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Tweak says, "kekekekeke"

Calliope // Caliborn (ophiuchus) wrote in marinanova,
@ 2013-03-11 10:49:00

Entry tags:

aradia megido, calliope-caliborn, dirk strider, helix wamtani, jade harley, jake english, korra, piter de vries, shining armor, sora himoto, spike, xander harris

[voice] ⛎ DAY 210
[A voice breaks the peace and quiet. It’s rather androgynous, rather rough from disuse, but loud and abrupt and demanding ~~and bratty~~ all the same.]

Whoa. This “crimes list” is fantastic. An outline of my accomplishments. Great and terrible. And I haven’t even done most of it yet?

But. “Cheating”? You’ve got to be fucking kidding me. I don’t cheat. Fix it. Put it right immediately. Maybe I’ll forget about your little “mistake.” And let you die quickly. Instead of slowly and painfully.

[And then Caliborn brushes it off, at least for now, because he has more important matters to attend to.]

Now. Where’s all my shit? Bring it to me.

I’m waiting.

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	ophiuchus 2013-03-21 04:37 am UTC (link)
	[omg?!?!?!] Fuck you. I just got here. Even a genius needs time to learn a new computer?? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	blue_eyed 2013-03-21 04:41 am UTC (link)
	I disagree. Of course, I am "a genius." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	ophiuchus 2013-03-21 04:48 am UTC (link)
	[Caliborn growls, which is a sound that actually sounds like one rather than just a throat making a funny noise.] [But it's still high-pitched and kind of stupid sounding.] [Anyway, he bangs on the device and eventually.] [private by some miraculous happenstance] (but still voice) There. It's done. See. I am also a genius. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	[ private / audio ] blue_eyed 2013-03-21 04:55 am UTC (link)
	[ piter is keeping his end on voice for now, as well— he needs just a moment before switching over, anyway— and he actually has to take a moment to stifle silent laughter into his hand at caliborn's failure. this is all simply too much. ] See? I'm afraid I see nothing. [ a derisive "you magnificent dolt" is implied here. ] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	[ private / audio ] ophiuchus 2013-03-21 05:00 am UTC (link)
	[Alas, as far as Caliborn is concerned, he has not failed. ONLY SUCCEEDED BEAUTIFULLY.] We have to do a count. That's the only fair way. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	blue_eyed 2013-03-21 05:02 am UTC (link)
	[ fairness??? what is this, house atreides? ] Very well. You may do the honors. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	ophiuchus 2013-03-21 05:08 am UTC (link)
	Fine. When I say "go." We activate the viewport function. Both ways. Your face. My face. Staring at each other. With our eyes. Three. Two. One. ... Go! [Holy shit look at that he actually managed to turn on the video feed. We're all so proud of you Caliborn.] [The result: a red swirl-cheeked, fluffy-eyelashed cherub glaring/smirking into the camera.] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	[ private / video ] blue_eyed 2013-03-21 05:14 am UTC (link)
	[ it takes just a moment, but soon enough the video feed is on. caliborn is greeted by this face. ] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	[ private / video ] ophiuchus 2013-03-21 05:16 am UTC (link)
	[Caliborn's expression breaks into a blinking kind of indignation.] Why are you a cat. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

blue_eyed
2013-03-21 05:22 am UTC (link)

[ oh my god caliborn. you can't just ask people why they're cats.

the cat cocks its head for a moment before daintily bowing it and licking at its paw. ]

Why? I should think it would be obvious. Were you expecting something else? Perhaps a reptile?

[ his voice comes from the perfect distance to make it seem like the cat is totally talking. it is impossible to see through this elaborate ruse. ]

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	ophiuchus 2013-03-21 05:31 am UTC (link)
	A human. Or maybe even a troll?? Or whatever else. Just not a cat. Cats don't talk. [He speaks as though he is an expert on cats, rather than a guy who has seen pictures of them once or twice.] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	blue_eyed 2013-03-21 05:39 am UTC (link)
	What irresponsible, ignorant fool told you such a thing? My culture— [ the cat is still licking his foot and pauses to nibble and pull at a claw, at which point piter pauses as well ] —is one rich with oral tradition. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	ophiuchus 2013-03-21 05:49 am UTC (link)
	The tradition. Of saying "meow." [Caliborn is basically just being racist now and he doesn't care.] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

blue_eyed
2013-03-21 05:56 am UTC (link)

