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Siri Tachi ([info]neverlosefocus) wrote in [info]makebelievelog,
@ 2013-08-09 13:18:00

Previous Entry  Add to memories!  Tell a Friend!  Next Entry
Entry tags:obi-wan kenobi, siri tachi

Who: Siri Tachi and Obi-Wan Kenobi
What: Obi-Wan said she could wake him. Well, she’s taking him up on his offer
When: Late Friday the 9th/early Saturday the 10th
Where: Starting out in Siri’s room, ending up in Obi-Wan’s.
Rating/Warnings: Low, probably. Maybe PG. Restless Jedi?
Status: incomplete/in-progress


She hurt. Oh Force, how she hurt. And Obi-Wan knew it; Siri could see it on his face. “I’ll get the bacta...”

“Don’t leave me,” she told him, her hand dropping onto his. “I wanted to say - ”

“Siri, I must get the med kit - ”

“For star’s sake, Obi-Wan, I’m dying. Do you have to interrupt me now?” There was something like humour in her voice, but it was a pale and reedy thing. She was dying. And he would have to watch her go.

“You’re not dying.”

Something occurred to her then, the sentimental idea of a dying woman, and she struggled to get into a pouch on her utility belt. Her fingers plucked useless at it, and fear, for the first time, stabbed through her. “I can’t... Get it for me.”

It took him a moment to realise what she was talking about, but he slipped her warming crystal, the one that Talesan had returned to her, and pressed it into her hand. A faint smile appeared briefly on her face.

“No... yours.” She turned her hand, letting the crystal fall into his palm. It carried memories of things they hadn’t spoken about in years, but it was the only thing she had. “Now I will never leave you.”

“You will never leave me,” he echoed.

It took all she had, but Siri reached up, brushing fingertips gently against Obi-Wan’s cheek, before her hand fell. “Don’t worry so much,” she told him softly. She knew him better, knew he would anyway, but she had to try. She had so little time. I don’t want to leave you. She could admit that here, now, at the end. So much wasted time. Her eyes fluttered closed...

Siri shot awake with a sharp intake of air, hand pressed tightly against the scar on her chest. Her heart was hammering, and for one far-too-long moment the remembered pain of her injury took the air from her lungs. Then the memory receded a little, and she was left pale and shaking in her bed.

“Sithspit.” She hated those dreams. Her first thought was to put on her swimsuit, go to the lake and swim until she was too exhausted to think. Her second thought was the man asleep in the room next to hers. There wasn’t a particularly conscious decision on her part. She was moving before she’d even made it. Climbing out of bed, Siri grabbed her robe, slipping it on over the clothes that were serving as sleepwear. Then she moved towards the door. Obi-Wan had told her that she could wake him. And she was going to take him up on it.

It didn’t take her very long to slip down the hall to the neighbouring room. She knocked lightly, pulling her robe more tightly around her as she waited for him to answer. She was always cold after dreaming about her own death.


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[info]master_kenobi
2013-08-09 02:58 pm UTC (link)
He'd felt her pain in his sleep like a hazy and unpleasant dream and as he woke, realizing the knock on the door was real, he felt her unease. She was tense and unhappy. Rumpled and touseled in cotton trousers and a t-shirt - modest but comfortable sleepwear he'd found on his shopping trip with her - he got out of bed and went to the door.

He took one look at her and stepped aside.

"Come in. I'll make tea."

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[info]neverlosefocus
2013-08-09 04:09 pm UTC (link)
Siri lingered in the doorway, something like tentativeness keeping her there as she curled deeper into her robes. It was unlike her, but she didn’t really feel much like herself at the moment. The dreams usually did this to her. It would fade by morning. It always did.

The smile she gave him as she finally moved into his room was crooked, small, and didn’t quite reach her blue eyes. “I apologise for waking you,” she told him quietly, taking in his rumpled and tousled appearance. Any other time she would have teased him for it. But not now. She simply fell silent, standing just a little bit awkwardly in his room.

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[info]master_kenobi
2013-08-09 04:28 pm UTC (link)
"Why?" he asked. "I told you to." He put the kettle on. "You can sit," he told her when it looked like she planned on lingering just inside the door. "Come sit," he added in a softer, warmer tone, glancing away on the pretense of getting teabags.

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[info]neverlosefocus
2013-08-09 06:51 pm UTC (link)
“You did...” But I probably shouldn’t have taken you up on it. Siri exhaled softly, the sound almost sounding like a tired breath of laughter, before she seated herself in a chair, folding her legs underneath her. Fingertips brushed lightly over the scar on her chest for a moment, hidden though it was under the shirt she wore, without any conscious thought.

