InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "getting mixed messages"

Lacus Clyne (fields_of_hope) wrote in marinanova,
@ 2013-08-12 10:54:00

Entry tags:

lacus clyne, sam merlotte, sougo okita, tyki mikk

[Action/Voice]
((OOC: Otherwise entitled 'Sougo and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day.' Anyone who notices Lacus' very conspicuous absence is welcome to call her or drop by her place in the afternoon, though they might have to contend with a grumpy roommate who's having the worst day ever!))
***

[Waking in an unfamiliar place isn't half as troubling as knowing that she can't, at the moment, leave under her own power. Gingerly, Lacus assesses herself, grateful for the bandages on her neck and less so for the tender side of her face that is doubtless an ugly, mottled purple. Even less encouraging is how weak those few moments of movement have left her. Coordinators are quick to heal, but still human.]

[A quick assessment of the morning's postings tells her that the visitors from yesterday were indeed temporary. If that's in any way a relief, it's tinged with bitterness nonetheless. Indignation for this place and its constant manipulations will have to wait, however, as she has calls to make. It won't do for people to worry that she too has vanished without a trace.]

[Voice/Private - Sougo Okita]
Sougo? [Immediately, she regrets making the call herself. Her voice is weak and thin, no way he won't worry. She hates to do this after he's lost his sister. But surely Data's close by, she trusts that he wouldn't leave her alone like this, so he can help her explain things.]

[Voice/Private - Sam Merlotte]
[She waits until afternoon to call Sam, when perhaps she could sound a bit less upsetting. Unfortunately she can't muster much more energy and so probably sounds just as worrying, but she can't wait any longer before she's late for her shift.] Sam? I'm sorry, but [she has to take a breath before she can go on] I won't be able to come to work for a few days.

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	fields_of_hope 2013-08-14 10:38 pm UTC (link)
	You're hurting, and I'm your friend. This is the only thing I should be doing. [She steadfastly ignores her lightheaded nausea and keeps her arms around him.] My wounds will heal. Yours are much deeper and have been there much longer, and worry me far more. Let me take care of you as best I can. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	sadistfaction 2013-08-14 11:52 pm UTC (link)
	[It is then that Sougo wraps his arms around her.] Thank you. [He holds her.] Thanks for listening to me, and letting me cry. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

fields_of_hope
2013-08-14 11:57 pm UTC (link)

[With her eyes still closed -- she's afraid she'll faint if she opens them -- Lacus stretches up to kiss his temple, then rests her forehead on the same spot.] Thank you for trusting me enough to let me.

[She's quiet for a long moment, both from emotion and from the lurching feeling from her vertigo.] Maybe we should spend the next few days taking care of each other. [Because it goes without saying that she needs him just as much right now.]

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	sadistfaction 2013-08-15 12:16 am UTC (link)
	Sounds good. Here- [he releases her, placing a gentle hand on her shoulder.] Lie down and I'm gonna get you more water. I'll lie next to you when I get back, okay? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	fields_of_hope 2013-08-15 12:19 am UTC (link)
	[She nods, eyes still closed, and allows him to guide her down. Once she's resting on the pillow, she slowly opens her eyes. The room tilts to and fro, but it's much better than it was while sitting upright.] That would be very nice. And I'll tell you everything you want to know about what happened. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

sadistfaction
2013-08-15 08:35 pm UTC (link)

[Sougo nods, putting her blanket over her.

He makes a quick trip over to the bathroom first to wash his face. After he is patted dry he heads to kitchen, refilling the glass of water he had left for Lacus. He again sets it on the nightstand before crawling onto the bed on the other side of Lacus.

He runs his hands through his hair with a long sigh. So emotionally drained.]

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fields_of_hope
2013-08-15 08:58 pm UTC (link)

[Lacus glances over at the water, she's afraid she'll faint if she sits up to drink, and she's frightened poor Sougo enough today. She turns over to rest her head on his arm. And, without much thought about what she should say, starts talking.]

I wasn't planning to come home until very late last night, even if I hadn't been attacked. I wanted to give you the time with your sister... I told myself that, but I was also afraid to walk home earlier. Neil was here yesterday and I don't think I wanted to see him.

