three. of the other two, one is most certainly dead and the other is presumed dead. she knows she will one day lose jean-luc. her only hope is that the day one loses the other isn't any time soon.

at the small upturn of his lips, helen relaxes her grip on his uniform, letting the fabric slip through her fingers and placing her hands flat against his back. a look of shy relief crosses her face as she simply gazes at him, taking in his expression, how his lips curl upwards when he's happy, the way his eyes seem to echo his heart. she'd spent the entire visit from the moment he removed his uniform top to just recently wanting to kiss him and now that she has, she's finding it difficult not to go in for another pass.

she's not good at "thank you" and "you're welcome," especially not in this context, so she only nods once in response, hoping he can read in her eyes her own gratitude that he didn't push her away. ]

I will tell you everything, Jean-Luc. Someday I want to sit down and explain my life to you. My only request is that you try to accept who I am and the choices I have made. Perhaps they can help you understand me.

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[info]tea_earlgreyhot
2013-09-17 11:22 am UTC (link)
[ It's hard to explain how he feels here in the aftermath of such an intimate act. It's hard to explain how from day one the air has felt palpable between them, even now it feels as if there's something more in the room with them. It's hard to explain how he feels about that feel and taste that lingers after such a kiss. And it's most difficult to explain how he feels about the woman he's still standing so close to.

He wants to know everything about her. He wants to know her past and present and future. He wants to understand her. He wants to uncover all of her secrets and wishes and hopes and regrets and dreams and everything. Just everything. And he sincerely hopes they have the time here within the prison to peel back all those layers. Or at best, that were they to escape, he hopes to take her with him. But that's a concern for when the time comes rather than now.

An understand nod. They still have so much to learn about each other. And he hopes that she will someday tell him everything. ] Words cannot express how much I look forward to knowing you. All of you. I do hope that you can trust that your request will be well met and has already been fulfilled. [ Because he's fairly certain that nothing she could tell him would change the woman she is now, the woman standing here in front of him that he's so very fond of. ]

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[info]lifelines
2013-09-17 01:07 pm UTC (link)
[ words are too difficult for her at the moment. each time she takes a breath to respond, they stick in her throat and make it difficult for her to breathe, let alone speak. it isn't often that the great helen magnus is speechless, but tonight, jean-luc picard has succeeded in making her just that. her eyes betray her heart in this instance, how much she wants to say "i trust you, jean-luc picard," how much she wishes she could tell him that although she may have hidden things from him, she's never outright lied to him. but she can't. the words just won't come.

so for the moment, her only reaction is to tighten her arms around him and pull him in for a second hug. because words can only say so much and she knows if she remains facing him much longer, she won't be able to keep up that happiness. he's coming to know her better than anyone else save rebekah and he might be able to pick up that measure of fear underlying all of her actions and expressions. she doesn't want that talk now, isn't certain she could handle it well. that would involve so many things, so many people and explanations, she doesn't want to go into, isn't sure she can. not yet. someday she will, if for no other reason than because jean-luc deserves to hear the truth about the woman he was just kissing.

a part of her thinks he deserves far better than what she can give him. a lot like james towards the end of their relationship. but there's no saving her now. the dome is far too small for her to run to save herself; jean-luc would find her and she would be faced with these feelings all over again. perhaps, just this once, it would be better to hold on.

you say that now, jean-luc. what will he think when he hears the truth? someday soon, she'll find out. but that day is not today. ]

I should let you go. This wasn't exactly what you had in mind when you came to see me.

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[info]tea_earlgreyhot
2013-09-20 01:51 pm UTC (link)
[ There is so much left unsaid between the two of them on both sides that it settles heavy in the air. Almost replacing the euphoria from before left in the wake of such an intimate act as kissing. And yes, to a man such as Jean-Luc, kissing is indeed an intimate act. It isn't something he does lightly or with just anyone. And he feels that the same can be said of Helen, which is what makes the act doubly special.