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[info]master_kenobi
2013-08-09 07:55 pm UTC (link)
"Of course you should have," he replied, still sleepy and failing to distinguish between what she said and what she only projected. He glanced at her over his shoulder. "I'm told this variety of tea is known for its calming effect." He dropped the bags in the cups, looking away from her again to do so. At which point he added, "What did you dream about?" He could guess, based on her emotions, but he also guessed that she needed to talk about it.

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[info]neverlosefocus
2013-08-09 09:26 pm UTC (link)
Siri hadn’t meant to be so open with her thoughts. She hadn’t made that sort of mistake in a very long time. Son of a Gundark. She nodded, meeting his gaze a moment when he glanced at her over his shoulder, before looking away. There was something oddly reassuring about Obi-Wan making tea. “Nothing important. I simply couldn’t sleep.” It was partially the truth; after the dreams she could never fall back asleep. She was still doing her best to avoid speaking about her death with Obi-Wan, although it was harder now, as tired and uneasy as she was.

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[info]master_kenobi
2013-08-09 09:39 pm UTC (link)
"Siri," he said softly, turning to look at her, "the things I've seen you face with unwavering courage and you expect me to believe that mere sleeplessness has you this rattled?"

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[info]neverlosefocus
2013-08-09 10:29 pm UTC (link)
Kriffing Sithspit.

Siri made herself meet his eyes, a strange combination of tired and chagrined, and a touch of defiance. And rattled. Unfortunately rattled. They knew each other far too well to hide much, and she wasn’t helping anything wearing what she was feeling so openly, but it didn’t make the ease of it any less difficult to handle at the moment. “It happens often enough...” she said.

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[info]master_kenobi
2013-08-09 11:17 pm UTC (link)
"What does?" he pressed. They had time while they waited for the kettle to boil. "What's been happening?" She looked tired and drawn in the morning often enough. It worried him.

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[info]neverlosefocus
2013-08-09 11:33 pm UTC (link)
“Sleeplessness.” It was the truth. And while she couldn’t yet, and probably wouldn’t ever, be able to bring herself to talk to him about the details of her death, she could at least tell him this much. “It’s been consistent since I arrived.” It wasn’t as bad as it had been at first. Thank the Force.

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[info]master_kenobi
2013-08-09 11:46 pm UTC (link)
"Are you having nightmares, Siri?" he asked gravely.

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[info]neverlosefocus
2013-08-09 11:54 pm UTC (link)
“Not exactly” was her quick response. It was, again, the truth in part. It wasn’t so much nightmares as it was memories. Manifesting as nightmares.

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[info]master_kenobi
2013-08-10 02:15 pm UTC (link)
"What 'exactly'?" Obi-Wan pressed. "Siri, why did you come here if you didn't want to talk to me?"

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[info]neverlosefocus
2013-08-10 11:40 pm UTC (link)
Because I wanted your company. And he had offered. And she had wanted... She just hadn’t thought. She just... acted. This had been a mistake. She didn’t want to talk to him about her nightmares. Memories. She couldn’t. If they were of anything other than her death, there would be no issue. Though she would still be hesitant to talk of them. But they were, and she could do nothing to prevent him from living through it when he went back to their world.

So she would do what she could to keep the details from him while she could. He didn’t need to carry the knowledge with him before he had to. She rose from her chair. “I appreciate the offer of tea, Obi-Wan. But I...” There was only a momentary pause before she continued. “I should go.”

And then she moved towards the door.

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[info]master_kenobi
2013-08-11 07:55 am UTC (link)
"No," he said quickly, stepping forward and halting awkwardly. "No, wait."

No, no, no. Kriff, he was bad at this. She wasn't feeling any better than when she'd arrived. Maybe worse. More tense. She was probably right to go. To someone who knew what she needed and could provide it. Like that Wade fellow. Why did that thought occur to him and why did it bother him so much?

"Please stay," he requested softly. His original offer had been sincere and he genuinely wanted her not to leave now. "Have some tea. Please. I won't... say anything. About that. Please."

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[info]neverlosefocus
2013-08-11 08:19 am UTC (link)
His words brought Siri to a halt. She’d hurt him. She was trying so hard not to and she did anyway. Sithspit. She really should finish what she started, and leave. But she couldn’t bring herself to do it. She didn’t want to. Not really. So she stayed, frozen, a few steps away from the chair she’d been sitting in.

She half-turned, unable to bring herself to look at him fully. This hadn’t gone the way she’d intended. She shouldn’t have woken him. But she couldn’t walk out. Walk away. I just... Siri exhaled quietly. “All right.” All right.

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[info]master_kenobi
2013-08-11 08:31 am UTC (link)
She stayed, though he suspected that she stayed because he asked, not because she particularly wanted to. He turned back to making the tea so she could sit without meeting his eyes.

"I'm sorry," he told her. For fumbling so badly. For not being what she needed. He glanced at her over his shoulder. "I hope this doesn't mean you won't... take up my offer again. If you need to." Because he'd already learned something about how to handle it. That counted for something, right?