That's why I was out so late, alone. [Part of her did indeed want to see the man who she thought loved her, even if it meant having to hear it confirmed that he didn't. Maybe it would have been best to get that closure. It hardly matters now.]

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	sadistfaction 2013-08-15 09:30 pm UTC (link)
	I see. [He felt a little awkward, not sure how to comfort her, so he settles for patting her head very gently.] Thanks for that, I guess. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

fields_of_hope
2013-08-15 09:55 pm UTC (link)

[She doesn't think she deserves any thanks, it was as much selfish as selfless after all.]

I thought someone was following me home from the hot springs, but I lowered my guard when he spoke to me. We've talked before, and he was perfectly friendly.

And then out of nowhere he grabbed me. I tried to fight back and I got him to release his hold, but he was too fast for me. He tackled me to the ground and pinned me down and...

[Remembering it is upsetting, so rather than detail what happened Lacus gently pulls the bandage off her neck, wincing a little as the dried blood sticks to the gauze. By the twin puncture wounds on her neck, it's all too obvious just what attacked her.]

[She clutches at his arm, trying not to think about her body getting cold and her pulse slowing as Spike gorged himself on her blood.]

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	sadistfaction 2013-08-15 10:15 pm UTC (link)
	[Sougo stares at her wound.] Shit. Not what I thought you were gonna say. [He wasn't used to the fact that vampires exist. This definitely was not a way he wanted to remember.] Is someone going after his ass? [Since he wasn't there when everything happened, he doesn't want to assume something was done about this mess.] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

fields_of_hope
2013-08-15 10:23 pm UTC (link)

I don't...

[She technically doesn't know, but that's not the whole truth. Even if it's only an educated guess, she doesn't feel right hiding it.]

Maybe. Tyki found me right after. He asked me who did it, and I told him. He looked more angry than I've ever seen him... and then he left. [Left her there, bleeding to death.] He might have done something.

[Lacus' voice gets tearful just thinking about it. She wouldn't want to be responsible for anyone getting hurt, which is why she didn't go to the hospital as she maybe should have. What Tyki may have done to Spike... she can't take knowing that it was because of her.]

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sadistfaction
2013-08-15 10:34 pm UTC (link)

[Ah, Tyki. Hearing that name automatically makes him feel a little disgruntled.]

What an asshole. He should have taken you to get some medical attention or something straight away.

[He softens up when he notices that this is upsetting her.]

... I guess it doesn't matter so much, because you're being taken care of. Maybe it's better that that guy didn't do anything. [Since he could never trust Tyki to do the right thing.]

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	fields_of_hope 2013-08-15 10:40 pm UTC (link)
	[Lacus tries to be subtle about wiping a tear away.] Mm, maybe. That's when I called Data. I knew he had medical training and would know what to do. [A short but significant pause.] I thought of calling you, but I... [She trails off, belatedly uncertain she should have started that sentence.] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	sadistfaction 2013-08-15 10:54 pm UTC (link)
	Hm? [He was going to assume it was what she had said not too long ago -- she wanted him to spend all the time he had with his sister. But it didn't seem like that's where she was going with... whatever it was she had started to say. He stares, waiting for her to finish.] But...? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

fields_of_hope
2013-08-15 11:01 pm UTC (link)

[It was partly because of Mitsuba, but to claim that as the sole reason would be entirely dishonest. Her first thought on thinking she might be about to bleed to death wasn't quite that selfless.]

But-- [She shifts closer and exhales slowly.] I didn't want you to have to watch me die. [Maybe it sounds selfless. It wasn't. Lacus didn't want to see him in pain because she didn't think she could handle it. Guilt, plain and simple.]

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	sadistfaction 2013-08-15 11:25 pm UTC (link)
	[If Sougo looks shocked, that's because he is. His eyes even start to water a little. That was not something that crossed his mind at all. God, that would have been terrible. He lies quietly for a moment, not sure of what to say.] Um. [He puts his hands over his face.] Yeah... That. Yes. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	fields_of_hope 2013-08-15 11:33 pm UTC (link)
	[His reaction isn't far from what she expected on one level, yet very far apart on another. She is always unnerved when he goes silent.] [For a moment she looks on, hoping he might continue. When he doesn't, she finds herself on the verge of crying again.] Don't shut me out, Sougo. Whatever you're thinking, I want to hear it. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

sadistfaction
2013-08-15 11:52 pm UTC (link)

[He takes a deep breath, looking up at the ceiling with his arms at his sides.]

