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Tweak says, "Tankor SMAAAASSH!"

Klara Guildsen (lostababyfang) wrote in marinanova,
@ 2013-06-18 18:39:00

Entry tags:

elena gilbert, eric northman, hikaru hitachiin, klara guildsen, penelope garcia, sougo okita, xander harris

[Day 224] [Video|Voice|Action|Open]
[For weeks Klara had deluded herself in the false sense of security about what she could and couldn't do here. She had listened and tried and thought maybe she was making progress. She didn't have to be a monster, could make sure that she stayed in control.

Then they were sent to the other prison. She had been normal in most ways. Human almost. It had been like a terrible sweet trickster dream on her. She had still needed blood, but the sound of heartbeats and breathing and the smell of people--so delicious, like a freshly spiced steak--had been gone. It had been wonderful.

And then they had come back. And so had the real hunger. Reality was always so much harsher than her dreams.

She's currently in the library, taking notes and all the different books on the supernatural that she could find, many of them about curses and vampires. There are even two about contagious diseases. To anyone who comes across her, they might notice the sharp edge to her movements, the jerking turns of the pages that isn't as gentle and reverent as how she usually treats books.

Klara's impatient and maybe even looks worried to those who are good at discerning body language despite her blank expression. She needs to do more and so she finally decides to ask for help.]

...What do you do when you...really really want something, but you know you shouldn't have it? Like...being allergic to chocolate, but you really love chocolate. How do you make yourself stop wanting things that are bad for you?

[Or bad for other people. Her voice is hesitant, but she can't think of what else to do. After an evident pause she also asks]

And...is there anyone who is good at...wood carving? Such as carving words and nice, clear designs into wood? I want to decorate my house, but I'm not good at it. [A truth and a lie.] I can draw what I want for someone else...if they're willing.

[She adds a bit quickly.] I can do something for you in return, too.

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video.

lostababyfang
2013-06-19 01:31 pm UTC (link)

[Honest is what she wants. Off screen she clenches her fist and her eyes look off to the side for a moment in thought, but Klara doesn't get upset. Getting emotional would not help her find a solution. Dad used to say to check bad feelings at the door and keep them out of the house. She wants to do that now.]

I understand. You do what's necessary if it's the only choice you have.

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video.

matter
2013-06-19 02:02 pm UTC (link)

[ seeing klara's understanding... it makes elena realize how she wishes it wasn't the truth, wasn't the advice she had to give. (no one that young should have to understand it - but maybe it's better if they do.) ]

There are ways to find some peace or happiness with that choice, or outside of it. It can be lonely and frustrating... but that's not all there is. It's important to remember that what you want can change all the time. You change all the time.

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	video. lostababyfang 2013-06-19 02:22 pm UTC (link)
	[Klara doesn't know if "happiness" is something she's allowed to have or remembers as clearly as she would like. But she knows what peace of mind is and maybe...maybe Elena is right and she can at least have that.] Not all changes are a good thing, but I know what I want won't. [She can't change it. It's inside her.] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	video. matter 2013-06-19 03:15 pm UTC (link)
	Change is always good and bad, but so is everything else. How you handle it is something you can decide. [ but knowing something about what you don't want when what you do is harder to manage... ] So that's good. [ the words are soft and encouraging. ] That's somewhere to start. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

video.

lostababyfang
2013-06-19 03:41 pm UTC (link)

I know that. [Her tone is less reserved when she says it, but she pulls back. She shouldn't be rude like that. You're not supposed to raise your voice at adults.]

It's not good if you can't stop it. It's always there. [Eating away at her. She hadn't realized how being around people as she has would make all the sounds that the living make would be so...entrancing it. It's been even worse in the two days since they came back from Squall. She needs something more effective.]

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video.

matter
2013-06-19 04:22 pm UTC (link)

[ you're not supposed to, but elena doesn't mind it. it surprises her some, but her mild expression softens and she nearly smiles; the girl has plenty of will in her.

"it's always there" is a dark implication. it sobers her. ]

Maybe stopping's not the answer. Maybe accepting and finding control over it is.

You don't have to do that alone. [ she says it after a pause, as a fact and not necessarily an offer, but it could be. she remembers how klara retreated from that. ]

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video.

lostababyfang
2013-06-19 07:02 pm UTC (link)

[Acceptance. She had thought that maybe over the years she had accepted it. That after all this time being what she is was just...the truth she had to live with. Then she realized she had not been forced to face it around others often enough for her to "accept". She never had to learn that control. The last few days had shown her how wrong she was.]

Maybe. [She knows she has to control it somehow. She had thought maybe she was. But the fear is back now. What if it's not good enough?] But what if you don't have time to wait?

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	video. matter 2013-06-25 02:01 pm UTC (link)
	[ does she have no time? elena's not so naive; she knows and has experienced enough darkness to figure this can't really be about chocolate. she pauses, thinks an answer over. ] Then you find... an alternative. Anything that'll buy you time. Keep trying something different. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	video. lostababyfang 2013-06-28 03:00 am UTC (link)
	[Klara is young and impatient now that she has too much freedom than she knows what to do with. But she also doesn't believe she will be able to keep herself in check for much longer.] There aren't really that many alternatives to real chocolate. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	video. matter 2013-06-30 06:43 pm UTC (link)
	[ she doesn't know what this is, what this about - but elena can understand this much. she pauses. ] No, there aren't. But there are other kinds of candy you can try. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	video. lostababyfang 2013-07-02 11:22 pm UTC (link)
	I know. I've tried others. [Drinking the processed blood they sell is about as close as "trying other candies" as she can get.] It still doesn't stop me from wanting chocolate. I just know I can't eat it. It shouldn't be so hard to stop wanting something. (Reply to this) (Parent)

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