InsaneJournal

day 230: closed for all the tvd peeps!
[ she wakes with a gasp. it's a dream for a moment, the nightmare she's never been able to shake, if not repress. the water in her lungs strangling her, reaching out her hand to say goodbye to her dad, knowing her mom was dead and they were going to die.

the peace she felt, that one moment, letting it all in.

but she doesn't remember only that, waking up.

she remembers matt unconscious next to her, stefan's hands at her seatbelt, the flash of rebekah in front of the truck on the road. her hands grasp the sheets as she sits up, sputters and struggles to breathe. she died. she remembers -

she can't be dead.

elena knows where she is. her situational awareness is confused, but she knows these sheets, she knows this room, she knows the floor she's padding across to stumble into the bathroom. she remembers that. (she remembers stefan telling her she had him and the desolation she felt that night, (she remembers ric - ), she remember damon's hands groping her against a pillar outside a motel room, bonnie's mom dying and her grief and anger. her loneliness, her empty house. everything connecting to that moment on her porch and sending jeremy away.

jeremy. oh god, jeremy. seeing anna and vicki and -

she thinks again about matt. dying beside her.

she turns on the sink, splashes water against her lips and tastes it on her tongue. lifts her eyes to the image in the mirror. the light blinds her like nothing ever has before. she squeezes her eyes shut and looks away. she hears something from the kitchen and winces; it's so loud. her hand comes up to cradle her head.

somehow calm is returning to her amidst the gasping panic and the tears collected in her eyes. those sounds; she knows them. those voices. her friends. ]

Caroline. [ it's not said loudly - not by a long shot. but she knows caroline will hear it. ]