[ piter's one condition with this gambit is that he absolutely refuses to meow. it's not going to happen. he is an adult and, furthermore, the mentat of a great house, and he is not going to meow. this issue needs to be rectified. ]

Ridiculous. [ his tone carries a high note of offense, as if he is indeed personally affected by this graceless stereotyping.

meanwhile, he raises a hand and silently waves it to catch the cat's attention. it looks up for a moment, eyes moving from his hand down to the communicator, before letting out a rather curt, irate purrr-ow. ]

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	ophiuchus 2013-03-21 06:13 am UTC (link)
	[Caliborn sneers.] See. Just like that. You did it. Don't deny what is true. Meow meow. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

blue_eyed
2013-03-21 06:21 am UTC (link)

[ the cat flicks an ear irritably before looking back down and busying itself with its other front foot. ] Oh, indeed; I deny nothing. It is simply this: the "meow," as you call it, is not so simplified as you believe. There are a wide variety of noises my kind can make— you are simply too daft to appreciate them.

[ that was not technically "meowing," okay. he just said the word. ]

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	ophiuchus 2013-03-21 04:00 pm UTC (link)
	Call it what you will. But I'm pretty sure. It's more like. I don't care about your nyan culture. Even a little bit. [Caliborn insistently taps a claw on some poor nearby tree.] [What else do cats do...? OH YEAH.] Anyway. Should I throw a bone for you. To bring back to me? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

blue_eyed
2013-03-22 02:10 am UTC (link)

[ ... piter is beginning to realize that caliborn has no idea what a cat actually is.

as if it understands enough to be offended, the cat gets up, turns in a circle, and plops back down with its back facing caliborn. it even gives a little lash of its bony tail. ]

Preposterous. Cats do not fetch. If anything, you will bring me an extravagant plate of meat and hand-feed it to me.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	ophiuchus 2013-03-22 02:26 am UTC (link)
	[Meanwhile, Caliborn is just terribly amused. He's sure getting this guy's goat! Cat-goat.] I have a better idea. I will bring an extravagant plate of meat. And then eat it. While you watch. And salivate at the smell. And starve. Mm-mm-mm. All that juicy. Tender animal flesh. Mine. And not yours. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	blue_eyed 2013-03-22 05:27 am UTC (link)
	[ indeed. goat: gotten. got so good. ] I'm afraid I remain unfazed. [ the cat flicks its tail again. ] I can quite easily hunt my own prey. [ this bizarre child is just... remarkable. remarkably lacking brain function, that is. piter is almost in awe. ] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	ophiuchus 2013-03-22 05:30 am UTC (link)
	[If Calliope could be awake at the same time as Caliborn, she would be 100% embarrassed.] [As it is, though, Caliborn is left to his own devices. And right now he thinks he is being really cool and snarky and mean.] Fine. But good luck. Working the kibble bag. With your lack of thumbs. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	blue_eyed 2013-03-23 06:57 pm UTC (link)
	[ piter is almost a little embarrassed. not at being a grown man masquerading as a cat, but at caliborn's magnificent failure to recognize that. ] Your well-wishing is appreciated— such kindness!— but I do believe that I will be catching myself a fish dinner. [ the cat stands up, stretches. ] Do behave while I'm away. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	ophiuchus 2013-03-25 02:22 am UTC (link)
	[Caliborn visibly and audibly shudders at the word "kindness."] I'll ruin something priceless. Just for you. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

blue_eyed
2013-03-30 01:04 am UTC (link)

I am flattered.

[ that feline face hovers barely a centimeter away from the comm for a moment before moving in to rub against it— and the feed clicks off.

out of sight, piter deigns to give the cat a quick skratch behind the ears. he is not ordinarily affectionate with animals, but it has been so very invaluable in this, his most diabolical of plots. "so stupid it just might work" doesn't even begin to describe it. a part of him is frankly astounded that anyone is this gullible.

the rest of him is resisting the urge to laugh until he passes out. ]

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