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Helena Wells-Quinzel is H.G. Wells ([info]indelibleink) wrote in [info]makebelievelog,
@ 2013-11-18 01:38:00

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Entry tags:h.g. wells, myka bering

Who: Myka and Helena
What: Myka finally gets the stubborn Victorian woman to confront why she's being haunted and thus getting rid of the ghost by confronting this.
When: Sunday afternoon
Where: Myka's sitting room
Warnings: Mentions of Helena falling down a flight of stairs and breaking her leg, some angst, possible language but will update as needed
Status: Closed | Begun in a gdoc, to be finished in the comments



The day had been far more exciting than Helena had anticipated. The thrown objects and so forth had been largely expected, it was par for the course of the past couple days. The writing on the wall had been added to Friday, and things started to become clear about why the ghosts were there. Well, at least it had after Helena had time to think over it between bouts of dodging thrown objects. But being the innately stubborn woman she was, she was ignoring it. Really, she didn’t want to think about the deeper meaning for Vincent haunting her.

So that morning she’d been heading to breakfast with Myka when Vincent had made himself known. Helena hadn’t seen what object had been thrown, she’d only felt the impact against the back of her knee. The impact had made her knee buckle and she fell (there was undoubtedly also a scream of surprise, but Helena would never admit to having screamed). She’d been at the top of the stairs at the time, so the fall she took had been down an entire flight of stairs that had left her with a broken leg. There had been copious amounts of swearing through the pain, something highly uncharacteristic of her, but she doubted it was frowned upon given the circumstances. Myka had quickly come to her aid and gotten her to a doctor. A few hours later, with the broken bone set and her right leg in a cast from the knee down and sporting a pair of crutches, Helena and Myka were back at the castle.

Setting herself down on Myka’s couch, Helena propped her broken leg up on it for comfort. “Of course it had to be my right leg,” she grumbled. Her right leg had been the one she’d broken as a child, an injury that had subsequently led to her love of literature being born. Though at least this time around there were far more efficient pain medications she was able to take. Speaking of, she was going to be due for another dose soon.

~*~

Myka had been properly sympathetic through the whole ordeal - well, from the moment Helena took the hit, the fall, and the injury, and then on through the cast setting. Had this been Pete, Myka would have started in earlier on the scolding, as soon as it was clear Pete would be alright. When it came to Helena, Myka bit back her ‘Miss Know-it-all-ness’ until they were settled back from the doctor’s, simply because Helena shared Myka’s bed. Sorry Pete, but that’s how Myka played favorites.

Myka set the tea service down on the coffee table within Helena’s easy reach. If Helena wanted, Myka would certainly pour her a drink. She wasn’t without feeling after all, she just needed to talk some hard truths into Helena.

“Okay,” Myka said, direct. “We need to talk, Helena.”

~*~

Once the tea service was set down, Helena leaned over and poured herself some tea. Yes, she could’ve asked Myka to pour some for her, but Helena was prideful. She didn’t like being catered to in these situations. She had working arms, she could still do things for herself. It was just like when she’d been sick several months prior, she was fully capable of doing some things and she would throw a fit if someone else tried to do things for her with or without asking her if they could. She wasn’t an invalid, and after falling down the stairs, she had bruised pride she needed to nurture. After adding the dash of milk to her tea, she took a sip of it and settled back on the couch, making herself comfortable.

And then Myka uttered those words. Helena eyed her for some moments as she took another sip of her tea.

“What do we need to talk about?” She was certainly aware they needed to talk but Helena wanted to avoid the discussion as long as possible. She disliked drudging up her fears and insecurities, but she knew Myka wasn’t going to let it go.

~*~

Oh, Myka did notice right away how Helena dug in. Myka had been around the Victorian woman long enough to know that quirk to the corner of her mouth and eyes and the stiff line of her shoulder all screaming she was being difficult. All while still being prim and proper. Myka would never tell the younger this, but those same tells were present in her as well.

Myka forewent calling Helena on her feigned ignorance over the topic and zeroed in on what needed to be said.

“I know you know what you have to do. You are far too clever and skilled with words to not have figured it out by now. And if you really don’t know, I am taking you back to the hospital to have your brain scanned for head injuries the doctor missed when we were there, so don’t try to tell me you haven’t the slightest idea what I’m talking about.” If Helena was paying attention, that was slightly complimentary of Helena’s natural brilliance.