That... that was a frightening thought. The visual I had even more frightening. And the thought of... of being completely alone again. The feeling that I shouldn't bother trying to make friends, or want to keep anyone around because they're always the ones that leave me somehow...

[He lets out a sigh.]

Selfish. I'm always selfish. I disgust myself.

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fields_of_hope
2013-08-16 12:00 am UTC (link)

[Lacus replaces the bandage on her neck because she knows it must be unpleasant to look at. Once it's secure, she leans against Sougo once again and takes his hand.]

It's not a horrible thing to want to shield yourself from pain. I've done the same thing, lately. [Not an easy thing for Lacus to admit, and her soft tone should convey that.]

I would be sad if you cut yourself off from me because you're afraid of hurting whenever we happen to part. I'll hurt too, but nothing could ever hurt me so much that I'd regret knowing you.

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	sadistfaction 2013-08-16 12:17 am UTC (link)
	I'm not going anywhere. [He's felt the need to clarify that. At this point, the last thing he wanted to do was to break his attachment to Lacus. They worked too hard at getting to this point in their friendship.] I just want it to stop being like this. I'm tired of loneliness and crying and everything. But I don't want to stop being friends with you. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

fields_of_hope
2013-08-16 12:29 am UTC (link)

[She never truly thought he would leave her behind entirely, though she wouldn't put it past Sougo to pull back, little by little. He's so guarded as it is.]

[He's not wrong when it comes to loneliness and the way it fills up your entire life. Maybe it's not quite the same, but it reminds her of years ago, a story she somehow feels she should share.]

When my fiance and I were first engaged, he came to visit me frequently. My father was always gone and my mother had long since passed away, and it was just me in our large house. Athrun knew what it was like to be alone too, since his mother had died in the war and his father was not the warmest of men. I think he knew how alone I felt. That's why he made Pink for me. And many other haros after that. [Why else would someone make twenty bouncing, talking robots for someone?]

[A glance up at Sougo, and a little smile. Yes, she's going somewhere with this.] The haros couldn't solve all my problems, they couldn't bring my mother back or end the war, but they did make me smile. And somehow things seemed just a little bit easier.

I can't bring your sister to you, or promise that I won't get lost in the dimensional stabilizer, or make things here any easier. But if there's anything I can do to make you smile, I want you to tell me. Even sad things seem a little bit better if you have something to smile about.

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sadistfaction
2013-08-16 01:16 am UTC (link)

[He puts his other hand on top of hers.]

I don't know what to tell you.

[He was dreading telling her this, but it had to be said.]

Most of the things that make me smile are things you don't like. They're not things that make me happy, and I'm not proud of them, but they're a source of entertainment. You can't just ask a sadist a question like that and think you're gonna hear something you like.

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fields_of_hope
2013-08-16 08:08 am UTC (link)

[Indeed, she doesn't love that response. It seems contrary to her that he's sitting here with her, comforting her, holding her hand, and yet explaining, or trying to, that he enjoys seeing people in pain or humiliated.]

[Even though this isn't the best time, she hopes Reid talks to him soon.]

[For now, a deep breath.] I can't claim to understand what drives you to enjoy those things, but it's a part of you and so I won't shy away from it. I couldn't approve of anything against someone's will, but...

[A smile up at him, despite her sore neck.] If it amuses you, I'll do some of those things you want. Though [she touches the heavy gauze on her neck] it could be a while before I can wear your collar properly.

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	sadistfaction 2013-08-16 07:36 pm UTC (link)
	It's not all bad stuff, though. Living here makes me smile too. [He pats her hand.] Yeah, it's okay. You know damn well I'll be bringing up the collar thing again later. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

fields_of_hope
2013-08-16 07:44 pm UTC (link)

[Her smile quirks, a shadow of its usual self though more so than a moment ago.] I have no doubt.

What sort of other things would you want? I think it will be more comfortable if I'm a little prepared. [You know, armed with handcuffs or black lace teddies or whatever. She can improvise well enough, when in her comfort zone. This isn't, and though she's determined to at least try, it is a little nerve wracking. She can't tell how much of her nerves is residual anxiety from Spike's attack, however.]

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