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[info]neverlosefocus
2013-08-11 08:50 am UTC (link)
It was a combination of the two that stayed her movement. His was the company she wanted. That she needed. Warm and familiar and... he was just the person she wanted to be near at the moment. She understood why he urged her to talk about it; it was... his way. But she couldn’t. Not about this.

Another breath of laughter. “Don’t apologise.” There was the faintest tired undercurrent of humour to her voice. She’d told him that quite a lot since her arrival. It was becoming a habit. “There’s no need for it.” She paused. She wanted to. But she wouldn’t if he would rather she didn’t. “If you’re sure...”

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[info]master_kenobi
2013-08-11 08:59 am UTC (link)
"I wouldn't have offered," he pointed out. He wouldn't have. He poured hot water over the teabags, noting the faint floral scent they gave off. "I'm sure. Of course I'm sure."

He turned towards her again, as the tea steeped.

"Thank you for locating Anakin the other week, by the way. We didn't really get to talk about it."

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[info]neverlosefocus
2013-08-11 05:18 pm UTC (link)
Siri nodded. He wouldn’t have. But that had been before she’d actually taken him up on it. “All right. If you’re sure.” She turned fully, then, sitting back down in the chair she’d left. Her gaze rested on him for a long moment as he dealt with the tea. And when he turned towards her again she didn’t look away.

A small smile flickering across her face was the only acknowledgment of the thanks she gave. She rarely did; he should be more than used to that after all the years of knowing her. There was no need for him to thank her, anyway. She’d only done what being in a body not his own had prevented him from doing.

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[info]master_kenobi
2013-08-11 06:31 pm UTC (link)
"I... just... I wanted you to know I appreciated everything you did while I was... incapacitated. I know I wasn't the most pleasant person to be around during that ordeal." Anakin had made that pretty clear to him. "And Ani can be a handful when I have all my senses."

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[info]neverlosefocus
2013-08-11 06:47 pm UTC (link)
Siri made no attempt to hide what she thought. Did he really think his response to that whole incident was wrong, somehow? “You had every reason to be displeased, Obi-Wan. You were dealing with something drastically outside what we’re used to. Your reaction was understandable. And justified.”

She rose to her feet and crossed the space between them, touching his arm once she was close enough. “I would have reacted the same way, had I been in the position you were.” She smiled. “And Ani is always a handful. It would be strange if he wasn’t. I was glad to help.”

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[info]master_kenobi
2013-08-11 07:05 pm UTC (link)
"He is. I'm not sure if I'd..." He paused. Apart from the difficult thought he was trying to express, she was distractingly close. And she smelled nice, even in the middle of the night. And any time she was close enough that he could feel the warmth of her breath he got butterflies in his stomach that robbed him of coherency...

"He's been strange since that incident," he confessed, pulling himself together. "I should probably talk to Anakin about it. I explained his options to him, in terms of having to choose if training was really what he wanted. He's been distant since then. Disturbingly well-behaved."

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[info]neverlosefocus
2013-08-11 07:40 pm UTC (link)
Now that they were speaking of something other than what had brought her to his room, Siri was much more at ease. She would much rather talk of Obi-Wan’s problem than her own. This one in particular.

“Well behaved doesn’t sound like Ani at all.” Her hand was lingering on his arm; she should move it, but she was focused on their topic of conversation. “Talking to Anakin would be for the best. If anyone would know what his younger self is thinking and feeling, it would be him.”

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[info]master_kenobi
2013-08-11 09:16 pm UTC (link)
"His normal behaviour isn't bad. It's... impulsive. He lacks control of any kind. But... I don't think he believes that anything I want him to do is for his benefit. I told him that if he chose not to train, it wouldn't change my affection for him. ...He said 'what affection?'."

He turned because it was difficult to admit that while looking at her. She knew what Anakin meant to him, and she knew how Jedi were raised. He fished the teabags out of the cups and put them aside, picking up a cup and holding it out for her. "Do you want sugar?"

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[info]neverlosefocus
2013-08-11 09:53 pm UTC (link)
“You can’t blame him for being... unsure, can you?” Siri asked quietly. “He knows the way Jedi are raised as much as we do. Their views on attachment. And his childhood was... drastically different from ours.” She wasn’t entirely sure how he would take her next suggestion. “You may need to be more... demonstrative, with him.”

That he admitted affection aloud at all took her by surprise. It was... unexpected. She said nothing, though. She wasn’t sure why the confession made her heart flutter a little, but she ignored it. “Yes, please,” she told him, taking the cup from his hands.

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[info]master_kenobi
2013-08-11 10:15 pm UTC (link)
"Demonstrative?" He took the sugar from the cupboard and handed it to her. "Siri, I told him flat out that I have... an emotional attachment to him. It meant nothing to him." And it was a confession that wouldn't have been without ramifications in their world. If Master Yoda had heard him say such a thing so carelessly...