~*~

Just as Helena had dug in and Myka saw it, Helena saw how Myka dug in. There was that scrutinizing edge to her green eyes, the way she held her face and squared her shoulders ever so slightly. She’d seen that look plenty of times over the time they’d known each other. And Helena did catch the slight compliment, but she didn’t bask in it like she normally would. She just let it pass by as she took another drink of her tea. Which she was sort of inhaling it given she’d not only missed her morning tea because of falling down the stairs, but she was also a bit of an emotional wreck. She’d just merely been in far too much pain until the pain killers had kicked in to allow her to really focus on her deeper emotions.

But right now, one of them had to give in, and in this case Helena she had to relent and give up being stubborn. If she didn’t, she would undoubtedly lose Myka, and that was not what she wanted. So drawing in a breath and setting her largely empty tea cup aside for the moment, she relented, her shoulders sagging ever so slightly as her fingers attempted to fiddle with a non-existent ring on her right ring finger. Ring fiddling was one of her quirks, but despite the fact she wasn’t wearing one currently, her fingers still fiddled idly.

“I am afraid. I am afraid of ruining what we have.” Which okay, that was probably a silly fear given she’d sort of already ruined their relationship once with the whole betrayal and attempt to destroy the world and yet they’d come back from that. So short of Helena killing Myka or killing someone else, she probably couldn’t actually ruin their relationship beyond repair. But fears weren’t rational, and this wasn’t exactly something that occurred to Helena. “I am afraid of bringing out the devil in you. I do rather have that tendency to bring out the worst in people when they’re around me long enough, and I don’t want that to happen to you. Misery and disaster tend to follow me wherever I go, and the last thing I want is for any of that to affect you.”

Despite the fact she’d started talking, Helena was very much afraid that this would all come across as her doubting their relationship. There was also a part of her that felt incredibly silly for admitting to this fear because she shouldn’t be afraid. Of course Helena had perfectly good reasons for being afraid and insecure given this was her first monogamous relationship, so she had every right to be afraid when it was something new to her. She just didn’t see it that way.



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[info]indelibleink
2013-11-25 08:20 pm UTC (link)
The words Helena spoke had been a bit of a surprise to herself. Despite outward appearances, she had actually been listening to Myka and Claudia. Even though she'd taken full responsibility for what had happened to Daniel and his father, deep down she'd always known it hadn't been completely her fault. Vincent had been the one to set the events in motion. Helena had merely made the best of a horrible situation. She could have easily let the rocket take off on the intended course for the Reichstag, but she had still cared about her job at the Warehouse and put protecting the world first at that time. So she'd aimed the rocket for the stars. That had been the best thing she could have done at the time. She hadn't anticipated the rocket crashing back to Earth and destroying more lives, but in the heat of the moment, she didn't exactly have the time to ponder the topic very deeply.

"No, he's still here," she responded to Myka, keeping her gaze on Vincent.

"I will always be here, Helena. Despite whatever you may claim, you can never let go of your past."

Helena rolled her eyes. "Is that your way of saying you'll always be in my heart? Really Vincent, you think you meant that much to me? Talk about being self-centered, it's not all about you. I have rarely even thought of you in the past one hundred and twenty years. You were a dalliance and you meant nothing more to me than that. And given the way you used me to gain knowledge of my projects, you never cared for me either. I was just a means to an end for you. I am not some silly, feeble-minded woman who is so easily won over by a charming smile. Yes, I let that hint of madness appeal to me because I liked the thrill of danger that came with it. But that by no means won me over, it simply allowed you to get close to me." Helena wasn't the least bit embarrassed by the fact Myka could hear everything she was saying. In fact, she needed Myka to hear it so that she would know Helena was coming to an understanding of where her past relationships fell and letting go of the ones that obviously meant nothing to her.

"I rather say your actions in the bedroom spoke a very different tale."