When she pulls him close, he returns the gesture and holds onto her as well for just a few moments. How agreeable it is to hold onto someone such as her, someone who stirs his mind as much as his heart. But then again is it too soon to mention the heart? The idea is set to the back-burner for him to study at a later date.

He pulls back with a gentle brush of his lips to the corner of hers and then tugs at his uniform top to straighten the wrinkles out of it. ] Yes, I should leave you be. It's late, after all. Perhaps you could walk me out?

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[info]lifelines
2013-09-20 04:27 pm UTC (link)
[ for helen, it certainly has become such over the centuries. she doesn't usually kiss anyone unless she wants something more, unless there's a something between them. there's definitely a something between herself and jean-luc, a matter of a word she feels applies but hasn't been used since james in the 1940's. she'd been in her nineties since she'd last used that word and regardless of how many she had taken to her bed for comfort since then, the lack of heart, the lack of love, between them always separated them in the end. then again, she had always separated them herself if anything had come close to what it is now. here she can't do that, isn't so sure she wants to.

jean-luc is special. she can't explain it yet. so special that his gentle kiss to the corner of her mouth makes her breath catch just slightly in her chest. her eyes momentarily close at the same time and as they pull away and finally step out of each other's embrace, she feels as though she is missing something. it's as though she's become accustomed to his presence and the idea startles her. ]

Of course. If you'll give me a moment to set aside the paperwork I was dealing with, I will certainly do so. It's likely time I headed back to my apartment at any rate.

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[info]tea_earlgreyhot
2013-09-23 10:06 am UTC (link)
[ Of course the fact that she's about to leave as well changes things. Rather than she walk him to the door, he would prefer to walk her to her apartment. It has been some time that he's been outside of the confines of a starship for any length of time. But he would like to think that he would do the same on the Enterprise or elsewhere. ]

Well in that case would you allow me to walk you home?

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[info]lifelines
2013-09-23 10:40 am UTC (link)
[ she's finishing up making a few notes on a piece of paper when he asks his question. she pauses for a moment as she folds it up and tucks it into a pocket and then straightens up to face him. ]

If you don't mind a trip to Sector 2, I would be happy to have your company.

[ and suddenly, inexplicably even, she's nervous once more, as though she were 240 years younger, asking someone to escort her home. the memories hit her hard and she takes a deep breath to steady herself. jean-luc is not john, not by a long stretch of the imagination, and she is hardly the young woman she was then. ]

If you'd rather not, we can part ways here, at the door.

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[info]tea_earlgreyhot
2013-09-23 12:09 pm UTC (link)
[ He waits patiently, keeping out of her way as she closes things down and files things away. His hands are clasped behind his back as he watches her, trying not to be too overtly attentive but also unable not to watch here and there. ]

I assure you, I only offer because I would rather do so. Unless you tire of my company, Helen. [ Which he's suddenly concerned about, since she offered to part ways here and now. ]

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action; - [info]lifelines, 2013-09-23 01:28 pm UTC
action; - [info]tea_earlgreyhot, 2013-09-24 10:44 am UTC
action; - [info]lifelines, 2013-09-24 12:27 pm UTC
action; - [info]tea_earlgreyhot, 2013-09-24 03:22 pm UTC
action; - [info]lifelines, 2013-09-24 03:53 pm UTC
action; - [info]tea_earlgreyhot, 2013-09-27 11:06 am UTC
action; - [info]lifelines, 2013-09-27 01:07 pm UTC
action; - [info]tea_earlgreyhot, 2013-09-27 04:55 pm UTC
action; - [info]lifelines, 2013-09-27 06:12 pm UTC
action; - [info]tea_earlgreyhot, 2013-09-28 10:22 am UTC
action; - [info]lifelines, 2013-09-28 12:20 pm UTC
action; - [info]tea_earlgreyhot, 2013-09-28 04:24 pm UTC
action; - [info]lifelines, 2013-09-28 04:53 pm UTC
action; - [info]tea_earlgreyhot, 2013-09-29 11:14 am UTC

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