"I don't know how you can be more demonstrative than blunt confession."

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[info]neverlosefocus
2013-08-11 10:27 pm UTC (link)
Oh, Obi-Wan. She busied herself with the sugar and her tea, using that as her reason for looking away from him. “There’s more to it than words. He... might not have believed you. Because of his childhood, the Jedi’s... views on attachment.” Views that they were... painfully familiar with. “You need to show him. Be physically demonstrative.”

This was a conversation she hadn’t expected to have, and while she appreciated that it served as a distraction from her nightmares it was still strange. She turned her attention to the cup in her hands, breathing in the steam and familiar scent of tea.

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[info]master_kenobi
2013-08-11 11:32 pm UTC (link)
Obi-Wan tensed. After a moment, he looked at her.

"Siri, I'm supposed to teach him to be a Jedi. Our connection is important for his training, but cultivating his dependence on traditional affection and attachment would be irresponsible. There has to be a middle ground."

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[info]neverlosefocus
2013-08-12 12:01 am UTC (link)
She nodded. “Of course.” Ani was his Padawan. It wasn’t her place to interfere. And she was a bit of an oddity among the Jedi anymore, with her habit of making physical contact so easily. She shouldn’t have said anything. It just... made sense.

Curling her hands around the cup of tea, she took a sip.

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[info]master_kenobi
2013-08-12 12:15 am UTC (link)
There was a silence as he waited for her elaborate, then he realized she wasn't going to.

"And your thoughts on how that might be achieved...?"

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[info]neverlosefocus
2013-08-12 12:21 am UTC (link)
Siri looked at him over the rim of her tea cup. “I don’t know, Obi-Wan. I would start by talking with Anakin the older. He’ll have... unique insights, seeing as how he was the younger one once.”

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[info]master_kenobi
2013-08-12 12:35 am UTC (link)
"I'll ask him, but... the younger version, his experiences are so different from what the grown Anakin had experienced at that age. They're already different people." He took a sip of his own tea. "I don't remember things being so difficult between us."

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[info]neverlosefocus
2013-08-12 01:13 am UTC (link)
“He would still know how he thought, wouldn’t he?” Siri asked, her gaze pensive. “No matter the differences this place has helped to create, the older should still know something of how he thought as a child. That could be helpful.”

She reached out, brushing her fingertips lightly against his arm before returning her hand to her cup. “It won’t last.”

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[info]master_kenobi
2013-08-12 09:25 am UTC (link)
"It might," Obi-Wan replied. "He's very stubborn. If he's trying to make a point, it might last even longer than that."

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[info]neverlosefocus
2013-08-12 06:47 pm UTC (link)
“You’ll find a way to communicate and get past it,” was her easy response. Siri had the utmost confidence in Obi-Wan’s abilities as a Master. He was far better at it than she had been.

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[info]master_kenobi
2013-08-12 07:29 pm UTC (link)
"What if he hates me now? I'm not helping him if I'm breeding Dark Side emotions in him."

He sighed.

"I don't think you came here to talk about me, did you?"

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[info]neverlosefocus
2013-08-13 02:32 am UTC (link)
“He doesn’t hate you, Obi-Wan.” That was an absolutely unfounded worry. It wasn’t hatred. She was sure of that.

“It’s not something I mind,” she told him. Attempting to help him figure out a way to connect with Ani was a far more useful endeavour than talking about sleeplessness. And nightmares.

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[info]master_kenobi
2013-08-13 07:25 am UTC (link)
"He only has to resent me a little. That can grow into... a larger rift." He paused. "Do you think he forgets? I mean, he's been here for a while now. Away from the Temple. Do you think he's become accustomed to how these people express themselves that he needs it now? Because I can't do it, Siri."

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[info]neverlosefocus
2013-08-20 12:25 am UTC (link)
“I think you confused him. And I think that yes, he’s been here a long time. But he wants to be a Jedi. I also think you’ll find a way to communicate. It’ll just take time.” She took a sip of tea. His words weren’t a surprise. It was simply how he was. He hadn’t had the missions she had, the ones that had led to her picking up the tendency of physical contact.

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[info]master_kenobi
2013-08-20 10:39 am UTC (link)
"Confused him." He was mulling the idea over. "Confused him how?"

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[info]neverlosefocus
2013-08-31 06:45 am UTC (link)
“Confused him about attachments, Obi-Wan.” Her voice was gentle. “He’s a child. You may have to talk to him in more detail about things.” A fond smile appeared on her face. “They tend to miss nuance.”

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[info]master_kenobi
2013-08-31 09:11 am UTC (link)
"Ah. Anakin said something similar. It's just... I'm not sure... I'm not sure I quite know how," he confessed.

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