"Is it really so difficult for you to differentiate between a passionate woman and a woman who is in love? They are not necessarily one and the same. Being passionate during sex does not necessarily mean I am in love. I did not love you, Vincent. How could I love someone who didn't give me proper respect? Unlike other women of the time, I was not going to tie myself to anyone who showed me some amount of attention. Really, you're worse than Wooly in never knowing me." She rolled her eyes again. "I made a mistake getting into bed with you. But you made the larger mistake of under-estimating me." Helena paused briefly as she realized why she'd even had a relationship with Vincent. "If Christina had not died, I would not have had a relationship with you in the first place. As it stood, however, I wanted a respite from my own pain. That was all you were, an escape that became a mistake."

With those words, Vincent disappeared without another word.

Helena drew in a breath and let it out slowly. Mentioning Christina was always painful, but Helena knew had Christina not died, Vincent Crowley would not have been one of her lovers. She'd been a vastly different woman before Christina had died, always staying away from the people that had that glint of madness. But in her pain, Helena had made a mistake by letting herself give in to the appeal Vincent brought.

"He's gone now," she said to Myka as she let herself relax on the couch. She flinched slightly as her leg was aching from the sudden movement of dodging the teapot. Helena could use another cup of tea, but of course Vincent had thrown the teapot so she would simply have to wait until later.

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[info]agent_bering
2013-11-26 01:44 pm UTC (link)
Myka really could do nothing more than stare wide eyed at Helena. It was not a look of disgust for this very emotional, loud outburst; it was a look of pride. Helena had come a long way since Yellowstone, and Myka was happy to be witness to this new woman who was revealing herself in front of Myka.

When Helena announced Vincent’s departure, Myka asked, “How are you feeling about what you just said?” There was a lot Helena had shouted, and Myka wondered if Helena had even processed everything yet.

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[info]indelibleink
2013-11-27 03:02 am UTC (link)
At the question, Helena actually had to take some moments to think it over. Part of what she'd said had been things she'd been consciously aware of, but the rest had come out in the heat of the moment. Though she knew for a fact everything she'd said was true, Helena wasn't the type to just say something without meaning behind it. And focusing on what she'd said allowed her to divert attention from her leg.

"Relieved, I think. There were things I'd wanted to say to him but obviously never got the chance to given he died." Helena hadn't gotten closure with Vincent, but now she felt she had. She'd said her piece to him, so she could finally let that rest. "But some I never really thought much about consciously. Though clearly I'd thought about it on a deeper level." Making the connection to Christina had been one of them. Her relationship with Vincent had come before Helena had really fallen into madness herself, though she had begun the downward spiral at the time.

"I do listen even if it does not seem to register," she said looking at Myka. Clearly she had been taking conversations to heart, even if it had only been done unconsciously. But Helena had clearly arrived at a point where she could realize when she was fully at fault for something and when she wasn't. No doubt her therapist would be over the moon about this progress even if Helena didn't quite feel the elation yet as she was still processing things.

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[info]agent_bering
2013-11-28 12:50 pm UTC (link)
“I know you listen,” Myka said. “You’re really just too damn stubborn about your own worth for your own good sometimes. But with the right people around, helping you, you see it eventually.”

Myka looked over at the broken tea pot, or the pieces to be more precise.

“Do you think that was it? Do you think he’ll come back?”

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[info]indelibleink
2013-11-28 09:46 pm UTC (link)
Helena was rather a walking conundrum. She had a very strong belief in her intelligence and capability to make the impossible possible, but she had a very weak belief that she was a good person at heart. Of course, spending over a century being insane and psychotic and all the lives she'd taken had a way of keeping her from seeing the good in her. At least easily. With Myka being around, she did find herself seeing the good in her a bit better. It was a very long process, but Helena did know Myka had a positive effect on her, and that was what she needed. Finding a way to channel the guilt she felt and not let it completely overshadow the good parts of her.

"I cannot think of anyone better to help me than you in this," she said, looking to Myka. Of course, she had her other friends here as well. While Anakin may understand the burden she carried from first-hand experience, Myka had always been a prominent figure in her life ever since MacPherson had unbronzed her. She needed Myka's light in her life.

"I certainly hope that was it, but I for one would not grow complacent just yet." While Helena was certain she'd said everything she needed to regarding the topic to both Myka and Vincent, who was to say that would actually end the haunting? All they could do was wait and see if he came back later that day or not. She brushed a hand through her hair and let her shoulders relax ever so slightly, though her spine was still straight as a rod.

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